trigger finger. (poem) (386 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.33 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by jack aholic <theshadypeach2000.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-04-15 16:29:26 EDT
Trigger finger
Just pull the trigger,
watch the bullets fly
See how he slumps over
and catches them in his eye
I snap and let my pistol slide.
And now I'm hearing sirens cry,
Sitting in handcuffs, taking a ride.
So now he's hearing sirens cry
sleeping in bandages taking a ride
Deafen your ears with gunshots
And your heart with hot lead.
Shed your reason and let it rot,
So close your mind and empty your head.
Blind your eyes with a muzzle flash
And let happier times roll past.
But once we look back and wind up dead
We'll wonder why we even bled.
Watch my pistol slide
It sings a tune, tells a tale
It's a pen and a storyteller,
writing endings for all fairytales.
Hate has written today's headlines
"A shooting." they'd say. "two with wounds"
"One man dead, another confined".
One face would be trapped within a wooden tomb
While the pair of eyes behind bars would be mine.
Hate's stories are told in lies and bullet holes
But why he writes, no one cares to know.
Now I'm hearing sirens cry
Sitting in handcuffs taking a ride.
Now he's hearing sirens cry
bleeding in bandages as he dies
why don't you just pull the trigger
And watch the bullets fly
See how he slumps over
as he catches them in his eye
action slides into consequence.
words transform to lead
Now I know where everyone went
Now I know why everyone's dead
It seems to me my finger
Has just pulled the trigger,
Making me commit the murder.
But it seems to me, I figure
It doesn't really matter
Whether someone dies, here and now
....................or maybe later.
cuz in time, we all have to die.
so you gotta live by the trigger
cuz in time, we all have to lie
sleepin' to the morbid lullaby
Of the spade and gravedigger.
Just pull the trigger,
watch the bullets fly.
watch him slump over
as he slowly dies.
The scene ended too soon, too fast
faster than accusations were cast
life flashed in his eyes, too short to last
imagining the things that
would've been, should've been,
wonderin' what his life could've been
I listen to that voice
And pull the trigger
Make that fateful choice
And hate is the winner.
I just put an early end
to all the things that were said
One shot was fired, (no amends),
And two hearts stopped dead.
I Just pulled the trigger,
and watched the bullets fly,
just let my life fall over
as I caught them in my eye.
User Reviews
Submitted by InkyFingers (user info) at 2005-04-16 18:23:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sweet Lord, how do I rate this -10!
Submitted by User10030 (user info) at 2005-04-16 11:10:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I lay here dying,
armed to hell;
I was just trying,
to look cool on my dell.
I didn't have a plan for this;
I was high, not real alert;
I thought killing was glamorous,
But found out real bullets hurt.
I wanted a story,
To tell ubersite,
all bloody and gory,
and how I'm trump tight.
I went in with guns blazing,
And was shot, just once,
this weird sensation, amazing,
like smoking ten blunts.
This gaping wound;
my heart exposed;
my motives impugned;
life and death, juxtaposed.
I found the flaw in my plan;
it's quite entertaining;
to shoot like a hit man,
you need actual training.
Submitted by Draqus (user info) at 2005-04-16 10:58:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
My first post was a poem; it did waaayyyy better than this. My constructive criticism, however, follows thus:
1) not exactly a poem (more like a rap)
2) goes on for too long
3) has no internal structure; rather, each verse talks about the same thing in different terms, over and over again
4) has no sense of finality, conclusion or ending; similarly, it has no real sense of exposition.
Submitted by IcyBlackHand (user info) at 2005-04-16 05:06:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 because I didn't have my contacts in, and it looked like the headline said porn. Fuck You for misleading me
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-04-15 19:28:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
what up, gangsta?
Submitted by Hands_Rambone (user info) at 2005-04-15 19:01:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
all I got is a -2.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-15 17:31:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
meh, gangster
Submitted by ellsmall (user info) at 2005-04-15 16:51:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
A poem for your first post, good choice.
Here's your -2.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-04-15 16:31:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Uh-oh.