Caffeine RAGE!!!! ajsdngkjaebqwjkervab (1361 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.81 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by InkyFingers (View user info) at 2005-04-11 15:24:06 EDT
So, like, Jenny borrowed my purse because it went with her outfit *eyes flutter* but I wasn't there when she picked it up. I need it this afternoon, but I can't reach her on her cell phone. *arms fold* What should I do, Erin?
-->Erin looks away. The purse in question belongs to her. Jessie had borrowed it a year ago and forgotten who it belonged to. She had been willing to forgive the incident untill now.
You know that's my purse, right?
No it isn't. I borrowed that purse from one of my Florida friends.
No, you didn't. You borrowed it from me a year ago, and forgot it was mine.
Nooooooo.... really?
Yes.
Okay, well I'll get it back sometime soon and you can have it. Sorry about that.
You know, that dress you are wearing, that's mine too.
C'mon that's not funny. I may have a bad memory, but I KNOW this is my dress.
No it isn't.
Yes it is.
NO, IT ISN'T. Look at the tag, it's even got my initials on it. EF not JA: that means this is my dress and not yours. That's undeniable proof. What do you have to say now?
I think you are a stinking whore, and I'm going to tear your bra off and smack your titties.
Well if that's the only way to settle this disagreement, Let's go BITCH!!!!
-->They wrestle momentarily before Erin stops them.
Wait, before we have a cat fight, where we will both probably get all of our clothes torn off and eventually start making out. Doesn't this seem odd to you?
Yeah. This seems REALLY weird. One second we're having a run of the mill conversation, and the next your smacking my boobs, which really turned me on by the way, and we're about to make out.
-->Hey ladies, what the hell are you doing. I wrote that you tear each other's clothes off and start making out. What the Fuck is this?
Are you the author?
-->Yeah, I'm also pissed off. You two should be shoulder deep in Camel Toe right now. This is my perverted, lesbian fantasy and I make the rules.
Look I'm really sorry Mr...
-->InkyFingers, My pen name is InkyFingers.
I know what you were hoping for, but I don't think it's going to work. I mean, I don't think you're capable of writing this story.
-->What? Why the hell not?
First, let me ask you a question *Erin slides her bra back on*. When was the last time you tried to write a pornographic story?
--> My Sophmore year of college. I wrote a story about having sex in the library while I was preparing for a test. It turned out pretty well.
Would you say you have changed since then? How do you describe yourself at the time you wrote that story.
--> I was young, pompous, prideful, sex crazed. That kind of shit. I guess I was immature.
*Jessie slides her bra back on and speaks* Well, you've changed quite a bit I assume. You probably don't jack off everyday or get boners every time you see a hot girl. Am I right?
--> Yeah. I mean I still like looking at hot girls, but looking at an attractive person isn't the same being naked with them. It isn't the same as holding someone in my hands, and well.. you know, getting ready to have sex.
Of course not. You're an adult now. Do you really think you can write characters that are so one sided and falsesly portrayed as what you were about to do to us?
-->I hadn't considered that.
Of course you hadn't. You're a guy and all guys are the same.
-->What the Fuck. Shut your mouth. Your just a bunch of words tossed together to give me an erection. You don't tell ME to shut up, I tell YOU to rip off each other's clothes and spank titties. That's the way it goes.
*Jessie and Erin exchange glances before speaking* That is exactly the kind of frustrating mistake I'd expect a man to make: Your too dumb to realize that you've become smart. You've grown up too much to write women as whores and idiots. You've probably gotten your shit OWNED by a couple women *they both laugh*, but you're still determined to get a cheap wank so you try anyway. It's kind of sad.
Jessie and Erin begin pulling....
It's not going to work. You can't write us as idiots. We are sophisticated and confident, intelligent and sexy. The capacities with communication, which we have fine tuned after centuries of oppression, make us amazing business women. These are truths that you have embraced and reasons you respect us.
-->I can write you as whatever I want.
I doubt it. And if you did it would be artful. No intelligent "turns of phrase" or inspired insight, just single syllable words filling five word sentences, culminating at various cuss words or orgasms... Would you be proud of that?
--> If I came, yes.
*Erin and Jessie laugh*
Do you know what we DO find sexy? Intelligent men who understand us and are willing to overcome stereotypes for the sake of an equal relationship.
-->Yeah, I know. You couldn't describe it if I didn't know.
Do you believe in us Inky? Do you believe in our capacities to be great?
--> Of course I do.
*Erin speaks* Will you do something for me lover? Show everyone how brilliant I can be.
-->I... I'm under your spell. Anything you want.
With one sweeping motion Erin cleared the kitchen table. Pots and pans clattered to the ground where they would stay as audience. The sweat rained from her forehead: it was an inspired fever. She hurriedly opened her sketch pad and laid it accross the table. "The depiciton of life as we know it combining. The only Definite Gods preparing to creat" she explained, drawing long charcoal strokes accross the page. Her eyes darted accross the picture projecting shades with her mind that her arm and hand quickly carried out. First, the dirt and trees, and a woman's body coming out of the ground. Next, a tumultuous sky with a man reaching to embrace the woman. The environment was furious: lightning in the background and windblown folliage in the foreground. A dark line shaded in the shoulderblade as the naked female form grew more real, almost substance. Erin lifted her shirt to her forehead and dabbed away the tempest.
--> What do you think?
*Erin Smiled* You didn't portray me with any kind of temperance, but it's a start.
*Jessie Smiled* Yeah, I thought you did a good job. I've got to be honest with you Inky...
-->You thought that was sexy didn't you?
Yeah.
--> I know.
You know what we're going to do next, too?
--> You're going to make out, and it won't be a degrading act. It will be compensation for utilizing my skills to portray your wisdom and passion in non-sexual ways. This is how the world works.
You're close enough that I'm not offended. *Erin slides her arm around Jesse's shoulder* But remember this Inky, someday women will define what is appropriate for our Gender. Sex will still be amazing, but we will decide the standard. That day is so close I can plan for it, and it will be the end of rewarding the recognition of equality. Do you understand?
--> Yes. I feel...light headed.
We know. *Erin and Jesse drew close and kissed* you should. We're going to turn your will into powder. Did you know that the first descriptions of space were based on how a woman made a man feel.
--> You're lying.
What are you going to do about it?
--> ...
Did you know that we could whisper in your ear and turn you into dust?
User Reviews
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2005-05-04 10:48:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow.
Submitted by EAZEDZT (user info) at 2005-04-15 16:56:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty Good
Submitted by canadia (user info) at 2005-04-12 15:17:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"titilating story"
indeed!! I love the word titilating....
well written
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-04-12 14:55:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Right back at ya.
1. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAA... *deep breath* HAHAHHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHA?
Good point. I MAY have gotten a little carried away and overblown the case by just a smidge. A hair's bredth. An iota.
2. Equality: Fairhanded and realistic treatment of similar parties.
Adding the word "similar" into the definition makes this rather difficult to apply. Depending on how you now define "similar" the possibility exists that there could be no practical application of "equality" because, after all, we are all unique. No?
4. I don't understand why I have to prove that the earlier mentioned characters must be validated before I can respect the latter mentioned characters.
You don't - it's your story. I'm just saying that, if your overarching goal was to show that women should be respected, then ALL women should be respected. Even the shallow ones.
It sounds like you are implying that all people must be treated fairly.
Unless you want to negate the meaning of "equality" (see: above No. 2), yes. That is what I'm saying.
While my story is about equality, it is not about treating people fairly
Ummmm? Huh?
While my story is about equality, it is not about treating people fairly because of some stupid moral code.
That's a very interesting concept. How do you remove the morality from treating people fairly. What else is treating people fairly based on? Whim? Fiat? Caprice?
It's about treating powerful people fairly
I think you are treading dangerous ground here.
It's about treating powerful people fairly because they have capacities that make them valuable. In my story I am implying that wise and complex people will make others respect them, whereas the earlier charicatures of real people are boring.
I think it is interesting that you differentiate between the two groups using words that aren't necessarily antonyms. "Valuable" versus "boring." You could have said that powerful people are more "interesting," but you didn't. You say that they "make" people "respect" them because they are "valuable." The implication here is that less powerful people, "boring" people are NOT valuable. This could either be an intentional choice of words on your part, or a subconscious one. I'm leaning more and more to the theory that this piece is more of a statement about what YOU find alluring at the present time. At least I hope so. Because if you were trying to make a broader statement about equality, then it makes you come of as a little bit elitist.
Simultaneously, I am writing a complex and titilating story: one that is subtlely arousing without ever "flashing its tits" so to speak. I really did get light headed when I wrote it, and I really felt like I was going to turn to ash and get carried off by a gust of wind at the end.
Yeah. I'm getting that now. Even though this is sort of kind of half-way couched in terms of feminist dogma, really it is mostly well-written, soft-core porn. (Which in itself is rather contradictory - maybe the feminists on Uber should be offended!)
So, again, I come back to, "Hey. Very thought provoking piece. Good job."
Submitted by HZRD (user info) at 2005-04-12 14:49:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hmmmm wait a minute... so the internet CAN't read my thoughts? weird!
Submitted by HZRD (user info) at 2005-04-12 14:15:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Caffeine rage? ME TOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKEEEEEEER! look at me! look at me! http://www.ubersite.com/m/64146
Good post and stuff.
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-04-12 14:07:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Concept was great
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-04-12 12:57:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was a good oringinal concept. I liked it.
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-04-12 10:50:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i liked this
Submitted by InkyFingers (user info) at 2005-04-12 10:16:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aaaaright, I'm ready for replies.
1. Do I feel like a traitor to my gender? HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAA... *deep breath* HAHAHHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHA
2. Equality: Fairhanded and realistic treatment of similar parties.
3. The Old Me: Still exists, but it has been tempered with education and experience.
4. I don't understand why I have to prove that the earlier mentioned characters must be validated before I can respect the latter mentioned characters. It sounds like you are implying that all people must be treated fairly. While my story is about equality, it is not about treating people fairly because of some stupid moral code. It's about treating powerful people fairly because they have capacities that make them valuable. In my story I am implying that wise and complex people will make others respect them, whereas the earlier charicatures of real people are boring. Simultaneously, I am writing a complex and titilating story: one that is subtlely arousing without ever "flashing its tits" so to speak. I really did get light headed when I wrote it, and I really felt like I was going to turn to ash and get carried off by a gust of wind at the end.
Submitted by Herman (user info) at 2005-04-11 21:44:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by NoahsArk (user info) at 2005-04-11 21:26:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-11 19:55:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheSunGod (user info) at 2005-04-11 17:29:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that was fun.
Submitted by InkyFingers (user info) at 2005-04-11 17:13:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The author's scores dont count toward the overall score. When I respond to replies I rate my items to consisten with the average score. I've given myself plenty negative and zero scores on other posts. It's a shame you didn't plus two this: it was a good piece.
Submitted by Duke_Diggler (user info) at 2005-04-11 17:04:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i'd give it a +2 but inky, you're +2 ing your own post. come on now.
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-04-11 16:18:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by InkyFingers (user info) at 2005-04-11 16:16:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks Teph., I appreciate your thoughtful responce. Unfortunately, I'm too drained after writing this to adequately respond. I'll address some of your points this evening.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-04-11 16:09:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You ever get the feeling you are a traitor to your gender?
What's "equality" mean to you?
Congratulations, you've either been taught to "respect women as complex creatures" or "matured" enough to do so on your own.
But what about the old you? What about the guy who just wanted to write the porn story and get off?
If you would have me believe that I am to think of women in the terms they are presented in in the later half of your story, then you either have to show me that women like the ones in the first half either don't exist, OR that they are worthy of respect AS THEY ARE.
NOW, if those ladies from the first half of the story are worthy of respect AS THEY ARE, what about the old you? Wasn't HE worthy of respect in the same way? (After all, we are either basing our "respect" here on the fact that the people being respected were born with a certain gender, OR on the fact that they are simply human beings, and as such, are "complex and mysterious" creatures.)
What's good for the shallow materialistic goose is good for the shallow materialistic gander.
But you seem to be saying that women aren't shallow or materialistic, which is an overly broad statement which cannot be factually supported.
Or, maybe you are only trying to make a statement about the sort of woman that YOU find attractive. If that is the case, the amount of power you give them is quite telling.
What I'm really trying to say here, I guess, is "Hey. Very thought provoking piece. Good work."
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-04-11 16:05:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're one crazy motherfucker. I like that.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-04-11 15:49:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What do they smell like ???
Submitted by InkyFingers (user info) at 2005-04-11 15:46:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jenny is a third party who is mentioned, but not in the story (read closely). There is no continuity error. Please correct your score.
Submitted by BedOfHog (user info) at 2005-04-11 15:46:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
JonnyX is such a pussy. Don't listen to anything that he says. He's jealous he didn't write this.
This is good.. Very good..
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2005-04-11 15:46:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to see some tit smacks!
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2005-04-11 15:45:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha stinky fingers
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-04-11 15:40:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"*Jessie and Erin exchange glances before speaking* That is exactly the kind of frustrating mistake I'd expect a man to make"
___
You mean, calling a girl by the wrong name? That kind of mistake? I'm sure Jenny will forgive you, BUT I WON'T.
Too bad, cause you had a great concept here - just try and watch the continuity errors for next time, mmmkay?
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-04-11 15:39:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2005-04-11 15:39:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for tittie slapping
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-04-11 15:33:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
STINKY FINGERS....
I like that name.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-04-11 15:32:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know they make drugs for that...