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Submitted by C o r n Nu gg et (View user info) at 2005-04-21 00:56:38 EDT
Upon moving out to the boondocks to live with my mom, I have found that I have nothing to do. At all.
Sure, I have things "to do", like random painting, reading, working, writing, shopping (ugh, I've been on a binge)... but nothing "social" to do.
Before I moved here I would take the five minute drive to a friends house and sit around, talking, watching movies, having beers, etc... If I was bored and nobody was home, I could drive downtown and go to a coffee-shop, where I'd inevitably know someone, and waste time there.
Or I'd jet over to the mall or the shops on State St. and putz around.
Sometimes I'd take Ole Xander for a walk in the park.
Once in a while I'd swing over to my neighbors apartment and chill in his hot-tub. (yes, he did install a full size hot tub on his patio- it barely fits, but what the hell do I care?)
If I was FULLY bored, I'd drive out to my parents house and sit around talking to dad about nothing.
And now I live out here. Living an hour away from my hometown for seven years made one thing change- I lost contact with all of my old friends.
I called one of them the other day, let her know I was back in town, and "lets hang out". Apparently she has moved in with her boyfriend, and they don't hang out much, but I was more than welcome to come over anytime.
I went to highschool with both of them, and I liked both of them, but for some reason I just CANT get myself to go over to their house.
It seems like it would be some random uncomfortable rediculous thing. We'd all chit-chat and suffer through small talk. Then we'd have a few beers to loosen up (although we wouldn't say WHY we all felt the need to drink, we just would...). After a drink or ten we'd get that false sense of comradery, and start to have a good time.
You know, that always happens when you drink.
Then the next day I'd feel shallow and empty, bemoaning the loss of my social skills and beating myself up over my drinking habits. I would also have said something stupid, insincere or off the wall at some point while drunk, and the next day I would focus on that one stupid thing I said, and then I wouldn't want to be around them again.
I have no idea why I think that's what it would be like, but I'm sure of it.
Okay, I know why I think that. Because when I first moved to Ann Arbor, years ago, I invited them to my apartment. We sat around the electric-fireplace (aka stove) eating creme brule and sipping wine.
We obviously had too much wine because my friend began crying over her mother, I began crying because my friend was crying, and her boyfriend sat on the floor with his blowtorch in his left hand (the torch was used for the aforementioned Brule) and the empty wine bottle in his right.
Then he began to cry, saying he was sad that we were out of wine.
That night I remember feeling very connected with both of them. The next day I woke up and thought, "what the hell happened to us?", and we went two years without talking.
I'm not sure why.
What the hell am I going on about? Anyway... so I am reluctant to rekindle old friendships for fear of failure, I suppose. That's my diagnoses anyway.
Then I have other random friends out here, but they all live with their boyfriends and work normal 9-5 jobs, and they just want to sit home and watch tv durring the week, and go to bars on weekends.
I can't go out on weekends because of my job, and I hate watching tv, expecially if someone else is watching with me. I like to be able to change the channel whenever I choose, which is often, and I hate feeling obligated to please them.
It's not reasonable for me to spend time with my old work friends, either... they all live two hours away now, and as much as I enjoy going to the bar with that motley crew, I can't drink all night and drive two hours home. Nor can I stay out overnight, because that would cause my mom to have heart-failure from watching my dog for too long.
Then I have my sister and her fiancee who live right near here. I'm comfortable enough with them to hang out and do nothing, but I just can't.
My Problem: I can't do nothing with someone else. If I do nothing I must do it alone.
I have NO IDEA why I feel this way. I watched TV for half an hour at my sisters house today, then I felt anxious and restless, so I went home. When I got here I turned the TV to the channel that we had been watching at her house, and spent the next two hours watching TV here, alone. I was very content to be doing that.
Jesus Christ, I need to get to the point.
My point is this- when you're in a relationship you have plenty to do, or not do. There's the comfort and contentment between you (in most cases, eh?). I'm talking of that whole companionship thing. Even in my past relationships (both the happy ones and that kinda stupid annoying ones) I have felt this comfort in being able to call him anytime I chose, talking to him about whatever I had on my mind, going out to dinner whenever... It was comforting to always have someone handy whenever I felt the desire to do something (or not do something).
Now I'm single. Shit, I've been single forever if you don't count the retards I've dated in the past... all those little two month flings I'm so good at... and I have nothing to do, and it's starting to wear on me.
I feel like I should be doing SOMETHING, but what the fuck do people do? All of my friends are in relationships, and content to have each other, sit home and do nothing, etc... I have ZERO single friends.
Not one.
But you know, even if I did, what would we do? Go to bars? Join a fucking book club?
I always feel like single people are always on the prowl. They hang out with people just to try to network and MEET someone. I could give a shit about all that. Why can't single people just be single and do stuff?
But what stuff? The stuff I like to do is solitary (like I said earlier, writing, reading, painting, and even shopping- because I hate shopping with other people). So what do people do with other people that doesn't involve drinking, drugs, or sex?
I'm sure there is an obvious answer, but I'm frankly oblivious.
Okay, what would I like to do with someone? Well, I like talking to people, one on one. Having those deep conversations about everything or nothing. I hate structure. The idea of doing something in particular every Tuesday night (like bowling league or someshit) stresses me out. I can not commit any one particular night for anything.
And people need to stop getting married. I'm gonna be a bridesmaid AGAIN. Not that I mind, cuz I love the girl, but fucking shit man, my closet is getting full of dresses that I'll never wear again, and it's making me sad.
Not really sad. But something. I feel some way about these dresses, but I dont know how, and it's not relevant.
Oops, I thought I was done but I'm not.
This is the root of the problem-
I am always always bored and I never feel like I'm stimulated or busy enough. Today was my day off, and this is what I did:
Woke up, fought with mom.
Went to my old job and talked to everyone for a good hour or two.
Went to my friends house up there, found out she's engaged, talked to her about her wedding.
Went to pick up a bridesmaid dress for a wedding in June.
Took the dress to the tailor.
(all of this took a long time to do, since I live SO FUCKING FAR A GOD DAMN WAY)
I got home around five, my sister invited me over for dinner. Stayed there until 8.
Came home, watched TV, read, ate 3 little debbies. They were so good, too. But many many many calories.
So I did quite a bit today, but the whole time (and still) I have this feeling like I'm bored. That last bit may or may not be relevant, and I may or may not be just pointlessly rambling, and I may or may not be overthinking. I'm sure you didn't read this far, but here's a picture of a cute squirrel and his tree that was cut down today because mom was worried it would somehow fall on our house, even though it didn't seem to be in any degenerative condition.
Don't worry, the squirrel doesn't live in that tree, nor was he in it once the cutting commenced.
User Reviews
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-04-25 02:16:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry for crossing the line.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-23 00:37:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Corn.. you gotta shake off the haters.
Let's you and me run away together.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2005-04-23 00:21:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i love squirrels :(
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-04-22 09:39:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-04-21 23:47:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
WTC- who the fuck ARE you?
Some people just like to bitch. When I write nothing but fiction people want to know "whats going on in your life, really? I miss your old rambling posts", etc...
---
Quit being so self-important and learn to deal with ratings you fucking whinner. Or stop posting.
You have talent in pissing people off with your self-centeredness. Me thinks YOU were the retard in those relationships.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-04-22 09:37:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Caul, good job at being a condesending dick. Don't worry, I'm used to it."""
I don't owe you anything. Go fuck yourself you fucking crybaby.
There. Happy?
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-22 00:04:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah. I know that feeling.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-21 23:51:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
just because
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-04-21 23:47:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WTC- who the fuck ARE you?
Some people just like to bitch. When I write nothing but fiction people want to know "whats going on in your life, really? I miss your old rambling posts", etc...
Caul, good job at being a condesending dick. Don't worry, I'm used to it.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-04-21 19:11:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
who needs friends when you have UberFriends??!!!
Submitted by canadia (user info) at 2005-04-21 15:10:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As I read this, I kept thinking "yes, I know exactly how this feels". And even though I am no single anymore, and most of my friends aren't either, that part of me that is a lot like you is still there.
I still hate sitting and watching TV or doing "nothing" at someone elses house. Unless it's laying by the pool, since we don't have one. I always want to go home, feeling this urgency I have something better to do, but when I get home, I sit and watch tv or read a book. Then I feel bad I should have been cleaning or something.
When I move here, I was all by myself in a big city. It's not like I could just walk up to people and say "Hi, will you be my friend?". Meeting people is hard. I mostly do it through work.
Trying the internet may sound lame, but theres a lot of other people in your boat. A lot of asshole out there, but some people are still nice.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:49:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like when people write about their daily lives.
I no longer feel so alone, I know that other
people go through the same thing.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-21 13:06:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Doing it doggie style with me is a sure fire method of breaking the blues...
Submitted by IamNotTheWorldTradeCenter (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:59:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Your posts are turning into a depressive livejournal
If you're going whine and pity yourself, at least make if funny for the love of god.
1 out of 3 people in the world go hungry everyday and you're whining about fuckall.
Go volunteer in a soup kitchen.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:42:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That should settle it.
B@W +2!
Submitted by thuumblina (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:39:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i think this might be one of the best posts i have read on here, you seriously hit the nail on the head with your observations.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:24:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you don't care about my "bitching" then why do you write a long reply which is suppose to invalidate my opinion somehow?
And my opinion was this "some drivel about how sad I am, or an account of what I did in my day without any substance linked to it"
You may not agree, but that doesn't mean I'm forced to +2 you.
Besides, ratings are pretty pointless nowadays.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-04-21 11:21:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Caul... it's not like I think I'm the ONLY one feeling these things. And you've been on this livejournal kick, telling everyone that uber is NOT livejournal.com. Although I understand what you mean, I have this to say:
Uber is not only for posting fiction and creative stories, it's for posting whatever you want.
In my opinion, as long as a post is interesting and/or well written, it belongs here.
I would accept your -2 with dignity if I thought I just posted some drivel about how sad I am, or an account of what I did in my day without any substance linked to it, but this is not what I did in this post. I tried to make it interesting and thought provoking.
Now, obviously SOME PEOPLE do want to read thousands of words about such a subject, because many people did, and they seem to like it, or maybe just identify with it, or perhaps giggle a bit, or whatever their reaction WAS, they read it.
Should I tell you why I like this post? I like how it flowed, I like some of my insights, I like the feeling I got from writing it and re-reading it.
Now you know I'm usually modest, and I hate praising myself, but I do believe that this post IS a bunch of rambling, however, I belive it's good ass rambling because of the way in which it's written.
If you don't like my posting style, stop reading my posts. Or continue to bitch about them, I don't care. I've written this way for quite some time, and I will continue to write this way in the future.
Submitted by MarthaStewart (user info) at 2005-04-21 11:15:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
try knitting
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-04-21 11:12:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Your posts are turning into a depressive livejournal. Seriously, everybody has their ups and downs. No one wants to read thousands words complains about stuff almost everybody will experience sometime in their existence.
Write something original. It's not like you can't.
Submitted by Feebleattempt (user info) at 2005-04-21 11:10:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You describe the human condition well.
Submitted by Jay_Bassman (user info) at 2005-04-21 11:04:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-04-21 04:54:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
'My Problem: I can't do nothing with someone else. If I do nothing I must do it alone.'
I thought this was a great line, and I have this 'problem' too.
---------------------------------
Me too.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-04-21 10:54:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel your pain, kid.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-04-21 10:48:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have pleanty of hobbies. It's not that I don't have stuff to do, that's not the point. Plus I hate sports (I'm very bad at sports, and I prefer not do to them. I'm not competitive, either, so sports just wear me out and annoy me).
And lisa- Sorry, I know you missed me last night, whore.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-04-21 09:50:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
assdrop a squirrel
Submitted by JML (user info) at 2005-04-21 09:31:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i hear ya. i've moved a lot to but i always make new frineds fast. however that's overrated becasue they're never really "good friends" it's a lose lose situation until you find someone to date who you genuinely like
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2005-04-21 09:18:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It sounds like your best bet is to rent yourself out as a bridesmaid to girls with no friends. You get to meet new people, but there's no pressure to get along with them. You'll get free alcohol most likely, and you can hit on any of the hot groomsmen during the reception. Plus you've already got all the dresses for it, so it's a low overhead business. You'll be unbored and rich!!!
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-04-21 09:16:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'll be your company...
...but you have to pay me in dyke sex
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-04-21 08:53:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Join a crime ring.
No, I'm serious. There's always something to do, plus it's exciting and dangerous. What's better than that?
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-04-21 08:51:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-21 07:37:54 (#)
Ranking: 1
Perhaps, a ride on my painted pony would help liven things up.
****************************
You paint it? Let me guess, there's flames running down the sides.
Perhaps some kind of cool racing stripe.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-21 07:37:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Perhaps, a ride on my painted pony would help liven things up.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-21 07:27:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-04-21 07:19:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You just need to find some new freinds.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-04-21 07:08:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, one more thing, take up a sport (or a hobby) like apollo said. Preferably something that improves you in some fashion, where you learn something or get more fit. I've done that and its extremely gratifying and confidence-boosting.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-04-21 07:07:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"What the hell am I going on about? Anyway... so I am reluctant to rekindle old friendships for fear of failure, I suppose. That's my diagnoses anyway."
Bingo. You're afraid to discover that you've grown apart, which is a legitimate concern. Right now I'm going through a stint where all my friends are squirting out children. It could not seem to be more against God's plan to me. I remember when my friend came home drunk to his girlfriend's house and ran around with a tampon in his ass, for God's sake. And now he has a tiny daughter?
It depresses me, not because I don't think they'll be capable parents -- they will -- but because the nature of our relationship has changed irrecovably and I didn't want it to. You bastards, STOP SPAWNING LITTLE CREATURES!! CAN YOU HEAR ME??
Sigh. Of course they can't. I wish I had time to chat online with you right now, but I have to go to work.
It's going to be a cranky day at work, I can tell.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-04-21 06:47:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
take up a sport.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-04-21 04:54:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
'My Problem: I can't do nothing with someone else. If I do nothing I must do it alone.'
I thought this was a great line, and I have this 'problem' too.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-04-21 04:39:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2005-04-21 04:38:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Thor (user info) at 2005-04-21 04:32:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
bad day at work today
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-04-21 04:11:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Poor old squirrel won't be able to find all his nuts now that you've removed a point of reference.
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-04-21 02:53:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great rave.
Submitted by Or_ (user info) at 2005-04-21 02:37:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was really, really good. Wow.
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-04-21 01:54:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Laser effects, mirrored balls -- John Williams must be rolling around
in his grave.
-- Homer Simpson
The Springfield Connection
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2005-04-21 01:30:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's a good thing you're not online right now, because I really despise talking to you...bitch.
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2005-04-21 01:28:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know how you feel, get older, get bored.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2005-04-21 01:20:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm always bored, too.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-04-21 01:15:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Chronic, judging from the quality of your posts, the answer is:
You DO have all the same letters on your keyboard, but you have yet to figure out how to use them in any coherent fashion.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-04-21 01:14:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I didn't even leave the house today.
Submitted by chronic_one (user info) at 2005-04-21 01:10:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
good god, do I have that many letters on my keyboard?
ReallY? Well then, ....
SHUT YOUR FUCKING YAPPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-04-21 01:04:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I dont know why but your ramblings always amuse me.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-04-21 01:03:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
La da da da da.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-04-21 00:58:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck you.