Pretty White Kids With Problems -or- Catharsis Just How You Like It...Long and Hard (1636 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 0.88 on 33 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by David Jones <davjones.at.iastate.edu> (View user info) at 2005-04-08 05:14:33 EDT
This is an extremely long post about something extremely uninteresting. Namely my life.
You've been warned.
Oh, and if I've been a cunt to you lately be sure to tag me with a -2 here so it doesn't look like retaliation when you dig up year old posts. Thanks.
I like to think that I am a reasonable person. I am a logic person. When I am presented with a problem, I solve it. In four weeks I'll be a junior at Iowa State University. Economics major with a math minor. I plan on going to grad school all the way to my PhD and my grades are good enough for me to go wherever I want when the time comes.
I was a late bloomer in high school, generally trapped behind a nerd label. Being 5'6" 120 pounds doesn't really make you into a big ladies man, but I put in the hours starting freshman year. Sophomore year I converted myself from nerd to jock. 15 pounds of additional muscle let me play JV football at wing and cornerback, make the basketball team, and run state times in the 800m for track. I can't really say I was terribly good, but I was at least respected.
I got my first date late in that year, 3 weeks before prom. She was a fairly attractive junior, and 3 weeks later I was taking her to the dance. Prom did how proms do, and 3 weeks after my first kiss I lost my virginity. We broke up shortly after that. It wasn't until later I found out she was a huge slut and I was number 9. At least, 9 by 17 is pretty slutty in my opinion. Anyway, the experience gave me a newfound confidence in myself. Confidence I would apply later at my new job.
My new job had a whole line of workers called register girls...what could be better than a schedule full of girls whose sole duty was to look cute and sell tickets? My first day on the job I swiped a dozen chocolate chip cookies and a chocolate milkshake from Hardee's, my old employer, and quickly made friends with my new coworkers.
I met her for the second time that day, although the first was a brief chat of no consequence. She was short, had a cute face, and an attractive full body. All qualities I enjoy. I sadly ran out of cookies right before getting to her, but I relinquished my beloved chocolate shake at her pretty pouting eyes.
A week later we went on our first date. We saw a movie...I saved the ticket stub, but I can't remember what it was, and since it went well we went on to eat dinner at Chili's. It was cold in Chili's, and to this day I thank the managers for that. Mmmm...nipples. Anyway, after everything went well, we decided that we would upgrade our status to officially dating, although to this day I swear terms for relationship status are overrated.
We continued dating through my junior (her senior) year. It was a good run for both of as, as we taught each other what to do in bed. She had a couple guys before me, citing her own sophomore year as a mistake, but I really didn't care. I loved her.
I had taken every class of consequence at my high school at this point, and graduated a year early. Having decided that we were both far too in love to break up over a little thing like college we spent the summer blissfully in bed together.
Freshman year had its problems, but that's to be expected when a couple lives 2 hours apart at rival colleges. (Fuck the Hawks) We even broke up at one point over a break, but it lasted maybe 10 hours before we called each other to make things right. First loves die hard.
Summer came again, and we fell right back into our old patterns...Sex, sleep, eat, sex, sex, sleep. Some would say we spent too much time together, but we felt like making up for lost time during the school year.
That brings us to this year. We started this school year off with our second anniversary, and we were going right along until recently. One night a month ago we got to talking about our futures.
I have 6 more years of college, and then plan to travel. With a doctorate of economics you can work pretty much wherever you wish. She has 1.5 years of college left. She wants to come get an apartment with me and support me/us until I finished college...when of course we would get married and have children (2).
These two futures are pretty dissimilar. I've never wanted to have children. I know this is a common sentiment among young males in general, but I have what I feel are pretty valid reasons.
Growing up I never met my biological father. He was in prison for cocaine from the time I was 2 until 12, and although he's wanted to meet me a time or two, I've always felt like someone who put cocaine in front of me isn't worth my time. Todd adopted me at age 4. At 7 he and my mom divorced, and since then I've become intimately acquainted with the term "deadbeat dad." From the age of 7 to 10 Dad could do no wrong. I believed in him. It didn't matter how long I sat on the porch waiting for him, I knew he would come visit me when he said he would.
It wasn't until the 100th or so time of me falling asleep crying on the porch Mom could convince me he wouldn't be coming.
I don't want to be a father because I don't believe I have what it takes to be a good one.
I grew up dirt poor. I have lived in an 8 thousand dollar trailer next to a meth lab. I've woken up in apartments to cockroaches crawling on my arm. I've huddled in bed with my little brother trying to stay warm as the insides of our windows grew an inch of ice in the bitter Iowa winter.
I've resolved to myself that I would never be poor again, and since then I've always put my prospective career in front of anything else. I don't want to miss my kid's important events because of business meetings. I don't want to be the cliche who tells his son he will be at the game and then at the last minute has to take a phone call and catch a flight out of the country. I don't want to ever make anyone feel like I felt on that porch, and I'm afraid I would put my career first making this me.
We broke up that night because we didn't feel like our futures went together. This is probably somewhat true, but the more honest I am with myself the more I realize my breaking it off with her has more to it than my childhood fears and lifelong goals.
I'm afraid of commitment. Having only slept with two people, only kissed two people, and only dated two people ever I'm afraid that if I stay with her I'll become bitter that I never tried anything else out. At the same time I know I love her. I don't know if I will ever find another person that makes me feel like she does. I'm afraid I'll never be as happy as I could have been if I were to stay with her.
During this last month we've stayed in contact as good friends. We've talked on AIM or the phone nearly every night. We got together over spring break, and again last week going to dinner, watching movies, and having sex. She's told me she wants us to get back together.
I honestly am not sure what I want, and so I've taken this time to just relax. I've kept things simple, and enjoyed what we currently have. Today I've found out things may not stay like this for very much longer.
We used to have plans to see each other next weekend. It turns out she has a date next Wednesday. She seems fairly excited about it. Her friends' say she wants to go out and have fun without thinking about me. That she may want to have a rebound guy and move on with her life. She has canceled plans with me, assuming the date goes well, because this guy, whom is little more than a blind date, invited her to come out that weekend.
I'm pretty hurt by this. Things between us this last month seemed to be good, and I figured I had more than just one month to figure things out after 30 months of a deeply committed relationship. The way she ran the idea past me it just strikes me that she's giving me my last chance. I feel like if I don't step up now I may never be given the opportunity again.
I'm at a loss. I have an opinion on everything, and something to say about anything and everything, but for maybe the first time I am at a complete loss. I'm not sure why things turned out this way, but I have less than a week to perhaps decide my future with her.
It doesn't help that her date is our very own A.J. Cassidy or polymorousAJ as you probably know him. The idea of reading about her on Uber later sends jolts of emotion through me. I think AJ is a pretty nice guy, and I'm not one for violence, but it really makes me feel like I could and would snap him in half.(although I think he'd still be taller than me)
I'm not really sure what the point of this is, or if anyone is still reading...I just needed to write it all down. I'm frustrated. I'm scared. I'm hurt.
Someone hold me.
User Reviews
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2008-01-18 07:06:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
motherfucker you didn't love this bitch.
also, your 'reasons' for not wanting to be a dad are piss-poor excuses. if you wanted to be a good father, you would. either say you don't really WANT to be that good of a parent, that it doesn't matter to you, or admit that you're just too selfish to have kids right now. either way be honest, not using this 'i'd be bad and it wouldn't be my fault, waaaaah' bullshit
third, if you were talking with her for a full goddamn MONTH and you *STILL* wanted more time to mull over it, you deserve to have gained nothing from it. that's just fucking lazy.
and finally, you didn't make a move. so don't complain about her getting tired of waiting for you to do so. you say "I honestly am not sure what I want, and so I've taken this time to just relax. I've kept things simple, and enjoyed what we currently have." oh? well no shit you dumbfuck, you're getting all the attention without putting in any of the work. why buy the milk, etc. you didn't love this bitch. pull your dick out of your ass and suck it up
and yeah, i do know how old this is.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-01-18 05:16:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BWUAHAHAHA!
That's funny as fuck.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-04-13 16:59:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
get your best friend and take an emergency trip to vegas.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-04-11 02:47:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
For fuck's sakee, am i only person here that got past this stage by 15 in order to start fucking strangers by my High school senior year. Fucking come on. Get out and fuck sluts, it makes my life excellent and stress free, but you probably won't listen...
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2005-04-11 02:10:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-04-08 12:49:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
HA HA Aj stole your woman!
---
AJ's not stealing your woman dude. It's not like you can sit down with another person and concretely plan out a future. You can commit and hope for the best, but shit happens. If you at least know you want to be with the other person, that's all you can hold onto really. And of course, even that falls through. The whole 'other opportunities' thing is bullshit, either you're satisfied with a person or you're not. There will always be other people out there capable of making you happy, but if you like what you've got it's all pretty pointless. Dating is the most shallow exercise in futility ever and will probably only serve as a reminder of why you're with what's-her-face. Yes, I am jaded, stfu.
Submitted by MJP (user info) at 2005-04-08 18:04:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Yeah, it's gonna suck like that for a while.
Welcome to a big-ass life lesson.
My advice: have a jax0r, have six beers, cry it out, puke it out, and feel better in the morning.
It's Friday night and you're in college. Make the most of it.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-04-08 14:46:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wow AJ didnt even let the bed get cold first, eh?
What a class A guy!
You don't deserve her anyway, you don't appreciate her, you've been talking about breaking up with her forever.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-04-08 13:34:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay, if you are for real here, then you get my two cents -
You've talked with your ex about the two of you eventually getting married. I think that is significant. It means that YOU have thought along those lines. Mostly, guys your age don't.
I did. And I married my high-school sweet-heart.
But usually, that doesn't happen.
That makes me think that maybe your relationship is a good one. Possibly one worth fighting to keep.
"BUT," you say, "our plans for our lives are so different."
Yeah. THey are. But here's the deal. Your still in undergrad. Don't take this the wrong way, but you don't know shit about what you want yet. You only think you do.
Not that there's anything wrong with that. I went to law school because I thought I wanted to be some rich and powerful attorney. I wanted power, money and respect and I was damned sure going to get them.
But a lot of shit happened to me during law school that made me re-think my perspective. Things that made me realize what is really important in life. Money can't buy happiness. Sure, it can make things a lot easier, but it can't fulfill you the way the right person can.
I look now at my friends from law school, who signed on with big firms, who went exactly where I thought I wanted to go when I started out. Those guys are busting their asses to make partner, working 60-80 hours a week. They are now making a hell of a lot more money than me, but they are miserable. They have no lives outside of work. They've sold themselves out.
Is that the life you want?
I know you think you have nothing to offer children, but that might be exactly what would make you a good parent. Knowing what NOT to do is a lot more information than many parents have when they start out.
I guess what it all boils down to, is that your "plans" sound very similar to the ones I had at your age, but my life sure didn't end up going the way I planned.
And I am quite thankful for that.
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2005-04-08 13:09:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not trying to throw salt; these are just the facts as I see them. When I wrote this I was just writing to feel better...didn't really consider anything in it to be something I shouldn't comment on because it's my life, but I guess maybe divulging that she's not a virgin and I'm not the only guy ever to sleep with her may be somewhat wrong.
Too late now I suppose, but I don't think it's something she's ashamed of (nor do I think she should be) so whatever.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-04-08 12:53:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh god that last review was so mean of me... but seriously... Only on uber could this happen.
I mean, it's just weird.
Aj isn't much of a trash talker on uber when it comes to dates he's been on, so don't worry about that... he's a pretty moral and upstanding citizen.
Does she KNOW that you told all of Uber how many people she's slept with? And are you trying to throw salt at aj by telling us that she said she needed a rebound?
Anyway, pain sucks, sorry I was mean in my last review, go find a jar of mayo and stick your penis in it, it'll make you feel better.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-04-08 12:49:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HA HA Aj stole your woman!
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2005-04-08 11:43:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is 100% true by the way. Down to the very last detail.
I actually wish I were bullshitting you, but fact is I'm not. Is it really so hard to believe that two people in the 20 something range both living close to Iowa University could have mutual friends set them up? It's a small world, and Iowa is smaller yet.
No shenanigans involved.
Submitted by Jay_Bassman (user info) at 2005-04-08 11:18:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-04-08 06:13:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe it's just me, but I find these insights into other people's lives fascinating. Probably because my own life is so unremarkable.
----------------------
Oh, and get back with her.
Submitted by hoojAmAphut (user info) at 2005-04-08 09:45:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Jealousy is an ugly thing, eh? My advice is try to work things out with her.. she's a dog.. but then again I guess that makes you a super dog.. I doubt you'll do better.. gj
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-08 09:10:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And here's my advice: Let it go. Do what you want to do with your life, travel to Europe, travel to Asia, have sex with a Singapore prostitute, do whatever you have to do to live with no regrets.
You will meet other girls. All that sentimental bullshit movies have drilled into our brains. Be selfish, God Damn it. I'm not even being facetious, I'm 100% serious about that.
It will be hard, but you'll get through it. A trip to Vegas might help you. Vegas, baby! Vegas.
Just remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas... except STDs. You take those with you.
Submitted by bigbabylons (user info) at 2005-04-08 09:01:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mrwolf you just made me spit soup all over my laptop, cheers you wanker
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-04-08 08:55:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
So... you wanted to break up, but now that she's going out with someone else (AJ? HAHAHAHAHAHA) you don't want to break up anymore? Grow up, man. She wants kids and you don't. Let her go.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-04-08 08:53:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd have a lot to say about this if I thought you were on the up-and-up.
How much of this is bullshit?
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-04-08 08:50:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You put yourself in the 5'6" range. She's much shorter than you.
That puts her face right about the same height as the Jolly Pale Giant's dick. Sounds like Blowjob Central. Let's hope he posts that story.
Now shut the fuck up.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-08 08:48:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I propose we just blow up all of Iowa University and forget it ever existed.
Go Bucks!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-04-08 08:35:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit.
I was reading along, thinking "blog, blog, I kind of feel bad for the guy, blog, blog, he just broke up with his girl, blog, blog". Then...
You throw AJ into the mix.
I propose this solution:
You + AJ + lots of Jagermeister.
Two man enter. One man leave.
I dunno.
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-04-08 07:35:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
p.s. call the pound and have them offer some hospice to that dog you've taken under your arm.
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-04-08 07:34:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you poor, poor, man. god, you feel so alone. so seperate. there's no hope for you to find that one person who's "just like you", is there? god, after all that suffering and self-examination... it was all a lie. i'm sorry. (ps lose the broad or you'll wish you had. no explanation needed).
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-04-08 06:39:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shennany-Tranny-Flanni-Granny-Khani-Fanny-Dhali-SillySally-dillydally-scallywaggigans
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-04-08 06:38:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nicely written story. thought it was true till the end.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2005-04-08 06:31:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm not really sure how to feel about this.
There are two aspects of it really. The first one is the you-and-her relationship angle. As far as that, I understand where you're coming from, but you also don't really have a leg to stand on. You don't want to be in a relationship with her right now but you also don't want her to move on with her life? Maybe SHE is hurt and scared and pissed off and all that good stuff because you guys have the potential for a good thing going on, but you will not allow it to just go ahead and see what happens. You can't have it both ways. Be with her or don't. You can't just expect her to wait around for you. And like I say, I completely understand where you're coming from. But I've been where she fits in in this equation, with some guy not being ready even though there's potential for something great, and it fucking sucks, dude.
The second aspect of this post, to me, is the disclosure that she's going on a date with AJ. If it's bullshit, it could be an inside joke or honesty and either way, eh. Inside jokes don't concern me on here unless I get them; there are just too many people to try and understand all of the jokes. But if it's not a nudge-nudge-wink-wink kind of thing, then it kind of bothers me, because it's not really your business to disclose that. It sucks for you, sure, but that doesn't mean you can just toss it out on here like a bulletin on AJ's romantic life.
*shrug*
It was decently written, I just had mixed feelings about the subject matter.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-04-08 06:13:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe it's just me, but I find these insights into other people's lives fascinating. Probably because my own life is so unremarkable.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-04-08 06:07:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shennanigans... I'm sorry but what are the odds of AJ being the guy that your girl goes on a blind date with... who set the date up? Bart? Will Method be the waiter at the restaraunt? Will JMG114 happen to be on a Jdate at the table across from them, where the UK Ubercon might just call up out of the blue to talk drunken rubbish where Apollo has allowed shandythedog to fly from Oz to stay at his pad so we could all have a massive get together in honour of Munkeypants' birthday.
This is blatant nonsense poopy-pants. And I'm not happy that I sat through the whole thing thinking it ws a serious post.
On the other hand have a plus2, just because.
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2005-04-08 05:31:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That was pretty damn funny.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-04-08 05:25:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2005-04-08 05:23:59 (#)
Ranking: 0
Somebody shoot you
and that was funny
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-04-08 05:24:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
whoa do you an AJ live in the same town or something?
you're too young to be settling down man. while I'm not preaching "go out and fuck everything on 2 legs" you should at least enjoy college while you can.
yeah it's good to study, but this is the last time society lets you act like a kid. After this, 9-5 m-f.
Guess what I'm saying is, if it's meant to be, it'll happen.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2005-04-08 05:23:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Somebody shoot you
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2005-04-08 05:16:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow this is long.
Feel free to AIM me at DaveJones1986, I can't sleep anyway.