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climbing (464 hits)

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Rating: 0 on 1 review (Rate this item) (V)
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Submitted by Bukowski (View user info) at 2005-04-20 15:41:11 EDT


Hour Two:
No more watermelon and no more tigers. Now we're at the mountain lion. Or is that a cougar? If this bench were not so comfortable, maybe one of us might get up off our asses and go read the little sign. But it's not worth it, I would much rather sit here, under this canopy of vines and spider webs and watch this big, angry cat pace back and forth in front of the glass, panting so hard it growls with every breath. What is that smell?
I turn to look, and you're no where to be found. Not to worry, I know you will be back. Next thing I know, you're beside me again, and you brought me something. It's that smell, jasmine, a big fluffy purple flower. How did you that happen? Did you just read my mind and know I was wondering where that odor came from? Good call. "I like it," you say as you slip it in the pocket of my t-shirt. Thanks, so do I.
With that, we get up off the bench, and make off down the path of cats. A snow leopard, an ocelot or two, and some leopards. Great, there is a crazy lady, and of course she wants to tell me something. No, she wants to teach me something. She wants to teach me how to play with a cat. Shit woman, I have a cat at home, go play with that while I'm at the zoo looking at animals, I don't want to talk to you......Why did she have to be standing in front of the best one of all the cats, the black leopard?
Just across the way there's a bear..... Have you ever noticed how funny a bear's back feet look?.....Wow, that block of ice looks good, where can I get one of those? Of all the food people are carrying around, pizza, roasted corn, snow cones, why am I jealous of the bear's block of ice? Man, I'm weird. No more bears, let's go. Next are the rhinos.... And a bench. Thank God.....Rhinos are about as close to dinosaurs as anything you can find. They're big and dumb, with thick skin and a horn. What a simple life, the occasional mud bath and every tree means a good back rub. This bench is perfect, it is comfortable, it is in the shade and the wind is starting to pick up. I think we'll stay here a while.

Hour Three:
Alright, we've been here long enough, and I know someone else wants to take this bench. By now, you're curious, but not enough to care. You want to know how I feel, but it isn't obvious, not yet at least. "I'm thirsty, I want a Diet Coke" you say. Perfect timing, right in front of us, no more than twenty yards is a huge cooler with more Diet Coke than you could ever drink. It's not free, of course, that would be just too convenient.
Twenty ounces later we are standing in front of an animal I'm not entirely sure should exist. They say it comes from Africa, but I don't think it is natural. It has a reddish brown body and the long neck of a giraffe, but its legs are thicker than a giraffe and are the black and white like a zebra. This is too weird.....Okapi, I'll have to remember that.
Now to the elephants....What a shame, the elephants are your favorite, but you can't enjoy them. Just too many people. Bye, elephant. Here we go up the ramp to look at the turtles and ducks. Wow, that's a lot of turtles. "Wait.....come with me," you say as you grab my arm and pull me down the ramp and around the corner. What is it, I think to myself. Then I see it.....two alligators. What ugly creatures. I can't help but think about the boots and belt I'd have if I were to see one of these guys in the wild. Down the path we go to the Komodo dragon. Ugly too, and even more intimidating. He's smaller than an alligator, but there's a reason they have this guy behind shatterproof glass. Once again, too many people. Now to the reptile house. Nothing here really, except the albino alligator..... I think I need a new wallet and a briefcase too.....Not much left to see now, I'm glad we saved my favorite for last.


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User Reviews


Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-04-20 15:46:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

L R L R X Y Y X L R

*YOU NOW HAVE UNLIMITED AMMO*

haha, suckas!


Why did this have to happen now, during prime time, when TV's
brightest stars come out to shine?

-- Homer Simpson
Brother Can You Spare Two Dimes?