Happy Deathday To Me! (914 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: these_actually_mean_something_to_me
Rating: 1.79 on 32 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Darko (View user info) at 2005-04-21 00:01:20 EDT
We've all been there. That state of depression. You know the one, where you just quit feeling like getting out of bed is a good idea and that there's no fucking point to life anymore. Some of you may still even be in that state. I know I used to be in it for a long time. It cost me a lot and like many college kids I was kicked out of college. I felt like I had no control over my life.
Well it was a year ago today when I attempted to take charge of my life. I know I probably didn't go about it the best way, but I tried to kill myself. I figured there was no point in living anymore, and that there was nothing to look forward to. I grabbed a large glass of water and took 70 Tylenol PMs. I then do what any sane person would do who just tried to kill themselves; I sat down and started reading The Catcher in the Rye. I proceeded to read 3 chapters before I started throwing up and then I blacked out.
The next memory I have at the hospital was a nurse standing over me and trying to paint my finger nails green. I pulled them away and then started asking why she wanted to paint my fingernails. I remember her calling for the restraints and then blackness again.
The hardest part was waking up next to family members asking for me to explain why. The one thing about suicide, you better get it right the first time or else you know the pain you will be causing your loved ones. Make no mistake about it, suicide is selfish. All I could concentrate on was how to ease their pain, to let them know it was never them, it was me. So I did everything to let them see what they wanted. Played the psychiatrists like a fiddle, took anti-depressants, and made it seem like I was improving. It was all a lie though.
The truth is I did die that day. When you go through an experience like that you cannot be the same, or else you never really expected to die. The person that everyone had gotten to know was gone, and all that was left was a shell to try to reassemble the pieces of a shattered life and to mend the fragile relationships. And as soon as I woke up in the hospital I had already been changed forever.
The past year has been different, almost as if I have had to cram an entire life time into the past 12 months. But this isn't about me, it's about the guy that died on April 21st of 2004. He was a great thinker, albeit a troubled one. He had the right idea, that suicide can be the answer, either way your life is over as you know it, and he had the courage to finally get out of the funk he was in and take action. Most of all though I am glad to see that he has passed on, and can now forever rest in peace. Happy Deathday to him, Happy Deathday to me.
(I typed in reborn on google and this is what I got.)
User Reviews
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-04-21 05:43:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you don't
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-04-21 05:37:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How do I follow this up?
Submitted by a_little_more_time (user info) at 2005-07-12 02:45:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
To offset another needless -2, to give respect, to something most people wouldn't want to admit they can relate.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-04-24 23:32:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2005-04-24 23:17:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, this was a really heartfelt post. It's great that you can just come out and say it.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-04-24 10:38:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2005-04-23 12:16:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
"We've all been there"
nope
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2005-04-23 12:16:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"We've all been there"
nope
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-21 16:01:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
For not doing it.
I went through depression back in the mid 90's after my father died at a very young age. Diagnosed as bi-polar... after a year of trying to find the right meds to be on...and another year to find the right dosage....the clouds one day at random, parted, and I haven't been "sick" since.
Depression sucks. Life is pretty cool.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:49:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm genuinly surprised at how well this was received.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:57:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The only thing worse then dying is not staying dead ---> http://www.ubersite.com/m/59994
Awesome post by the way.
Submitted by canadia (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:52:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pucking up pills sucks...
I hope things are good for you now!
Submitted by maximus3000 (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:47:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Only minutes after I wrote about the way I'm feeling at the moment. strange.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:40:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
if i had anything to say, i'd just mess it up.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-04-21 07:51:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
These kind of experiences are very positive. It's only through this kind of deep introspection that a person can truly understand the complete nature of themselves. Look at it this way, you know what your fears are, why they are there and how they affect your needs as a human being. Consequently you know what you need to get your shit together.
To put it another way you actually know how to be happy. Most people SAY they know but they don't really. That's one of the reasons you see so many men in mid-life crisis, so many people with no clue.
I guess I'm saying that you shouldn't write off the past (you'll still want to bury it mind) because it has enriched you.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-04-21 05:01:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-04-21 02:15:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
That's what you get for having an apple, next time get a real fucking PC.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-04-21 05:00:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Darko: Happy deathday to you. And happy death day to you.
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2005-04-21 04:35:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was thinking, this is your new life as you had said. And the first year of anyone's life is never anything that special or worth remembering. When Ozzy was that age he wasn't a rocker, when Conan was that age he wasn't a comedian, when Christopher Walken was that age he wasn't creepy. I guess my point is that the first year of life whether it be this one or the last won't be anything worth remembering. But after this first year is when the better things really start coming. I would say that just because the old Darko died a year ago doesn't mean this Darko can't be someone great.
+2 (because there isn't a +3)
Submitted by DerivableZero (user info) at 2005-04-21 04:12:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Suicide IS one of the most selfish things that anyone can do... And I am incredibly glad that you have realized such. Happy Deathday, and may you never need another.
Keep on keeping on.
Submitted by dwr_budr (user info) at 2005-04-21 04:09:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
There really is something... freeing... about reaching the point when you give up all hope. Good attempt at describing it.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-04-21 03:55:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was a well piece. I hope the darko born a year ago now has the hope, faith, courage an dconviction to make the most of this new life.
All the best to you.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-04-21 03:17:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-21 02:22:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You made me cry emo tears.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-04-21 02:06:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2005-04-21 01:42:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One of my friends also said the same thing about suicide. Some people just don't want to be alive, and although it's hard for us to accept because most of us want to live sometimes you just gotta let go.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-04-21 00:48:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was a good heartfelt read. I like the positive feel about a dark and dire subject.
Submitted by chronic_one (user info) at 2005-04-21 00:35:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
...more drivel..
-2 DIE
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-04-21 00:21:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
-2 DIE
or +2LIVE. Either/or.
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-04-21 00:20:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-21 00:17:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hear you all too well.
Hope you dont get bombarded with -2's from the jerks.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-04-21 00:08:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-04-21 00:08:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh trust me, I know the -2s are coming. I figured my rating was too high anyways. Don't worry people, I'll be back to posting crappy parody posts in no time.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-04-21 00:06:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heartfelt, true. +2.
Sadly, you will be -2'ed by those claiming you're an emo pussy. I sympathize in advance for you.