How are you going to support your brown babies? (1571 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.25 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (View user info) at 2005-04-20 10:57:13 EDT
Having studied a style comprising of the best bits of Karate, Aikido, Ju Jitsu and Kung Fu, for the best of five years I tend to have a lot less drama in my life than I used to.
As I always stand with my back to a wall, near to and facing the exit, surreptitiously scanning the crowd, the type of incidents that often befall unwary Uberers usually pass me by.
However last Sunday afternoon (about six'ish) I was relaxing in a "Champagne Bar" (pub) with my excessively beautiful friend (a sort of Chinese Audrey Hepburn) and my girlfriend (who is beautiful to me).
I usually have a problem when I go out with the Audrey clone as every man wants her, right now and for all the skill I've gained, outwardly I look like a nineteen year old boy a push over.
We are sitting peacefully when the drunken protagonist Oscar makes his entrance, loudly booming his greetings to the bar staff, backed up by two skanks and a skinny Anglo Saxon male.
Oscar is a six foot, ugly fat man from Kenya, who attempts to win prestige by looking like he came from an R Kelly video (on a 40£ budget) and his success with the Laydeez.
His style: to approach every woman, hold their hand and sincerely tell them that they are beautiful, that they should be with him (usually whilst standing next to boyfriend) and that they should have his children. He uses the same line on every victim, not remembering that he has met them many, many times before.
I knew him from my days of mixing Reggae, RnB, Hip Hop and Ragga with a friend of mine at the "Champagne Bar", we tolerated him as he liked the music. Everybody there treats him like a joke, just not to his face. He decided that my friend and I were his friends, which meant he was allowed to chat up our girlfriends and playfully punch us in the back.
The first time he came up we were cool, he offered my friend brown babies and fucked off. The second time he offered her more brown babies, now I was getting fucked off.
Then the third time he came up:
O: Hey I don't care that you are married, I know you want my brown babies, call your husband tell him you found a large black man who can satisfy you, that can give you brown babies, that has a large penis (I kid you not). -then starts touching my Chinese friend, who is looking very uncomfortable.
Me: Trying to diffuse situation. " How are you going to support her brown baby, I mean how many have you got?"
O:"Support? I have many brown babies with many women. I don't support them." Then realizes what he has said " are you saying I don't look after my kids, are you saying I can't handle my business? Are you fucking telling me I can't handle...etc."
Me: Knowing his game "Give me two seconds and I will tell you exactly what I said." We are now both staring at each other. "I will start by saying I don't appreciate people putting words in my mouth, if I did not say them, I said "How are you going to support her brown baby""
Oscar carries on with his tirade, making more stuff up, swearing and shouting. I'm getting angry now and when I get angry I get logical "don't you make up what I said, that's disrespect" (yeah, that told him).
He carries on; we are both staring hard at each other. Then my training kicks off, like a wave of cooling water I realize he does not want to resolve this, he's fucking with me, I calmly say "fuck off Oscar".
O: "Don't you talk like that to me boy, I might have to slap you"
Oh goody, a fight! I shoot to my feet "come on then".
Looking down he mumbling and I'm just waiting for an excuse to hit him (we are on camera, I want a nice clear case of self-defense).
O: To Chinese friend "look at him standing there, he's only doing this cause there are girls around"
My girlfriend, bless her heart " fuck off, he's standing up for himself you dick".
Chinese friend is trying to calm him down and I'm just waiting. He starts more threats, I motion to my friend to stop, saying, "no I'm through talking, fuck off Oscar".
He gets up, we stand there staring at each other; the bar staff and the crowd do nothing.
Literally a minute ticks by, I'm getting bored.
O:" I'm going get you for this man, I'm going to destroy you, I'm gonna fuck yo shit up", he hisses trying his best Jay Z death stare and then steps away and walks to the bar.
I sit back down again carry on with my drink, my girlfriend is shaking from the adrenaline rush, I feel perky. Chinese friend decides that we should finish our drinks to show no fear, I agree.
Oscar and pal uproariously reaffirm their friendship with hoots, handclasps, hugging and bouncing their chests together, we ignore them chatting amongst ourselves.
Oscar stands at the bar staring at me, I look around for a bit and then stare back, he's puffing his cheeks up and flaring his nostrils. I can't help but think how much like a weak child he looks in comparison to previous foes, I can't help but smirk. He steps towards me, I stand up, we stare at each other some more. I get bored. His mate walks up and puts his arm round his waist, Oscar starts to struggle "I'm gonna get you for this he" spits, "I'm going to destroy you", his friend "restrains" him.
"Fuck off you fat fuck, I'm right here, have you any balls you pathetic joke of a man?" Ideally for a good story, that's what I would have said, however, for legal reasons I did not. I said nothing.
Things calmed down, a couple came in, Oscar lurched over to seduce the lady, we finished our drinks and left. He didn't even notice.
Since then my girlfriend saw him in town, he then saw her, he then ran away.
User Reviews
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-06-26 01:27:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-04-20 11:15:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
I will if he does anything, have to give people an out.
****************
This little 'nugget'of truth cannot be overemphasized.
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-05-12 06:04:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Easy Killa, I bet you found the email in the junk email folder.
And what is it with this bloke: "You should be beatten to death with pointy sticks"
You should be beaten with a dictionary mate.
Oh and whilst I'm at it; "**He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight.** Sun Tzu"
Yes I did know when to fight and pretty much I "won".
Submitted by 5-meo-DMT (user info) at 2005-05-12 04:39:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You should be beatten to death with pointy sticks
Submitted by killa (user info) at 2005-05-12 04:16:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hello to all Uber!!
New to the whole rate the rant kinda thing.
JJ is a close friend of mine, I know this Kenyan chap, if you have met him this story is so much funnier.
Lata
Killa
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:55:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-04-21 11:45:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
JJ, I'm glad you kept a cool head, and after reading it over again, you didn't do much other than call his bluff and stand your ground. Which, I can't say is the wrong thing to do. "
Thanks WQP, had to draw that line in the sand.
If it was your goal to not provoke him you would've offered to buy him a drink at the bar or something to get him away from your group instead of telling him to fuck off. You're lucky he wasn't carrying a weapon, or worse, medication... especially with the size difference. He would've eaten you alive, and you know that.
There is a history here, I have a very sarcastic wigga friend who was the first person to meet him, he always cuts him down by twisting what he says until he gets confused and embaresed. I tried the same thing, but my mistake was to be too complicated and not big enough to carry it off.
Once he started to make stuff up I would have had to grovel to calm him down, I'm not groveling to a prick who treats my friends this way. But yes buying drinks is effective.
Sorry if what I said about my style made it sound like I thought it was the best, I do incidentally think that it is the best for me, but it is uncool to brag about your style being the best.
I agree with everything else you have said, but I cannot name the style, as it's unique in that if I mentioned the name this post would appear on search engines and I don't want that to happen
I have learnt this style from an ex-Shotokan instructor (third Dan in Shotokan, fourth Dan in current style, he joined about 20 years ago), to start off with you learn some basic Shotokan blocks, punches and kicks to ensure firm basics. Then three Kung Fu hand techniques for circular stunning strikes, then the principle of Aikido wrist locks, then Tai Chi sticky hands techniques, then knife defense, gun defense, Ju Jitsu, sword and other oriental weapons, ad hoc weapons etc.
This counters a multiple of problems with individual styles, they have weaknesses, to try and fuse them creates difficulties in fluidity (an example a kick boxer learning ground fighting, might miss the stage where you go to the floor,).
Ah must leave office soon. Possibly continue tomorrow, I have some questions about Shotokan
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-04-21 11:45:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
JJ, I'm glad you kept a cool head, and after reading it over again, you didn't do much other than call his bluff and stand your ground. Which, I can't say is the wrong thing to do.
If it was your goal to not provoke him you would've offered to buy him a drink at the bar or something to get him away from your group instead of telling him to fuck off. You're lucky he wasn't carrying a weapon, or worse, medication... especially with the size difference. He would've eaten you alive, and you know that.
The reason why I wrote what I wrote is because I have a problem with people who are braggarts about their style being the best (i.e. "Having studied a style comprising of the best bits of Karate, Aikido, Ju Jitsu and Kung Fu, for the best of five years"). Of course you think that, why else would you be studying it?
Seriously, where did you learn this mashed potato style you're talking about?
I could tell you a lot of stories about tournaments I've been in where I layed out people who scoffed at the fact that I train in Shotokan. Forget fancy shmancy technique, if you can't do the basics you will get your ass handed to you. On top of that, if you can't adapt your training in a way that suits your strengths and body type, you won't be successful either.
Did you learn JKD or is it a street fighting class?? I am curious.
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-04-21 07:17:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Ahhh, yes. This is the classic 'fuck off oscar' technique used prolifically in many Kung Fu styles.
Gimme a break. "
"I think it was your dick and not your training that kicked in. If your training had kicked in, you would have found a way to diffuse the situation. If your training and brain had kicked in, you would have found a way to diffuse the situation while saving face. "
I never said that I was happy at the outcome or the way I handled it, I now will have to look over my shoulder for evermore. This is not the full story, I cut allot out of it because if I went through every thought process and nuance it would have been a book.
Q and L: It would take another four books to break down the style (it is not Kung Fu), I could mention over fifty incidents when I diffused the situation. But once he stopped listening and started making up my part of the conversation, he was building up his confidence to move to violence.
If I hadn't cut it off, he would have come closer shouting, then have gone nose to nose (I could have been overcome by sheer size), then the pushing would have started and it would have been on his terms.
I will at some point write up the beating I took when I was fifteen, over absolutely nothing and as I tried to explain why we should not fight he just kept on hitting me. That's not going to happen again.
I did try to diffuse it whilst trying to save face, he didn't take the hint, he was fucking with me and I called him on it. If it was my dick that kicked in I would have stayed hot blooded, ripped him apart with of few choice words, tricked him into swinging, smashed him to the floor and stood over him pissing on his head (how's that for an image). But I am not like that because at the end of the day I pity the fool, but I'm not going to let him fuck me to maintain his fantasy world, that was his Karma, he was going to pick on somebody who would not back down.
What I meant by my training kicking in is that any fear that I had left me, I calmed down and felt relaxed and ready. He picked up on this and it scared him, he blustered and backed down.
Immediately when he was gone, I checked with my companions who did not have a problem with my actions, you were not there please don't judge, I did my best and nobody got physically hurt. Most men when faced with what he was doing to my friend would have glassed him, he was being that offensive.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-20 22:22:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Forgot my +2
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-20 22:00:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-04-20 12:19:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
Stupid niggers.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-04-20 21:46:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think it was your dick and not your training that kicked in. If your training had kicked in, you would have found a way to diffuse the situation. If your training and brain had kicked in, you would have found a way to diffuse the situation while saving face.
**He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight.** Sun Tzu
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-04-20 13:26:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Somebody needs to tell that guy that "brown babies" is slang for turds. He's offering to give these women turds.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-04-20 13:20:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Then my training kicks off, like a wave of cooling water I realize he does not want to resolve this, he's fucking with me, I calmly say "fuck off Oscar". "
---
Ahhh, yes. This is the classic 'fuck off oscar' technique used prolifically in many Kung Fu styles.
Gimme a break.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-04-20 13:17:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
O: Hey I don't care that you are married, I know you want my brown babies, call your husband tell him you found a large black man who can satisfy you, that can give you brown babies, that has a large penis (I kid you not).
_____
Miss Manners says that the proper way to handle this would be to reply, "No thank you, I do not wany any nigger babies at this time."
Calling them wogs or darkies is rude and insensitive.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-04-20 13:14:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What a piece of trash. You should have done us all a favor and removed him, and all his brown babies, from the gene pool.
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-04-20 12:39:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes you are right "Right.... your steroetypical nigger. "
He is, but I do find them funny. It's only when they start groping your friends that it starts grating.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-04-20 12:33:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-04-20 12:30:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
"Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-04-20 12:19:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
Stupid niggers. "
No, he was just an asshole perpetuating a stereo type.
-----------------
Right.... your steroetypical nigger.
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-04-20 12:30:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-04-20 12:19:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
Stupid niggers. "
No, he was just an asshole perpetuating a stereo type.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-04-20 12:19:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Stupid niggers.
Submitted by canadia (user info) at 2005-04-20 12:02:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice!
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-04-20 11:57:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nothing like a true story for weirdness and AshK I had to supress the giggles throughout the confrontation.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-04-20 11:49:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well that was odd
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-04-20 11:42:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me laugh.
Lots.
Submitted by Flak (user info) at 2005-04-20 11:21:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Time for a "beat-down"
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-04-20 11:15:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-20 11:12:44 (#)
Ranking: 1
Fuck him up, matey.
I will if he does anything, have to give people an out.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-20 11:12:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Fuck him up, matey.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-20 11:06:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I dont know karate, but i know crazy