Lessons In Diversity Pt 1: Short Gay Black Men in the Hood (1856 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.4 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ebby (View user info) at 2005-04-11 14:06:46 EDT
What would it be like to wake up one day and find yourself a height challenged ghetto fabulous gay black man?
Your ass is going to be sore, and you will knod knowingly while watching the WB news at Nine's lead story on a starfish at the dallas aquarium that mysteriously has tripled in size and begun to bleed overnight
Your car will change from an Audi to an emerald green 1995 Cadillac with fake spinners you bought at target, deciding which one to purchase by opening each box o' hub caps and laying the different styles out across the aisle, asking each passerby, "Which one goes best with my fake Louis purse?"
BTW, dont get used to it, as it is getting repossessed as soon as the repo man can figure out which house Jrmaine lives at...
You will develop a natural limp and crazy eye stare that makes white men crap their pants and white chicks drop their pants
You will get into bar fights for no reason other than a tall motha fucka scuffed your Puma's.
You will deviously wait in public mens restrooms for that tall guy to enter and then make a mad dash to the tall person urinal, forcing the man who actually had a growth spurt to bend down while bowing his legs enough just so he can pee, without getting urine on his cowboy boots, directly into the made for a downhill wheelchair racer piss depository
you will then scream "Adibise was the best character ever on OZ!", shank him repeatedly, whilst anally raping him from behind and after a brief post coital snuggle, douse him with sparkles (your calling card), and hastily make your escape.
you will then steal a geo metro, become engaged in a high speed pursuit with the Dallas Police Dept.
Seeing that you're only hope is to ditch the car and make a dash for it (after all you are black and therefore, fast), you tuck and roll onto the street..
Without missing a step you are off and running down the street into a back yard. Skipping faster than you have ever skipped before. Limp wrists-a-flailing so fast that you wonder if you might actually be the first black person ever to fly seeing as how the white man is always trying to keep you down...which contradicts the gayness inside, as all you've ever wanted was to be held down by any man, be it chocolate, or vanilla
Lost amidst your thoughts, dreams and hopes for a daddy that wasnt in jail, less than five "uncle" franks, a bed of your own you dont have to share with keenan, ivory, damon, kim, shawn, marlon and lil pistol starter, you find yourself suddenly immersed in icey cold water...
You scream for help, seeing as how you are most certainly about to meet your makeer in a party pool...cursing your dark as night skin as it is most definitely the root cause of why you never learned to swim...
everything fades to a ROYGBIV extravaganza of color...
You wake up handcuffed to a hospital bed with a uniformed officer lazily snoring outside your not so private room at Parkland Community Hospital...
You smile as you think of all the ass pounding you are sure to receive in the years to come..
after all,
you are a small, short, ghetto, gay, black man with an attitude...
User Reviews
Submitted by Sarcasticus (user info) at 2005-04-11 14:38:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"Your ass is going to be sore, and you will knod knowingly while watching the WB news at Nine's lead story on a starfish at the dallas aquarium that mysteriously has tripled in size and begun to bleed overnight "
I so don't get that
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-04-11 14:35:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Swing and a miss.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-04-11 14:30:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by proofofpurchase (user info) at 2005-04-11 14:30:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love when people write from experience!
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-04-11 14:17:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
What?