Strange Men Who Have Tried To Get Into My Pants: Episode V – My Wrasslin’ Ex (2445 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.84 on 48 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Pentameter (View user info) at 2005-04-18 09:07:15 EDT
Frankie was your typical big dumb Italian Stallion - big on brawn and looks, small on brains. His personality was really like no other. He was and still is a show-stopper and is also a very talkative guy. Everyone loved him and wanted to be around him. Being one of our local sports stand-outs, I was completely charmed and impressed by his high social standing in my small town. Plus, I was eighteen and he was twenty-two. I was a victim of Schoolgirl Syndrome.
His father was the one who made the match. He came into where I worked, noticed me right away and said, "You're a nice Italian girl. I think my Frankie would like you. I need to set the two of you up." He lightly slapped the side of my face twice, pinched my cheek and then winked.
A few weeks later, we were dating. It wasn't an exclusive thing, since I had another guy I was seeing and he had another girl. I was fine with that. I guess I liked him, but not enough to cut the other guy I was seeing loose.
I don't even remember how long we were together, but I do remember the precise moment things started to fall apart. He took me down to his school for a weekend during my first semester of college. What I didn't know is that his girl, Yuki, was going to be around.
She was not pleased with my presence. At all.
During my stay, I watched Yuki smash her face off of a cast iron stove when Frankie told her we were going out for dinner. The next day, as we watched the football team practice, Yuki came up over the top of the hill, spotted me and Frankie, then dramatically threw herself over the edge, rolling down the entire length.
"Dude, are you sure you guys aren't serious?" I asked.
"No, we're just dating. It's a loose kind of thing. Besides, I like you better," he said.
It seemed like they were pretty serious to me, and after the course of the next few weeks, I stopped calling him and when I stopped returning his calls, he stopped calling me. There were no hard feelings, which to me meant that apparently I didn't have any real emotional tie to him.
Years went by. I was with another guy and he was married to Yuki. It was Easter Sunday, and on my way out of church, I spotted him.
"Heeeeeeey!" he shouted.
"What's goin' on man?" I asked.
"Nothing. So what's new? Tell me what's up? How are you? Do you have a boyfriend? How's school?"
"Everything's fine," I answered as I continued on my way.
"Heeeey...are you mad at me?" he asked.
"No. I have no problem with you," I said.
"Good. I know that things kind of ended pretty shitty between us. I mean, I could have handled things a little better," he said.
"I thought things ended just right," I said.
"Oh, well, I just want you to know that I always loved you."
"Ok. Well, take it easy!"
After that, every time I saw him, he would throw his arms around me and kiss me and hug me and tell me that he loved me. I wasn't impressed.
A few months ago, I was going to a meeting when I heard someone calling my name across the courtyard. When I turned around, there was Frankie.
"Oh my God what are you doing here? Do you work here? Are you taking classes here? Oh my God you look...wow...just wow. I mean, you're even more beautiful than you were when you were younger. That's hard to do. So how are you?"
"I work here and I'm fine. I'll see you later. I have a meeting to go to and I'm already late," I said as curtly as possible.
"Ok, I'll see you around. I'm coaching the wrestling team so I'll be up here a lot. I love you!" he screamed as I walked away in a hurried pace.
About three weeks ago, I was sitting in my office when Frankie showed up at my door. His hair looked like it hadn't been washed in about a month, he had stubble that was close to qualifying for "beard" status and he was wearing holey sweatpants and a t-shirt that was covered in paint.
A little bit of small talk a little while later, he left. I stared blankly at my computer as I tried to absorb what had just happened, when my boss said, "There's another one who would probably like to be with you."
"Hell no. First, you know I have a boyfriend. Second, he looked like a friggin' bum. You don't come up to me dressed like shit and expect me to fall all over you. I used to date that guy and believe me, he's an idiot."
For the past two weeks, I had to supervise at our Alumni Phonathon. As I stood in the doorway greeting the volunteers, Frankie appeared.
"Oh my God I can't believe you're working tonight. Wow, you look beautiful, just beautiful. How are you? Are you going to be here all night? I just can't believe you're here, this is going to be awesome!" he said as he picked up a hoagie and crammed it into his face.
I sat down at the table and moved the divider so that I would be completely out of his line of sight, although it didn't really matter because he kept getting up to throw SweetTarts at me. About halfway through the night, I got up to have a cigarette, and he followed.
"Hey, can I bum one from you?" he asked.
"Yeah, you can have this one when I'm done," I said.
"But there will be nothing left to smoke," he said.
"Precisely," I answered as I took a mother drag.
"So what's new? Do you have a boyfriend? How are things? You know, every time I see you it just makes my day. I love you. You're beautiful. We should go out for a coffee tonight after we're done here."
"I don't think so," I said.
"Why not?"
"Why? Because you're coming on pretty strong, pal. Maybe if I were with a shitty guy, I would play with fire. This guy that I'm with isn't shitty. I'm not going to play games with him because I care about him too much. I'm sorry, I just think that we should just leave things the way they are," I said.
"I'm not coming on strong," he said.
"I beg to differ. Most of my friends don't hug and kiss me and tell me that I'm beautiful and that they love me. I just feel like there's an ulterior motive here. Besides, if the shoe were on the other foot, I wouldn't be pleased. By saying no to you, I'm being respectful towards him which is all that matters to me. And by the way, aren't you still married?" I asked.
"Yeah."
"So why are you asking me out for coffee?"
"Yuki's in Japan," he said.
"I'm sorry, but it isn't going to happen," I said as I put my cigarette out with disgust in the ashtray.
The night ended without incident, but Frankie showed up at work after that, asked me out to dinner, and called me at work. He showed up at my house twice.
Yesterday was the last straw.
I was laying down with a sinus headache that was making me both dizzy, nauseous and incredibly miserable. Frankie knows me, and he knew that when he saw my car, I was probably home and in my basement. I heard a knock on the door, so I put the hood up on my sweatshirt and went to answer it.
And there he was.
It's a mistake to repeatedly piss me off, and it's an even bigger mistake to piss me off when I'm tired, and the biggest mistake you can make is to piss me off when I'm already pissed, tired and extremely sick.
The first words out of my mouth were, "What don't you understand?"
"Huh?"
"Look, I told you that seeing you around is fine, but going out with you somewhere or hanging out with you at either one of our houses is crossing a line that I don't want to cross."
"I just wanted to see you," he said.
"Seriously, get out of here," I stated.
"Ok, so I guess you mean we can't hang out," he said.
"Yes, you guessed right. Tell your wife I said 'hello,' and give your daughter a kiss for me," I said.
Completely dejected, he gave me a light hug and walked around the side of my house. I walked upstairs and looked outside to make sure he was gone. He was sitting in his Jeep staring at the steering wheel. I went back downstairs and laid down.
This morning, when I went to put some bills in the mailbox, he left a note saying, and I quote: "I'm sorry if I made you angry. I'd like to make it up to you. We should go out for dinner."
All I can say is, "NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUR!" I've been nothing but clear and candid with him. What is there not to understand? I really think that I handled this situation correctly...is it possible that he's that much of a moron?
There may be more to follow....
User Reviews
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-11-16 04:32:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that's nice stalking
Submitted by compEngineer0 (user info) at 2006-08-10 09:32:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:31:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I swear I rated this before.
But if I didn't, take a +2.
-Dave
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-04-19 16:43:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I must have missed the part where you hit him in the face with a brick, and then he started talking like Stallone (even moreso) and ran into the middle of the street to catch the imaginary strawberry popsicle, only to be run over by a Rinker truck. That's how the story REALLY ended. I seen it, Pappy, I seen it!.....
Submitted by Hands_Rambone (user info) at 2005-04-19 12:52:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-04-19 05:09:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
I have to meet this fellow. Maybe he'd lke to see my license plate coming at him at 85mph.
-------------------
Sorry man but I banged her or was it her gay friend.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-04-19 05:09:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have to meet this fellow. Maybe he'd lke to see my license plate coming at him at 85mph.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-04-19 02:13:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A hot and spicy Italian meatball who can't keep the menz away. I know what that's like.
... ok, so I don't.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-04-18 22:27:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a spare room at my house. My last girl freinds stalker never bothered her again after he met me hehehehe im not sure why.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-04-18 20:43:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YES!!!!!!!!
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-04-18 20:31:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-04-18 18:45:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
buy a gun, doll. buy a gun.
or a dog. a vicious little dog.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have guns AND a vicous dog.
...oh, and I like to cripple motherfuckers that harass my friends.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-04-18 20:28:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now when you say srange...?
You need to kick off those Ferragamo high heels and come hang out on the Gulf. I have lots of extra rooms. We'd practically never see each other, unless... Now when you say strange...
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-04-18 18:45:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
buy a gun, doll. buy a gun.
or a dog. a vicious little dog.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-04-18 17:46:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ignore him
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-04-18 17:40:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just stop returning his calls or acknowledging him in any way. Worked the first time...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-18 17:25:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
PukingDog- Don't worry about defending her...you have no shot at getting any pussy here, kissass.
I mean, getting any from anyone. Ever.
So go fuck yourself.
The day I start allowing shitbags like to try and prevent me from expressing my opinion is the same day I beat the living shit out of you in front of your Uncle Ed and Aunt Steve.
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2005-04-18 17:01:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Okay. Not your best, and almost unbelievable. But reaching isn't always bad. For example:
Shlongy, why don't you "reach" that goal of shutting the fuck up?
Or, do something nice for someone for a change and give your boy a "reach" - around?
See? Just two fine examples of reaching...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-18 16:47:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Please...don't continue this fucking story. Frankie's obviously an idiot, and I don't think I need to hear from you or Frankie how "beautiful" you are another 50 times.
Worst one of your collection. A total "reach".
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-04-18 15:33:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a little scared for you dearie - this guy's getting close to full-on psycho behavior...
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-04-18 14:53:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-04-18 14:48:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait a minute, what does "wrasslin'" mean?
-------------------------------------------
I'm sorry, "wrasslin'" is a weird way to say wrestling. He was an outstanding wrestler in high school and is the coach of the wrestling team at the college where I work.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-04-18 14:48:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait a minute, what does "wrasslin'" mean?
Submitted by interchange (user info) at 2005-04-18 13:31:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
At first I was considering blasting you for leading him on. The first half of this story indicates how little you know about men. I'm not defending men -- we're stupid. But it doesn't help your cause if you don't know just how stupid we are.
Anyway, once you told him to fuck off and he wouldn't, this became the whole fat hypnotist from Office Space saying "that's just fucked up" story.
FRANKIE SAY RELAX
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-04-18 13:17:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You attract the best of us, Penta. You're like the soup nazi of dating <3
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-04-18 13:10:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I actually have an ex, just like that, we should hook them up...
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-04-18 12:54:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-04-18 09:16:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
Perhaps an anonymous letter to his wife is in order?
----------
Fuck that, she needs a phone call!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-04-18 12:12:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-04-18 12:00:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-04-18 09:57:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Frankie says relax.
---------
Heh.
Only when going to Hollywood.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-04-18 11:59:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I honestly feel kind of bad for the guy. He's just a really sad individual. I could see Sally Struthers putting together a Telethon for the 'Save Frankie's Sanity' Foundation.
And once again, you've put together a great story. You rock.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-04-18 11:54:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I kill him can I become your new stalker?
Submitted by Hands_Rambone (user info) at 2005-04-18 11:30:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by UberGirl (user info) at 2005-04-18 11:24:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
If he said he loved you than you need to give him a blow job.
--------------
Marry me?
Submitted by UberGirl (user info) at 2005-04-18 11:24:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If he said he loved you than you need to give him a blow job.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-18 11:17:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He obviously doesn't understand the meaning of the word love
to throw it around so casually.
+2 for you not falling for his antics.
-2 for him being a slime ball
+2 Pentameter
-2 slimy guy
oooh looks like you win!
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-04-18 10:41:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
'cause there's something...about mary
freaking eye-tais.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-04-18 10:39:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I work with a girl named Yuki. She always tells me that Yuki means smile in Japanese, however, she's Malaysian. What a wannabe.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-04-18 10:35:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my goal in life is to be one of your strange men...
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-04-18 10:07:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-04-18 10:05:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed. Lots.
Yuki amuses me.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-04-18 10:02:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know, I kinda feel sorry for this guy...
Actually, nope, nope. I don't.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-04-18 09:57:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Frankie says relax.
Not sure why, but it made me think of that.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-04-18 09:56:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wanna slam Yuki's face into stuff!... awesome.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-04-18 09:55:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2005-04-18 09:43:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe you should hire a skywriter to put up 300-foot-tall letters that say "NO WAY, FRANKIE." And have them ready at the drop of a hat. Something's gotta get the hint to this guy.
----------------------
Hahaha! He would probably think it was directed toward someone else, even if I did use his last name.
I've thought about writing a letter to his wife...but she's in Japan and I have no way to track her down.
I do feel sorry for him in a way, because Yuki is INSANE. But, that doesn't give him an excuse to go after other women. He knew what he was getting into before he married her.
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2005-04-18 09:43:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's a sad, sad story, and I'm laughing my ass off.
I shouldn't laugh at Frankie. I know it.
But that letter. Wow.
Maybe you should hire a skywriter to put up 300-foot-tall letters that say "NO WAY, FRANKIE." And have them ready at the drop of a hat. Something's gotta get the hint to this guy.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-04-18 09:35:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I feel sorry for him. Watching Yuki slam her face into inanimate objects probably got tiresome.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-04-18 09:30:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2005-04-18 09:29:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow what an amazing toolbag that guy is
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-04-18 09:28:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Poor, Poor Frankie. What an idiot!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-04-18 09:16:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Perhaps an anonymous letter to his wife is in order?
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-04-18 09:14:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Read the above to define "Clingy"
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-04-18 09:13:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My advice would be to start carrying mace wherever you go Miss Thing.
Good choice of names. ;)