102) Emily's Return (1238 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.8 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Chronicles of the American Antichrist (View user info) at 2005-04-09 01:24:57 EDT
{See last week for more details: http://www.ubersite.com/m/63207 }
I gotta fuckin' keep my cool, I tell myself. This isn't real. It's all another bad trip.
"You slip something in my drink?" I smile. "Do you think that's fucking funny, Larry--putting acid in my Gatorade?"
Sitting in the chair beside me, I don't even see Larry anymore. There is only a girl, a girl that died...though, haven't we all? (http://www.ubersite.com/m/57893 ) There is only my dead cousin, my dead lover.
"I'm not Larry," she says, smirking. "It's me, Emily. I've come back for you."
I swallow hard and look forward. The steaming asphault is creating lots of mirages. This has to be another one. This has to be drugs, or Sun stroke, or just a killer's guilt. This is all smoke and mirrors, Sam. Emily died. She died on New Years. We were singing...singing about--
"Mexico," she laughs. "Are we finally gonna go or what, swee-pea?"
"Emily," I sigh calmly, trying to regain my senses, "would you care to explain how you're here and where Larry went?"
Just reason with the ghosts, Sam. Outsmart them. Expose them for the bits nothingness they are.
"Sam," she says, "do you understand the journey that you've been on these past few months? Can't you see what it all is?"
"No!" I scream out. "No, I don't see anything."
"Sam," she says, her brow tightening. "You're Overcoming."
I spent the last few weeks before Doctor Joyce's death cutting myself in the shadows, tripping out and cursing God (http://www.ubersite.com/m/61818 ). Maybe this is His revenge. Maybe I'm in fucking Hell.
"It was all part of the same trip," Emily says softly, like a mother. "The house you burnt down, the women you killed, James Dean and Johnny Cash, me dying and that prison they locked you in for a month...The Rapture, Sam."
"What was it all?!" I scream. The rage pulsing through me, burning like a hot torch in my veins, has been building up for months. "What is it all?"
Emily takes one of her hands from the steering wheel. She softly places it on my leg. Turning to me, she says, "Sam, you've been battling for your soul back. Do you remember giving it away?"
"Yes," I gulp. "I do."
...
FROM http://www.ubersite.com/m/54141
When I was a small boy, I used to talk to God and Satan. I once made a bet with the Devil over my soul. I lost the bet.
I didn't want to go to Hell—who does. So I asked God to save my soul. I asked Him to forgive me and get my soul back from Satan. The one thing that I could promise God was that I would never smoke cigarettes. Well, come high school, I was hooked. I broke my promise to God.
Now, every time I am sitting in solitude, inhaling the delicious blend of 200 poisons, all I can taste is my lie. All I can taste is my soul burning in Hell.
...
"You lost your soul," Emily smiles. "But you won it back. You gave yourself to the Void, but you fought for it. You stole the fire from God. You broke His laws. You declared your own self. They told you that you could never love, but you loved me, Sam. God told you to become one with Him; that's what the Rapture was about. God, the Void, the Collective tried to take you, Sam. You didn't let them. You killed it's messangers, Sam. You've won your battles."
There's something in her words that strikes me hard. There's something way too real about this to be just another trip. There's something to what she is telling me.
"But why are you here?" I ask, my lip trembling.
"Because you've broken His chains, Sam. You're Overcoming. You are winning against It."
"For what reason?"
"Because you see that it's fake. You see what Gorgias saw long ago." Her hand squeezes me. "Because you see that You are all that is."
"What are you talking about," I holler, not comprehending at all.
"Sam, do you remember that dream you had when you were a little boy. The one where you were standing on the playground?"
"Yes," I smile. "The teacher was yelling at me for something. Then I looked at the blue sky and realized that it was my skull. I was inside of my head and so was she. I pointed my finger at the bitch and she exploded."
"She wasn't real."
"No," I snicker. "That was my first lucid dream. I had a few more later on."
"Do you remember swimming in the crystals?"
That I did. Another night of my childhood, I once again realized that I was simply sleeping. I created a crystal world, one filled with an orgasmic joy comparable only to nirwana. I had made my own Heaven. But God didn't like this. He walked into my dream. He attacked me. He made me apologise to him.
"I'm sorry, God," I cried. "I shouldn't have done it!"
I turn to Emily. I reach out and feel her face. This is really her.
"What is this?" I ask.
"Do you know what Gorgias said?"
"No. What?"
"Nothing exists, Sam. There is You and You are God."
"What?!?" I scream.
"Sam, I am You. This desert is You. Reality is You. The only thing that exists is Your Self, Sam. This is all a kind of dream, or video game."
"Like 'The Matrix'?" I sigh.
"No. There isn't anything foreign. You've created the hardest test imaginable for You to pass. Every day you make choices that steer you towards your goal: Retaining your independence."
"Why would I want to be independent from myself?"
"Because that's the only way to fight The Void. That's the only way to sustain who you are from all that isn't. Ever second a candle burns in the darkness, it has to scream into the blackness, 'I am!' The only way to Overcome is by holding to You."
"Fine!" I say dismissively. "So I'm God and I'm in a big video game. I'll accept that. But what are you doing here?"
"I am your companion, Sam. I'm part of you. I mean, everyone is, but..." Then, bringing her hand up to my face, she smirks, "I am your love."
The car continues drifting through the endless desert as we converse on reality. We are alone out here, locked within painted mountains and hissing serpents.
"What's in Mexico?" I ask.
"Our future," she smiles back.
"Good," I shrug. "Then there's nothing to worry about."
"As long as you keep Overcoming," she nods, "there is nothing to worry about."
I have Emily pull over. I get in the driver's seat and she gets in the passengers. Checking one last time to make sure that she really isn't Larry, I unzip my fly. She gives me a blowjob as I drive southwards.
"Dream as if you'll live forever..." I whisper to myslef.
User Reviews
Submitted by yuvalset (user info) at 2005-11-10 23:38:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very deep. Doesn't connect with the time I was a Yeshiva student and thought all Goyim were stupid. Well, I've known that for a long time now. This is very deep. I'm drunk now.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-04-21 04:11:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
the suck
Submitted by mybrainisawaffle (user info) at 2005-04-11 22:46:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh the suspense.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-04-11 18:10:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
much better
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-04-09 18:33:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So all of this is a really bad trip?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-09 11:07:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Grasping for straws.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-04-09 07:36:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't like this crap.
Submitted by Adona (user info) at 2005-04-09 07:06:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-04-09 06:22:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-04-09 03:37:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff... Very creepy.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-04-09 01:59:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
interesante. A little too much post refferencing for my liking but not bat a'tall.