Happy Birthday Mein Führer...and other musings (1006 hits)
Category: HumorLabels: ETS_Comedy_Writing
Rating: 1.75 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (View user info) at 2005-04-20 11:02:31 EDT
Musing1:
It's 4/20!
It's Hitler's birthday!
If that doesn't signal it's party time, then my name ain't "The Savior Formerly Known as Jesus".
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Musing2:
The Bible says that Jews are God's chosen people, but it doesn't really specify how he arrived at that choice does it? For all we know, and judging by the manner in which most of his followers conduct business, God either:
A: got scared that if he didn't choose the Jews, they would strike him down (perhaps a valid fear)
B: played eenie meenie minie moe and caught a nigger by the toe, but then he decided he didn't want Jesus to end up being black for the sake of the New Testament's grammatical correctness...same with the Mongoloids
C: wear his sunglasses at night... in a room full of brick walls
D: clearly didn't have all the facts, and thus tried to hide this fact by
E: reached in the red Scrabble bag and pulled out a 'Jew' -
"Fucking hell!" said God. "How am I supposed to fit this shit into the Word!?"
F: figured he was God, and could do just about any 'ol random and irrational thing he wanted, and nobody could say SHIT about it, bitch!
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Musing3:
What would Hitler's birthday party be like? Would there be clowns? I'd like to think so. It might be a bit of a rigid affair without clowns.
Would a clown be required to drop his sqeezie horn when he saluted the führer?
With all the ovens occupied, where would they bake the cake?
When the führer blew out his candles...what do you think he would wish for?
If there was 'Pin the Tail on the Donkey' would Hitler be a sport and play along, or would he humbly decline? Would he fuck with all the other participants, yelling "ATTENTION" right at the moment they were about to pin the tail on the donkey, effectively causing them to miss badly?
Would there be piñatas??? A plethera of piñatas??? If so, would they be filled with poison gas...just for amusement? I like to think so!
Here's to you, Adolf...
Happy birthday!
If only you'd picked on one neighbor at a time...
User Reviews
Submitted by Shizae (user info) at 2005-04-20 23:09:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Glücklicher Geburtstag, Mein Führer.
Submitted by WookieSuave (user info) at 2005-04-20 22:59:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
See "Downfall"
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2005-04-20 20:01:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Call 213-DU WERDEST EINE KRANKENSCHWESTER BRAUCHEN WEIL ICH DICH SCHLAG!!!
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-04-20 19:49:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't see this. I guess you beat me to it.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-20 19:44:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"ACHTUNG!"
"Ach, mein mule!"
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-04-20 19:35:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Fuck the pope.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-04-20 18:49:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
your mother gave me a warm tuna smoothie.
on a side note, this was alright.
Submitted by Freakmagnet (user info) at 2005-04-20 18:34:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Am I a Nazi if that cake looks delicious?
Submitted by Kamargo (user info) at 2005-04-20 16:07:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<Insert witty comment here>
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-04-20 14:02:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet the Nazis told the Jews that in honor of 4/20 and Hitler's birthday, they could inhale all the gas they liked.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-04-20 13:51:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Personally I'm more interested in 'Pope Ratzenburger - The Flesh-Eating Pope'. Marvel as he rampages through the holy city like some sort of deranged hat-wearing godzilla.
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2005-04-20 13:49:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think Hitler would have had a "moonwalk" ride at his party. Them nazis shore be lovin' dat moonwalk ride.
Submitted by notoriousbrett (user info) at 2005-04-20 13:39:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha
Submitted by Duke_Diggler (user info) at 2005-04-20 13:37:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow. this was unbelievably funny to me. where'd they bake the cake with all the ovens full?
hahaha.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-04-20 13:34:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And that should've been a +2.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-04-20 13:34:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You do realise that Hitler topped himself...
it was the huge gas bill that done it.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-04-20 13:11:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
They did have pinatas at Hitler's birthday party, but they didn't call them 'pinatas', they called them 'Jews'.
Oh, and when you hit them, blood came out, not candy - but still fun though!
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-04-20 12:35:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There was ice cream as well, but with the city on fire and all, it was a bit difficult keeping it from melting.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-04-20 12:28:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
that cake looks fucking phenomenal.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-04-20 12:13:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What's the differnce between a Jew and a loaf of bread?
The bread doesn't scream when you put it in the oven!
Bu dum dum dump
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-20 11:40:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
How many jews can you fit in a VW Bug? 2 in the front 2 in the back and about 1 million in the ashtray. Bud dump dump.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2005-04-20 11:37:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And just why did Adolf kill himself?
He got his gas bill!
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-04-20 11:28:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I suppose Hitler did not blow out his candles at all. I bet that he had them shaped like little jewish people and just clapped with glee until they were all burnt out.
I shall join you in hell.
I find it odd that we both discussed the jews being 'gods chosen people' in our most recent posts.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-20 11:25:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-04-20 11:20:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HB Adolf
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-04-20 11:17:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you are going to hell for this entire post
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-04-20 11:11:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice rant!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-20 11:09:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Who's Hitler?
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-04-20 11:08:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's also my ex-girlfriend's daughter's birthday...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SCRAWNY!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-04-20 11:07:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thought you could sneak that Three Amigos ref by me, didn't you.
Today also happens to be my beloved mother's 57th birthday. Happy 4:20 mom!
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-04-20 11:05:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I love how I just leave thoughts uncompleted.