"Too young to hate?" (1641 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesLabels: uberbook
Rating: 1.8 on 51 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bigmike (View user info) at 2005-04-05 01:26:04 EDT
This is the story of two very different lives. It involves subject matter sensitive to some. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Phoebe Gardner walked into his office. Five feet ten inches tall and as straight as an arrow, the minute she set foot into the office she became less than real. Her shoulders slumped. Her Gucci leather pumps lost a bit of their luster. Her Armani suit took on a dull hue. Her Coach handbag lost a hint of the magnificent color it had just outside the door. She took three steps towards him. No three steps ever transformed a beautiful woman into an aged old hag like these three did. It happened every week and he did not hesitate to take note of it.
He rather liked her on the other side of the door. She was tall and beautiful. Chestnut hair, flowing like a river down off of her shoulders, congregating in the small of her back. Hair so long if it were a novel you would never get through it. Perfect high cheekbones with a hint of blush. Full lips minus the collagen that most women use to attain that "to die for" fullness. It was true that her spirit died as she walked into his office.
He had yet to find out why. Until today. She sat down on the couch next to his chair, swung her long, lean legs up and proceeded to lay back, casually flipping her hair to the side as she did. He made a mental note of that for later. He made all sorts of mental notes about her. They came in handy when he was alone and feeling randy.
She spoke suddenly without waiting for any greeting from him.
"Doctor, I'm conflicted with these feelings that I have. it's hard to put them into words, but I am going to try before my hour is up. Please listen carefully. It's hard enough as it is, without you nodding off every now and then. I'll be checking, so don't even try."
He did nod off once and she was now making him pay for it. Thus was a different Phoebe. She had still aged from the door to the couch, but the cutting edge of her voice belied the lack of self confidence that her posture projected.
She continued.
"It all started when I was five years old. That was when he made me start to do all of these strange, confusing things. He would come home from work and Mom would leave for her job at the plant. He would start by knocking back a few drinks. At that time I didn't know what alcohol was or what it could do. he used to hold it out to me and ask if I wanted a sip. I would inch towards him nose first and smell what was in the cup. It smelled like medicine. Horrible, burning medicine. I always scrunched up my nose and told him no. He used to smile and say that it was ok. Sooner or later he thought I would try it. Sooner or later I did."
He noticed a shift in her posture. While she was talking, she had her legs staight out on the couch, knees together. Her body seemed stiff as a board. Now, she lifted her right leg up and crossed it over her left leg at the ankle and shifted her hands from being fingers intertwined at her waist, to palms down at each of her sides. He made a few notes.
".......after a couple of drinks, he would get up and turn off the television. He was always watching the news or something like that. I never paid attention because I thought the news was boring. I liked cartoons. Once the television was off, he would motion for me to come sit on his lap. I would go to him then, like any good daughter would, and climb up on him. He would always have me face him so I usually straddled his lap so I could look him straight in the eye. At first I thought the game was fun. He would move around a little and pretend that he was a horsey. I would go along with him, moving up and down slightly as if I were riding a horse. He would gently put his hands around me, grabbing my butt to pull me closer to him. As he did, he would increase his horsey bucking and I would quicken my riding movements. We would do this for awhile at first and it would seem like good fun. I loved him and would do anything for his attention. This was my time for him and his time for me."
He noticed that she started to squirm a little. Her ankles kept crossing back and forth as she spoke, and her hands were not back together, fingers wringing at each other as if there were something she was trying to get off of them. Her speech was quickening and he thought he could see a bead or two of sweat emerging from her forehead.
"....I knew the game was over when he would buck really hard two or three times and throw his head back. He was always breathing heavily and I never really understood why until later. After the horsey game, he would always get up and go to the bathroom. I would sit in his chair and feel the warmth of his body still there. That warmth always comforted me. I always thought it felt nice and safe. It was my daddy's warmth."
Again he noticed that she was moving. Her hands were really working at each other, and she started to move them from her waist towards her crotch. He didn't think she was getting excited. He actually thought that his was an unconscious effort at protection.
"....he used to play that game with me all the time. Sometimes my uncle Nick would come over and play too. That was when I was five. I think we would all play that game until I was seven or eight. Until I was getting a bit too big for horsey rides. My uncle and my father always gave the same kind of ride always ending up with a trip to the bathroom and me sitting in the chair, soaking up their warmth. When I turned eight the game got serious."
He saw that she was physically uncomfortable now. Her knees had come up and her hands had been buried between her legs. she had turned slightly towards him and she looked as if she were going to go fetal. He was hardly surprised but thought it was a good time for an interruption.
"How are you doing, Phoebe?" he asked. "Are you ok?"
"Yes, doctor. Don't interrupt me. I've only got thirty one minutes left."
He looked at his watch and saw that exactly twenty nine minutes had elapsed since she started talking. She was serious about getting through this.
"Ok Phoebe, continue."
"When I turned eight, the game got serious. We graduated to taking our clothes off and playing the game. You know, I always thought there was something wrong with us playing like that but I never quite understood why. I was uncomfortable when he asked me to grab him, but I was afraid he would be disappointed if I didn't. He made me grab my uncle too. He made me grab them until they were really hard. He made me grab them until stuff came out. I didn't understand about the stuff. I thought I was hurting them but they assured me that I wasn't. They also told me never to ever tell Mom or else something bad would happen to me. I believed them and never said a word."
She was full fetal now. Knees to chest, arms wrapped around them, fingers fully clasped around her shins. He wasn't quite sure, but he thought he might have heard tears in her voice. There were none on her cheeks however, and he continued to watch her posture as she spoke.
"I never told my Mom. I never told her while they were having sex with me. I never told her that they made me jerk them off like a couple of frat boys. I never told her that they made me feel like I owed it to them because we had been doing it for so long. By the time I was thirteen I think I had had enough. Can you imagine doctor? By the time I was thirteen I was more sexually experienced than most women were as forty year olds. My father and uncle had been doing things to me since I was five years old. I liked the attention doctor. I liked what they were doing to me. The reason I got tired of it was because I mentioned it to a friend of mine named Molly and she went totally berserk."
Her posture began to relax immediately at the mention of her friend Molly. It was almost as if she wer starting to get angry.
"Molly told me that it was totally wrong what they were doing. When I asked her why, she told me because fathers didn't do stuff like that to their daughters. Niether did uncles for that matter. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I thought all girls did stuff like that with their dad's. I thought that was what love was all about."
She straightened up considerably at that thought. It seemed like the worst was over for Miss Phoebe Gardner.
"Molly told me that dad's loved their daughters but didn't do stuff like that with them. She told me that that's what the Mom's were for. That was stuff that the Mom's were supposed to do with them. I was immediately jealous at the thought of my father doing stuff like that with my mother. I never even considered that they would do stuff like that. I thought that was our own special thing. When I asked my father about it he told me that he did stuff like that with my Mom too. that we were both his special loves. I snapped at that point and went into a deep depression."
He watched her rage come through slowly as she straightened out on the couch. He saw that she was getting more upset by the moment but wasn't sure if he should interrupt. He sat there for as long as she was silent, not wanting to break the aura of trust that had developed between them within the last fifty minutes. She continued.
"I never really came out of that depression doctor. My father had me sent to a boarding school where I did nothing but lash out for attention. When I tried to tell people about what had happened, they scolded me for telling dirty lies. People thought I was crazy and they even said so in front of my parents. I don't know why or how my hatred for them developed. I know it wasn't until after I had first talked with Molly. I guess before that I was just too young to hate."
The doctor spoke up then. he had a question.
"What do you mean Phoebe? Too young to hate?"
"Too young as in not understanding how to. Too young as in not comprehending the situation. Too young as in trusting my dad to always protect me no matter what and never let anything happen to me. I was too young to hate. I wasn't after I turned thirteen and I'm not now. I am filled with hate and filled with rage over what my dad did to me. And to let his brother do it too? How could I have even thought for a minute that it wa the right thing to do? I live my life ashamed of what I have become, of what I have done in the past."
"But Phoebe, you surely cannot blame yourself. You are right. You were too young. Too young for sex, too young for physical love. Maybe even too young to hate. But now, you are letting it eat you up inside. Now you are too old to keep on hating. What has happened is in the past. You can reconcile those feelings, I know you can. You told me yourself that both your parent are dead now. You must see yourself now as you truly are. You made it Phoebe. You made it through. You aren't too young to hate anymore. It's ok to feel that way. Nobody needs to know but you."
Phoebe swung her legs over the side of the couch and sat upright. Her hair no longer a flowing river but a mess of rapids. Her suit wrinkled and he makeup messed from tears. She gave the doctor a somewhat quizzical look and then looked at her watch.
"Same time next week, doctor?" she asked.
He looked at his watch and saw it was exactly on the hour. She was a minute early. "Yes, Phoebe. same time next week."
He sighed as he watched her get up and smooth the skirt of her suit. He also watched as she transformed into the image that she presented to the outside world. She started walking towards the door and he saw that she was doing something different this week. He watched as she walked over to his chair, bent down and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. He could feel the heat coming off of her as she did. She had really opened up to him and he could feel the effort that it took her to do it.
"Thank you, doctor. Thank you so much."
She turned and walked out of his office, five feet ten inches tall and as straight as an arrow. When she had gone he looked down at his notepad. There, he saw four words glaring up at him that he had never even thought could be true.
"Too young to hate?"
"Interesting concept," he thought. I should do some research on that.
He got up, set the notepad on his desk, walked into his bathroom, splashed a little cold water on his face, and then drove home where his dinner was sure to be waiting for him.
User Reviews
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-04-22 19:23:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Wiggis (user info) at 2005-04-22 19:07:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a friend as well who has gone through a very similar ordeal, complete with the uncle, disbelief of friends, and shell that she exudes in everyday life. Your striking clarity on the issue makes me shudder inside, as she has opened up to so few people, so far as I know only her therapist and I. My reason for posting this is that I hope you may have some words of wisdom for advice as to how to help her better cope with this, as she has blocked it out of her memory most of her life and is just now beginning to have her memories come back.
On a unrelated note, I have read many of your postings, and must congratulate you on being one of the best storytellers I have had the privilege of reviewing in quite a while. Please continue with the excellent postings, and I will continue reading them.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-13 23:04:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Why is BigMike- a fellow Upstate New Yorker if I remember correctly - suddenly down on Shlongy?
Submitted by Aiya (user info) at 2005-04-11 18:49:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-04-11 09:56:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i found the woman a bit 'painting by numbers'. it's a worthy cause and all, but most people who are at all informed know the basics, and the way the character was presented didn't make me feel deeply, feel the reality of a real human being.
generally speaking, just writing about a worthy cause does not automatically make for worthy writing. when i see soemthikng which flys it's flag on the basis of being about a poor refuge, or a persecuted homosexual, or some such, i tend to shy away unless something really convincing comes up.
but the doctor in this was a very interesting character, very itneresting indeed, and gave it depth.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2005-04-08 03:44:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think this is too profound for my knowledge.
Good thing we just learnt about Freud in my Germanic studies class, so I can actually apply something I learnt in school.
Who knew? I can study for finals, AND read and rate posts on Ubersite, all at the same time!
How convenient.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-04-06 10:46:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"i don't know what i'm trying to say, but i think its to the reviews commenting on the accuracy of this story. it may well be 100% accurate, but people deal with things differentely."
Let me put something to rest here. This is a fictional account of something that is very real. People very close to me have gone through similar events. These are hard events to deal with later in life. That's the whole point of this story. Phoebe found herself to be at a point where she was strong enough to come to terms with some of the events of her life. The doctor, who is a great listener, even though he may get a little bored from time to time, allows her the opportunity to vent her feelings if she so chooses.
There is no reality to this story other than the fact that it happens to people much too often. I feel sadness for anybody that has to go through these kinds of events and wish that there were more help out there for them.
I can see a story develop as I am writing it. I try to make it as real as possible because I think that is what people enjoy reading the most. If it is not real, you guys will catch it and criticize or condemn based on that fact alone.
The doctor (in this case) gets to go home to a dinner waiting for him. He has the luxury of leaving Phoebe's words at the door as he leaves. Phoebe, on the other hand, has to compose herself everyday for presentation to the outside world with all of this anger and rage and guilt boiling up inside her. She goes to the doctor because she can let her guard down without being chastised or ridiculed about her past. This is the transformation that occurs in her at the beginning of the story.
She goes through stages as she speaks much in the same way you or I might when revealing information about ourselves that is uncomfortable to reveal. I wanted you all to see it and feel it. That is why this story is so graphic in it's imagery.
The only reality here is that this kind of thing happens. it doesn't happen to you or me or my kids but it does happen and for that I am angry and sad. I nay be accused someday of over protecting my children but with some of the things that happen in society today, I don't think it's a bad thing.
Nuff said.
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-04-06 10:46:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Read
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-04-06 10:25:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. Ten points for not degenerating into melodrama or anything else.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-04-06 07:39:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
another thing.
this reminded me of the steven king novel, geralds game, which is worth a read.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-06 07:37:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very nice.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-04-06 07:37:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sometimes the abused still love the abuser and dont feel hate.
sometimes the abused even take there own children to visit the abuser. believing in her heart that the abuser was simply ill.
i don't know what i'm trying to say, but i think its to the reviews commenting on the accuracy of this story. it may well be 100% accurate, but people deal with things differentely.
i still don't know what i'm trying to say. i should make a post.
Submitted by Scatherm (user info) at 2005-04-06 07:17:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great stuff.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-04-05 23:16:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-04-05 17:05:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Your amazing ability to be accurate and insightful about topics (I assume and hope) that you have no personal experience with makes me yearn to sit at your feet and seek guidence from you about things you HAVE experienced. If the former is this amazing, the latter must be akin to the Word of the fucking LORD. "
Let's not go overboard here lojo.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-04-05 17:30:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow - now THIS is how it's supposed to be done. Your writing is more real than - I don't even have the words to express it.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-04-05 17:05:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your amazing ability to be accurate and insightful about topics (I assume and hope) that you have no personal experience with makes me yearn to sit at your feet and seek guidence from you about things you HAVE experienced. If the former is this amazing, the latter must be akin to the Word of the fucking LORD.
Submitted by Tiltedhalo (user info) at 2005-04-05 14:57:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sad....... but...prolly more real than i care to think.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:20:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have no words.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-04-05 11:13:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
After reading this again, I must say that it is time for a new keyboard. These damn sticky keys are causing me to drop letters. And it's not sticky for the reason you are thinking of. It's the damn kids and their peanut butter sandwiches.
Also, it's a laborious task to proofread three or four times at one thirty in the morning.
Sorry about the dropped letters.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-04-05 11:08:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Rocktsrgn (user info) at 2005-04-05 09:16:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
I love how you described her as she lost her "shell." Nice to see someone write about the hard stuff beautifully.
I was hoping someone would notice this. I wanted you to feel what she was feeling as seen through the eyes of the doctor. I thought it would be better than to describe from her point of view what she was going through. Sometimes it's all about the non-verbal communication.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-04-05 10:28:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Powerful story.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-04-05 10:20:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-04-05 09:55:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-04-05 09:42:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was well written and full of feeling. I think if you expanded it to "take an hour" then you'd lose some of the strength. good stuff.
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-04-05 09:29:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://crapoartworks.frandt.com/Yourpost/Results1.html
Submitted by Rocktsrgn (user info) at 2005-04-05 09:16:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love how you described her as she lost her "shell." Nice to see someone write about the hard stuff beautifully.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-04-05 08:51:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Godless (user info) at 2005-04-05 04:46:14 (#)
Ranking: -2
*Yawn* yeah yeah some bitch got molested, she probably deserved it anyway. BORING
-Godless
I'm not sure this story is all about some bitch getting molested. But I appreciate your feedback. I figured some people would see it this way.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-04-05 08:50:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-04-05 04:07:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
words, words, words....and then...bam, it ends on "...him."
guys rule. plus 2
It ends on him for a reason. I preface this post by saying that it is about two totally different people. Those two people aren't the father and the daughter.
It is hard to write about things like this, but when I have a story inside it has to come out.
The timing worked for me because I wanted it to feel how she felt. I didn't want this to be too long a read because, for her, the hour would have flown by. It would have seemed like minutes to her because she was baring her soul.
She's all busines, she has to be. She is very careful and guarded as far as what image she presents to the outside world. She is very meticulous about things like time, punctuality, etc. She is that way because she has to be. If most guys on Uber met her, they would think she is a stuck up bitch that needs to get laid. To the contrary, she is very insecure deep down.
The doctor? Well, maybe we will get into his story sometime, maybe not.
Submitted by jojojojoan (user info) at 2005-04-05 08:24:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-04-05 07:53:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful piece of work, as usual, from Mike. The whole subject of the hate being spawned by society framing all of the peado sex after the fact is a fascinating concept and one that I can't help thinking lends an extra dimension to the debate. Sterling stuff.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-04-05 07:24:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was great. That's gotta be a hard topic to write about.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2005-04-05 07:13:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yikes.
Submitted by Godless (user info) at 2005-04-05 04:46:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
*Yawn* yeah yeah some bitch got molested, she probably deserved it anyway. BORING
-Godless
Submitted by snarf (user info) at 2005-04-05 04:33:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-04-05 04:07:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
words, words, words....and then...bam, it ends on "...him."
guys rule. plus 2
Submitted by Walrus_King (user info) at 2005-04-05 03:43:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good read
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-04-05 03:42:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<wince>
I know the next time I hear someone say "daddy's girl", I'll think of this story.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-04-05 03:27:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Reminds me of a friend I helped through college by writing his ab-psy book reports- he hated reading and paid me- he's now a licensed psychologist. There was a girl he called me about once; she'd sit through sessions with him smacking herself in the crotch with the end of her belt, taunting him with basically the same tale. I asked if he'd read Otto Rank's theories, et cetra, but part of me wanted to ask if he had the girl's 411.
It's a David Lynch world, oft best to swim along with it and have a laugh here and there, because I believe everyone is doing exactly what they want to be doing- that's one to think about.
Your dark side shines. +++
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2005-04-05 03:25:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Will I ever be able to read something like this and not automatically want to keep my daughter under lock and key until she hits menopause?
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-04-05 03:19:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by haeftmece (user info) at 2005-04-05 03:15:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. Shocking, disgusting, but I couldn't stop reading it.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-04-05 03:01:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-04-05 02:08:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ditto to Kai.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-04-05 02:06:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i only feel like reviewing shit posts tonight. i'm "uber" lazy.
HAHA
but here's a +2 so you don't get discouraged by my bias.
Submitted by MouRNIngLoRY (user info) at 2005-04-05 02:05:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking fantastic. Thanks for being you.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-04-05 02:01:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like BigMike
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-04-05 01:58:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh. bit contrived. didn't flow well. and this definitely wasn't an hour long session, it took me five minutes, maybe ten to read. meaning to actually go through the whole thing it would take about half an hour, tops.
if you wanted it to seem like it was longer, have more choppy interruptions in her speech, like her movements occur more frequently and shit like that.
in general, i've seen better, and not just out of you.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-04-05 01:40:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-04-05 01:37:13 (#)
Ranking: 1
Come on, you were the uncle right?
Don't even think about it. Pure fiction here. I was having a conversation with a guy at work tonight and he used the term "Too young to hate". He was talking about his family back in the day. I found that term to be interesting. This story came from that term.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-04-05 01:37:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST - this was a vile little tale, wasn't it.
You get a plus two for making me cringe, and I don't cringe. I write stories about ripping out people's spines and eating flesh from living hosts. This, however, was a bit too real. Bit too graphic. You're a sick fuck, Mike, and I like that in a person.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2005-04-05 01:37:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You do impress me, Mike.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-04-05 01:37:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Come on, you were the uncle right?