Maybe I'll get positive reviews because this isn't a bandwagon post! (747 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.4 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Freakmagnet (View user info) at 2005-04-08 23:22:10 EDT
Come on, get up, get down with the random.
Like most of America, I love pornography. This isn't about that though it is about my love of
pirates. I love pirates with a passion normally reserved for Clementine oranges. What I don't
love are carrots. I also don't like what society has done to the great pirates of yesteryear.
Pirates lived for about 40 years and they killed, stole, pillaged, plundered, kidnapped and ate
small children the whole fucking time. Pirates bled rum and pissed blood (not because they
suffered from inflammation of the urethra but because they were bad asses.) They were not
charming, and witty, and good-looking. Nor did they swerve around like an intoxicated rock-star.
Remember that scene in the beginning of Pirates of the Carribean when the little girl finds the
little boy and he was passed out. He wakes up says something cute and then passes out after she
steals his pimpin' medallioin. If that kid were really a pirate it would have happened
differently. He would have noticed his medallion was gone right away. He would have strangled
the bitch that stole it and threw her overboard. Then he would have morphed his hand into a sword
and killed everyone on the ship...twice. After that he would have single handedly sailed the ship
and defeated the Spanish Armada, despite the fact that it was sunk 200 years prior. After that he
would sail into Tortuga and father several thousand illegitimate children before returning to sea
for some more plundering.
This article thingy might seem harsh, exaggerated, paranoid, or a product of unhealthy
amounts of carbon monoxide in my room, but you've been warned. Hardees is the most
dangerous fast food joint in America. While the rest of the world is worried about its health,
Hardees continues to get bigger, stronger, and fatter. Macdonald's introduces "Mcsalad" as
a "healthy" alternative to the usual fast food garbage. How does Hardees respond? It Mcfucks
them in their Mcass and introduces the Twelve Pound Burger! The Twelve Pound Burger is the future
of nourishment, with 67,000 calories it could feed all of Ethiopia for 6 years, or one American
male for six hours. The Twelve Pound Burger pulls out all the stops, it has four 100% whole Angus
beef patties, bacon, a pork loin, and a rack or ribs, all crammed in between two pieces of grilled
sourdough bread with enough ketchup, mustard, and onions to gag a...umm...something that is hard to
gag. It also has mushrooms, six different kind of cheeses (including one that was created by
Hardees and is not yet approved by the FDA), and if you decide to go healthy you can have a tomato...
if you're a pussy. The Twelve Pound Burger comes with a 55-gallon drum of ultra-sweet Iced-tea,
four dozen onion rings, an IV tube for your BBQ sauce, and an Iron Lung. You won't be able to
move, let alone breathe properly after eating this thing. The Twelve pound burger is $3.75, but
for an extra quarter you can biggie size that motherfucker. Don't even ask about that.
User Reviews
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-04-11 11:10:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Urgh
Submitted by canadia (user info) at 2005-04-11 10:57:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hardee's is the devil!
there, now we all know.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-04-11 10:48:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Atrocious.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-09 21:18:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
double spacing sucks ass but pirates are pretty cool
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2005-04-09 16:38:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Arrrrrghhhhh!!!! Yo-Ho-Ho and whatnot
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-09 06:51:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Double spacing makes me lose my place more than normal spacing. I don't know why, but it does.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-04-09 06:24:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
sort out the crazy spacing though.
Submitted by Adona (user info) at 2005-04-09 06:09:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Pretty good. Pirates rock and all. But double-spacing is lame.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-04-09 05:52:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Freakmagnet,
I really enjoyed your post. I found it amusing and creative. I must have missed something about ten websites ago, and I'm glad, because then I might be more skeptical regarding your creativity. Oh, wait! THAT website 10 websites ago! I'd completely forgotten about THAT website. Silly me. You uncreative motherfucker. Kidding. This is good stuff.
Ducky.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-04-09 05:26:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think people were too harsh, I thought it was funny... The pirate reference has killed it for you because Maddox uses it, which is unfortunate because I don;t think one man should haver the monopoly on how kick ass pirates are
Submitted by dwr_budr (user info) at 2005-04-09 04:44:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This shit was funny, somewhere around 10 websites ago.
Get creative, douchebag.
Submitted by Freakmagnet (user info) at 2005-04-09 00:32:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-04-09 00:25:56 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm going to skip over reviewing the content, which was decent, and go right onto the syntax:
- Double spacing is for professors who need to write in the margins. It's not a very readable format, in my opinion.
- For the love of God, stop copying text over from Notepad and just use MS Word already. Or, at the very least, use the natural wrap-around text feature in Notepad. Either that or you could just write in the little box on Ubersite that naturally wraps the text around so it gets to the edge of the page.
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I use Word. In the future i wont double space. But it does help me read it easier
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-04-09 00:25:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm going to skip over reviewing the content, which was decent, and go right onto the syntax:
- Double spacing is for professors who need to write in the margins. It's not a very readable format, in my opinion.
- For the love of God, stop copying text over from Notepad and just use MS Word already. Or, at the very least, use the natural wrap-around text feature in Notepad. Either that or you could just write in the little box on Ubersite that naturally wraps the text around so it gets to the edge of the page.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-04-09 00:18:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Maybe I'll get positive reviews because this isn't a bandwagon post!
--
No such luck.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-04-08 23:51:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by toga (user info) at 2005-04-08 23:47:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Random shit. Pretty funny though, keep up the......work.
Submitted by Freakmagnet (user info) at 2005-04-08 23:24:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
A little Maddox-esque. Sorry.