Meet Jack- The Clouds are Building (800 hits)
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Submitted by TheSunGod (View user info) at 2005-04-13 09:33:11 EDT
Author's Note: Ooh, look at me getting all fancy, making an author's note like I was Stephen-motherfuckin'-King instead of some 23-year-old hack wasting time in the office! Anyhow, this guy just crawled into my head last night, and I thought I'd introduce you to him. I think that he is my alter ego, whether I made him up last night or just noticed him for the first time. He has the same job and kind of looks the same as me, and he does all of the crazy shit that I sometimes imagine doing (if the world had no laws or sense of morality). This is just an introduction- nothing TOO crazy is going to happen this time. But if you end up liking Jack, I'll be writing a few little stories about him. Keep an eye on Mr. Jack, because I think he could turn out to be one very entertaining young man.
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"Thanks for calling Hyde's Marine Salvage and Repairs. This is Jack, how can I help you?"
Jack always made sure to enunciate each word in his professional greeting, because not much bothered him more than a slurred, uninterested phone salutation. He also made sure to smile whenever he was on the phone with a customer, because you really can hear a smile through the telephone. Most of his customers appreciated his friendly attitude, but Mr. Harms was a real stickler. The boys in the repair shop called him "Harmful" or usually just "the cocksucker".
"Yes, Mr. Harms, I ordered you a brand-new captain's seat from Stingray Boats at the beginning of last week to replace the torn one. They usually take four to six weeks to arrive, so we're looking at an ETA of two to four weeks at this point. This is, of course, a warranty parts replacement so you won't have to pay a dime."
Mr. Harms spoke again from the other end of the line, raising his voice now. Jack's smile wavered a bit, but didn't fade. He took a moment to compose himself before speaking again.
"I know, Mr. Harms. I think it's too long a wait as well, but the Stingray Boat company has to special-order each cushion from the manufacturer, have it embroidered and shipped to them, ship it to us, and then we can install it on your boat... Yes, of course the installation will be free and at your own convenience... No, I don't understand why a cushion would be torn on a boat fresh from the factory, but we can... Yes sir. I'm listening."
The cocksucker was at the peak of his tirade now, and Jack sat back in his swivel chair just riding it out. He dealt with one of these types at least once a week, and he knew that the rant would be over more quickly if he didn't try to argue or interrupt. Even a word of reassurance could be enough fuel to keep Harmful going for another few minutes. Our Jack was careful to maintain the smile, of course.
"You got it, Mr. Harms. I'll get in touch with my parts contact down at Stingray and see if we can't bump up that ETA, let you know what happens. Then as soon as the cushion arrives I'll call you, get you in and out, and your new boat will be right as rain. In the meantime I suggest that you don't let a little tear in a cushion stop you from enjoying your boat- the redfish are really running down at the point right now. It'd be a shame to miss out on that action... Yes sir... Yes sir. You too, have a great weekend. Bye now."
Jack poured on the smile-voice extra thick toward the end of the conversation, soothing Mr. Harms at least a little. As soon as the phone fell into its cradle, Jack's face fell as well. The beaming, friendly visage simply dropped into a black mask of rage and hatred—had you been there to see it, you'd have sworn that thunder had clapped somewhere in the distance.
"Cocksucker." Jack's voice was low, but disturbingly thick with vehemence. The air around him hummed in busy anger.
Just as quickly as he had turned dark, his face calmed and he showed- and felt- serenity. He opened the desk drawer, removed the digital camera, and hung it around his neck. On his way out of the shop Jack also grabbed a small set of wire clippers and a ¼" hand drill, which he dropped into each cargo pocket of his shorts. He whistled as he walked from the repair shop to the customer boat storage area—"The Entertainer", the song played by ice cream trucks and at circuses.
Along the way he thought of what had happened in traffic this morning. He had seen it from two blocks away, a piece of trash fluttering across the road in a way that most litter doesn't move. It would jump a couple of feet and stop, jump and stop. Against the wind. One car passed over it, then another. Jack's stomach lurched in fear for what was probably not a piece of garbage after all. He slowed as he approached it and then turned on his blinker and screeched over to the median, parking half in his lane and halfway onto the grassy bank. A gray sedan swerved around him, horn whining and fading. Jack put up his arm in an almost comical "STOP!" signal and walked directly into traffic, neither knowing nor caring if any more cars were coming his way.
The "litter" jumped and stopped again, and he scooped it up. Bufo terrestris, a little Southern toad just trying to cross the road. He cupped it in both hands and brought it safely across the two busy lanes. Kissing it on its warty head, Jack told the creature, "Next time be happy where you are, or wait to cross the road at night when it's not so busy. Rush hour is a bad time for toads to travel."
Once released, the little hoptoad jumped twice away from the street and nestled down into the pine straw at the base of a tree. Jack got back in his truck and drove the rest of the way to work.
"Where ya going?" Jonas' voice startled our Mr. Jack out of his daydream. "You doing something, or do you need a project?"
Jack pointed at the camera and said, "Taking some pics of Harms' seat cushion. Stingray warranty department wants some closer shots- the tear is so small you can't even see it in the last batch of photos that I emailed them."
"OK, as long as you're not just wandering around with your thumb in your ass" Jonas said, smiling, and walked on.
"That'd make it pretty hard to wander, Jo. Having my thumb up my ass." Jack called over his shoulder, and they both laughed a little as Jack continued to the boats and Jonas went into the shop. He liked Jonas very much- he was the new shop boss, and didn't take crap from anybody. At the same time, he didn't give crap to anybody as long as they did their job. Still, Jack thought that maybe Jonas had a secret or two. He'd worked for the city for years, and then one day just up and quit. That's when he had come here to Hyde's Marine. And then sometimes he'd just stare off into space like he was looking for something...
But that was a thought for another time. Right now, Mr. Jack had a little fixing to do on Harmful's boat. It sat gleaming and fresh on its trailer at the back of the lot- furthest from the entrance and anyone who might be interested in stealing equipment from it. Also, it was furthest from anyone who could see someone climbing up into it. Or under it.
"We're going to fix this thing up right," he thought. "We just don't think it runs quite the way we want it to."
He hopped into the boat and took the obligatory photos, just in case Jonas wanted to see them later. He then unscrewed the white plastic inspection plate leading down into the bilge, and clipped four small wires. Two leading to the bilge pump, and two connecting the pump to its auto-start float switch. He pocketed the clippers and climbed out of the boat, sliding under the hull resting on its trailer. He now removed the hand drill, and ground it smoothly into the bottom of the hull, right next to the trailer bunks. A few minutes of cranking the drill and it was done- one small hole in the boat right where no one could ever find it.
The cocksucker would go flying out from the boat ramp the next time he went fishing, the boat moving too fast to draw any water. It would be when he stopped to fish that the water would seep in, oh-so-slowly, and no one would notice. The auto bilge would not kick on and over time Harms would begin to see the boat sitting lower in the water. He would try to kick the pump on manually, which would not work. If the water were deep enough that it covered the sterndrive engine, then it would not start and he would be stranded in a sinking boat. Jack tried not to giggle at the thought of it.
He walked back toward the shop in an even better mood than he'd been in earlier. Along the way, he passed the accident boat. This one was old and the steering cable had frozen during a hard turn, causing the boat to spin in tight circles at top speed in the middle of Tampa Bay. The riders had been thrown out, a young college kid and his new girlfriend. He managed to jump at the last moment and was thus clear of the boat's path, but she fell straight out the back of the craft, putting her in the path of the boat's next sweep. The aluminum prop had cut halfway through her thigh and shattered her femur into dust. Doctors had taken the leg.
Jack inspected the prop now. One blade of the propeller was completely broken off, the other dog-eared and ragged. Tufts of shredded denim from the girl's jeans still clung to the blade, and he picked off the largest piece.
Jack popped it in his mouth and swallowed, imagining he could taste the girl's pain.
He skipped cheerily back into the repair shop, whistling "The Entertainer".
User Reviews
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-19 10:14:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
thats crazy
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2006-11-15 13:27:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good stuff!
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-04-26 12:57:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yep.
Submitted by icepigs (user info) at 2005-04-25 15:42:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Saw the posting of Jack 6. I hate starting a series in the middle, so I jumped to this one.
Nice beginning. Hopefully the next 5 build on what you've started.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-04-17 16:16:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great stuff.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-04-13 14:54:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2005-04-13 14:46:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
definitely interested in catching part II.
quality.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-04-13 14:03:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice. you just know that this kid is going to do something awesome.
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-04-13 13:19:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-04-13 11:55:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have to agree with Teephphah,
The line about eating the denim was very Red Dragonish.
It builds very well for the next installment.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-04-13 11:24:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-04-13 10:25:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
This was good. Well written and engaging. The bit with the eating the denim was a bit much for me though.
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I'd like to disagree with this. I thought that part was very good. It adds a certain "Hannibal Lecter" quality to your character, but does so without any being really obvious. We can see from this that his sickness goes much deeper than simply a desire to get even with an asshole on the phone. I thought it was just great.
Also, the line "Doctors had taken the leg." Hits like a sledgehammer for some reason. It really isn't a particularly well-crafted line . . . very coloquial really, but still very powerful.
This was absolutely great and you should definitely continue.
Submitted by Dannie (user info) at 2005-04-13 11:06:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just love loonies.
Submitted by CLAIRE1 (user info) at 2005-04-13 10:47:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You had me at authors note.
Submitted by TheSunGod (user info) at 2005-04-13 10:45:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"storage area—"The Entertainer", "
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that's what i get for copying straight from MSWord and not proofreading. sorry about that. looks like i'll have to find out what Jack will be up to next. i'm very excited- he's a really interesting fellow. he even creeps ME out.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2005-04-13 10:40:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice Work
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-04-13 10:35:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very
Submitted by Josephine (user info) at 2005-04-13 10:34:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Creepy.
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-04-13 10:25:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was good. Well written and engaging. The bit with the eating the denim was a bit much for me though.
Still I did like it more please.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-04-13 10:15:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by garyhal (user info) at 2005-04-13 10:10:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy fucking Turds... Kinda Predictable from about the middle,
but still wickedly entertaining!!!
More!!!
Submitted by stardamage (user info) at 2005-04-13 10:06:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really liked the title.
The rest of it too, of course. But the title really clicked.
Submitted by Sarcasticus (user info) at 2005-04-13 09:52:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. That took a harsh turn rather quickly, didn't it...
But I want more, more, more!
And I can totally sympathize with blowhards on the phone.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-04-13 09:51:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus fucking 2
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-13 09:49:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Out fucking standing Pyle!