Soccer is Football, bitch (941 hits)
Category: SportsRating: 0.29 on 39 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by geo mendonka <geo_mendonka.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-04-07 00:10:41 EDT
I'm tired of people who say soccer sucks. Maybe your lame ass kids playing in city-pussy-league suck, but real soccer is tough. From my own personal expirience, there were more pussies in my varsity football team than on the varsity soccer team.
But most people complain that its boring to watch. By most people I mean Americans. Americans are retarded. I'm American, so I should say, we are retarded. We've been trained by a culture of distraction and constant stimulation. How else could you watch football? There's so many interuptions: replay-review, half-time, on-field reporters, commercial time-outs, etc. I watch a game, and I can't remember if Donald Driver caught an awesome 60yd pass or if that was just a Zocor commercial. The super bowl is the worst. I'll never go to a super bowl party again. Even if people are doing lines of coke off super-models' asses, I'd rather take a beer and hang out with the dog.
TV time outs? What the fuck? Soccer doesn't have TV time outs. You don't stop running so Zoloft can tell everyone why sometimes you just need a pill to make everything better. You wanna know why there's so many injuries in football? Because you can't have steroid-freaks running full speed at each other with rested bodies, for 60 minutes. Sure football is exhausting, but it would be a lot more so if there were less breaks in the action.
Soccer is constant, tension-building action. With football you're likely to miss a great play because you zoned out or you were making a sandwich or you were flipping between channels.
The only thing about soccer that you could use against it is the fake injuries. Yeah, its good strategy, but its such a bitch thing to do. If you get knocked down, do a judo-roll and get back up.
Oh yeah, even though its been said: soccer is the _Real_ football.
User Reviews
Submitted by fidelcity (user info) at 2007-09-02 20:52:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-05-22 04:35:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"readhed"
Anyway, if the hits in that video were just average, then put me down for option B Zoidy.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-05-22 04:24:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thorpe-
not that I doubt in the least rugby hurts, but can you really compare being tackled by a linebacker with the same from a rugby player?
Not that rugby players aren't big, but NFL players are freaks of nature. Its a necessity of the game. Rugby players have to be able to run back and forth like soccer players. NFL players have to be able to sprint 15 yards and knock the shit out of some poor receiver, or 10 yards and beat down a quarterback.
Besides, as far as I can tell, the tackling is quite different. You bring up Matt Rogers as a counter to the highlight video, but that video contains hits that you can see in just about any college level or above football game. In fact, I doubt many fans could tell you specific player names, heavy hitting like that just kind of blends together, it happens a fuck of a lot in football.
Isn't rugby tackling more of the reaching and pulling down nature? Still tough to do, and painful to receive, but its nothing like the leading with the shoulder and head piledrive that football players exert.
Generally I find that most people who criticize football have A)never played both sports so really have no basis for comparison or B)just delight in finding something else to hate about Americans (think about it, its never that "football players are pussies who need pads", its the "americanized pussy version of rugby with pads")
A friend of mine played college football on a scholarship till he hurt his knee. He then started playing with his university's rugby club, a game he also ended up loving. He characterized rugby as the more exhausting of the two, but football as far more violent.
So pretty much, until you strap on some pads and try it, I don't think your opinion means jack shizzy over that of more informed souls
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-04-07 13:40:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
soccer may or may not blow as it does not exist.
It is called FOOTBALLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-04-07 12:17:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sarcasticus (user info) at 2005-04-07 11:43:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
Forgot to add:
Kent Brockman: Center...passes to wing...passes to center. Center holds it...holds it...*sigh* holds it....
Mexican Announcer. Center! Passes to wing! Passes back to center! Center holds it! Holds it! HOLDS IT!!
Soccer blows.
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HAHAHHAAHAHAHHAAA!! But to reiterate, this all refers to watching--not playing--this sport.
Submitted by Sarcasticus (user info) at 2005-04-07 11:43:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Forgot to add:
Kent Brockman: Center...passes to wing...passes to center. Center holds it...holds it...*sigh* holds it....
Mexican Announcer. Center! Passes to wing! Passes back to center! Center holds it! Holds it! HOLDS IT!!
Soccer blows.
Submitted by caitlinR (user info) at 2005-04-07 11:40:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love Football, This Weekend We had a Internacional Soccer Tournement with most of the FIFA youth teams. It was awesome, got to hang out with most of the players too. And Its not called soccer, its FOOTBALL!
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-07 11:37:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
i prefer playing with my own feces
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-04-07 11:29:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'd rather watch a full NBA basketball game than the HIGHLIGHTS from a single soccer match... and that is saying a lot.
Submitted by snarf (user info) at 2005-04-07 11:20:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I live for football.
i play for a football team over here in Belfast, we're currently top of the league and looking to extend our lead with another victory tonight! woohooo!
Just in case anyone cares.
Submitted by Sarcasticus (user info) at 2005-04-07 10:59:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Soccer is laaaaame.
I remember seeing some stats from a soccer game where some Brazilian guy I knew called it the best game ever.
Score: 0 - 0
Shots on Net by the home team: 0
Shots on Net by the away team: 0
Penalties: 0
So, they kicked the ball around for an hour and a bit....excitement she wrote!
Man I miss hockey.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-04-07 10:21:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I like soccer.
That is actually playing soccer.
But it is not as exciting as NFL Football to watch.
I still play in rec leauges, even more so because it's so popular with all the Latino's down here, and I always enjoy a good game and a beer or 20 afterwards, but I still can't bring myself to actually watch the game.
The only time I ever intentley watch a Futbol game was when I was living in Costa Rica and the entire counrty shut down, literally, to watch their team play. If they won, the streets were flowing with Guaro and Imperial.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-07 10:11:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"apostrphes"?
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-07 10:10:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Matt Roger's"?
Please tell me i subconsciously did that on purpose, as a cutting satire on the misuse of apostrphes.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-07 10:09:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just watched Zoidberg's video - to tell you the truth, aside from the flips (because they're top-heavy? whoa)and the head grabs (illegal in RU), I have seen hits that bad in rugby. Anyone remember Matt Roger's being snapped in the Bledisloe a couple of years ago? I think the shockwave has readhed the Atlantic now for about the sixteenth time...
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-04-07 10:06:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-04-07 09:14:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
Being Australian I am able to comment on all things sports related because we are a nation obsessed. It is our birthright to be extraooorrrrrrdinarily opinionated on such matters because we are inherently knowledgeable.
1) Americunt Football is indeed a fine game, and understanding it goes a long way to appreciating it. The reason those fuckers wear pads and helmets is because it's a different kind of 'hit'. Knock the cunt on the ground - job done. Although the pansies won't go the tonk if they lose their helmets.
2) Rugger, the game they play in heaven, and an almighty code that the above derived some of it's heritage from, is a motherfucking cunt of a game and if the Americunts amongst you sat down and watched it at it's highest level, rucks and mauls would have you running to hide behind your mums' skirts.
3) Australian Rules is kinda like Gridiron in respect to hits but they back of a smidgen because they don't wear pads, but will go the knuckle without head-gear. It is also worth noting that some of these pricks have consumate kicking skills, that would shame a lot of 'soccer' players.
4) Rugby League is a stupid game for dumb cunts that don't understand Rugger. It is a blight on all football codes and a constant drain on our Rugby Union talent pool.. well, in the forwards anyway, 'cause the pack don't need to be too bright.
5) "Soccer", IS the real football, they use their feet afterall. It is a game of deft skill and high tension and sometimes no fucking goals. Running with the ball at your feet is a lot fucking harder than running with it in your hands and falling over the end of the field. As a sidenote, recently our governing body passed a motion to refer to the beautiful game as 'Football' and ditch the previous moniker of 'soccer'. Obviously we have a lot on our plates over here, like the pressing issue of what to call a sport.
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Yeah what he said.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-04-07 10:01:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Football is the most popular and best game in the world by a long way.
American football is a poorly named version of rugby adapted for pussies.
Submitted by Sethor (user info) at 2005-04-07 09:48:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're not alone my friend. There are other Americans around who love The Beautiful Game. Give me real football (soccer) over the NFL any day. Don't even get me started on arena football. Ugh.
PS - Germany can suck it.
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-04-07 09:26:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm sorry, what?
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-04-07 09:15:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Worst. Post. Evar.
Well, not really, but flawed logic throughout.
From your own experience, yadda yadda. Everyone's personal high school experiences can differ widely, so let's escalate this to the top level in USA sports: NFL and MLS (which I predict will take NHL's place as the distant 4th place North American step-brother sport). Guaranteed that the bigger pussies are in soccer. Brett Favre is the prime example, playing with a broken hand, random bones knocked around. John Elway played 18 years with basically no knee cartilage. MLS? Whiners.
Well, soccer players in general are whiners, not just MLS--you even admitted the seemingly carved-in-stone-edict that mandates a player act in agony as long as possible when he gets tripped up. Even on the international level, players do this to draw a yellow (or red) on the opposing player or stall the clock when their team is ahead late in a game. Speaking of clock-stalling...
TV time-outs. Yeah. Capitalism. Watching the game on ESPN for free (well, you might pay for cable, but not premium). That's just the way it goes. I'd rather TV time-outs that give me time to take a shit than having to pay to watch. So it takes time away from the game. I bet if you added up all the time soccer players spent faking injuries compared with time-outs, you'd have a comparable number. And it's not like there's no advertising in soccer. In most countries, professional teams are named after their corporate sponsor. Like our Little League teams...but anyways...
"Constant, tension-building action?" I'm trying to watch a sport, not a murder mystery! Just because the clock doesn't stop in soccer doesn't mean that there's always action. Putting the aforementioned pussy-whining aside, I just don't see the excitement in watching the ball bounce around midfield for 20 minutes until someone breaks through. Unless you're actually playing. but we're talking about watching.
Zoning out during a football game? In this case, you must mean soccer. Each play in an American football game is different. Maybe you go with 3 wideouts in one play and 4 in the next. Maybe you go with the running game or have the QB improvise. Sure, it takes a few seconds for the players to regroup for the next play, but the excitement of the last play usually lingers. And don't tell me there's anything in soccer that compares to the 2-minute drill in American football.
Okay, I'll probably get fired if I keep writing, so I'll wrap it up with a final thought: I, too, am American. But I was born here very shortly after my family came to America from Chile. That is, Chile the South American country. South America, as in the continent with only one sport. I wasn't really a sports fan growing up, mainly because soccer was the only sport watched in my household. Then, I started watching the other sports...
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-04-07 09:14:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Being Australian I am able to comment on all things sports related because we are a nation obsessed. It is our birthright to be extraooorrrrrrdinarily opinionated on such matters because we are inherently knowledgeable.
1) Americunt Football is indeed a fine game, and understanding it goes a long way to appreciating it. The reason those fuckers wear pads and helmets is because it's a different kind of 'hit'. Knock the cunt on the ground - job done. Although the pansies won't go the tonk if they lose their helmets.
2) Rugger, the game they play in heaven, and an almighty code that the above derived some of it's heritage from, is a motherfucking cunt of a game and if the Americunts amongst you sat down and watched it at it's highest level, rucks and mauls would have you running to hide behind your mums' skirts.
3) Australian Rules is kinda like Gridiron in respect to hits but they back of a smidgen because they don't wear pads, but will go the knuckle without head-gear. It is also worth noting that some of these pricks have consumate kicking skills, that would shame a lot of 'soccer' players.
4) Rugby League is a stupid game for dumb cunts that don't understand Rugger. It is a blight on all football codes and a constant drain on our Rugby Union talent pool.. well, in the forwards anyway, 'cause the pack don't need to be too bright.
5) "Soccer", IS the real football, they use their feet afterall. It is a game of deft skill and high tension and sometimes no fucking goals. Running with the ball at your feet is a lot fucking harder than running with it in your hands and falling over the end of the field. As a sidenote, recently our governing body passed a motion to refer to the beautiful game as 'Football' and ditch the previous moniker of 'soccer'. Obviously we have a lot on our plates over here, like the pressing issue of what to call a sport.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-04-07 09:13:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-04-07 01:01:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
Youre starting this review with a -2.
"trained by a culture of distraction and constant stimulation. How else could you watch football? There's so many interuptions: replay-review, half-time, on-field reporters, commercial time-outs, etc. "
Instant replay - Football is a much more intricate game than soccer and the rules have a much stronger impact. Thus, it is important that the officials get all the calls right.
More intricate?
American football: Coach tells dumb ass oxen on the field what to do. Dumb ass oxen try to follow coaches orders.
Football: Players constantly making decisions independantly. Coach has little input during play.
And as far as the hits in football are concerned thier pretty weak when you consider a hockey players make those same hits at high speed sometimes utilizing an imovable object to make a sammich. American football sucks ass.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-04-07 08:24:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-04-07 01:29:06 (#)
Ranking: -2
yeah and soccer is oh so exciting in comparison?
at least rugby can be exciting, all soccer is - pass to mid-pass to forward-pass back to mid-pass to forward-riotriotriot
its more fun cheering on curling teams
Submitted by Huber_the_Nose (user info) at 2005-04-07 08:21:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
What the hell are you talking about?
"Soccer is constant, tension-building action. With football you're likely to miss a great play because you zoned out or you were making a sandwich or you were flipping between channels. "
How can you complain there are so many breaks in Football and then say you missed part of the action? I think that's one thing better about football....it HAS breaks....dont like commercials?...zone out THEN...make your sandwich THEN. Dumbass. Soccer is lame. The field is too big and the game is too slow. In football at least there are breaks, everytime I start talking to the guy next to me at a soccer game, something happens and I miss it. In fact, if our team is losing, then I usually go take a piss, cause there is about an 80% chance theyll score while im in there.
And for people who think football is for pussies cause they wear "pads"....I say rugby is for pussies because they dont strap hard plastic to their head and shoulders before running into each other.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-04-07 08:02:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wasn't too bothered to be honest. Only thing I hate about American Football is that they call it football.
But then this line deserved a +2
"...I'd rather take a beer and hang out with the dog. "
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-04-07 07:52:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2005-04-07 07:38:49 (#)
Ranking: -2
Soccer is cross-country running with a ball.
What is the point of such a ridiculously simple game, with players running the equivalent of 5 miles in the course of the game, usually at less than half speed, only to score 1 goal in 90 minutes? If I was a soccer fan, I would riot after the games too. You pay 100 dollars for your ticket, 90 full minutes of extreme boredom, beer after beer to cure said boredom, game ends at a 0-0 tie. Who wouldnt want to trample someone to death after that?
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Never has a truer word been spoken. And I'm English.
However this article wasn't bad, so have a nice even 0
Submitted by bigbabylons (user info) at 2005-04-07 07:44:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2005-04-07 07:38:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Soccer is cross-country running with a ball.
What is the point of such a ridiculously simple game, with players running the equivalent of 5 miles in the course of the game, usually at less than half speed, only to score 1 goal in 90 minutes? If I was a soccer fan, I would riot after the games too. You pay 100 dollars for your ticket, 90 full minutes of extreme boredom, beer after beer to cure said boredom, game ends at a 0-0 tie. Who wouldnt want to trample someone to death after that?
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-04-07 07:32:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
HOLY SHIT.
I used too agree with you 100%. "Who needs football? Two different teams for attacking & defending? Fucking panises. etc etc."
I just watched Zoidberg's video.
Oh my sack. That's heavy.
Submitted by tartpumper (user info) at 2005-04-07 07:20:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
w00t
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-04-07 07:02:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"And yeah, NFL is pussies, rugby kicks its arse."
Uh huh. Ok. Watch this.
http://www.putfile.com/media.php?n=NFLHITZ
lets see some rugby players take some hits like that, then we'll talk about how using pads is for pussies.
Not saying rugby isn't a tough sport, but football is a sport made for much harder hits, mostly because it has guys whose sole purpose is to knock the shit out the other team. Not to catch the ball. Not to run up and down the field. Just a short sprint and a brutal 320 pounds of muscle piledriving into whoever has the ball.
Tell me that doesnt need pads?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-04-07 06:31:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ellsmall (user info) at 2005-04-07 04:03:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
All those pads & shit the NFL wear are actually gayer than the "costumes" worn in soccer. But Australian Rules Football kicks all their asses. Go Oz!
Submitted by r1nce (user info) at 2005-04-07 03:15:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jack0173 (user info) at 2005-04-07 02:47:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It seems to me that in football they use their use their hands more than their feet, unlike in soccer *ahem, football. And yeah, NFL is pussies, rugby kicks its arse.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-07 01:37:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Uh, if you want non-stop action and people running into eachother dying I suggest Rugby Union.
The sport of kings.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-04-07 01:29:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
yeah and soccer is oh so exciting in comparison?
at least rugby can be exciting, all soccer is - pass to mid-pass to forward-pass back to mid-pass to forward-riotriotriot
its more fun cheering on curling teams
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-04-07 01:01:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Youre starting this review with a -2.
"trained by a culture of distraction and constant stimulation. How else could you watch football? There's so many interuptions: replay-review, half-time, on-field reporters, commercial time-outs, etc. "
Instant replay - Football is a much more intricate game than soccer and the rules have a much stronger impact. Thus, it is important that the officials get all the calls right.
Half-time - I am VERY involved in the sporting world and I still have not found a sport without some sort of halftime or intermission. Even baseball has a seventh inning stretch (granted, its for the fans, because baseball games are long and tedious if you dont know everything that is going on, which means that yes, we need a distraction...so +1/2).
Commercial timeouts - I FUCKING HATE THESE. +1
Mention of Donald Driver = + 1/2.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-04-07 00:23:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This was horrible. I love soccer, but God this was horrible.
"TV time outs? What the fuck? Soccer doesn't have TV time outs. You don't stop running so Zoloft can tell everyone why sometimes you just need a pill to make everything better."
No, soccer just plasters the Zoloft label all over the field and the players' jerseys.
Soccer and football are two entirely different sports. Some people like football while others like soccer. Not everyone agrees, and people are alright with that. It's how things work in the adult world.
By the way, I like soccer better than football, and I must say football is a much better TV sport. I live by hockey and I will almost never concede anything to other sports, and I still think football is better on TV.