My Father is Fucking Crazy (1937 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.85 on 44 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by screamfeeder (View user info) at 2005-04-07 14:48:35 EDT
My Father is Fucking Nuts.
My 84 year old father, dubbed "Crazy Carl" by my siblings, friends and myself is a man unlike any other. His history notwithstanding, the things he does to this day continue to astonish and bewilder all those that come in contact with him.
Things like, "The New Mexican Armadillo".
About 6 years ago my dad was taking a trip to Mississippi to convene with some people that were giving a bulky sum of money to the Cumbres and Toltec Scenic Railroad. My father was still working for the state at the time so he could have taken a fancy first class aircraft trip and roomed at an all expense paid hotel suite.
That is not my dad's modus operandi.
He climbed in his 6.2 liter Suburban and headed on the road.
All went well. He drank some fancy scotch, smoked some fancy cigars and schmoozed about $500,000 for a new narrow gauge engine and a rebuild of an old one.
When he got back home I was at the house. I watched as he rumbled up the old dirt driveway, Coltrane blasting out of the one speaker that still worked in that dilapidated beast. As he stopped in front of the house I noticed something tied on to the hood of the Suburban. I met my dad outside, asked him how his trip was.
"Bunch of old rich bastards. But a little less rich now," he grunted with a half toothless grin.
"What is that on the front of the truck dad?"
It looked like a deceased mammal.
"Armadillo I picked up in Texas. Cute huh?"
I was flabbergasted. My mother was not.
"Carl, what in the hell is that on the car?"
"Nothing."
How can an eighty-four year old man come across like an eleven year old kid?
"It's an Armadillo mom."
I made my way to the front to get a good look at the thing. It was big for a 'dillo, maybe 8kg or more. He was just tied to the front with baling wire and looked just a like a colossal hood decoration. It did smell a spot ripe although.
"Why is there an Armadillo strapped to the front of the truck?"
I walked off. Mom Dad Question and Answer, was a pastime that jaded me all too swiftly.
I never gave the shelled monster another thought. I went outside a few hours later and noticed it was off the vehicle and most likely buried out back in the horse paddock or in my dads "shop". It wasn't until one day later when I realized the full degree of the "New Mexican Armadillo".
I found an expose in the local paper.
-----
ROADKILL PUZZLES COMMUTERS
SANTA FE, NM-Commuters on I-25 between Albuquerque and Santa Fe noticed something strange on the side of the road Saturday morning. The carcasses of over 35 Long-Nosed Armadillos were strewn along both north and south bound I-25 in the 60 mile stretch between the two cities. Road crews were dispatched to clean the animals up in the late afternoon, but not before hundreds of puzzled drivers stopped to look at the strange animals that are not native to the area.
"I didn't think we had Armadillos here," said Santa Fe resident Anna Hunning, who had stopped to examine one of the strange animals.
A State Trooper who had stopped at the Santo Domingo Pueblo exit said that it was probably the work of a clever prankster. He doubted that this many animals would have been able to make it this far and all get hit on the same stretch of highway.
-----
You fucking rule dad.
User Reviews
Submitted by ChronicMasturbator (user info) at 2005-09-25 21:33:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-05-13 05:40:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
DUN DUN DUN!
Submitted by moi (user info) at 2005-04-18 11:55:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Definatly full of hilarity, scream
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-04-11 12:21:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-11 12:16:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
At least your dad's alive.
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2005-04-11 12:02:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I loved this story... I forgot about rating it until I saw you had a secret. Whats the secret?
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-04-08 13:34:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heehee
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-04-08 08:08:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
w00t!
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-04-08 00:38:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-04-07 17:18:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
I think your dad and mine were twins seperated at birth. Mine does stuff like this too.
***
I find it soooo hard to believe that. There is very little that someone can do "like this". You'll have to post a story about your dad and his crazy shenanigans, and let uber decide if you are allowed to make such a prepostuous claim!!
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-04-07 23:33:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mom Dad Question and Answer, was a pastime that jaded me all too swiftly.
- - -
Awesome. Reminds me of Larry Brown's writing (he's from Oxford, Mississippi). "Big Bad Love" et cetra. ++++
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-04-07 23:06:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
at least your dad isn't a hippie like mine.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-04-07 21:29:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha...your dad sounds sooooo fucking awesome.
Submitted by foster (user info) at 2005-04-07 21:04:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2005-04-07 20:57:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha
Submitted by Bayley (user info) at 2005-04-07 17:38:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's not crazy, that brilliant!
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-04-07 17:26:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-04-07 17:18:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think your dad and mine were twins seperated at birth. Mine does stuff like this too.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-04-07 17:14:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hee
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-04-07 17:02:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Read...
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2005-04-07 16:52:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-04-07 16:49:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-04-07 16:46:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
This doesn't surprise me in the least. I mean... you WERE going to run around Vegas in an ape suit with AJ. That sort of thing has to come from somewhere.
------------
Difference is, my dad would have never let me get away with NOT doing it.
"Come hell or highwater you fucking hippie, that Giant Boy is getting in that fucking suit!!"
Thats what he would say.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-04-07 16:46:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This doesn't surprise me in the least. I mean... you WERE going to run around Vegas in an ape suit with AJ. That sort of thing has to come from somewhere.
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2005-04-07 16:28:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by A-Daamage (user info) at 2005-04-07 16:00:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kickass
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-04-07 15:52:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny stuff
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-04-07 15:46:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have another for the picture of the armadillo wang.
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2005-04-07 15:30:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Old men rulw
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-07 15:23:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My dad was a biochemist. He would bring home vials of a chemical that
is in skunk juice. he thought it was funny to hide it in our rooms
and watch as we tried desperately to find it and not gag.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-04-07 15:19:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your dad rocks.
Submitted by jdcb (user info) at 2005-04-07 15:18:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Solid 2, that's sweet...
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-04-07 15:16:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit dude.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-04-07 15:14:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice one.
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2005-04-07 15:14:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2005-04-07 15:07:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahh, my fellow New Mexican, you should make a series of this
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-04-07 15:03:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-04-07 14:58:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-04-07 14:58:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You could make a "My dad is fucking crazy" series.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-04-07 14:57:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Too funny!!!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-07 14:56:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-04-07 14:54:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-07 14:54:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-04-07 14:53:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He sounds quite awesome
I always warn my wife now that any kids we have will be subjected to this type of thing regularly. She thinks I'm just joking around with her, but years from now it will be touted as fair warning.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-07 14:52:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2005-04-07 14:52:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Who's crazy? ZING BITCH I ZINGED YOUR CRAPPY TITLE GOOD
http://stuff.ubersite.com/111289665113974954/1/happytobealive.JPG
