Obituary (887 hits)
Category: NewsRating: -0.04 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bob Polly <tpx187.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2003-04-15 22:56:54 EDT
I saw this on Fraiser the other night, I dont know if its been done here before, and to tell you the thurth I dont really care. But anyways this is an exercise where you write your own obituary how you would like it to be. There can be feats in there that you hope to accomplish, fun facts, or just plain lunacy. Anyways heres how I would like mine to look.
Robert D. Polly
January 30, 1983-October 15, 2043
Robert (Bob) lived a long and vicarious life. He became an accomplished journalist after graudating from Northren Illinios University in 2007. He covered many sports while writing for the Chicago Tribune. After 10 years at the Tribune Bob decided to go into comedy and became a hit sensation with his standup routine "Why dont you go fuck youself". After the tours got to him Bob went into TV with his own sitcom following the footsteps of the many comedians before him, his show "Life with Bobbs" became a smash hit after the first episode. The show was so succesful that later it made into a full length feature.
After doin writing, comedy, Tv, and the movies Bob and his wife of 10 years, Briteny Polly (nee Spears) moved to Hawaii with thier 7 kids, Jim, Mike, Robert Jr, Laura, Daniel, Ester, and Frank.
After gettin sick of all the sun and sand in Hawaii Bob and Briteny moved back to Chicago where they lived in the city. Bob spent most of his times at Chicago Cubs games soon after he decided to buy the Cubs in 2040. Bob turned the team into a winner. The Cubs won the World Series for the first time since 1908 and Bob drank himself to death. He died the way he lived, drunk.
He is survived by his wife, 7 kids, and 30 grandkids. He will be missed by all.
In lieu of flowers beer can be sent to the bleacher bums in the right field bleachers of Wrigley Field, where his prescene will be missed the most.
HAHAHAHHAHAHA now that was fun...
Lets see what ya'all got
Bobbs
User Reviews
Submitted by shkitty at 2003-04-16 02:22:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
how bout... scatmaster?
Submitted by HeavensWalls (user info) at 2003-04-16 01:35:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm giving this post a +2 now because of hidden101's excellent use of the word "turd"...
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2003-04-16 00:56:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Theeeeeeere he is....the biggest douche in the uuuuuuuniverse....
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2003-04-16 00:54:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i think it has something to do with the fact that he is a douchebag.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2003-04-16 00:52:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
how coem everything ddt says is really stupid or makes no senses???????????????????
Submitted by drink_DDT (user info) at 2003-04-16 00:50:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You can never rile me my friend. We all know what ISP's are. And you know what I meant. Write your obit now please.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2003-04-16 00:47:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you're obviously not all the swift, either, dipshit. it was a joke. and yes, you are on an ISP. SOMEONE provides you internet service (whether it be the government or AOL), so that would make it an INTERNET SERVICE PROVIDER. my job is engineering networks, turd. i know how it works. lets say you are on a base LAN. the internet comes from probably something like an OC-3 or OC-12 connection from a civilian company. unless you get the internet by magic over there. looks like i found a nerve on drink, eh? he seems a bit riled. =)
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2003-04-16 00:47:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Interesting...
Submitted by tpx187 (user info) at 2003-04-16 00:46:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I belive so, although I'm not sure. I read about it in a death book I bought. That book had some brazy shit about the worst serial killers and shit. It not only was a good read, it gave me many ideas...just in case
Bobbs
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2003-04-16 00:42:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Is that medieval?
Submitted by tpx187 (user info) at 2003-04-16 00:39:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The best way to kill him would be hangin, drawing, and quatering. Hang his ass, let him wacth his breath escape, then when hes about to die cut his ass down. The cut open his stomach and remove his bowles, he should still be alive. Then cut his still alive body into quaters. Then everyone can take a shit on him, or something of that nature. Its all in good fun, as long as hes dead.
Bobbs
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2003-04-16 00:38:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just like listing ways people can die.
Submitted by drink_DDT (user info) at 2003-04-16 00:37:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
One more time Hidden (you're not all the swift huh?), I'm not on an ISP. It'd be pretty funny to see you even try to enter the same city I'm in. Look up Pan Mun Jom and try to plan a way to get in.
Submitted by EvilZurr (user info) at 2003-04-16 00:36:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i thought we were supposed to be making our own obituaries...
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2003-04-16 00:21:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
-Slice off his head and rip out his heart and watch it beat on a table.
-Inject air into his veins. This will clog his heart and cause him to pass out and die.
-Slice off an arm and watch him die of low blood pressure.
-Remove all of the cartiledge rings in his trachea and watch it collapse.
-Slice him with a knife across their chest and watch him go into hypovolemic shock.
-Hit the cartiledge right beneath the nose and drive it up into his brain.
Hmmm...I just may be back...
Submitted by HeavensWalls (user info) at 2003-04-16 00:20:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Although I see violence as a last resort, I think torture should be a punishment instead of death. I like my idea on my shit post about cutting off someone's hand and pouring itching powder on the open flesh...
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2003-04-16 00:19:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
firefly, i think i just fell in love with you. i just made a comment about how sweet you are in another post, and then you said to kill him, and promptly apologized. that made me smile.
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2003-04-16 00:16:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just strangle him, Hidden? What about:
-skinning him alive
-drowning him like a monkey in a sink
-putting the jaws of life up his ass and extending his crack by a few feet
I will think of more later.
Submitted by EvilZurr (user info) at 2003-04-16 00:12:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
firefly, you need to be more agressive. youre starting to scare me with your overall niceness. thats how all the serial killers are seen. "but they were such a nice person, who knew that they would eat their neighbors and saw their bones into a fine powder?"
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2003-04-16 00:10:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i am with you kill him sorry i did not mean to be violent
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2003-04-16 00:08:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
drink_ddt
born: 8 August 1980
died: 15 April 2003
drink_ddt died because i asked Bart for his logged IP address, paid off his ISP for his address, and came to his house and strangled him to death.
(wouldn't that be cool as hell??? who's with me?!?!)
Submitted by drink_DDT (user info) at 2003-04-15 23:25:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
drink_ddt
born: 8 August 1980
died: 1 January 2099
This guy was so fucking cool. After serving as the President of the United States for eight years, he became a porn star. Everyone worshipped him, he was more popular than Jesus and Allah combined. We will never forget the day he saved so many of our young men from sleeping with fatties. All the girls on Ubersite wanted to bang him, and some of the guys too. Now he is gone, and all we have to remember him by is his legacy. That and the his visage on our one dollar bills.
Submitted by EvilZurr (user info) at 2003-04-15 23:24:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Chris Svolopoulos
May 9, 1986 - May 9, 2003
lived a small and pointless life. was killed by someone. no one took the time to give a damn and look into the murder. in the absence of evidence, police chalked his death up to a suicide by rigging a shotgun to go off from a car located 15 feet away from the site of death. apparently, he was very clever in operating weapons at high velocity without the use of any weapons, along with being beaten, bound, gagged, and covered in hydrogen peroxide to mask his cuts. his family will be holding a wake during the commercials of smallville on May 13th.
Submitted by HeavensWalls (user info) at 2003-04-15 23:14:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm still hoping that Ray Kurzweils ideas and thoughts get implemented into nano-machines to enter our bodies so I can live eternally... just kidding...
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2003-04-15 23:00:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I love big families too.