Civil War II: American Bitch Fight (1179 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: 1.11 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Enraged Baboon (View user info) at 2005-04-21 10:52:43 EDT
America has multiple personality syndrome. Everybody knows the personalities I'm talking about: they're both obnoxious crybabies, but one wears blue and the other wears red. Republicans, Democrats: Republocrats. I'm sick of hearing their shit. Why can't people be unpredictable? I want to wake up tomorrow and see Bill O'Reilly smoking a bong in his boxer shorts; but, no, it's never going to happen. Everyone (except me, and maybe you) is stuck in their shitty little rut and they're so predictable that I wanna jab a gun in the small of their back and sit there eating cheese for an hour while they perspirate urine.
I read an article on Forbes.com today and, no shit, it said "the left" about 48 times--and they say "the left" as if it's some spooky title, such as conferred on a particularly violent pirate of the Spanish renaissance. Give me a fucking break. Forbes is so fucking dodgy, despite how much I enjoy it's fucking psychotic TV slot on Fox News (I think it's actually called "the price of freedom"--or maybe that's some other presenter) . What's with these retards who use "liberal" as if it's some sort of insult. Hey, dumbasses, liberalism is the belief in personal freedom. Aren't you the ones talking about freedom all day? Didn't you goddamn rename french fries to freedom fries? I'm trying to understand: you love freedom, but hate liberty? Fucking weirdos.
You leftists probably think you've escaped my wrath, wrong. Let's get some things straight: whales, we don't need 'em. Seriously, nobody cares about whales (except chicks), so if you want us to listen then you better talk about how each whale death results in less sex for me. If you did that then I'd singlehandedly save every whale on Earth, by harpooning them. Okay, maybe you better leave the whale-saving to someone else. Also, hippies, what's the deal with dissing Bush for "imperialism" when you are all in love with the united nations? Don't you even know the U.N. is just the precursor to George Lucas's Starwars Republic? We all know what happened to that thing (Even though we haven't seen episode three. I wonder what the twist will be? Maybe Yoda is really a woman). UN troops don't have stormtrooper suits, but those blue berets are at least French enough to set off several communist super-empire alarms within the Skull and Bones headquarters and also my brain. Don't get me wrong. I love communist super-empires, but I also love gold-plated capitalist hog pits.
Can't we all just get along? Um, no. I don't want to get along with these fuckwits because they are outside of their goddamn minds. People are seriously getting fired right now because their boss voted for a different loser. The zeal with which these spastic partisans reel off their hateful diatribes is reminiscent of an aging sportsfan ranting excitedly at the sight of his favorite team scoring its 13th touchdown of the night--coincidentally, he's on his 13th beer. When are retards going to learn its not nice to live life vicariously through the tribulations of a person who doesnt even know or care if you exist. I bet Shaquille Oneal would understand, if only he would answer my letters. Shaquille Oneal is so cool, ive seen every one of his games.
User Reviews
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-04-21 13:35:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:50:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The thought of Bill O'Rielley smoking a bong amused me.
Submitted by The_Grammar_Nazi (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:43:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by enraged_baboon (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:17:57 (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah, grammar nazi, you say that now... but what about in the days when you were a nazi? you cruel fag.
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I could prostrate myself before any German comedian back then, for they did not exist. To paraphrase the guy who played the stinky warden from "Them Mummy":
"I am Iranian, which makes me the only Middle Eastern comic in the world. But, it's still technically three more than Germany."
NOW IS THE TIME IN SPROKETS WHEN WE DANCE!!!!!
Submitted by enraged_baboon (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:17:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah, grammar nazi, you say that now... but what about in the days when you were a nazi? you cruel fag.
Submitted by The_Grammar_Nazi (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:11:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The only thing dumber than a Republican or a Democrat is a Republicand and a Democrat working together. The Democrats are the party of no idea, and the Republicans are the party of bad ideas. A Republican stands up in Congress and says, "I got a really bad idea!" Then a Democrat stands up and says, "I can make it SHITTIER!" (I prostrate myself before Lewis Black)
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-04-21 11:45:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The person above me is a cumguzzling ass pirate, they like killing kittens, idolize Stalin, and have masturbated to documentries about farming.
Oh and they smell
And they're poor too!
Submitted by enraged_baboon (user info) at 2005-04-21 11:39:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WRONG WRONG WRONG
think harder
fight between yourselves
yes, fight
Submitted by Dolson (user info) at 2005-04-21 11:36:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What's with the no comments? Can't you at least pull something out of your ass? Seriously. How fucking hard is it to explain what you liked/disliked about the post/author?
"The thought of Bill O'Rielley smoking a bong amused me."
That's a comment, bitch.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-04-21 11:35:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You leftists probably think you've escaped my wrath, wrong. Let's get some things straight: whales, we don't need 'em. Seriously, nobody cares about whales (except chicks), so if you want us to listen then you better talk about how each whale death results in less sex for me. If you did that then I'd singlehandedly save every whale on Earth, by harpooning them
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Someone is forgetting Star Trek IV. Those whales may some day be the key to letting the alien probe know that all is well on Earth and save it from annihilation.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-04-21 11:16:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well I had considered a system based on free throws, but then realized that people who are above average in height take up too much of the higher quality air present at higher elevation.
Of course we're talking about excusing all midgets into S&M though
Submitted by enraged_baboon (user info) at 2005-04-21 11:13:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
adam i think thats totally stupid. here's what i would do:
ask people if they like bison.
if the answer is yes then they are allowed to keep breathing
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-21 11:09:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-04-21 11:08:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I were ruler I would place everyone in a big single file line. Checkpoint A, pass a basic intelligence test. Passed? Ok move to the right and have a beer. Fail, move to left, down the hall and have a seat in one of the huge ovens.
Thanks for playing
Submitted by enraged_baboon (user info) at 2005-04-21 11:00:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think the general problem here can be isolated as follows:
OLD PEOPLE
Old people are intensely interested in bullass political shitfights. i have no idea why. sometimes they recruit naive young nerds into their ranks, but most young people agree that beers at 9 is more interesting than insulting each other with insults that arent even insults. imagine a bunch of highschoolers sitting around saying "liberal", "conservative". its not gonna happen. highschoolers are much more sophisticated than that, theyd say things like "smoke my carbonated bacon-weapon"
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-04-21 11:00:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
incroyable
Submitted by enraged_baboon (user info) at 2005-04-21 10:56:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
no comment, hey? what are you, some type of fucking communist?
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-21 10:54:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment