Caught by the Fuzz (821 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.33 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by mbstateside (View user info) at 2005-04-07 10:19:25 EDT
You know the saying 'It's not paranoia when the really are after you'? Well that's me.
It's been going on for just over a month now. Everywhere I go I'm being followed, everywhere I turn I see people watching me out of the corner of their eyes. It's the cops I know it is. They're on to me I'm sure of it. Maybe it's time I shut down my operation and get the hell out of dodge, but man so much time and money has been invested, not all of it mine. I've got people I owe. Bad people, people who wouldn't take kindly to not receiving a return on their investment. I can't just walk away from that or Can I? Nah, not when I've got one of the biggest loads of my life coming through in the next week.
It wouldn't be so bad if I could identify them but I can't. Man, those damn cops these days would make a Hollywood makeup artist proud with the disguises they wear. They could be anyone. The pregnant woman hobbling down the street, the ten year old kid playing keepy ups on the corner, Hell it wouldn't surprise me if my own ma turned out to be a cop in disguise.
Only yesterday I was talking to an old crippled blind man with 1 leg only half an arm and a chewed off ear when my buddies Bert, Bob & Billy gave me the nod. What! I thought, this guy can't be old bill I mean look at him. But then again Bert, Bob and Billy are never wrong when it comes to spotting cops. If it wasn't for these guys I would have been sent down weeks ago.
Damn fuzz would have probably had me on their first sting op right when that cop disguised as Wendy the crack head whore tried to get a score from me. I've known Wendy for years and even I couldn't tell it wasn't her. I was just about to hook her up when Billy tapped me on the Shoulder.
"I wouldn't bother mate she's Old Bill" he says as I turn
"What Wendy?' I reply "Nah can't be I've known old Wend' for years. She gives the best head for miles around as long as you've got a little baggy for her trouble.
"Whatever mate" he replies "I wouldn't know about that, but what I do know is that 'Old Wend' as you say got sent down for a 10 stretch 4 days ago. She's Old Bill I tell ya' I can smell 'em I can."
"Fuck me!" say I "Really! Well thank you brother I owe you one" I continue as I turn to face him fully. Buy this time our little coppa friend who thinks she's doing such a good job of being Wend starts pleading. Saying how she's hurting and she needs her fix. She says she'll gimme twice the head for half the stuff but I ain't fooled no more. Billy's opened my eyes and I'm ready for it now. You don't get to get as far as I have in the Drug world without having a good ability to read people and I can see now that this bitch is just trying to make the deal. As soon as she gets what she wants she'll rip of that Hollywood mask she's wearing just like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible and I'll fine meself in the nick sharpish. Well I ain't having that! Still she wouldn't let it go and things would've probly turned nasty if Billy's pals Bob and Bert hadn't stepped in and dragged her off.
So that's how I met Bert, Bob & Billy and man am I lucky to have these 3 as pals. They never steer me wrong. Since then they've saved my ass more than once when those sneaky fuckers have been sniffing round and it's always the person you least expect.
Loyal as a dog they are too 'specially as I've only known them in the couple of weeks since that chance meeting. Man lady luck she sure does smile on me sometimes I'll tell ya. What's more it's through these guys that I'm getting that big score I told you about. That's gonna net me more money than I've ever made in one deal even after I pay off my investors.
I can't wait. Ordinarily I'd never handle somat this big and it's got me worried. Got me jumping at shadow's truth be told. I keep getting this feeling that there's something I should be spotting. You know that nagging feeling at the back of your head that keeps calling for your attention. Bob says it's just nerves and he's probably right. With these boys on my side the cops ain't got a chance of making me.
Here's a pic I took of the guys last night. Ain't they a good bunch of lads?
User Reviews
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-04-08 03:35:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Isn't that the Reno 911 guys? They hardcore rule.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-04-08 03:12:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
What are Firemen doing with handcuffs?
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-04-07 16:51:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Made me smile..
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-07 16:38:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Here, I'll raise the rating because your last comment cracked me up.
And some people think I'm not fair...
Submitted by VigotheCarpatheon (user info) at 2005-04-07 14:58:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know the Guy in the middle!
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-04-07 12:17:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlong what the fuck are you doing back on my post
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-07 12:01:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"YYYYYYYYYYYYYYY M C A, Come on and sing it now....YYYYYYYYYYY M C A..."
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-04-07 11:52:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bob,
You forgot about Vince McCraw as 'The Kid'
I was actually thinking about posting this as a caption competition. Any ideas anyone?
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-04-07 11:20:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-04-07 11:03:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-04-07 10:55:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had fun.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-04-07 10:42:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fred Kelly as Bunny
Vic Colfari as Bobby the Rookie
Alesandro Alegre as the Chief
Sir Stewart Wallace as himself
Nathan Wind as Cochise
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-04-07 10:34:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Inky, It was my intention to use cliche's that was the whole point.
The rest of you what is it with people obsession with Gayness on this site. Do you all belong to homophobes r us?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-07 10:27:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Serious gayness.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-04-07 10:24:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ATTN GHEY BEASTIE BOYS IMPERSONATORS
Submitted by Sarcasticus (user info) at 2005-04-07 10:23:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I was waiting for the punchline...Which should've been that Bert, Bob and Bill were COPS! Oh man that would've rocked so hard.
Submitted by InkyFingers (user info) at 2005-04-07 10:22:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Your story uses more cliches than words. Congratulations and -1.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-07 10:21:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
If I looked that gay, i would be paranoid to.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-04-07 10:21:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
attn ghey criminalz