Lord of the Flies: A Story of Triumph (545 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.9 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JACK0173 (View user info) at 2005-04-07 02:35:48 EDT
I hate flies. They're so annoying. I don't know what they're like wherever you are but here in Australia they're bad. Especially in Summer (well pretty much only in summer to be honest).
It's so annoying whenever they land on you and buzz around your head. What's with that anyway? Do they eat your sweat or something? Otherwise there's no benefit for them to risk being swatted just to land on you.
Once one of my friends told me a story (the authenticity of which I am inclined to doubt) which went like:
In Japan (or wherever) they had too many flies so the government passed a law that meant you had to kill every fly you possibly could. Anyway, this was successful but at the cost of garbage piling up in the streets because there were no flies to eat it. They had to import flies from Australia to fix this problem.
That story sounded like bullshit but it would be cool if it were true. Why wouldn't they just import seagulls though. That would be so much better, seagulls eat rubbish too and they don't buzz around your head being annoying.
Anyway, the point of this post is I killed a fly today in spectacular fashion:
The fly sat, wallowing its sickening squalor, on the window above my kitchen sink. I looked upon its sickening black form with horror as it thought about what to infest next. "I have to kill this little motherfucker," I thought to myself. I looked around for a weapon, there was no way I was going to kill it with my bare hands, it had probably just been laying maggots in a pile dog shit or something. I shuddered at the thought of it touching my skin and felt myself gag. I grabbed a towel, filled with resolve and retribution. I twisted the cloth into a makeshift whip which I cocked back, ready to strike. I advanced on the fly my spirits buoyed up with the thrill of impending violence. Adrenalin coursed through my veins as thoughts of revenge swam through my subconscious. I was going to kill this fly in the name of everyone who had been harassed by flies in the past. It sensed my prescence, but too late. As it rose up to fly away I had already flicked the tea towel. It connected with a snap. The fly dropped to the windowsill with a barely audible thud, its now seperate head laying next landing next to its twitching body. Vindication! I basked eagerly in the warm glow of victory.
User Reviews
Submitted by shadowofthedivine (user info) at 2005-04-07 20:36:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
little tip, when killing flies, move in from both sides simultaneously
as they can see all around 'em, it fucks em up, if you move very slowly, you
can get to within 1 inch before you strike.
Submitted by matrix2681 (user info) at 2005-04-07 15:32:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I use a sharp filet knife to kill flies. It takes some practice but I've taken out about 4 or 5. Regular knives don't work too well--the curve of the filet is more accurate.
Next time try a knife.
Submitted by Bayley (user info) at 2005-04-07 09:20:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought you were gonna talk about the book. :(
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-04-07 08:55:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
tricked me. i thought it would be about the movie of the same title.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-04-07 07:44:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Fair 'nuff.
Submitted by mboomer (user info) at 2005-04-07 07:32:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-04-07 04:28:13 (#)
Ranking: 1
Meh, that's not so cool.
All your belt buckle is going to say is "One With One Blow."
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Still, one giant with one blow is nothing to sneer at either.
Submitted by toucan_sam (user info) at 2005-04-07 04:48:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good shit.
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-04-07 04:42:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man you better get your fat arse down here where i live ,a man has to carry them all day long on your back.Just get used to the little critters.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-04-07 04:28:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Meh, that's not so cool.
All your belt buckle is going to say is "One With One Blow."
(let's see if anyone has any idea what I'm talking about...)
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-07 03:33:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I had a big review written for you and them my manager came in and i closed down the window. True story.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2005-04-07 03:13:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd give this a -2 because it's complete bullshit, but it reminds me of my undying hatred for snails and ants.