I Believe - The Sports Edition (1059 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: sports
Rating: 1.64 on 33 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tom Sorrell - sorrelltr.at.hotmail.com (View user info) at 2005-04-07 14:58:16 EDT
I believe that The Red Sox won the World Series because I left Maine six months earlier just like Ohio State waited to win a national championship until I had moved from Ohio.
I believe that the Sox letting Orlando Cabrera go and signing Edgar Renteria to take his place was like trading in a 1988 Honda Accord for a 1989 Honda Accord and paying an extra three-thousand dollars to do so.
I believe that unless the Sox make a trade, there's no way they're beating the Yankees in a seven game series. They simply don't have the pitching staff to match up. When Jarett Wright is your fifth starter, you know you have a deep staff (ha ha... deep staff). The only two starters I feel comfortable with for the Sox are Schilling and Wakefield when his knuckle is working. The other three (Wells, Clement, Arroyo)... I just don't see it.
I believe that the fans at Opening Day for the Reds need a fucking reality check for chanting "Who's your daddy?" at Pedro. Seriously, what did that even accomplish? He got angry and struck out TWELVE batters. Way to go, idiots. Let me say this now: THE ONLY FANS WHO CAN CHANT THAT AT PEDRO ARE FROM NEW YORK AND WEAR BLUE HATS WITH PINSTRIPED JERSEYS. Honestly, anyone else chanting that at him is the baseball equivalent of taunting Mike Tyson after he lost to Holifield. Yea, he lost, but he can still kick YOUR ass, so just be quiet and save yourself from getting a beat down.
I believe that the upcoming Cincinnati Bengals draft will go something like this:
Commissioner Tagliabue:
"And with the 17th pick in the 2005 draft, the Cincinnati Bengals select: CHRIS PERRY?"
Chris Berman:
"What? They drafted him last year! Oh those crazy Bengals and their shenanigans! Let's send it down now to Ron Jaworski who is standing by with Bengals' Head Coach, Marvin Lewis."
Ron Jaworski:
"Thanks Chris. Marvin, what were you thinking taking Chris Perry, a player who you drafted last season and is already on your team?"
Marvin:
"He was the top player on our board last year Ron, and he was still the top player on our board this year. We love this guy. He can catch and block, he's fast, he has great hip movement, and he can eat more hotdogs in a five-minute span than anyone but that Japanese guy. We're thrilled with this pick."
Ron:
"But Marvin, he's already on your team."
Marvin:
"Yea, we know. We just really like him and we feel he's the best value at this point in the draft. We wanted to go with Boseephus Jones, the wide receiver from St. Rita's School for the Deaf, but we didn't want to reach to the first round for him."
Ron:
"Boseephus Jones? He's not even on any other team's draft board... In fact, I've never heard of him until you just mentioned his name."
Marvin:
"Maybe not Ron, but he's very high on our board and we REALLY like him. We'll probably take him in the second round if he's available."
Ron:
"Well Marvin, I have a feeling you're going to get your guy. From the Bengals war room, I'm Ron Jaworski. Back to you, Boomer."
Chris Berman:
"Thanks Jaws, for that... interesting report. Let's send it over now to Mel Kiper Jr. who has a report on Chris Perry."
Mel Kiper Jr.:
"I TOLD YOU MEGA-HOLD RAVE HAIRSPRAY! NOT SUPER HOLD! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? CAN'T YOU EVEN BUY THE RIGHT HAIRSPRAY YOU INCOMPETENT IDIOT? I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GOING TO TAKE THIS PEN AND SHOVE IT IN YOUR.... What? I'm on the air? Oh... um, ok... the Bengals took Chris Perry, right.... Wait, Chris Perry? Am I reading this right? Boomer, this is from last year!"
Chris:
"Actually Mel, they drafted him again. You know the Bengals..."
Mel:
"I don't even have any video for him anymore... I mean, I don't have anything about him. No notes, no video, no interview... nothing. I can tell you about Ronnie Brown or Cedric Benson, but Perry? Can't do it, sorry. Back to you, Chris."
Chris:
"Well we tried to get video from the 2004 season, but apparently Perry was injured the entire year, so all we have is this photograph of him in a cast. There you go Cincinnati fans... your 2005 draft pick: Chris Perry. Let's take it back to the commissioner."
I believe the Bengals will surprise everyone and win their division (even after their draft faux pas) if they end up signing Jamie Sharper in the next few months. Let's be honest, there's no way Pittsburgh is repeating if Cincy has a better defense up the middle.
I believe Ohio State's toughest game of the season will be on the road at Penn State in October. Why not Texas or Iowa? Simple: It's a night game, and Ohio State has lost the last two night games they have played away from home (to Wisconsin and Northwestern, respectively). Plus, PSU always plays us tough anyway, and according to Spooner, their defense is "teh roxkz."
I believe Ohio State is one of two teams this year. Team One is an explosive team who will score a lot of points and keep their defense off the field, thus keeping them fresh so they can dominate opposing offenses. This team is top 5... possibly even national championship material.
Team Two can't run the ball, can't throw the ball, makes mistakes entirely too often, can not sustain a drive longer than 60 yards, and can not convert a first down longer than seven yards. This team's defense will be on the field entirely too much, which will result in them getting tired and missing tackles, blowing assignments, and making various mental errors. This team is 8-4 at best.
Team one is quarterbacked by Troy Smith while team two is quarterbacked by Justin Zwick.
As of now, Zwick (for some Godforsaken reason) is #1 on the depth chart. Smith is suspended for a game, but if he doesn't start against Texas, we lose. Period. We have no running game to speak of unless one of the kids (Haw, Pittman, Wells) steps up, and I don't see that happening with Zwick under center. The defenses can stack the box with eight or nine players and force Zwick to throw, something that he does not do well in my opinion. He throws an ugly ball, he makes bad decisions, and he locks onto receivers too often. Plus, he has happy feet in the pocket.
I believe Ohio State's defense has the potential to be the best I've ever seen, with NINE starters returning and Ted Ginn playing some in the defensive secondary.
I believe Ted Ginn junior will be invited to NYC for the Heisman presentation, along with Reggie Bush, Matt Leinart, Adrian Peterson, and Tyler Palko (Pitt's QB).
I believe the NBA Finals will be Miami vs. Phoenix and no one outside those two cities will pay any attention (which is a shame because Phoenix is VERY fun to watch).
I believe Tiger Woods or Vijay Singh is going to win the Masters this week... if they ever get to tee off.
User Reviews
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-04-10 05:39:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know a bunch about college football. Seriously, whatever you would have me write - conference previews, game previews/analyses, random garbage about anything in NCAA football news - is perfect.
AsshOly has lost its novelty. It was funny two years ago when it was made up. I wanted to change it a long time ago to just Oly but that would mean losing my earlier work.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-08 08:20:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yea, if you know anything about college football I'd love to have you write something, the only catch is you have to use a more um... civilized name than AsshOly. heh
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-04-08 04:24:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-07 16:59:19 (#)
Ranking: 1
Fuck...I was ready to auto -2 but this wasn't horrible, even though you mocked out my buddy Marvin (Part time Island resident).
I bet on Goosen to win this week at a very nice price- for him, anyway.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You mean if Retief actually wakes up in time to tee off, that is.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-04-08 04:08:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i believe this is all jibberish to me.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-04-08 03:51:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I believe that the era of the dynasty team is gone for every sport. A dynasty team does not just win a lot of championships. Their players don't just win individual acclaim. The team grows together and becomes something more than just a team that wins a lot of titles.
I believe that hockey will never be the same again.
I believe that I should watch more baseball than I currently do.
I believe that every league will have steroid problems. As long as there are multi-million dollar contracts, there will be people looking for the easiest way in. Because once you're in, you're set for life if you don't blow it all on booze, hookers and a rock and roll lifestyle.
I believe that Sidney Crosby's career will not live up to expectations because the expectations set for him are even too high for Gretzky to reach. People are expecting him to save the sport. That's like handing him a ladle to bail out water on the Titanic. It's going to go down and take it with him.
I believe that the Boston Red Sox World Series win was one of the greatest days in sports history. It was a team blowing it's load after being blue-balled for a long fucking time.
I believe that lacrosse does not get enough coverage.
I believe that following college sports in Canada takes a lot of determination. Following American College sports is difficult because you only get a whiff of the coverage. And to follow a Canadian college or university team, you either have to be on the team or the school's mascot.
I believe that women's leagues will never be mainstream.
I believe that a sports addiction could be just as deadly as serious drugs. You live for your team. You think you're a part of your team. When your team loses, you can't function. When they win, you can't function because you're so excited. Living your life through the eyes of professional athletes who don't give two shits about you isn't healthy. Being a fan is one thing; being a fanatic is another.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-04-08 03:05:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, I really wouldnt mind writing for your site. If youre serious about the offer, email me at olyjr2001.at.sbcglobal.net when it is up and running.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-04-08 00:49:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This Masters will be good.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-04-07 17:28:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#1 'I believe' = Bull Durham
#2 =
I don't believe in superstars,
Organic food and foreign cars.
I don't believe the price of gold;
The certainty of growing old.
That right is right and left is wrong,
That north and south can't get along.
That east is east and west is west.
And being first is always best.
But I believe in love.
I believe in babies.
I believe in Mom and Dad.
And I believe in you.
Well, I don't believe that heaven waits,
For only those who congregate.
I like to think of God as love:
He's down below, He's up above.
He's watching people everywhere.
He knows who does and doesn't care.
And I'm an ordinary man,
Sometimes I wonder who I am.
But I believe in love.
I believe in music.
I believe in magic.
And I believe in you.
Well, I know with all my certainty,
What's going on with you and me,
Is a good thing.
It's true, I believe in you.
I don't believe virginity,
Is as common as it used to be.
In working days and sleeping nights,
That black is black and white is white.
That Superman and Robin Hood,
Are still alive in Hollywood.
That gasoline's in short supply,
The rising cost of getting by.
But I believe in love.
I believe in old folks.
I believe in children.
I believe in you.
But I believe in love.
I believe in babies.
I believe in Mom and Dad.
And I believe in you.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-07 16:59:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Fuck...I was ready to auto -2 but this wasn't horrible, even though you mocked out my buddy Marvin (Part time Island resident).
I bet on Goosen to win this week at a very nice price- for him, anyway.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-04-07 16:51:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds good. Just remind me and I'll be all for it.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-07 16:49:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks AsshOly. You know, when I get the site going, I'm probably going to have special columns written by others. You could be one of those people if you're a big football fan.
Spooner, you're definitely one of those people. Before the PSU game, I'd like to have a chat with you and post it on the site, then you could write an article about the upcoming game.
I'd like to do that with one of you Iowa fans as well. This could be a blast.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2005-04-07 16:44:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gotta love the sports edition
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-04-07 16:38:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I believe Ohio State's toughest game of the season will be on the road at Penn State in October. Why not Texas or Iowa? Simple: It's a night game, and Ohio State has lost the last two night games they have played away from home (to Wisconsin and Northwestern, respectively). Plus, PSU always plays us tough anyway, and according to Spooner, their defense is "teh roxkz."
---
I believe my exact phrase was "teh pwnz."
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-04-07 16:37:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was so excited to review that I forgot to give a rating.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-04-07 16:36:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoops.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-04-07 16:27:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I believe that The Red Sox won the World Series...
>< Move to Chicago, permanently, so neither of these teams ever win a World Series again.
I believe that the Sox letting Orlando Cabrera go and signing Edgar Renteria...
>< The difference is Renteria is a competent baseball player.
I believe that unless the Sox make a trade, there's no way they're beating the Yankees in a seven game series. They simply don't have the pitching staff...
>< Not that any team would ever use a fifth starter in ANY seven game series, right? Wells is a hell of a pitcher until proven otherwise, and when Clement is on, he is unhittable. The Yankees have a better rotation, but not by much.
I believe that the fans at Opening Day for the Reds need a fucking reality check for chanting "Who's your daddy?" at Pedro...
>< Agreed.
I believe that the upcoming Cincinnati Bengals draft will go something like this...
>< Haha, that sounds about right.
I believe the Bengals will surprise everyone and win their division...
>< I believe they will make the playoffs as a Wild Card. Losing Kendrell Bell was a dagger for the Steelers but that defense is still one of the league's best and the Bengals will need more than Jamie Sharper to make that claim. The Ravens have a better defense than anybody else in football, again, and despite the complete lack of talent at the skill positions on offense (save for Jamal Lewis) and the fact that I hate them, they are my pick to take the division.
I believe Ohio State's toughest game of the season will be on the road at Penn State in October...
>< I have lost faith completely in PSU's ability to field a competent football team. I think that, like always, it will be Michigan.
I believe Ohio State is one of two teams this year...
>< Yup. As a Wisconsin fan, I know who I'm pulling for to start.
I believe Ohio State's defense has the potential to be the best I've ever seen, with NINE starters returning and Ted Ginn playing some in the defensive secondary...
>< Ted Ginn was recruited as a cornerback, was he not? Remember when Chris Gamble went both ways for OSU and was considered the best football player in the country by everybody? Yeah, Ted Ginn.
I believe Ted Ginn junior will be invited to NYC for the Heisman presentation, along with Reggie Bush, Matt Leinart, Adrian Peterson, and Tyler Palko (Pitt's QB).
>< I dont think so. I think it will be unnecessary to invite anybody besides Peterson, but I am looking for Chris Leak and Vince Young instead of Palko and Ginn. He will be deserving, I believe, but so was Gamble.
I believe the NBA Finals will be Miami vs. Phoenix and no one outside those two cities will pay any attention (which is a shame because Phoenix is VERY fun to watch).
>< I think as long as Shaquille O'neal is playing, people will pay attention.
I believe Tiger Woods or Vijay Singh is going to win the Masters this week... if they ever get to tee off.
>< Singh will take it before Tiger does.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-04-07 16:23:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I believe Michigan sucks my asshole.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-07 16:20:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You college football people will have to check out my new site when I get it up and running. It will be mostly ALL Ohio State football with a little general NFL and NCAA thoughts mixed in.
www.thebucknut.com
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-04-07 16:12:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yay! ohio
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-04-07 16:11:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I believe that OSU sucks.
I believe that you don't like it when I say that.
I believe I'm going to sneak out of work early
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-04-07 16:11:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAH....great retort there.
yes, ted ginn sucks the penii of every donkey within a 8 mile radius of columbus. he gets off on it. he actually told a reporter once, "yeah, dat donkey cum makes me run wit da ball fastuh. if i's don get da donkey semen in me at leas' fitty minutes befo' da game, i don think i can play so good."
Yeah.
That's all true.
Ted Ginn smokes the donkey pole.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-07 16:00:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm attempting to remain calm... did you just say the words, "Ted Ginn suck donkey dick"?
Do not make me kill you. Ginn is the most exciting player I have EVER seen since I started watching OSU. That includes Galloway, Glenn, George, Wiley, Boston, etc...
I would give him head to keep in at Ohio State for four years. Odds are he'll be gone early.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-04-07 15:48:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ted Gin sucks donkey dick.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-07 15:37:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh! FIGHT!!!!
FIGHT!!! FIGHT!!! FIGHT!!!
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-04-07 15:31:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-07 15:13:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-04-07 15:06:55 (#)
Ranking: -1
I believe I wasn't interested.
Is it just me or does anyone else think this fuck wad is a douche bag. Here's a clue for you columbo, don't click on the post if your not interested. And seeing as how this isnt a post about shlongy you can wack it to then dont click it fuck loaf.
Heres a +2 do offset dick for brains -1.
-------------
What does all that bullshit mean. I clicked because it was posted for all to see, I read it and unfortunately found it rather boring. I happen to like a lot of Tom Sorrell's work and therefore tend to keep an eye out for his posts. If I didn't like it, I didn't like it.
My philosophy Fuckwitnelson is that if you take the time to read it, you should then take the time to review it. If your decision is to review it negitavely then you should give a reason why. I know you don't like me because there are a lot of -2 no comment reviews in my posts from you. This automatically suggests that you are a gutless retard and can't give a reason why you rated it negatively.
Does this enlighten you a bit fuckwit... If you are so offended by anti-Shlongy banter, perhaps you should seperate your mouth from his cock for 5 seconds and create a Shlongy-love post. Fuck you!!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-04-07 15:23:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for this:
"I believe Ohio State's toughest game of the season will be on the road at Penn State in October."
Signed,
A PSU alumni
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-04-07 15:18:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I believe that UNC WON THE NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP
WOOOOO
and I don't really follow baseball so there's that
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-04-07 15:18:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh...and the masters...i give it to that amateur kid.
UPSET!
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-07 15:13:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-04-07 15:06:55 (#)
Ranking: -1
I believe I wasn't interested.
Is it just me or does anyone else think this fuck wad is a douche bag. Here's a clue for you columbo, don't click on the post if your not interested. And seeing as how this isnt a post about shlongy you can wack it to then dont click it fuck loaf.
Heres a +2 do offset dick for brains -1.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-04-07 15:07:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I believe that the Sox letting Orlando Cabrera go and signing Edgar Renteria to take his place was like trading in a 1988 Honda Accord for a 1989 Honda Accord and paying an extra three-thousand dollars to do so.
-
Orlando Cabrera is an excellent short stop, he can hit, steal and is terrific defensively. In fantasy leagues alone he's a top 5 SS.
I believe the NBA Finals will be Miami vs. Phoenix and no one outside those two cities will pay any attention (which is a shame because Phoenix is VERY fun to watch).
I believe Tiger Woods or Vijay Singh is going to win the Masters this week... if they ever get to tee off.
-
Way to go out on a limb on those two.
ps. Steve Nash for MVP!
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-04-07 15:06:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I believe I wasn't interested.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-04-07 15:04:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
with baseball anything can happen. randy johnson might punch a wall...clement might find nasty stuff...you never know
that said, the sox are in a good position should they need trades at the deadline. hanley ramirez is a great chip to bargain with, and now that varitek signed the long term deal, shopach is expendable, too.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-07 15:01:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I believe I just farted.