Uber Directory Pic and proposal for ESPN (1410 hits)
Category: SportsLabels: camwhore
Rating: 0.72 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by AsshOly (View user info) at 2005-04-03 15:38:14 EDT
The purpose of this post is to submit a picture for the Uber Directory, but I can't bring myself to camwhore without a post, so this is something that came up last night with me and my friends.
I have an unbridled passion for sports. I freak out if I cant get the scores to my games. Sometimes, I just cant. We dont all have the internet on our cell phones and many situations dont provide you a television or radio. Maybe I'm out for dinner with your girlfriend's parents at a nice restaurant, or I'm at a movie, or I could be running to Walgreen's during halftime of the Michigan State vs. North Carolina game, like last night.
I had to make phone calls to four different people to get a score to the game last night. Two people (my ex-girlfriend on the bus home from her softball game; my dad on a plane down to Florida) also needed the score to the game but had no way of getting it. One was watching Green Day perform on VH1 and refused to switch the channel. The fourth person was drunk off her ass and couldnt read the television screen. The call:
Stephanie "Hhheeeeeeeeeeyyy!!"
Andrew "Hey switch to channel three for me and get me the score of the game."
S "What game? Hhhheeeeyy come play beer pong with us!"
A "I cant. Just switch to channel three for me."
S "Ooooookay. One, two, three, up! [stumbles, drops the phone] Hello?"
A "Come on."
S "[sigh] Ho-kay. Three. The score is. Uh. It's all static."
A "Channel three! What are you doing?"
S "Oh. I hit it twice. Hahahhaa. [muffled shouting in the background, I hear my name] Lauren says you should come play beer pong. Hey why was [your ex] giving me dirty looks today?"
A "Stephanie, focus. Turn to channel three and tell me the score."
It shouldnt be this hard. She hit the travel channel or something next and got on about beaches and how much fun Texas was over Spring Break. This is why I hate dealing with drunk people. When she finally got to the game she couldnt even tell me the score.
S "MSU is winning 84-11."
A "What? No they arent..."
S "Yeah. Wait. No UNC is winning. Okay come over here."
A "What the hell is the score?"
S "There is 3:38 left in the game."
A "SCORE"
S "MSU has...HEY LAUREN TELL ME WHAT THAT SAYS...66."
A "What does North Carolina have?"
S "Who? I dont think they are playing."
A "Fucking UNC! The other team!"
S "Oh UNC has 11 still. Wait. no. I think it says 77."
Way too fucking difficult. I still didnt know if that was the real score.
So my proposal is this: ESPN needs to set up a hotline for some small fee. When I need the score to my game, I should be able to call 1-800-ESPN-NOW and not have to deal with that bullshit ever again. They would set it up so that it cost you, say, a quarter to connect and fifty cents for every minute you spend on the line. Sports junkies like me will glady pay for it.
Think about it: You call them up and get the scores to every game you want in any sport at any time of the day. Never again will you have to wonder how your team is doing during your business meeting. It's just one quick trip to the shitter and a phone call away. To whatever sports fans sitting with you, you become something of a hero.
ESPN also makes a hellatious amount of money. They would make well more than it would cost to maintain such a service. The extra money could be split up among the chairmen of the board, or the advertising department, or maybe ESPN would make a donation to a charitable organization like the NHL. That thing needs whatever it can get to keep the boat afloat.
Ok, now, this is me. It was taken at my sectional swim meet last year right after my 4th place finish in the 200 yard freestyle. I am way out of breath.
I need to have a picture taken of me sometime while I'm wearing a damn shirt.
User Reviews
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-04-07 19:28:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
shut up bitch
Submitted by Oxymoron (user info) at 2006-04-07 19:05:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"standing next to Asian kids makes me look short"
And really white
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-04-07 18:58:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I AM TAKING FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR 1-800-GET-ESPN. THIS WAS MY IDEA. I DESERVE ROYALTIES.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-08-06 21:30:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you serious?
Submitted by travelmom (user info) at 2005-08-03 22:13:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I will propose at my next managment meeting.
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2005-04-14 21:22:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry man, I underrated one of your other posts. Here's a +2 to make up for it. Take care.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-04-05 01:36:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Are you questioning me? Do you want another cue ball to the testicles? (That reminds me...)
No, the guy I called was not you. I didnt think to call you even though it was just a couple minutes after I texted you.
You're right, though, the people here are idiots and they're rubbing off on me. Kelsey has even confirmed that I am getting stupider and she has only known me for a few months. And that is David in the picture, not Seho.
Manda, I cant tell you how close I was to convincing my dad to let me go to wherever the hell you are and pick that car up. This close. Oh well, thanks anyways.
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2005-04-05 01:14:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Woah, if I'm right, I owe you a "fuck you." That is if I'm the friend you're referring to who was watching Green Day on VH1. Because if I am that person; 1. You didn't call me, you sent me a text message; 2. You didn't even mention anything about the game, you were complaining about how no store in that shitty town you live in carries an independant movie we saw last year. So if that friend you referred to as refusing to change from the Green Day concert, then fuck you. If not then disregard both fuck you's and I have this to say.
The people at Lincoln are fucking morons
Jason and Seho make you look pink
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-04-04 01:13:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll rate your words. +1 for your words. +1 more for actually including content with your camera whoring. Your drunk friend seems amusing and annoying.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-04-03 23:29:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think you're a cutie pie.
(I finally sold my car today.)
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2005-04-03 21:52:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy shit, you look like a kid named Conner from my swim team.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-04-03 20:43:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Aww, I'm deeply touched guys. Thanks for the compliments.
There was a post attached to this as well. Did anybody see it? All those words...
Submitted by spazzh0le (user info) at 2005-04-03 19:36:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Um, this is obviously from the last bukkake sesion.
Submitted by cpeachok (user info) at 2005-04-03 18:42:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
skinny cunt
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-03 17:23:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, it's not YOUR fault you look like that Opie.
Consider this 0 your "lucky day".
Submitted by Jocko_Johnson (user info) at 2005-04-03 16:40:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You are unbelievably fucking gay and stupid looking.
Fucking ugly.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-04-03 16:29:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow. It's called a stairway to heaven (Heaven being my dick), and I'm wet so it looks like it's too low.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-04-03 16:22:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by garcon_fou (user info) at 2005-04-03 16:13:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-04-03 15:50:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
all i got to say, is that when the pubes ride that high, you got to get out the trimmer.
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What? A review like this and you still expect me to click the link?
.................
to be fair, it's more likely a patch of stomach hair that starts WAY too low.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2005-04-03 16:13:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It looks like their hands are on your crotch. It'd be hot if they were women.
Submitted by garcon_fou (user info) at 2005-04-03 16:13:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-04-03 15:50:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
all i got to say, is that when the pubes ride that high, you got to get out the trimmer.
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What? A review like this and you still expect me to click the link?
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-04-03 15:55:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, I agree, again, but last time I trimmed it my girl told me never to do it again.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-04-03 15:50:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
all i got to say, is that when the pubes ride that high, you got to get out the trimmer.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-04-03 15:46:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, I know. I'm not even going to defend it.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-04-03 15:42:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that pic is mighty homosexual, eh.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-04-03 15:38:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fuck