I was raped by my dyson (107811 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.92 on 116 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by snarf (View user info) at 2005-04-21 08:51:50 EDT
My bedroom is a converted attic accessed by retractable metal ladders.
I fought my brother for this room at the young age of 12, and being the eldest it really was no contest.
You see at this young age I had already foreseen the benefits of being able to pull the ladders up and shut myself away from the world.
Actually, if I may take this chance to say a few things.
My 15,16,17 and 18 year old would like to thank my 12 yr self for providing the freedom to masturbate at will.
My 19, 20, 21, and 22-year-old self, thank my 12-year-old self for giving me the freedom to shag girlfriends in a fully occupied house.
My 23 yr old self however is less greatful and would have no qualms about kicking my 12 yr old self in his pre pubescent nutsack.....and ill tell you why.
Years of striding down my ladders have resulted in a certain degree of schoolboy arrogance and blatant showboating on my part.
4 steps at a time, no hands, 360 degree turns in mid descent, were some of my more daring moves.
I have managed to navigate these ladders in all states of drunkenness, with a broken foot, carrying crates of beer; fuck I could have probably juggled while hopping backwards on these ladders, until the fateful day.
On those ladders, gravity was my bitch.
However this particular morning, Gravity it seemed, was in no mood to be taunted, and had conspired with dyson to teach my sorry disrespectful ass a lesson... quite literally.
It was a Saturday morning. I woke up fluffy haired and blurry eyed following a heavy night out on the town. I had a football match in 1 hrs time and was faced with what has now become a weekly task of playing 90 minutes hung-over, I take my football very seriously.
The awakening of my bladder dictated that the bathroom would be the first stop of the day and thus urged me towards the ladders for the trusty standard 2-step descent with speed.
I'd made this journey many times, 5 strides and I would be on my hallway.
The first 3 strides were uneventful,
The 4th stride un fucking forgettable,
There was no 5th stride,
For at this point, I was almost raped by a dyson.
If I needed any further clarification that inserting anything up my ass was not going to be a suitable lifestyle choice then this was it.
The speed that I was travelling coupled with the all too perfect positioning
of the vacuum cleaner meant that the attempted anal entry was fast and brutal. (Seriously, I reconstructed the scene many times after and there was only one position the dyson could have been sitting at to enter me with the precision it did that morning)
In hindsight, the lack of lubricant, and my heterosexuality saved me.
Any previous tampering with my asshole, KY jell, vaseline, or spittle on that handle and that fucking dyson would have gone so far up my ass I would have been able to wash dishes and vacuum at the same time, if in fact I actually did either.
Such was the ferocity of the assault, man-made materials were no defence for this custom-built ass raping machine masquerading as a household appliance.
The shaft of the dyson tore right through my combats and my homer simpson boxer shorts, finally meeting its resting place in the shape of my tailbone.
The pain was like nothing I've ever experienced.
Let me take this opportunity to tell you what I have learnt about my body's natural defence mechanism to different forms of pain over the years
Punch on the head = Punch the fucker back
Punch in the stomach = same as above
Kick in the nuts = drop to the floor
To this I can now add,
Vacuum cleaner up the ass = run like fuck with minor terets
This was the first type of pain that my body has ever told me to fucking move, and move fast. Not in any particular direction or to any specific location, just to keep running. Kind of like forest gump.
The desire to run like fuck was accompanied with the desire to swear, and swear continuously.
So I did.
I sprinted down the stairs and must have ran round my kitchen a good 15 times clutching my ass shouting expletives at the dyson
"HOLY GOOD FUCCKKKK!!!, YOU FUCKIN DUST SUCKING BAGLESS BASTARD!"
This was followed by a continual stream of swear words.
As I rounded on what would be my last lap of the kitchen, I found myself slightly impressed with my ability to formulate incoherent sentences purely with swear words.
This brief sense of pride however was quickly overshadowed by the realisation of what had just happened to me
I'd just been anally assaulted by my dyson.
My experience undoubtedly has emotionally scarred me.
You will never now see me descend ladders without a thorough initial scan of the area below, accompanied by a tentative outstretched hand feeling around for any object potentially obstructing my landing area.
You also will never see me do any housework.
Everyday is a struggle, but I have to be strong.
What kind of example would I be setting to the rest of the household appliances? That its ok to sexually assault the occupant and then carry on as if nothing had happened?
There have been times when I've come close to using the toaster, emptying the dishwasher, or clean up the beer id spilt, but you'll be pleased to know these near lapses have only reinforced my determination to never to lift in a finger to help in the house.
I take your applause people.
To Mr Dyson I say this,
You've managed to pay millions to remove the troublesome bags from hoovers, and thus prolong the suction, but would it have really have hurt you to go the extra mile and maybe have foam padding on the handles dipshit?
Surely no other man should have to endure the hell having to watch their mother/partner near collapse lifting a vacuum cleaner up 3 flights of stairs.
To confused teenage boys I say this,
If you think you stare just that little bit too long in the communal changing rooms at your male school chums, go squat on a dyson.
Years of hormonal based confusion answered in a painful/gratifying second. (Delete as appropriate)
Beware the Dyson.
User Reviews
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2008-07-16 07:42:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought I had something to bitch about a while back, but I can't seem to remember what it was. Kudos to you for writing so humorously.
Submitted by fyrstarter (user info) at 2008-07-16 05:33:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
l o l.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-11 11:49:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-07-11 07:32:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Legend.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-02-11 17:54:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is very possibly the funniest thing Uber has ever produced. It's definitely in the top 5. Late rating ftw!
Submitted by Yougotthatright (user info) at 2007-10-21 17:52:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funniest thing I think I have ever read...
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2007-07-08 11:40:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha, fair play.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-07-08 11:40:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A classic.
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-07-08 11:22:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GAH!
Submitted by Lost_Gator_Fan (user info) at 2007-05-05 01:36:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate to rate stories this late but, this is worth my time. Funny stuff.
Submitted by Lianne260987 (user info) at 2006-08-15 06:15:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good story, although a little unbelievable??
Submitted by compEngineer0 (user info) at 2006-08-09 11:04:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-06-02 18:11:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hypnoholic (user info) at 2006-05-22 21:10:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahahahahahahaha!
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-06-02 10:06:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nominated for best ever:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/88684
Submitted by Hypnoholic (user info) at 2006-05-22 21:10:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahahahahahahaha!
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2006-04-14 06:57:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
See? This guy had the idea... make your 50k hit, B@W post, then retire. He's probably hanging around here as an alter now.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-03-23 11:54:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is one of my favorite posts ever.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-03-23 11:45:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
glad this got dredged up.
Submitted by scornednornery (user info) at 2006-03-23 11:31:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd've put a +1 but I don't want to rock the boat.
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2006-03-23 11:08:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-02-01 15:00:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"HOLY GOOD FUCCKKKK!!!, YOU FUCKIN DUST SUCKING BAGLESS BASTARD!"
Trying not to laugh out loud at work so people don't hear me. It's not working!
Submitted by Kidmc (user info) at 2006-01-26 04:30:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funnyiest post ever +2
Submitted by supervixen (user info) at 2005-12-06 07:41:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ohmyfuckingod, i laughed so hard i spat lemonade all over my laptop.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-12-06 07:27:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Kidmc (user info) at 2005-11-25 09:28:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking great! one of the greatest posts i have ever read +2
Submitted by pbnjams (user info) at 2005-08-06 13:43:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by daveybwoy (user info) at 2005-07-26 11:01:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
absolutely hilarious!!
Submitted by bizzy (user info) at 2005-07-04 11:47:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rediculous
Submitted by Adereterial (user info) at 2005-06-13 12:26:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll never look at my Dyson in the same way again...
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-13 11:59:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ho
Lee
Fuck
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2005-06-08 01:00:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the funniest post I've read here in a long fucking time
Good show
Submitted by BigDaddyV2.0 (user info) at 2005-06-02 13:58:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-05-16 14:03:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Still just as hilarious, I have told several people about this story!!
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2005-05-16 13:48:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2005-05-09 13:56:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2005-05-08 23:06:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-05-08 22:55:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes, I too was raped by Mike Tyson.
Submitted by Cryopaul (user info) at 2005-05-08 22:46:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
in your honor i'll not lift a hand in my house as well
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2005-05-05 13:17:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed. I cried. I cried because I was laughing.
Glorious post.
Submitted by pushedbyboredom (user info) at 2005-05-05 00:21:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Grats on B@W. Very entertaining
Submitted by snarf (user info) at 2005-05-04 09:03:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Uber, im speechless.
I mean you take a couple of days off work and on your return you find out that your post has made B@W.
Makes the first day back that bit easier.
<raises glass to Uber>
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-05-03 12:55:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-05-03 12:50:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Stop ragging on him for living at home at 23 (almost 24). In some countries, that's not so odd. It's really only America that shoves its children out the door and chucks all of their possesions on the front lawn at age 18.
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2005-05-03 12:26:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bush_for_god (user info) at 2005-05-03 01:21:28 (#)
Ranking: 1
This would haev been a +2 but you could have at least ran it through word!
terets......bah humbug.....it's tourettes
------------------------------------------------------
Way to point out that he could "haev" been given a +2 without spelling errors. Nice job.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-05-03 10:27:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"BAGLESS BASTARD"
The rest was good.
But this line made it worth it
Submitted by bush_for_god (user info) at 2005-05-03 01:21:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This would haev been a +2 but you could have at least ran it through word!
terets......bah humbug.....it's tourettes
Submitted by ThineJericho (user info) at 2005-05-03 01:18:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Missed it on Uber, saw the link on B&W.
Submitted by transhuman (user info) at 2005-05-03 01:09:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I loved this.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2005-05-03 00:24:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:03:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How did I miss this the first time?
Submitted by Kale (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:39:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Umbilical_Cord (user info) at 2005-04-21 11:35:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
i hate it when that happens by accident
LOL
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:36:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by emxel (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:36:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Laugh out loud! And I never laugh out loud at anything online. Finally something worthy.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-05-02 17:29:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Werd.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-05-02 17:04:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-05-02 16:31:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very nice.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2005-05-02 15:31:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kinky. Give me a call sometime and I'll bring over my hair curler.
Submitted by thepoet03 (user info) at 2005-05-02 15:23:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The comments that come out of these peoples mouths make posts so much funnyier.. I'll never forget the time at band camp where I umm well yeah things in your ass suck.
Submitted by clumeister (user info) at 2005-05-02 15:21:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
>>Seriously, I reconstructed the scene many times after and there was only one position the dyson could have been sitting at to enter me with the precision it did that morning)
Are you sure about hanging on to that hetrosexuality??
+2 for that thought alone...
Submitted by rollerboognish (user info) at 2005-05-02 15:08:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I remember this one. I guess I never rated it. Well, good show.
Submitted by Howie_Felter (user info) at 2005-05-02 14:59:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I won't make you lose marks because you cannot get your mouth off your momma's teet but I didn't find this +2 funny like everyone else, sorry. Good post though.
Submitted by lordhamlett (user info) at 2005-05-02 10:27:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+3 for funny post.
-2 for living at home at 23, you lame bastard.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-05-02 08:49:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would need an entire post to record all the +2 worthy bits in this.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2005-05-02 08:48:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
All I can think of is that limey bastard in the commercial:
"I just things ought to work properly."
Then the handle makes its way up your anus.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-05-02 08:39:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FINALLY, the B@W
Submitted by MisterOCD (user info) at 2005-05-02 08:38:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"HOLY GOOD FUCCKKKK!!!, YOU FUCKIN DUST SUCKING BAGLESS BASTARD!"
Fucking gold right there! This rocked my world...
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-05-02 08:36:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Goatse?
Congrats on B@W!
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-05-02 08:29:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on B@W.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-22 06:22:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-04-22 06:06:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"HOLY GOOD FUCCKKKK!!!, YOU FUCKIN DUST SUCKING BAGLESS BASTARD!"
-----------
Laughed my lungs out at this.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-04-22 06:06:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. Ouch.
Submitted by snarf (user info) at 2005-04-22 05:36:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
1.97 rating! woohoo!
I thank you all!
Who knew something good could come out of something oh so bad!!
Submitted by MadScientist (user info) at 2005-04-21 22:47:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"HOLY GOOD FUCCKKKK!!!, YOU FUCKIN DUST SUCKING BAGLESS BASTARD!"
I spit my dinner out of my mouth with that one. Some onto the plate, some onto the screen.
This rocked.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-21 16:55:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by caberetgirl (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:44:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
i was raped by tyson to .
---------------------------
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-04-21 16:36:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wonder if you can stick your dick in one of those...
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:48:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Anal with a Dyson is a bitch, but the head is fantastic.
Submitted by caberetgirl (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:44:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i was raped by tyson to .
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:41:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Admit it. You liked it!
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:36:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
just hysterical
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:10:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
15...19...late bloomer???
Thats one cool ass story.
sorry sorry...just cool.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:08:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Perfect B@W material.
Good work.
-Dave
Submitted by Duke_Diggler (user info) at 2005-04-21 13:32:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:03:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good run of perfection there. I sadly have to break it. The whole thing was going famously until the end. THe end was too stretched out. You might have ended it a few paragraphs sooner and it would have been a lot better.
Still a good post.
Submitted by Umbilical_Cord (user info) at 2005-04-21 11:35:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i hate it when that happens by accident
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2005-04-21 11:11:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
24@home!
Submitted by vettesrule88 (user info) at 2005-04-21 10:48:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha your dyson broke your be-hymen
Submitted by Mr-Boo (user info) at 2005-04-21 10:41:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I almost launched coffee out of my nose!
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-04-21 10:29:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great!
I'm sure their must be a term for people with fetishes for house hold objects. I'm not sure I want to know what it is though
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-04-21 10:24:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"What a horrible way to lose your poop-ginity."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAaaaa<hyperventilates>hahahahahahahahahaa
B@W!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-21 10:10:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ainkara's brothers didn't want to move out because they were busy trying to get a glimpse of her naked, every day.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-04-21 10:08:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story, but you need to move out.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-04-21 10:05:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My brother was 25 before he moved out. My other brother is 23, 24 this year and shows no signs of moving.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-21 10:01:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not sure that stupidity warrants a +2 but far be it for me to ruin this streak.
Remember me in your will.
Submitted by snarf (user info) at 2005-04-21 09:58:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-04-21 09:50:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-04-21 09:00:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait wait wait. Let me see if I have this straight. You're 23 and still living in your parent's attic?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *deep breath* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
24 next month too, and still no further to moving out
<hanging my head in shame>
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-04-21 09:50:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-04-21 09:00:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait wait wait. Let me see if I have this straight. You're 23 and still living in your parent's attic?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *deep breath* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ditto.
What a horrible way to lose your poop-ginity.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-04-21 09:44:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU FUCKIN DUST SUCKING BAGLESS BASTARD
B@W
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-04-21 09:39:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed so hard my stomache hurts.
Oh my ovaries.
Submitted by TheSunGod (user info) at 2005-04-21 09:32:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"In hindsight, the lack of lubricant, and my heterosexuality saved me"
.......................
haha. hindsight.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-21 09:27:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by snarf (user info) at 2005-04-21 09:21:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
I however can ensure you that this unfortunately was a true event!
-----------------------
That's all I needed. B@W.
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-04-21 09:25:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This post made me laugh out looud just as my deputy editor came into my office. thankfully she's fairly easy going towards me, she knows I'm crazy. thats why they lock me up in here.
seriously though,you got another B@W nomination from me.
Submitted by etbeliever (user info) at 2005-04-21 09:23:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by snarf (user info) at 2005-04-21 09:21:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thorpe, i admit my first entry into ubersite was naive, and the lowest of the low.
I'd like to think there has been a steady increase in the quality of my few posts since and with my future posts i will continue to to try and keep this up.
I however can ensure you that this unfortunately was a true event!
Thanks for the streak people!
Submitted by Bayley (user info) at 2005-04-21 09:18:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was the first type of pain that my body has ever told me to fucking move, and move fast. Not in any particular direction or to any specific location, just to keep running. Kind of like forest gump.
The desire to run like fuck was accompanied with the desire to swear, and swear continuously.
------------------------------------
This made coffee come out of my nose!
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-21 09:15:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1107876973139623435#1127131
All I can say is you better not have plagiarized THIS one.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-04-21 09:15:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-04-21 09:14:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious...I seriously cannot stop laughing.
B@W!
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2005-04-21 09:11:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If Dysons are so great why do they have such shitty quality power cords?
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-04-21 09:09:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha funny post,
a better excuse than 'i was running and slipped, and as i fell i got an erection and it burst my trousers and then it slipped into the VCR and now i can't get it out again'
Just not as believable you anal hooverer
Good work mate :o)
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-04-21 09:07:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*case
And I second the B@W nomination. I really enjoyed this.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-04-21 09:06:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That must be the first ever documented cas of a vacuum cleaner thinking to itself:
"I'd do him...
... right in the pooper."
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-04-21 09:03:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ouch!
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-21 09:00:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Seriously, this is the most well-written, funny post I've read on Uber for weeks.
B@W
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-04-21 09:00:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait wait wait. Let me see if I have this straight. You're 23 and still living in your parent's attic?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *deep breath* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-04-21 08:59:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It creates 100,000 times the force of gravity to spin the dirt out of your butthole.
Submitted by daveybwoy (user info) at 2005-04-21 08:58:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-21 08:53:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I guess its better than getting raped by mike tyson.