For Shitfuck (737 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: -0.42 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sarah Prejean <derivablezero.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-04-19 10:04:22 EDT
This is a poem that I wrote, and shitfuck liked. I don't mean that I wrote it for him, or anything. I call it "Revolution".
(my next post will change the world, i promise)
He was zig-zagging to the beat of his own
saxophone, wrapped up inside his head--
waltzed up to her, took her hand and
said "Lady, let me take you somewhere."
She smiled ripe-tomato red, lifted
one eyebrow and her hairline
danced. Then her heels hit the floor.
They danced, stairs spinning like
a merry-go-round running on delayed time.
Onlookers marveled at their graceless
excursion, waiting for a sharp
tumble to their rapture.
Her tassled skirt jitterbugged against
their thighs. His leg moved up,
hers down and around with blurred cardinal
spins composed of sweat and euphoric jazz.
Their hands met, clasped and unclasped and slid
between each other's stomachs. A wonderful
whirled blister gallavanting and panting
to the top of the stairs.
Her stamina sucked him in with furious
determination. "We'll kick this up a bit,"
he said and they burned a hole in the wall
behind them. Forty stagnant eyes stared
in slight disgust, but the world
still spun around them.
Her shoe broke. The music came to a
screaming brass halt. Their eyes fluttered
down the staircase in tumultuous rhapsody while
twenty other pairs looked on. The tumble of
curls atop her shoulders sagged with saltwater
passion. He kissed her with his two-sentence
mouth of charms and strolled down to the audience.
She never asked for his name.
User Reviews
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-04-20 22:21:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-04-19 13:41:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
Not bad. Your phrasing isn't poetic though. This could have just as easily been written in prose form, and it probably would have suited it better. This is coming from someone who doesn't shit on poetry like everyone else here seems to.
Somebody would have to give ETS a spine for him to have one.
I take the easy way out and give him two to the back of the head. What a fucking goof.
Submitted by CLAIRE1 (user info) at 2005-04-20 08:21:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2005-04-19 17:12:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by CLAIRE1 (user info) at 2005-04-19 10:50:17 (#)
Ranking: -1
I am sorry, but if does not rhyme... it doesn't seem to me like you tried hard enough.
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You, my friend, are a fucking idiot. Poetry doesn't HAVE to rhyme.
I, for one, loved it
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I never said it had to ryhme. I just think I respect the person penning peotry when it ryhmes. It is a lot harder to do. And this drivel was just that... Drivel. At least if it ryhmed I would have given it a positive rating for trying.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-20 08:09:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
entertaining, like one of my 2 posts!
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-04-20 05:50:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This was unjustly "hammered".
Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2005-04-19 17:12:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by CLAIRE1 (user info) at 2005-04-19 10:50:17 (#)
Ranking: -1
I am sorry, but if does not rhyme... it doesn't seem to me like you tried hard enough.
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You, my friend, are a fucking idiot. Poetry doesn't HAVE to rhyme.
I, for one, loved it.
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-04-19 15:27:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-04-19 10:13:18 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-04-19 10:11:17 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-04-19 10:09:04 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-04-19 10:05:38 (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry, but this sucks
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2005-04-19 14:33:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I can just see a poet like Keats or Wordsworth penning the title "For Shitfuck".
http://www.ubersite.com/m/64570
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-04-19 13:41:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not bad. Your phrasing isn't poetic though. This could have just as easily been written in prose form, and it probably would have suited it better. This is coming from someone who doesn't shit on poetry like everyone else here seems to.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2005-04-19 13:06:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm sure he'll be very proud.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-19 13:04:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like it.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-04-19 12:56:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
decent
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-04-19 12:36:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sarah, the poetry thing, well, see, it's like this.
Although it's a valid art form, VERY rarely does poetry get any respect around here.
This is the orangutan cage, all we do is throw shit and bananas at each other.
So, if you're gonna write 'poetry', can you do it in prose format?
Hugs,
JonnyX
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-04-19 11:37:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/61408
Submitted by CLAIRE1 (user info) at 2005-04-19 10:50:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I am sorry, but if does not rhyme... it doesn't seem to me like you tried hard enough.
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2005-04-19 10:49:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
He was zig-zagging to the beat of his own
saxophone, wrapped up inside his head--
I like that line.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-19 10:21:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Here's one I wrote for you...
Roses are red
Violets, they be blue
Fuck
You
The end.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-04-19 10:13:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-04-19 10:11:17 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-04-19 10:09:04 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-04-19 10:05:38 (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry, but this sucks
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-04-19 10:12:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't claim to be an expert, but the last time I did English Language badly spaced paragraphs didn't make a poem.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-04-19 10:11:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-04-19 10:09:04 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-04-19 10:05:38 (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry, but this sucks
PS: Baaaa Baaaaaa
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-04-19 10:09:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-04-19 10:05:38 (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry, but this sucks.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-04-19 10:05:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry, but this sucks.