An abortive attempt to capture a mood - cliched and hackneyed, someone could do this better. (524 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sarcasticus (View user info) at 2005-04-04 23:37:40 EDT
I stare out my window at the mid-afternoon world. The streets are empty and a few desolate souls trudge through the puddles and the rain. The sky is grey, hazy, threatening to turn darker at any minute. Rain sprinkles my window and trickles down in tears. It is a dreary Sunday afternoon. I sit, alone, filled with longing and regret. Incense burns - the blue-green smoke swirls lazily above me. It is an excellent day to feel down.
My vision gets lost in the stormy sky - a cloudy canopy. A familiar song comes on the radio - instantly triggering my memories. Memories of a lost love. Walks in the park, late night pillow talk. These visions of happy times long past dance in my brain. A brief smile passes my lips before disappearing like a whitecap at sea. This was our song.
The good times with her flash before my eyes - the reasons for splitting being willfully ignored, repressed. How her lips tasted in the morning. The heat of her body against mine as we lay in the euphoric post-sex coma. My stomach aches with longing, daring me to call her up. I remain still, staring mournfully at the rainy streets below.
We managed to connect briefly. Our passion was like a comet - burning brightly but rapidly falling away. There were those rare instances when we manage to transcend time. Those magical moments that pass quickly, tragically and exist forever in our minds. Occasions where the world drifted away and you were the only two people on earth.
These moments are what you choose to remember, rather than the holocaust of emotion that occurred after. These scenes are rare pearls, fragile like fall leaves on a dying tree.
And the rain falters, the sun bursts through the sky. I shut the blinds. My mood is too great a tragedy to be ruined by that happy sun.
User Reviews
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-11 08:21:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2005-04-06 14:41:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
Thunderstorms don't make me depressed, I love them. Try taking your shirt off and standing on a hill and just embrace the winds and rain. Dare nature to strike you down. My friend lives out in the country and has a pretty big hill with no trees around. We did that only twice, and we were pretty high, and it rocked.
Just make sure you're not wearing any metal.
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Go ahead nature! Strike me down! I defy you! BwahahahahBZAP
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2005-04-06 14:41:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thunderstorms don't make me depressed, I love them. Try taking your shirt off and standing on a hill and just embrace the winds and rain. Dare nature to strike you down. My friend lives out in the country and has a pretty big hill with no trees around. We did that only twice, and we were pretty high, and it rocked.
Just make sure you're not wearing any metal.
Submitted by Sarcasticus (user info) at 2005-04-05 10:32:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, I'm glad everyone liked it so far.
But that last paragraph is abrupt for a couple reasons
1) I didn't know how to finish it
2) I wasn't happy with it overall - so by the time I got to the end, I just kept the lines I liked and threw away the rest instead of rewording it.
But, still, glad y'all like it.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-04-05 10:19:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really loved this. The only thing I would suggest is reworking the last paragraph. I like what you SAY in the paragraph, but it seems a little too abrupt. Everything else is so whistful, and that line is just kind of "and then she died. The End."
Sort of.
Anyway, this was highly enjoyable. I love me some depression too. The weatherman says we may get thunderstorms today and I'm giddy as a school-boy. Perfect depression weather.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-04-05 08:56:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by absolutzero (user info) at 2005-04-05 05:32:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Emotions or English.
Hard to decide.
But +2 for sure...
Have a great day ahead
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-04-05 02:23:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
some machine gun prose.
(beat, beat, beat, beat. beat, beat, beat, beat.)
seen it before and it's cool when it works.
good job.