Why the Mountain Man do what he do (502 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.78 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by GroundHogSlayer (View user info) at 2005-04-12 13:01:00 EDT
Being lucky enough to live in the area that I do, I've have been fortunate enough to get a glimpse at two cultures, that most Americans seem to hate. Consumerism and Backwardism.
Bluefield has been called an oasis in the desert of incest. Nestled between various mountains it has grown and flourished in a fairly large valley and could be considered a small city. It's a good town actually. Nice school, a large shopping center, and even a titty-bar. Problem is, the only way to access it is through an interstate, and a labyrinth of pig path roads that fall from the mountains into the town. Its really strange being on a one lane, dirt road and then suddenly being on a 4-lane highway. That's how much these two realities clash.
I live in the hills outside the town, so I'm officially a "Mountain Boy". Mountain Boys and Girls are kids who go to school in Bluefield but live in the mountains. Since Bluefield is a well developed city, there is an air of elitism in the school system so of course, the Mountain Children are looked down upon. I can't even count the times people have asked me, "Is your brother your father" (No, he's my cousin), "Fuck pigs?" (Every good Saturday night), "Fuck strange travelers who come through?" (If we catch one). "Have the hots for your sister?" (If I get lonely enough). The comments in parenthesis are what I usually say to these generic questions just to scare people off. Thankfully, 90% of the time it works.
But civilized folk don't really understand the "Mountain People", and why they do what they do. Deliverance and any other movie relating to mountain rape completely destroyed our reputation. Even though the majority of it is bullshit, I must admit that there is some truth. Here our questions and answers to the major thoughts on the mountains.
Do Mountain Men date, marry, and impregnate relatives?
On some occasions yes. Not as common anymore but it still happens. Back in the day, the only people you knew or even had ever seen were your family. Some people are still that isolated today. So the only way to keep the family tree going is by...fucking your most distant relative that you had contact with, which could range from a 4th cousin to a brother or sister. It's gross, it's nasty, and disturbing, but it happened. My beef with the stereo type is that people think it's all that happens. If two people marry in the mountains, then they're related. Bullshit! That is very, very, very rare now, but I can't deny its existence.
Do Mountain Men fuck animals, other guys, and strangers?
Ok, I can explain. (1) Have you ever seen a real fucking mountain women? They're hideous. Imagine Big Foot with less hair, hardly any teeth, and boobies. The worst I've seen looked exactly like that. No man in his right man would hit that. But when I guy is horny, he's not in his right mind, but still men and small animals probably look a helluva lot better than those women to those guys. (2) They have no form of birth control. Whenever they screw a woman, nine times out of ten she's going to be pregnant. The last thing these people need is more children so they have to release their urges with a substitute...man or beast. Don't give me "oh they could jack off", these guys (and gals) have calluses on their hands that feels like gravel. They'd skin their prick if they tried to beat off. Almost all of these guys wouldn't practice sodomy and bestiality if it wasn't for their present situation.
Should a stranger worry about traveling through the mountains?
Nope. Mountain Folk are generally kinder, gentler, and more hospitable people than those in the town. I'd avoid wondering out alone; asking a group of guys, who are sharing a bottle of moonshine, by yourself for directions; and any situation that doesn't seem right because Mountain People like scaring the shit out of city people if you appear to be intimidated by them (or flaunt that you're not).
Since living in both realities, I know the stereo types, and the truth behind them. The only thing I can say to finish would be; don't look down on us because we're backward folks. Just accept the fact that we are, that we're trying to change, and that it you mess with us we'll fuck you in the ass.
User Reviews
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-04-19 02:56:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats it...I'm moving to West Virginia.
Oh...and I just remembered....my ex's family is from W.VA. That explains a lot why she looks like she does.
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-04-13 12:53:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-04-12 14:19:32 (#)
Ranking: 1
Kind of funny, kind of creepy, but well written.
Submitted by BedOfHog (user info) at 2005-04-12 14:56:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-04-12 14:19:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Kind of funny, kind of creepy, but well written.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-04-12 13:56:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is hilarious.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-04-12 13:44:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
pretty disturbing
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-12 13:36:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You sure do got a priddy mouth
Submitted by GroundHogSlayer (user info) at 2005-04-12 13:33:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
he looks familar
Submitted by proofofpurchase (user info) at 2005-04-12 13:30:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That was a kin of your family in that famous sasquatch sighting on film wasn't it?
http://www.bfro.net/REF/bfmedia.asp
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-04-12 13:07:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Me too.
...and I grew up in the boonies.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-04-12 13:05:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm kinda creeped out by this...sorry