How Diana's Soused Chauffeur's Bitch Cousin Ruined My Life (an explanation of sorts to my dear Merlina) Part V (740 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Danger Ranger <harveyra.at.iprimus.com.au> (View user info) at 2005-04-02 07:17:26 EST
http://www.ubersite.com/m/59308 - Part I
http://www.ubersite.com/m/59757 - Part II
http://www.ubersite.com/m/60745 - Part III
http://www.ubersite.com/m/63158 - Part IV
Hidden pressed against the middle of the wood veneer panelling that stretched across the dash (that only Americans and some Canadians find tasteful) and a small, rudimentary panel dropped open. From my vantage point in the centre of the rear seat I could see it quite clearly. There were two led displays and a numeric and alphabetized keypad, not dissimilar to a mobile phone's. Hidden punched some keys with his forefinger then turned and placed his elbow on the headrest of his seat. "You'll be home in no time, Danger." he said with an easy smile.
"Here, take this." Thorpe held out an open palm and on it rested a small, triangular piece of paper. "What's that?" I asked. "LSD." Thorpe replied. "Where's the rest of it?" "It's a limited dose, Danger, but enough to serve it's purpose. Take it." I was in no mood to argue. I took the trimmed-down trip and place it on my tongue.
Hidden gently pulled away from the curb and headed towards the intersection ahead. I settled myself as best I could considering the computer and monitor upon my lap and placed my head against the back of the seat. "I'm not going to hang out with Gob Job anymore." I thought. "He has some fucking weird friends."
Hidden reached the intersection and turned left. "U-uh, right. Gob Job, tell him we should've turned right." I said, sitting up. "First we gotta turn left." said Hidden. "You're going home Danger," Gob Job replied, "...just relax."
The twenty minute trip home seemed to take an eternity. I so desperately wanted to rid myself of the One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest cast that the warmth of familiar surroundings couldn't come quick enough. I just wanted to go to bed. "I can't believe you were gonna let that prick leave me behind again, Thorpe." Williamson whined from the back. "Not after last time." Thorpe replied, gazing out the window. Hidden joined in, "You wanna here about the last time, Danger?" "Not particularly." I said. "Sure you do." said Hidden. "Williamson was the second gunman." "That's nice." I responded, readjusting my head against the seat and closing my eyes. "In March '81 we were in Washington protesting Reagan's election. Richard Simmons here went AWOL, we picked him up fives days later, running down the street with a .22 caliber rifle strapped to his back. Funny shit. You should've seen the look on his face. Looked like he was being chased by the entire NAMBLA registry, all hell bent on making him their collective knob-jockey. Which of course he wasn't, or he woulda stopped."
"Fuck you." whinged Willaimson. "That shit was serious. The geo-political ramifications would have been fucking enormous! If that DICKHEAD Hinckley could've stuck to the plan we'd all be a lot better off. 'You shoot the mouthpiece-of-free-world-rhetoric-Brady... that slut Jodie Foster will love that, really, and I'll do the president.' I said. But, noooooo, Hinckley had to fucking shoot everybody. Fuckstick. I put two in Ronny and one, I think, in a cop, and just as I was about to deliver the coup de grace, 'Just one more for the Gipper', I thought, some fucking pesky-arsed secret service guy gets in the way. Well fuck him, I shot him too."
"Uh-huh." I said, eyes still closed. "Fuck you, Ranger." Williamson was angry. "You'll fucking see, yes you will. We also stole the Half Life 2 source code!" "Riiiight." I said. "What's Half Life?"
-To be continued as an obligation to the recalcitrant few-
User Reviews
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-06 00:41:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thank Allah every day that you are back.
Submitted by olivia_tremor_control (user info) at 2005-04-02 14:52:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this is good! you definitely need more reviews!
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-02 08:14:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Now it's getting bloody awesome.
Trust me - the recalcitrant few appreciate the awesomeness of this piece. This deserves more hits.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-02 07:25:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Fuck you, Ranger." rad1101 was angry