The Whole Story (2712 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.83 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by STANDARD D II (View user info) at 2005-04-14 07:18:45 EDT
It started two months ago in the Frankfurt International airport. It was my day of from work and I was there as usual trying to take unattended luggage.
You could call it my second job. I just go to the Airport and walk around until I see a bag with no one around it. I wait one minute then take it when no one is looking like it was my own.
So I was cruising the Arrivals Terminal when I spotted this awesome set of green Gucci luggage. Well, these are not as common as most and very expensive. As probably the items inside are. So I waited two minutes. No one came so I grabbed them and walked briskly toward the exit.
All of a sudden I heard some woman calling behind me. "Hey you there, stop."
Both my heart and my pace quickened considerably. "Hey, wait for me! Kennedy wait!"
Huh? This did not sound like someone that was chasing me down because I stole their bag! And who the hell is Kennedy? So I turned around to see who it was. Sure enough it was her.
Britney fucking spears!
Needless to say I stopped dead in my tracks watching her run towards me smiling. "Sorry about that. Fans always hold me up asking for autographs."
I could do nothing but stand there. I had no fucking clue what was going on! "Thank you for agreeing to pick me up and show me around for the weekend. Bill and Helen said you are the best tour-guide, and their closest friend. Honestly I would like to see the cheesy culture stuff. Which they say is your specialty."
Finally I mustered the strength t say, "Yeah, glad to do it. How are Bill and Helen by the way?"
"Oh the same lovebirds as they always were. But you know that. You saw them last week in L.A. Do you mind if we stop by the hotel room first? I need to take a shower."
"No problem, which hotel?" I asked.
"The Hyatt."
"No problem, lets roll."
She was actually really nice and not as stuck up as I imagined. We had a great conversation on the ride to the hotel. But I could have sworn she was giving me the 'I wanna fuck you' eyes. And I know I was giving them to her.
We finally arrived at the hotel and got her checked in to the room.
Let me tell you. This was the most amazing room I have ever seen. And it had a view that even made the pimple on the ass of Germany, known as Frankfurt look good.
She sat down on the bed and patted the comforter beckoning me which of course I abliged. "Helen told me about you saving her life. I think you are the bravest man I have ever seen. And quite possibly the cutest." She then proceeded to rub my leg which would have made me harder than the skull of Johnny Knoxville, except I had already had one the second I saw her.
Say what say huh?!!! Was this really happening?! And who the hell was this guy she thought I was? And isn't she married?
"Aren't you married to that dancer guy?" WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST DO!!! Fucking idiot.
"Yes but it was a mistake. But I can not do anything about it because the whole world would laugh in my face and tell me they knew it would never work!" She sobbed.
"It is o.k." I said. " I understand." And gave her a hug.
She then kissed me on my neck. I looked in her eyes, and went in. We made out for a good five minutes. Then she stood up and undressed in front of me. It was by far the sexiest thing ever. Then I realized it was Britney FUCKING Spears and that made it wayyy more hot.
She jumped on the bed while I was struggling with my button. Damned Levis.
We made love like I never knew love could be made. Just imagine your greatest fantasy come true and then double it and then add once in the butt. That is how awesome it was.
When it was finally over I rolled over dumbfounded. Not able to speak as most of my experience with her. She smiled and looked at me and gave me a kiss.
"I am going to take a shower and then let's go get some sushi. I need a recharge from all that."
"Uhmba duhh smm." I think were my exact words.
She then went to the bathroom closed the door and I heard the shower running.
I lied there reminiscing on the events that had taken place when the phone rang.
"Hello?" I asked.
"Hi this is Kennedy, a friend of Bill and Helen. I am down in the lobby. I was supposed to pick up Britney at the airport but got caught in traffic." Click.....
I hung up and jumped out of bed and got dressed as quick as possible. The shower was still running so she must not have heard the phone.
I straightened my shirt opened the door grabbed the Gucci luggage and walked out. Never to see her again. Until this...
http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1500021/20050412/index.jhtml
User Reviews
Submitted by tehgareh (user info) at 2005-06-19 14:09:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-19 13:35:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Got my Ubermadness vote.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-04-14 19:06:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope you're black - nothing would be more halarious than a dark baby arising from Britney's ivory loins...
Submitted by CLAIRE1 (user info) at 2005-04-14 11:54:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the advice. Tasted like fresh flowers.
Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2005-04-14 11:44:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You didn't eat her did you? Even so, you may want to get checked out.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-04-14 10:40:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
it's true
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-04-14 10:40:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well done.
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-04-14 10:36:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-04-14 10:32:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was fecking hilarious.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-04-14 10:28:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A nice take on that
Submitted by CLAIRE1 (user info) at 2005-04-14 10:27:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks Spag. But apparently people do not like rating actual writing too much. But they love commenting on pictures.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-04-14 10:16:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is pretty funny.
For a while there I didn't think we were going to get anything but pornography and bitching from you.
You sure showed me.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-04-14 09:48:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
HA HA HA
Submitted by Bayley (user info) at 2005-04-14 09:13:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
that's pretty funny
Submitted by CLAIRE1 (user info) at 2005-04-14 08:20:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well... I thought it was good.