Poopy Pencil Box (799 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.8 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <ejryu.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-04-20 11:19:36 EDT
Refer to the first two paragraphs of http://www.ubersite.com/m/62716 for a brief description of my older brother, Jerud.
Early one summer in my childhood, we got some new neighbors kitty-corner across the street from us. The mother of this family just wouldn't stop popping out children. I swear there was an average of 1.5 children in each grade K-6. Don't ask me how the math on that one works, as there weren't any sets of twins, but...that's just the way it is. Now these folks seemed nice enough and had done nothing to offend us, really.
We set up a tent in the backyard. By we, I mean Jerud, my younger brother Jordan and myself. Jerud had this fetish for wearing all black, great white ninja style and prowling the streets of our quiet redneck community. Since Jerud liked to do this, my choice was either to go along or have something horrible happen to me.
Anyway, we're sneaking around in stylish black sweatpants and whatnot. Jerud comes up with this fantastic idea. He wants to welcome the new neighbors. Jerud's kind of a creative guy when it comes to doing stuff you're not supposed to. Earlier this particular evening, he'd watched the classic movie, Billy Madison. Light strikes his brain and he thinks that a flaming bag of dog poop would be a stellar welcome wagon for the new neighbors. We've got a dog, no problem! Some jerkface had just scooped all of it up that day so we weren't going to get anything that way, which leads to Jerud's next great idea...human poopy. Now I'm not really sure why he chose me, but I guess nervousness and the desire to not fail lead me to work on the baking of the brownies. We also lacked a paper bag outside. Jerud always had a lighter on him, so that wasn't a problem. Going inside the house wasn't an option, because god forbid we wake up our parents.
After scouring the giant "toy chest" (a large wooden box that had odds and ends - plastic toys, baseballs, basketballs, tennis rackets, koosh balls, etc) we find a suitable replacement - an old pencil box. Wasting no time, Jerud instructs me to take this pencil box and do my business behind the shelter of a car parked next to the side of our house. Do you have any idea how tough it is to muster out a turd when two of your brothers are on the other side of the car laughing their asses off? And to make it land in a pencil box? There was no familiar spalsh of water, either! But it was done. Part of the deal was that I wouldn't have to drop it off myself, since I did the grunt work. Heh, I said grunt work...
Setting a plastic pencil box on fire wasn't Jerud's cup of tea, mostly because you couldn't really stamp it out. I mean you could, but it wouldn't be the same effect as a brown paper bag engulfed in flames, you know? He lived up to his part of this deed and put it on their doorstep, rang, and ran like hell. Classic execution. We'd pulled this one off flawlessly!
...until the next day, when the boy around Jordan's age confronted him. What'd he say?
"Tell your dipshit brother E.J. to take his name off the pencil box next time"
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-20 12:10:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha, funny shit.
see what i did there?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-11-18 18:04:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Here you go Captain Morgan.
Submitted by yermom (user info) at 2005-06-15 16:57:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hehe poo
Submitted by Rads_wife (user info) at 2005-06-13 23:31:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/68315
WINNER!!! WINNER!!!
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-04-20 15:40:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Too friggin' good.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-04-20 13:54:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe the punchline isn't that great because it's a true story. Point being, I took a dump in a pencil box and it was funny. Be careful or I'll send one to you!
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2005-04-20 13:23:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Some friends of mine did a similar thing once. Only we used a paper bag with a liberal dose of gasoline to make sure it caught. The bag was lit, the trap was set, and we waited in some nearby bushes for the hilarity to ensue. Well, nobody ever came to the door (I guess they weren't home) and the fire began to spread to the yard. Needless to say, the masterminds behind the prank felt obligated to put put it out and fell victim to their own carefully laid plans. What a riot.
Submitted by Recalcitrant (user info) at 2005-04-20 13:05:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Still a great story, but for some reason I didn't die laughing like I expected I would from the punchline.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-04-20 13:03:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that's pretty good!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-04-20 12:34:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHA!
Good one.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-04-20 11:59:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good one.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-04-20 11:53:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AAAAAAAAAAAahahahhahahahaha
Submitted by canadia (user info) at 2005-04-20 11:50:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
crazy kids!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-04-20 11:37:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No guinea pigs were harmed in the making of this post.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2005-04-20 11:27:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome!
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-20 11:25:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
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