Getting Older - Fuck You Terri Hatcher (NSFW) (4703 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.79 on 60 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by _Q_ (View user info) at 2005-04-05 12:58:23 EDT
There are a few things that I have started to notice about myself that are, infact, strong indicators that I am getting older. I thought that I would share a few of them with you now...
1. I am getting better at whistling - Old men are the only people who are good at whistling, a scientific FACT.
2. Single Malt Scotch Whiskey has replaced Beer or Vodka as my drink of choice - Specifically, Lagavulin 16 y/o.
3. I have smoked a pipe in public, and will do so in the future
4. Shampoo is now a viable ass-washing option
5. Down Payment is a priority - I frequently turn down drinking nights and road trips with my buddies so I don't waste any cash in saving up for a down payment on a mortgage.
6. Opinionation - I am getting worse with feeling like I know what the proper answer is to life's many problems are.... AND I AM RIGHT, CONSARNIT!!! I am telling you, if it gets any worse I may get involved in politics.
7. Opposite Sex - The age of women which I find attractive is increasing all the time, I just hope it stops before I start sporting wood after waching Golden Girls re-runs. This is why I hate Terri Hatcher.
Now, this is the real point of my post. I wanted to disguise my rant behind the thin veil of a humour post, but I can no longer contain my rage. I don't know why this is starting to bother me so much... but recently the women of the popular TV show Desperate Housewives were approached by Hugh Hefner to do a spread in playboy for a handsome ransom.
http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/desperate_housewives/34912004.htm
The thing that pisses me off is that every single one of them accepted the offer EXCEPT THAT FUCKING HYPOCRITICAL BITCH TERRI FRICKEN HATCHER.
*ahem*
When I heard the news, I figured I would actually buy a copy of the magazine to see the goodies that would lie within in print. But NO. The only woman of the group who has actually posed for the magazine before (to promote her role in the James Bond flick, Tomorrow Never Dies) turned the offer down. Did she say that she didn't want to do it because she's 'been there, done that'? No. Was it because she feels a lack of confidence over her age and body? Fuck no.
I'll let Terri tell you herself the brilliant reason why she turned the offer down:
"I looked at it seriously but it's inappropriate. It's just an opportunity to see celebrities without their clothes."
NO SHIT, SHERLOCK! Put that down as the most insightful quote of the 21st century. Of course we want to see celebrities naked. You see, celebrities fall into a very specific group that all men wish to see naked... that group is commonly referred to as "all women".
What blows my mind is that this terible actress is now getting more money than the rest of the cast per episode for being the "main star". This is bullshit because not only does she cockblock The Hef, but her character's storyline is perhaps the least interesting and annoying to follow. Is it her helpless nature? Perhaps. Is it her too-wise-for-her-age daughter, and the down to earth, very "real" relationship they share? I'm sure this helps. The fact of the matter is that Terri Hatcher and her character on desperate housewives have worn out their welcome in the public eye.
Terri Hatcher, I put a voodoo curse on you an your career. VOODOO! VOODOO!
I submit that the producers of the show replace her with Uber's own Loren1. I bet she'd accept her share of £5million just to pose a little (tastefully of course). Just imagine the one shot of her with Marcia Cross (the hot redhead) playfully teasing each other with feathers or something like that...
Oh god, I have to go now.
To close, here is my proposal in pictorial format. Send your letters of disapproval to the president of ABC. I'm convinced.
~Q~
User Reviews
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-05-21 20:04:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
2054
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-04-27 15:43:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
1702
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-04-20 12:56:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hope this turns into my next Lindsay Lohan post.
Go hit generator WOO!
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-04-11 11:10:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bizdorph, I tried highland park 18 this weekend and it was ASS.
Thanks for the great advice.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-06 15:42:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have been avoiding this post because I am at work... buuuut I can't very well
let a WQP post go by without reading it.
I refuse to watch that show because I know I will get sucked in even
though I disdain stupid prime time soap opera shows.
I was able to avoid survivor and Mtv's Real Life for years before
I broke down and watched an episode. Now I am hooked. Hooked I tell ye!!!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-06 15:40:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just noticed...I "Jack Macallum-ed" both bottles in my collection.
Buahahahahahahahaaaaa...how did I not catch that before?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-06 15:39:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Anyone...well, OK, just about anyone is always invited and welcome to stop by, Q.
NO ONE ever accepts my scotch offerings at the house. Everyone wants a goddamn vodka drink...a Mohito (sp) or a margarita. Or worse yet, a beer.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-04-06 10:45:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Caul, it's a primetime soap opera type show. It's really popular right now, but it is totally lame. However, the stories are just so crazy that you have a hard time not being sucked in. Oh, how we're such suckers for drama.
Shlongy, that's a pretty nice collection. I really like the Macallan 25, I've always found a bit of a butterscotch taste to it. Hell, if I am ever around where you live, I would be more than glad to try and drink you out of house and home.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-04-06 08:05:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
so what's that show anyway?
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-04-06 08:03:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate it too when celebrities refuse to reveal themselves to the public. I think it should be made illegal for Beyonce to dance like that without ever doing a nude spread!
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2005-04-06 07:57:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
I hate her character.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-06 07:40:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh heh
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-06 07:26:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
From a different post, 2 days ago...My bar at home
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-04 20:45:24 (#)
Ranking: -2
The 6 "Classic Single malts"
Dalwhinnie
GlenKinchie (2)
Talisker (2)
Craggamore
Oban
Lagavulan (2)
Glen Livet 12
Glen Livet French oak
Glen Livet 18
Abelour
Macallum 12
McCallum 25
Laphroaig
GlenMorangie
Dalmore
Highland Park
Jura (My newest - less than $30)
Fuck, only 17 DIFFERENT Single Malts but I also have probably 5 unopened bottles of Johnnie Black
One JohnnieGold
One Dewars 12
and one of those big jugs of regular Dewars, which we use as disinfectant.
Yeah...it's a nice collection. You should swing by sometime. I can't give the stuff away. Everyone would rather have vodka.
Submitted by hobbs (user info) at 2005-04-06 04:19:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I watch that show. Only to perv the red head.
MINX!
Submitted by Jocko_Johnson (user info) at 2005-04-06 00:44:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Goddamn it hand
'
DICK
Submitted by Jocko_Johnson (user info) at 2005-04-06 00:44:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I mena sick of course
Submitted by Jocko_Johnson (user info) at 2005-04-06 00:43:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Im so loaded I thought that thumb was a sick.
Submitted by Jo_of_the_golden_P (user info) at 2005-04-06 00:42:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:24:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate those old bitches and their old boobs.
-----------------
Ahahaha. Another +2 for that comment.
Submitted by Jo_of_the_golden_P (user info) at 2005-04-06 00:38:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha
I can never think of clever comments.
Submitted by Freight_Train (user info) at 2005-04-06 00:23:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-04-05 21:22:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Marcia Cross... so hot. Why do I have such a weakness for the redhead?
Why?
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-04-05 19:59:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
aLL THOSE CHICKS ARE TOOOOOOOO fucking old man , and ugly.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-04-05 19:45:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
J'aime tes jérémiades.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-04-05 19:24:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Death's Jester, I am very jealous of you indeed.
I am thinking of starting a post series where I provide a review of a single malt every few weeks or so, as to introduce new stuff to the world of Uber.
I think I shall try the malt Bizdorph suggested, even though he called me an ass wart for no apparent reason.
In unrelated news, has anyone else noticed how hits have ceased to exist lately?
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-04-05 19:17:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i like 18 year olds still
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-04-05 18:37:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My local serves:
Balvenie 12 yr,
Cragganmore 12 yr,
Dalwhinnie 15 yr,
Glen Ord 12 yr,
Glenfiddich Special Reserve,
Glenkinchie 10 yr,
Glenmorangie 10 yr,
Highland Park 12 yr,
Isle of Jura 10 yr,
Lagavulin 16 yr,
Laphroaig 10 yr,
Oban 14 yr, and
Talisker 10 yr.
pwned.
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2005-04-05 18:28:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice rant.
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-04-05 18:12:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I knew I was old the minute I saw a young hot chick in American Eagle and I walked inside to see what her Mother looked like. Quite the sad moment. She was smokin too, by the way
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-04-05 18:04:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes it did...
They WON'T be because of her?
GOd damnit... Now I go to throw out her issue.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-04-05 18:03:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My mind stopped working after thinking I read that Eva Longoria will ne nekkid in PLayboy...
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-04-05 16:19:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
3. I have smoked a pipe in public, and will do so in the future
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-05 15:15:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You get a rare +2 from Shlongy because Lagavulan is MY favorite Single Malt, as well, although the Glen Livet 18 year old is right up there with it.
I didn't even bother to read the rest of your post.
Submitted by Bizdorph (user info) at 2005-04-05 14:24:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Get some real taste in whiskey, ass wart. Highland Park 18 year old is fuckin' ambrosia.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-04-05 14:24:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You are very, very weird.
The DH cast are all scary 'cept for 1 or 2. Yuck!
I'd rather see Tigerlilly naked than loren anyday.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-04-05 14:16:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Terri Hatcher, I put a voodoo curse on you an your career. VOODOO! VOODOO!
----
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:32:26 (#)
Ranking: 1
do you really need to see these flapjacks get cover to cover attention?
-----
THAT'S why she won't pose. She's got the funkiest body of them all and knows she'll look like worn asshole next to Eva Longoria's perfect boobies and Marcia Cross' disgustingly perfect stomach.
Submitted by Evil_Morg (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:32:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Me:
2. Single Malt Scotch Whiskey, Lagavulin is very nice
3. I have smoked a pipe in public, and will do so in the future.
I've also smoked pot in public, and will do so in the future.
5. Down Payment is a priority - I frequently turn down drinking nights and road trips with my buddies so I don't waste any cash in saving up for a down payment on a mortgage.
6. Opinionation - I am getting worse with feeling like I know what the proper answer is to life's many problems are.... AND I AM RIGHT, CONSARNIT!!! I am telling you, if it gets any worse I may get involved in politics.
7. Opposite Sex - its so easy to pick up chicks now.
I've always hated Terri Hatcher. She a fucking awful actress, and a dumb bitch.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:32:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
do you really need to see these flapjacks get cover to cover attention?
http://www.hqpornspots.com/nitrovideo/pics/14/3.jpg
link nsfw
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:29:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:28:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:24:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate those old bitches and their old boobs.
...and screw you Calgarians. The Edmonton crew will kick your asses.
------------------------
Well I guess you fuckes will have to come down to Ubercon Calgary and prove your metal
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:27:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I t hink the top 2 womenz are ugly.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:24:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate those old bitches and their old boobs.
...and screw you Calgarians. The Edmonton crew will kick your asses.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:23:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Even if there is no other users in Calgary, we can have our own Ubercon and post pictures of the drunked debauchery
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:22:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I will ve at work all day, If you are bored just post something on one of my posts and we can chat. You should send me some emails, I get bored at my desk all day
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:20:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks dude.
Yeah, the ring ceremony was awesome. I could tell you all about the actual party sometime, fuck it was a GONG SHOW. But I did write a small post about the thing in general if you want to read it http://www.ubersite.com/m/62544
Hey, do you know any other Uber users in Calgary or area? We should all get drunk together soon.. the sun is coming out now, and I see no better way to celebrate.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:20:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't argue with your math.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:18:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I started reading in Sept and registered in Jan, you have been here a while hey?
Well, have fun in class, how was the Iron Ring, does yuor finger feel heavier?
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:16:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not much dude, I am just about to make my way up to class.
Since when have you been coming here?
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:16:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That it is my friend, that is fucking hilarious. What is new buddy
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:15:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
menz are silly
that being said
GO HEELS WOOOO
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:14:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
STOKEY? Is that you?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:13:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well, I really like Teri Hatcher, but this rant cannot be denied!
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:12:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
no, I will give you some hints and we will see if you can figure it out
-I went to high school with Erin
-I did 3 years of school with you and was in ESS for all of those
-I am not Warren
-I had to wear a red dress for my 1st year initiation
-"What happens in the tunnels stays in the tunnels"
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:12:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bob, I have no idea who you are. Whoooooo arrrrre you? Who-Who? Who-Who?
Do I smell an UberConCalgary coming up? Perhaps.
Submitted by Howie_Felter (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:10:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That IS pretty stupid of her. She'll get more publicity this way though and she's already rich, so I guess it doesn't really matter to her.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:09:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, is it ever.
Is this Pix?
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:08:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:03:55 (#)
Ranking: 0
that's me, bob.
---------------------
It is a small world Mr. Popoff
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:07:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This +2 is for the Tarheels.
GO UNC WOO!
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:03:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that's me, bob.
Submitted by lethron (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:03:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You let your females wear clothing? Ewww
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-04-05 13:03:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where did you get that picture, I know the guy in it.