Broken lives lead to majestic dreams (Part I) (1573 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.56 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tom <theubertom.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-04-16 00:30:07 EDT
Forenote: the last post I made, which got generally good marks I think, was a quick rough draft of a story I'm going to write over the course of a week or so. It was fast and generally wasn't as hot as it could have been, but I wanted to test the waters and see if the story was generally liked. So, here is part one of "Broken lives lead to majestic dreams"
Juan Hernandez was jolted awake by his alarm clock after a night of mind numbing sex.
"Jesus." He thought to himself as he laid in bed. "What a race." He looked at his bedside table and saw the bottle of Viagra. Juan had suffered from an erectile dysfunction that he would not even detail to his wife, simply out of embarrassment. Naturally, this made her a bit more angry at his disloyalty, as she put it, than concerned about her future sex life. 'Maybe I should just get a hot vibrator', she thought to herself on more than one occasion.
"He's my husband." She'd complain to her girlfriends. "He should be able to tell his WIFE these things." Of course they all agreed. If Juan ever knew that this information about his life had been leaked, he'd have a fit. Juan's inability to control his anger and feelings significantly hindered his ability to act in rational ways, whether it be spur of the moment incident or a long-standing dispute.
While no one in the family ever knew what exactly the problem with him was, it was always just assumed by every party who knew of the problem that Juan Hernandez was incapable of 'getting it up', as he diligently put it to his doctor, Dr. Jones.
"Don't worry." Juan's doctor reassured him. "They'll be delivered to your door discreetly and they'll work for you, I'm almost 100% sure."
The pills had been delivered to his door in the promised discreet packaging two days prior to the evening before and he didn't waste much time chugging his life-savers, as he jokingly called them. That's what led to last night's intercourse. "Fantastic." He smiled to himself.
Betty, his wife, woke up shortly after Juan's train of thought died off. "Wow," she recapped last night's events in her head. "That was just spectacular. I wonder if he's awake?" She looked over her shoulder at the awake, smiling, and occasionally blinking Juan. He looked at her and smiled. She smiled back. They began kissing, and before either of them could think, their intimacy escalated.
The moment he ejaculated, little to their knowledge, their contraceptive devices failed to hold back his seed and it was plunged deep into his wife. Hours later, life was growing within her.
About this time, four and a half miles away, Beth Robertson was waking her son Tommy, a mere eight years old, from his slumber. He stirred in his race car water bed, that he wanted so much to get rid of, but Beth couldn't afford a new bed for him since her husband had died.
Tommy was a beautiful boy. Small, yet bright in disposition. His laugh was the meaning of her life. The reason she woke up in the morning. Beth would not know what she'd do without him. He was extremely fair skinned and had those deep, ocean blue eyes that you could just stare into forever. She sat down on his bed and brushed his blond hair with her fingers. She smiled and nearly cried, but held back. Tommy was hypersensitive and picked up on things of this nature.
"Morning, Mommy." The boy looked into his mom's eyes. He studied the lines on her face closely. The way she pursed her lips when she was thinking, and the way her eyes softly, yet somehow powerfully looked into his. Almost as though she was staring into his soul. As if she knew what he was thinking. It comforted him. He always felt like he knew everything would be okay when he looked at her smiling face. Reassurances like that kept him emotionally secure in his insecure environment.
"Morning, my son." She smiled at him and hugged him close to her. A feeling that she wouldn't soon forget, but she knew she'd miss it when it was gone. It would be gone one day. Her son began to cough almost sarcastically.
"I can't breathe!" He laughed.
"Breakfast is ready." She said to him as she stopped squeezing his frail looking body.
"What did you make?"
"Mashed worms and mummy eyeballs." She said in a gruff voice. Tommy laughed.
"No you didn't!" He accused. She just smiled. He could smell the pancakes. His eyes narrowed a bit. "Those worms and eyeballs sure smell a lot like pancakes.
They both enjoyed the moment.
About four and a half miles away, Juan, with a sense of satisfaction, walked into his bathroom and prepared for his pre-work shower. He started humming to himself. He hadn't been this happy in a long time. For some reason, he found himself humming the song, "What is love?" He thought that it seemed kind of ironic, as he had just been making love not fifteen minutes earlier.
"I guess it's a good morning kiss." He chuckled to himself as he turned his shower on, carefully slipping out of his robe. As he looked at his figure in the mirror this morning, he looked less like a forty-two year old Mexican with thinning hair and more like the eighteen year old version of himself.
"Young," He smiled at himself. "Stunning!" He puckered his lips. "Masculine." He flexed, but then frowned for a moment and patted his stomach. "Slightly overweight." He made a mental note to visit the gym after work.
Two minutes later, Jeremy Hernandez, eighteen years old and the only child, woke up to the sound of his dad singing in the shower. "Again?" He sighed. Jeremy was a spoiled brat. He had been since he was a baby. Jeremy always got what Jeremy wanted. When he was five years old, he was given a puppy that incidentally was neglected to the point of no return. It was so frightened of him it would climb fences to get away from him. Jeremy was a cruel boy to the dog. He often poked it with flaming sticks and threw rocks at it.
One day, the dog ran way and never returned. Jeremy could not have cared less.
On Jeremy's sixteenth birthday, he was given a Honda Civic, which he immediately 'tricked out' with his father's money. This was to drag race on the California freeways with other kids and to have a car that looks fast. "It's almost intimidating that way," he thought to himself when he first drove it into the parking lot of his highschool. He liked it that way. It would raise his status in school even higher. The cheerleaders would love him more. The freshman would fear him more. Jeremy was always the king of his domain.
He knew no different.
On this particular day, he was to find that life isn't really so easy for a rich kid. Hearing his dad singing in place of his alarm clock did not make him happy. In fact, it would be one of the most irritating parts of his day. He was awoken fifteen minutes ahead of his usual schedule. It set him off on a bad foot. He grumbled to himself and threw a shirt on as he prepared to leave his dungeon-like bedroom into the light of day.
To be continued...
User Reviews
Submitted by rollerboognish (user info) at 2005-04-21 15:21:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know how it ends and I'm still looking forward to the rest of the magnified version of the story.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-04-20 16:20:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
like
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-04-20 16:09:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This isn't anything amazing, but if I wrote it I would be pretty proud of it, and you're a couple years younger than me. You are going to be brilliant someday.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-04-16 15:56:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
rather have ED than VD.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-04-16 15:41:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I agree with Bigmike, the flow could do a little better, but I enjoyed the character development a good deal.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-04-16 11:56:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2005-04-16 05:05:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm so tired. Why am I still up? I really don't know.
This was good.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2005-04-16 00:53:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks guys. Consider your words taken into account. I want to spend this next week doing a big more learning and a little less entertaining.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-04-16 00:40:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It's a little choppy Tom, but I won't pass judgement until part two.
Submitted by tlozoot (user info) at 2005-04-16 00:35:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hm, I thought the previous version was stronger. I think if it was tweaked it wouldn't need embellishment.