A Completely True Story OR Why Hermaphrodites will Ruin Shepard's Pie (955 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.69 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Andrew <downerSTAIN.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-04-11 17:31:08 EDT
One day at work, while I was on my break, I was trying to clean the burn marks off of my work armor. Those fuckers just would not come off! The dragons had been especially vicious that day, I think because the moon had been on Earth that day visiting. They hate that guy. Anyway, I was cleaning my armor and all of the sudden, this three-legged hermaphrodite flys up, lands in front of me, and starts stripping and eating Shepard's pie. So of course I'm sitting there going "WTFirenze?!" totally distracted from the task at hand. I tucked my armor behind the cotton candy bush and approached the he-she to kindly ask it to stop undressing and give me some of that awesome Shepard's pie.
"Excuse me, um...Sir'am? Seriously, what the hell? I mean, come on. Who does that? Really?"
"What, the undressing?" it said as it kept dancing and eating the pie.
"Well...yeah, that too...but mostly, who eats Shepard's pie and doesn't offer me some? Seriously. Not cool, man...er...yeah. Not cool."
"Oh, I apologize! In my homeland of Hermaphrodidia, it is not our custom to offer strange men in armor our Shepard's pie. Say, would you like to visit my homeland?"
"Sure, I've got a couple minutes of break left."
As I turned my head, my homeland, merry ol' Stansylvakia, disappeared, and in its place stood the land of multi-genitalia, Hermaphrodidia. No longer was I surrounded by cotton candy bushes and flying nuns, but instead I was surrounded by phallic looking trees, doors that looked like vaginas, and X-TREME CRAFTS!
Seriously, who thought up that horrible, horrible show? Probably hermaphrodites who were angry at the world, so they decided to make the worst. Show. EVER. But the youth of today, desperate for rebellious and X-TREME! television, watched it religiously. Soon kids were having craft battles out on the streets and doing drive-by crochetings. The hermaphrodites, realizing how popular the show had become, took advantage of the impressionable youth. They decided to make a hermaphrodite X-TREME CRAFTS! army, and began putting subliminal messages in the show. Messages like "Be a hermaphrodite!" and "Eat Shepard's pie!" But the children, not wanting to be hermaphrodites, only took to the latter. Sales in Shepard's pie drastically increased, and soon the whole world was enamored with the wonderful blend of potatoes, meat, and assorted vegetables. Thousands of people rode the Shepard's pie wave, investing in Shepard's pie stock, building Shepard's pie empires, and making millions overnight.
But slowly, the hermaphrodites infiltrated the Shepard's pie industry, fixing prices and building monopolies. People started to realize that the Shepard's pie game was no longer the wholesome, dinner pie-based industry they loved, but a corrupt system of greedy hermaphrodites. The market dried up, and so did the hermaphrodites. They retreated to their penis-shaped homes and vagina doors and X-TREME CRAFTS!, never to be heard from again.
So, the moral of the story is, don't watch that horrible X-TREME CRAFTS! show. It will ruin Shepard's pie forever. And Shepard's pie fucking rocks.
Or maybe the moral is that I have way too much time on my hands. Your choice.
User Reviews
Submitted by downerSTAIN (user info) at 2005-08-31 17:14:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
DAWW
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-04-23 23:47:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes, well for a while there i thought the pie was made from a shepherd.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-04-23 23:38:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hi-fucking-larious.
Submitted by wanderingsharps (user info) at 2005-04-12 12:10:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you are a weird man.
good for you- nice post.
Submitted by InkyFingers (user info) at 2005-04-12 10:46:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
THis will also make your hoo dally tingle... http://www.ubersite.com/m/64084
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-04-12 03:54:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This made my hoo-dally tingle
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-04-12 03:21:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Shepherd". As in "One who tends sheep".
+2 cos this happened to my Gran the other day, and she still sees it.
Submitted by Umbilical_Cord (user info) at 2005-04-12 03:09:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I believe.
Submitted by Bizantine (user info) at 2005-04-11 22:41:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for total randomness
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-11 21:57:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-04-11 18:25:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
um, yeah...(backs away slowly)
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-04-11 18:12:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my god, I have no fucking idea what the fuck you were talking about the entire post, but it was fucking hilarious.
Watch uffizi, drive me to firenze!
Submitted by BedOfHog (user info) at 2005-04-11 18:09:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude you clearly read my response on a random post about 2 hours ago and decided to create a masterpiece out of it.
+2
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-04-11 17:51:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Plus one for this line
"drive-by crochetings"
Submitted by TheSunGod (user info) at 2005-04-11 17:38:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
SO glad that was a pic of shepherd's pie and not of a hermaphrodite.
now i'm off to google image search "hermaphrodite"....