Rick's Cruel April Fools' Jokes (2428 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.97 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (View user info) at 2005-04-04 11:06:18 EDT
My friend Rick managed to fool three people, at least for a little while, with three different and evil April fool's jokes. I mean, this kid really stepped over the line and did some fucked up shit to his friends and family. I had dinner with his family last night and we went over the details of his sick ruse.
Joke: "I have a terminal disease"
The Tricked: Me
How Long The Joke Lasted: 4 minutes
So I'm patiently waiting to meet my parents at a restaurant when I decide to give my best friend Rick a call. He's been a little sick recently; he's battling strep throat and a virus, plus he's generally felt down in the dumps. Obviously I was hoping he'd be feeling a little better, and maybe he'd join the rest of the crew out at the clubs later on.
When he answers his cell, he's still at work, and he sounds like shit. Naturally, I ask him what the problem is. He proceeds to tell me that he's gotten worse since last Saturday (the last time I saw him), and that he finally went to the hospital to get a CAT scan done on Thursday morning. He then told me that the doctors determined he had some sort of immune system issue. The virus he had contracted infected his central nervous system, and it was shutting down his immune system. He gave this disease a really long name, and told me it was affecting his pituitary gland. I forget the name he used, but it was pretty long and drawn out, and it sounded genuine. His words were, "Basically, the doctors say there's not much they can do. They're putting me on some advanced antibiotics, which may subdue the effects, but in the end I'll just keep getting worse and worse. They're not even sure how long it will take until my immunse system is completely degenerated."
Ok, it sounds so preposterous when written on paper, that you'd think, "Jesus Doug, how could you fall for that?" Well, Rick really has been sick a lot recently, I mean literally the entire winter he's been battling some kind of sickness. It was entirely conceivable. And, c'mon, Rick's a smart guy and all, but I never figured he'd be able to make all this medical shit up. As soon as I realized he was telling me he was going to die, I started picturing him in a casket, and what it would be like if he was no longer around. I started getting pretty upset.
It was right around the time when Rick divulged the ridiculous name of his supposed condition that it clicked in my head that it was April 1st. Something like Degenerative Mono-Immunal Neuropathic Syndrome. So, as kindly as I could, I said "hey man, I know it's fucked up for me to say this, but this isn't an April fool's joke, right? I mean, you wouldn't convince your best friend you were dying..."
Then the bastard started laughing.
Joke: "I'm gay"
The Tricked: Rick's poor mother
How Long The Joke Lasted: 15 minutes
Early on Friday morning Rick arose and went downstairs to talk to his mother before work. It was 7:15, and she was groggy and tired after making sure Rick's younger sister was ready for school. Rick asked her if she could take a few minutes to talk to him before he went to work. The following dialog ensued.
Rick's Mom: "Sure Rick, what's the problem?"
Rick: "Well, it's just that, I've been with Holly for a while now, and she's a great girl, but I'm just not attracted to her."
Rick's Mom: "So, do you think you're getting bored of her, or something? Because she's a beautiful girl."
Rick: "I know, it's just that, well, I've been noticing that I'm less interested in a lot of the women I see."
Rick's Mom: "Like who?"
Rick: "Well, like the girls that I work with. The try to flirt with me and stuff, and it's just not doing anything for me."
Rick's Mom: "Maybe it's because Holly is away, when she gets back from London, I'm sure things will change."
Rick: "It's not just that. I've been noticing, at the gym and stuff, that I used to compare myself to the guys that work out there, you know, to see what I'm up against and how my body stacks up."
Rick's Mom: "Yeah..."
Rick: "Well, I think I'm... sort of... attracted to men."
Long pause from Rick's Mom.
Rick's Mom: "Oh, my. Are you... sure about this?"
Rick's mom begins to get choked up, and she start's crying.
Rick: "I think so, mom, I think I'm gay."
Rick's Mom: "Oh, god!"
Rick: "Haha! April Fool's! I can't believe you fell for that!"
Rick's mom told me that she literally got sick from his joke. She said that she had been driving around all morning with a stomach-ache induced by the cruel joke her son played. The best thing about it though, is that it's entirely plausible. Rick is a very "metro" guy, much more so than me. In fact, of any metro tendencies I have, I learned them from having him as a best friend.
What an asshole.
The Joke: "I'm in love with someone else."
The Tricked: Rick's girlfriend Holly
How Long The Joke Lasted: 10 minutes
Rick's girlfriend is currently abroad, studying in London. He still talks to her everyday, so they can reassure each other of their relationship. This kid is like head over heels in love with this girl, which is cool I guess but I like him better when he's single. The kid is a pimp by blood - so naturally he shouldn't have a serious girlfriend. He should be out mackin' hoes with his crew.
Anyway, due to the time difference, around Rick's lunch break here in New York is around the time Holly finishes classes across the pond. She called his cell, like always, right as he sat down to eat his sandwich. Friday, she was in for a big surprise.
Rick started his conversation with her normally, telling her about his day at work, when he suddenly launches into it. He explains to her that he went out with some friends, and our mutual friend Nicole was there. He told Holly how the two of them had the best time, and that he accidentally bumped into her while getting lunch the next day. He explained that he and Nicole ended up making passionate love to each other all day and that he's going to leave Holly for Nicole.
Holly was stunned. She was about to start screaming at Rick, telling him how much of a worthless dick hole he was, when Rick saved his ass with the classic "APRIL FOOLS!" yell. She hung up on him anyway, and he had to take an extra long lunch at work to apologize, but he succeeded with his chicanery so he was satisfied overall.
Seriously though, what a dick. Convincing his best friend he was dying, his mother he was gay, and his girlfriend that he no longer loves her? I mean, what the fuck happened to smearing Vaseline on the toilet seat or hiding someone's car keys as an April fool's joke? It's a cruel world Rick lives in, and he loves every minute of it, the evil fucker.
User Reviews
Submitted by bigdicrick (user info) at 2006-05-02 15:41:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am not your friend....
Submitted by FREAKIN_SWEET (user info) at 2005-06-20 01:54:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Freight_Train (user info) at 2005-04-04 22:06:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-04-04 21:47:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-04-04 20:52:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For april fools, I called fat Tony's house(I was waiting for the perfect day) and told his wife that I wasn't sleeping with her husband. Just as I was finished touching myself to his big mug, I told her 'April fools!' she started to cry a little. It was funny. :)
Submitted by Millie_Grace (user info) at 2005-04-04 20:20:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha, thats awesome. i called my dad at 2am and told him i got arrested and i was at
the station. he wasnt happy with me.
Submitted by Satansgotsyphillis (user info) at 2005-04-04 19:20:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
people like you rule with fear. this post was, in my eyes, unbearingly trodding. i coudnt get to the end fast enough.
Submitted by Duke_Diggler (user info) at 2005-04-04 18:35:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome. shlongy told his mom he was straight on april fool's and she got really excited but then he explained that he still oves the cock.
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2005-04-04 18:31:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-04-04 11:49:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
On April 1st of next year you should walk up and just kick Rick's ass. Then, after you're through say "APRIL FOOLS".
That will put an end to his bullshit.
------------------
I laughed my ass off at that... Why would his mom cry about him being gay?
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2005-04-04 18:30:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
sounds like Rick's the only person in this post with anything resembling a pair of balls.
"Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-04-04 12:22:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
I did something similar to this a couple years ago, although my friend matt ended up beating me to within an inch of my life because he thought I had slept with his fiance.
I was on my back on the ground, spit out a mouthful of blood and choked out "April fools."
He bought me concert tickets to go see Korn the next day."
AHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-04-04 18:19:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuckin hilarious Rick gets a +2
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-04-04 18:07:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
for april fools day last year, me and my roommate shat in (separate) gatorade bottles and put them in the refridgerator of our neighbor.
it was glorious.
then he shat ont he hoods of our respective cars
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-04-04 17:59:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I tried the "I'm gay" joke once.
Unfortunately, 15 years later, some people still think it's true...
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2005-04-04 17:41:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
Submitted by darkwulffe (user info) at 2005-04-04 16:04:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-04-04 14:35:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
I wanted the Pope to come to the window and point and laugh at everyone going 'HAHA April Fools!'
Needless to say, it didn't happen.
--------
I was hoping Mitch Hedberg would do the same thing.
Submitted by Or_ (user info) at 2005-04-04 16:00:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I said April Fool's to a few people, without actually doing anything trick-like.
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2005-04-04 15:45:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I always forget to fuck with people april fool's day...
I usually just end up playing with myself all day.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-04-04 14:37:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rick's quite a guy.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-04-04 14:35:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wanted the Pope to come to the window and point and laugh at everyone going 'HAHA April Fools!'
Needless to say, it didn't happen.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-04-04 14:15:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-04-04 11:09:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
I like Rick, Rick is good.
+2 for Evil Rick!!
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-04-04 13:09:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahahahah +2
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2005-04-04 12:35:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha! What an asshole.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2005-04-04 12:32:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're metrosexual, huh? That's okay, I'm manly enough for the both of us. I scratched twice today and began my morning with a rousing fart.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-04-04 12:22:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I did something similar to this a couple years ago, although my friend matt ended up beating me to within an inch of my life because he thought I had slept with his fiance.
I was on my back on the ground, spit out a mouthful of blood and choked out "April fools."
He bought me concert tickets to go see Korn the next day.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-04-04 12:10:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like it, funny for the prankster and painful for the recipient, good wholesome fun
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-04-04 11:58:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-04 11:55:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rick's a five star asshole.
For April Fool's, I gave out 7 undeserved +2's. That was more than enough.
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-04-04 11:54:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-04-04 11:49:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
On April 1st of next year you should walk up and just kick Rick's ass. Then, after you're through say "APRIL FOOLS".
That will put an end to his bullshit.
Submitted by hobbs (user info) at 2005-04-04 11:43:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rock on mother fucker!
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2005-04-04 11:36:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That is fucking evil. +2.
Maybe next year he'll tell his girlfriend he gave her HIV and he'll tell his old man he's getting a sex change.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-04-04 11:35:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2005-04-04 11:32:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I told my mom I was gay...
wait was I supposed to do it on April 1st?
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-04-04 11:32:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my april fools joke?
i called my mom first thing in the morning. i tell her in a hurried voice, 'mom, i can't talk right now. i'm on my way to the hospital.' <click>
I waited patiently as ten minutes passed.
I called back only to find my mom a nervous wreck wondering what was wrong with her son:
'WHAT'S WRONG? WHICH HOSPTIAL? WHAT'S WROOOOOOONG?????!?!?!!?'
'Mom...I.....I can't talk right now' <click>
And then I felt bad.
But I still waited another ten minutes to call her back to tell her it was an April fools joke.
She didn't laugh.
I did. I love you, mom.
Submitted by Auron (user info) at 2005-04-04 11:29:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice. This april fools I found a friends spare car key.
Parked his car in the middle of the entrance to his street.
He wasn't pleased.
Submitted by AnotherStupidUsername (user info) at 2005-04-04 11:27:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is fucking hilarious.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-04-04 11:21:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
seems like he had it planned for a while...
don't knock a good sense of humor, his jokes didn't hurt anyone...physically. Good for him, for scaring the ones he loves emotionally not enough people do that for fun.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-04 11:20:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow man. that's kinda harsh.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-04-04 11:18:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Evil Rick!
Good post Douglas!
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-04-04 11:18:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tricking his mom into thinking he was gay is the most hilarious one.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-04 11:15:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-04-04 11:12:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-04-04 11:09:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like Rick, Rick is good.
+2 for Evil Rick!!