The Thrill is Gone (762 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.3 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by GroundHogSlayer (View user info) at 2005-04-11 12:43:19 EDT
I'm losing the thrill in "The Greatest Hunt" of all and to any great hunter, the worse thing to ever happen is to get bored with the hunt.
I take deep pride in my hunting abilities. Hunting is my passion, my life, my ecstasy, my enigma. Nothing gives my soul greater ease than the adrenaline from a hunt. Oh Dear God I love it so. Unfortunately, hunting comes with the one concept that makes my asshole wince to conceive. Patience.
There is nothing more that irritates me during a hunt (other than the jerkoffs I sometimes hunt with) than having to wait for my prey. It seems weak, pussified, and completely against the idea of hunting. Since when does a lion sit on his ass for five hours to get a kill? Bullshit, he don't do it, cause that player knows how to get his meat. By STALKING it. Stalking is the real way to hunt. Sorry Outdoor Life Network, yall ain't got it right. (excuse my poor grammar, it juts in when I flare up)
Now this approach to the situation rules out a lot of things to hunt. Turkeys for one. As dumb and repugnant as they may be, they are, and shall always be, the hardest thing to stalk. They see and smell too much. It's simply impossible to do. Unless of course you're Jeremiah Johnson. Deer are fairly easy to stalk, once you get the hang of it, but the season is so short, it's a real bitch. Bear are illegal to hunt period, so I've only done it once (good stuff too, got big Papa Bear). You can't stalk flying birds (believe me, I've tried), so you're pretty much fucked on stalking your Big or Common game critters.
It was when I came to this frustrating conclusion that I had an epiphany. Trails of blood from a previously wounded deer, led me out of the woods and into a field that was a good 200 acres. It was summer time, so that shot deer (which was mine) was as illegal as sodomy, and the penalty would take away my most prized possession. Mr. Mauser 98k. I couldn't risk crossing this field in order to save my ass, cause I knew, crow hunters were about (filthy devils). Nevertheless, I needed an alibi to be outside, if seen, with such a powerful weapon.
It was then that I saw my everlasting nemesis.
He was eating little bits of grass, just as content as puppy-with-two-peters, two feet from his hole. The Mother Fucker!! How could nature produce an animal that all it did was eat until it got Jerry Farwell fat, stays two feet away from safety, then runs into a hole whenever danger pulls out its lug nuts. Its payback mother fucker! You're gonna die!
It was an easy shot. 75 or so yards, Mr. Mauser 98k, nothing I couldn't handle. Mr. Mauser came up, the triangle went in the cut, the cut went on the blob of turdish-brown, the trigger released the firing pin, and a 178 grain bullet demolished the back of the rodents scull. To add to the moment, the little fucker must have cleared three feet when he did his impact-wound-gymnastics. It was a glorious kill. From then on, I was hooked.
In any spare moment that could be mustered, I found myself accompanied with Mr. Mauser, trying to find another kill. As I experimented with place of impact on them, I discovered the acrobatic skill of these critters. Somersaults, front-flips, back-flips, mid-air splits, exploding brain dance, and the amazing hurtle jumps were half the entertainment. And the best part is, groundhogs breed like rabbits, live three or more to a hole, have an all year season, and live fucking everywhere! What more could I ask?
Sadly enough, it wasn't to last. Mr. Mauser, in all his glory, got boring. I hate to admit it, but shooting them from long range, no matter how much blood they spew, is unfulfilling. So I downgraded my weaponry to a .22. This brought more stalking into it, but it too fell with the Mauser. It wasn't personal enough. I want to see its eyes light up when he hears the shot. I want to see it exhale its last breath when it hits the ground. So I took up a shotgun.
With buckshot, the shotgun would be just like the .22, in terms of effectiveness and thrill. With birdshot, I'd have to get within 20 yards of him, and put as many pellets in it as possible. And oh the joy when I do!
I sit here now, bored in class, contemplating my new horror. The shotgun is boring me! I'm at a loss of words to describe my anguish of the thought. So I decided to turn to the fine folks of Uber to help me. Please, help the groundhogslayer get back his muse. Give him ideas for new death of this creature. I implore you!!
User Reviews
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-04-19 03:02:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know anything about rifles, so I am of no help. But, I think my Glock .45 would do the trick.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-04-12 08:01:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You could try a lighter and an aerosol can.
Submitted by GroundHogSlayer (user info) at 2005-04-11 15:58:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
TheSpook- You can whip me all you want white devil, but you'll never break my spirit.
canadia- i shit in an outhouse. my only access to electricity is school.
Submitted by canadia (user info) at 2005-04-11 14:33:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Hunting is only ok if you live in the woods by yourself and need food and clothes to survive.
Other than that, go play hide-and-seek if you like looking for stuff to catch....
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-04-11 14:17:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Start hunting your wrist with a knife. Let me know when you win.
Submitted by BedOfHog (user info) at 2005-04-11 13:18:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Join the military and join your hunting comrades in killing copious amounts of sand niggers.
Submitted by Sarcasticus (user info) at 2005-04-11 13:02:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Start hunting with a knife. Or a bow & arrow (not a crossbow)
Or your bare hands...be tough to take down a bear with them fellers.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-11 13:01:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Until they start arming the deer, so they can be in a position to "return the fire", fuck hunting.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-04-11 12:59:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Go all out and chuck spears at them
Submitted by GroundHogSlayer (user info) at 2005-04-11 12:56:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
BLITZKREIG- true, but i hate the wait and the mosquitos
Adam- grenades are fun, but it's not personal enough
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-11 12:53:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hunting blows.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-04-11 12:52:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
GRENADES
and enigma means riddle so it doesn't exactly fit in the beginning.
Oh and its SKULL not scull
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-04-11 12:46:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Turkeys aren't hard to hunt. You just go out before dawn and wait for them to come out of their roost in the trees. Preferably, they wait for the sun to come up first.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-04-11 12:45:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
kill-freak