The joys of working nights and coming home to a 7-year-old rascal. (1306 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.76 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Soley (View user info) at 2005-04-19 03:01:58 EDT
I was hoping to get back from work, kick off my shoes, make myself a brew and then chill on the couch until my son's alarm woke him up ready for school. No such fucking luck!
I've been home little over an hour; the time is now 7:50 am GMT. I've had my little man sobbing for the last half hour, which is unlike him. It's not often he cries. He's never been a whiny whinge-bag, albeit this morning he's cried like a little girl with dog shit on her ponytails. I deciphered through his sobs that he's in big trouble with the next-door neighbours. He's obviously been fighting with Jake, the neighbours kid, or so I thought. Nope that's not it. He wouldn't cry over a little scrap with Jake, besides he kicked Jakes ass last time they fought.
I gave Patrick a hug, dried his eyes and told him to go take a shower. 'We'll talk when you've calmed down, son'. He looked at me with those puppy dog eyes and shuffled his way to the stairs. I then made my way into the kitchen to put the kettle on. Whoa! What the fuck is that smell? Something smelt pungent, so I started rummaging through the cupboards to try and finger point the origin of this stench. I looked in the cupboard under the sink. There it was, a green plastic bag, the smell was quite strong. I opened the bag and found a shoebox.
I had a gut feeling that this was Patrick's hamster, Snipa. Instead of opening the box I ran up to Paddy's room and looked in Snipa's cage. No sign of him. Fuck!
Anyway, I've not long finished burying Sniper in the back garden.
Turns out that Patrick and Jake had a little falling out whilst playing out back yesterday evening. Jake threw Snipa the hamster into his pond. Realizing that Snipa would drown anyway, Patrick took a catering container of Vinegar from the kitchen cupboard. He emptied the contents of said container into next-door's pond, killing all their fish.
Now I have to forget about sleep and think about what I'm going to say to the next-door neighbours.
Kids... who'd have 'em?!
Here's a random picture of my son after getting into a fight at school last year. He had to have his head glued. To the doctors surprise there were no tears shed. He must have a high pain threshold. Yet he'll cry like a bitch at the death of a family pet. Shame really, he hadn't noticed that the hamster we buried was in fact Snipa III.
User Reviews
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-19 08:03:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am actually a little perturbed that a young child would work out that vinegar would be an effective way to kill fish. I mean, seriously, evil.
Submitted by Rads_wife (user info) at 2005-06-14 00:45:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/68315
WINNER!!!
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-05-04 09:23:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-22 05:43:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
milf
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seconded. =P
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-04-22 05:57:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yet another post about my son, and how much he kicks ass. http://www.ubersite.com/m/53633
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-04-22 05:55:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Filthy, I would pass on that advice to any other child, but knowing my son and how he has to take things to the extreme, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if Jake was orphaned.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-22 05:43:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-19 15:25:03 (#)
Ranking: 1
Yikes!
Is he yours?
Cool, that means you've "done it" at least once before.
========================
milf.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-04-22 05:30:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heheheheheh, that child rules. Although next time I'd advise him to go after Jake's family. Nothing says "fuck you, I win" like killing somebody's mother in their sleep.
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-04-19 15:36:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Kids, kids, kids you gotta love them when the fuck up the neighbors shit.....
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-19 15:25:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Yikes!
Is he yours?
Cool, that means you've "done it" at least once before.
Submitted by Duke_Diggler (user info) at 2005-04-19 14:00:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by gtz (user info) at 2005-04-19 09:52:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice, nice.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-04-19 09:30:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This line put me away, "he's cried like a little girl with dog shit on her ponytails."
Just amazing. And your kid is a hardass. That's cool.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-04-19 09:16:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This reminded me of that time I let my cat play with my brother's hamster.
"Mom, tell him to shut up, I didn't do nuthin to his hamster".
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-04-19 09:14:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-04-19 04:02:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
I remember that fight.
I would have won if he hadn't caught me with that lucky right hook.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-04-19 07:54:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Your son is an angry, angry young man. You have my sympathies.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-04-19 07:19:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
blimey your son is hard as nails.
Submitted by ze_poodle (user info) at 2005-04-19 06:57:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That kid kicks ass. He reminds me of when I was a kid.
Hehe. I threw a guy into a gong during music class.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-04-19 06:20:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cute little lad...
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-04-19 04:38:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Snipa III ?
Your kid goes through Hamsters like......
Quickly.
-Dave
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-04-19 04:02:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I remember that fight.
I would have won if he hadn't caught me with that lucky right hook.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-04-19 03:57:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your kid is so cute, I'm almost tempted to buy one myself. Where'd they come from?
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-04-19 03:48:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"cried like a little girl with dog shit on her ponytails"
Ok, I'm sold!
Banga
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-04-19 03:38:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Mutually Assured Destruction. woo!
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-04-19 03:16:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for night shift (I'm right here with ya buddy).
+1 for a tough ass kid. Just because he's sensitive doesn't mean he won't whoop ass. That's awesome.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-04-19 03:14:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Excuse the typo's. I'm shattered. Must dash now, Have to get the boy ready for school.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-04-19 03:13:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
He called his dad to fish snipa out of the pond 30 mins after he'd poured the vinegar in there. Apparently during that time Patrick and Jake were exchanging insults. I more pissed of with 'Dad' than I am with 'Son'. Looks like I'm going to have to knock working nights on the head.
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-04-19 03:07:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What ever made him think of pouring vinegar in a pond?? And...did he fish the hamster out of the pond and put it into the shoebox??
I'm confused.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-04-19 03:06:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tell him to skate it off. Suck it up and skate it off.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-19 03:05:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not giving you a puppy.