Things I Have Done That I Really Should Have Been Sacked For By Now (55484 hits)
Category: GeneralLabels: The_Office
Rating: 1.83 on 144 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Spam (View user info) at 2005-04-21 11:53:57 EDT
Today marks my two year anniversary at my current job - the longest I have ever held continuous employment at one company. Earlier, I had one of those "Remember when you did that thing with that bloke..." conversations with a colleague and I came to one inescapable conclusion - My Bosses Are Fucking Idiots.
No way should I still be employed here after some of the shit I've pulled.
In two years, I have had 2 disciplinaries, one formal written warning, a 42% lateness rate, countless verbal warnings and 17 performance improvement plans (Where they 'monitor' your performance for a set period and point out everything that you did wrong), with my initial 3 months probation period (which was then extended to 6) - this means that at no point have I been employed here without having some suited twat looking over my shoulder with a clipboard 'observing me in my work environment'
And STILL they haven't twigged that the best thing for them would be my instant dismissal.
Which brings me to the point of post - Things I have done that my company should have sacked me for a long time ago:-
1. Sent an e-mail to myself from my bosses PC implying that she was sexually harassing me, and then used it as leverage against her to escape a disciplinary.
2. Twice felt the need to go spend a 20 minute 'toilet' break on a hot summer's day after a morning spent ogling the female population of my office dressed in their skimpy outfits
3. Edited a chain E-mail to imply that reader should end their own life and then forwarded it on to a mailing list that included somebody that recently had tried and (unfortunately) failed to commit suicide.
4. Almost got my friend sacked in a prank gone horribly wrong after I used http://www.sharpmail.co.uk/html to send an e-mail that appeared to be from him to one of the office juniors. It read something along the lines of:
"Nice strappy shoes Gemma, I really like the way they show off your painted nails..... It makes me want to run my hard penis in between your toes and cum on your shin."
(realistically, I should have anticipated the shit-storm, that followed).
5. Racked up about 6 hours internet time a day, despite the company policy that anything over 1 hour is considered excessive.
6. Shot the Financial Director in the face with an elastic band gun, after seeing my friend about to come through the door and failing to notice the suited gentlemen walking one pace ahead of him.
7. Hid for an hour in the post room whilst said director tore the place to pieces interrogating people in an effort to find "That Cunt who shot me"
8. Sat at my desk for an entire morning happily munching a box of hash brownies, whiting out a few hours later and then being sent home by boss-lady because she was worried that I looked 'really pale'
9. Used the opportunity of looking very ill in public to take a further two weeks off work.
10. Not realised that an incoming call was actually from somebody in the Houses Of Parliament (one of our A-list clients) and answered the phone "What's up MotherFucker?!"
11. Outright lied to the same MP when he asked to speak to the manger by telling him that he had called a residential number - A fact he accepted despite having spent 5 minutes on our hold system listening our company's god awful theme music.
12. Put on a dodgy accent and pretended to be called 'Raoul' when said MP called back and, against all laws of probability, ended up speaking to me again.
13. Told a colleague whilst very drunk at office party that "I wouldn't fuck you if you were on fire"
14. Spent the next few days trying to work out exactly what the above sentence means
15. Ignored 30 minutes worth of phone calls to write this horse-shit.
User Reviews
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-10-03 10:41:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Too funny.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2008-09-10 09:16:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The Exciting Sequel: http://www.ubersite.com/m/118597
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-08-17 13:51:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Spam. I hope this works--goddamn thing took me an hour to write.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-22 07:19:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha. Number 6 alone is worth +2.
Submitted by compEngineer0 (user info) at 2006-08-09 12:32:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Hypatia86 (user info) at 2006-05-19 14:16:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was fun. I wish I could do that shit where I work (also call center worker ><.) Oh yeah, but I do log atleast 6 hours on the internet looking at stupid shit like these posts.
Submitted by Lumbergh (user info) at 2006-04-17 20:21:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Made my day! Am also a call center monkey, that you got away with all this and somehow dodged a sacking is beyond me. Bravo!
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-03-21 12:26:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahhahahahahhahah
Submitted by EdselSpeedy_THC (user info) at 2006-03-21 12:18:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That is some funny, funny shit. I wouldn't fuck you if you were on fire. Still chuckling about that one.
Submitted by Godless_dave (user info) at 2006-03-16 23:03:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by deepmichael (user info) at 2006-02-01 14:45:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
pure awesome
Submitted by missedthepoint (user info) at 2005-10-30 04:03:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
speachless...
Submitted by udykins (user info) at 2005-10-06 09:26:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I wouldn't fuck you if you were on fire"
Will you marry me! This was the funniest thing I have read in about two years! I went to all the trouble to register just to post that you are hilarious. Thank you for making my day.
Submitted by GaidinCanuck (user info) at 2005-09-22 04:19:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hobbs (user info) at 2005-06-08 09:36:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by pushedbyboredom (user info) at 2005-05-05 00:47:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 For the "Wouldnt if you were on fire" comment. Thats great.
And then funk boy's rating
Submitted by Zootismygod (user info) at 2005-05-04 19:30:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-05-04 05:49:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope #10's true.
it reminds me of a short story i have. in my head.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-04-29 04:49:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was hoping #14 would be an explanation of #13.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2005-04-28 19:39:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I wouldn't fuck you if you were on fire"
Submitted by sharpmail (user info) at 2005-04-27 14:35:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Spam, I have done just that! fingers crossed Bart thinks it worth having on B@W - Email me your username for www.sharpmail.co.uk and I will be happy to give you some free stuff like say some Anon SMS that they cant trace! avoid the shit storm, just sit back and laugh at them. danny.at.sharpmail.co.uk
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2005-04-27 11:27:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-04-27 08:20:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not a problem Danny, it's an absolutely brilliant idea for a website and has been the tool used to create many an amusing scenario for me. You should contact Bart (Uber's Webmaster) and see if he will include a link for it on B@W - it's certainly worthy.
Stin: miss you chick, you should find the time to post and let Uber know what's going on in that new job of yours.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-04-26 21:41:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd employ you.
Submitted by sharpmail (user info) at 2005-04-26 15:29:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks Spam for giving http://www.sharpmail.co.uk a mention! Had I known how well you would use it I would have removed the footer - or shit storm as you call it from all your emails!
Danny
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-04-26 11:01:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-04-26 08:27:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
What IS your job, exactly? Sounds cool...
---
I am a call centre phone monkey
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-04-26 08:27:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What IS your job, exactly? Sounds cool...
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-04-25 23:41:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
why i havent gotten to this until now is beyond me.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-25 22:37:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Kale (user info) at 2005-04-25 21:11:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-04-25 18:59:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny as hell.
Fucking with people at work rocks....
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-04-25 17:10:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by lordhamlett (user info) at 2005-04-22 12:17:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
4. Almost got my friend sacked in a prank gone horribly wrong after I used http://www.sharpmail.co.uk/html to send an e-mail that appeared to be from him to one of the office juniors. It read something along the lines of:
"Nice strappy shoes Gemma, I really like the way they show off your painted nails..... It makes me want to run my hard penis in between your toes and cum on your shin."
(realistically, I should have anticipated the shit-storm, that followed).
___
+2 for the laugh, and now I have a new prank tool.
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2005-04-25 16:31:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and i thought i was bad...
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-04-25 14:25:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just for #10.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-04-25 11:17:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking awesome!
B@W for sure!(If it isn't already, I haven't checked)
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-04-25 11:16:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my god I think I know who you really are...
Submitted by sempboy (user info) at 2005-04-25 10:56:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Number 10 was my favorite. Awesome post.
Submitted by MoneyG (user info) at 2005-04-25 01:34:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-24 09:26:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Furthermore, its about time this cunt got some recognitionn.
ALL HAIL SPAM< THE BEST RITER TO BE SPEWED FROM OUR WOMB> ALL HAIL THE GENIUS (comparatively) ALL HAIL THE FUHRER
what?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-24 09:25:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-04-23 10:49:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
Look at those hits... ridiculous. Why have none of my masterpieces reached such lofty heights???
-------------------
Because you obviously sorely lack in talent, Pock.
Just as I.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-24 09:23:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-04-23 17:11:31 (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
==================
*ahem*
cunt.
Thank you, thank you.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-04-24 07:27:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-04-23 17:11:31 (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
---
I love you too.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-04-24 01:34:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by NocternalDragon (user info) at 2005-04-23 02:34:59 (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't possibly give this a higher rating considering I thought my post was a hell of a lot better and everyone decided to trash it. SO FUCK OFF this gets a neutral rating of a 0.
***
You can't be serious.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-04-23 17:11:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-04-23 12:15:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
My brother needed a few days off work one time to go to an out of town party, so he told the place he works at (a cheese factory) that our grandfather died and that he was going to his funeral in Nova Scotia.
The company ended up giving him a full week off with greivance pay. Stupid fuckers.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-04-23 11:54:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
not really mate - I was banned 2 days before this was put up - but thanks for your input.
Submitted by rdn4 (user info) at 2005-04-23 11:18:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by NocternalDragon (user info) at 2005-04-23 02:34:59 (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't possibly give this a higher rating considering I thought my post was a hell of a lot better and everyone decided to trash it. SO FUCK OFF this gets a neutral rating of a 0.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Uber favorites game
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-04-23 10:49:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Look at those hits... ridiculous. Why have none of my masterpieces reached such lofty heights???
Submitted by geeohcities (user info) at 2005-04-23 09:49:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You rule
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-04-23 06:13:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What is this, paper jam?...
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-04-23 05:02:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man you gotta get a job in the zoo.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-23 04:49:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are an idiot.
Submitted by NocternalDragon (user info) at 2005-04-23 02:34:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't possibly give this a higher rating considering I thought my post was a hell of a lot better and everyone decided to trash it. SO FUCK OFF this gets a neutral rating of a 0.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-04-23 01:50:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
tee hee hee.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-23 01:27:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-22 06:26:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
Directly from banned to B@W.
Come fuck me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-22 06:24:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
Congratulations on B@W!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-23 01:26:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, actually, you aren't.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-04-23 01:02:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AM I the first to say HAPPY B@W????
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-04-23 00:56:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-04-20 12:13:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm struggling to pronounce your name.
********************
the seeze (or seas, if you prefer)
As in Caesar. All hail ME!!
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-04-22 22:31:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha
Submitted by Tokerson (user info) at 2005-04-22 18:26:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2005-04-22 13:32:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Solid, G
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-04-22 12:26:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm trying to think of co-workers I would only fuck if they were on fire...
Submitted by lordhamlett (user info) at 2005-04-22 12:17:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
4. Almost got my friend sacked in a prank gone horribly wrong after I used http://www.sharpmail.co.uk/html to send an e-mail that appeared to be from him to one of the office juniors. It read something along the lines of:
"Nice strappy shoes Gemma, I really like the way they show off your painted nails..... It makes me want to run my hard penis in between your toes and cum on your shin."
(realistically, I should have anticipated the shit-storm, that followed).
___
+2 for the laugh, and now I have a new prank tool.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-04-22 12:07:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kicker of all asses.
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-04-22 11:45:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:00:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
Fan-fucking-tastic.
------------------------------------
yep
Submitted by sharpmail (user info) at 2005-04-22 11:40:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Being the Founder of http://www.sharpmail.co.uk its nice to read its being put to good use. I'm just wondering why is it that I only hear about these situations from the managers who are complaining about the unethical, should be illegal website that caused the havoc their now dealing with?
Danny
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2005-04-22 11:27:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This +2 streak obsession is really lame. People need to reavaluate their goals when a +2 streak on Uber is worth caring about.
Submitted by lemonfish (user info) at 2005-04-22 07:41:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"crative" what?
i think you made up every single thing in there.
Submitted by Adereterial (user info) at 2005-04-22 07:39:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-04-22 07:36:41 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Adereterial (user info) at 2005-04-22 07:20:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
Please, please let me know which MP that was. Please? I'll do anything... well, pretty much anything. At the very least tell me which Party said MP belongs to.
==
Sorry Ad, we don't take names off the MP's we deal with, just room numbers, it's some kind of security thing - could've been anybody from Big Tone himself right down to some crappy backbencher for the Green Party.
------------
Arse... I'm going to pretend it was Blair himself.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-04-22 07:36:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Adereterial (user info) at 2005-04-22 07:20:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
Please, please let me know which MP that was. Please? I'll do anything... well, pretty much anything. At the very least tell me which Party said MP belongs to.
==
Sorry Ad, we don't take names off the MP's we deal with, just room numbers, it's some kind of security thing - could've been anybody from Big Tone himself right down to some crappy backbencher for the Green Party.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-22 07:26:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Member of Parliament
Submitted by baking_Lady (user info) at 2005-04-22 07:22:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What's an MP?
Submitted by Adereterial (user info) at 2005-04-22 07:20:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
10. Not realised that an incoming call was actually from somebody in the Houses Of Parliament (one of our A-list clients) and answered the phone "What's up MotherFucker?!"
11. Outright lied to the same MP when he asked to speak to the manger by telling him that he had called a residential number - A fact he accepted despite having spent 5 minutes on our hold system listening our company's god awful theme music.
12. Put on a dodgy accent and pretended to be called 'Raoul' when said MP called back and, against all laws of probability, ended up speaking to me again.
----------------------
Please, please let me know which MP that was. Please? I'll do anything... well, pretty much anything. At the very least tell me which Party said MP belongs to.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-22 07:12:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-22 06:56:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-21 23:12:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent. I'm thinking back on all the times I should've been expelled from school now. In the end, I only got suspended once and that was for doing maths assignments for exchanche students for money.
-------------------
HAHAHAAHA Wow, only a real retard would have done something like that.
And dude: "exchanche"??? THat's not even really a phonetic mistake.
Numbers 6,7,10,11,12,13 and 14 were the best. Yes, that is a lot of bests.
-=-=-=-==-
When i type on uber at work, i type fast. Any mistake made is left behind. No time to fix it.
And yes, thorpe, only a retard would have done assignments for japs for money, like you did for koreans.
*ahem*
Submitted by baking_Lady (user info) at 2005-04-22 07:08:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I was this creative.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-22 06:56:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-21 23:12:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent. I'm thinking back on all the times I should've been expelled from school now. In the end, I only got suspended once and that was for doing maths assignments for exchanche students for money.
-------------------
HAHAHAAHA Wow, only a real retard would have done something like that.
And dude: "exchanche"??? THat's not even really a phonetic mistake.
Numbers 6,7,10,11,12,13 and 14 were the best. Yes, that is a lot of bests.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-22 06:52:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There you go assuming again.
Who says you'll be in a position to give me a reacharound?
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-04-22 06:50:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm starting to worry about Rad recently - he's paranoid that people are coming to kill him, has a gun and dog fetish, is obsessed by the illuminati, shoves paperclips up his rectum - and now he wants to make sweet love to me.
...all the qualities of a good lay too, I suppose - but don't expect a reach around.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-22 06:41:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
All that means is you possess all the qualities of a good lay.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-04-22 06:34:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's gotta be some kind of a record.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-04-22 06:29:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HOLY SHIT!!
Can't believe I went straight from Banned to B@W.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-22 06:26:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Directly from banned to B@W.
Come fuck me.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-22 06:24:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congratulations on B@W!
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-04-22 05:20:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I gave them a puppy dog face.
No, really. There was two of us caught. Sweet little me and my big bad ex-con friend. They fired him on the spot and (incorrectly) assumed that he had somehow led me astray and that I therefore deserved a second chance.
I gave them a sermon on hypocrisy, dropped my keys in the manager's lap and stormed out.
"If he's getting sacked then I need to be sacked too!"
I'd like to think my response was an indication of my moral fortitude and English sense of fair play. In reality it probably had more to do with the fact that I was completely off my tits. Stupid girl.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-04-22 05:05:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
how could you EVER keep your job after getting caught smoking crack?
unless you were a drug dealer.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-04-22 04:44:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In my foolish youth, I got caught smoking crack at work and didn't get sacked. Beat that.
Disclaimer for the impressionable: It's a bad idea. Don't do it.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-22 04:37:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yes.
do. me. now.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-04-22 04:37:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Watch out rad, Pock's Homo-itis is contagious.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-04-22 04:34:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
guys, what's with all the 'let's make sweet love'?
...Cant we just Fuck?
Submitted by baking_Lady (user info) at 2005-04-22 04:31:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/64807
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-04-22 04:30:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant... but for goodness sake look for another job.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-22 04:28:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Does it mean i'm gay if I want to make sweet love to all of you?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-22 04:27:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That makes it even funnier.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-04-22 04:15:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You rock Spamiel!
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-04-22 04:09:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
bob wasn't even on a streak - he had a 1.8 rating.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-04-22 04:09:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whats up mother fucker!!!
Will you please make sweet love to me?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-22 04:05:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You cocked up BOB's +2 streak and then he cocked yours up.
Cunts, the whole lot of you.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-22 04:02:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you.
B@W
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-04-22 03:48:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
10. Not realised that an incoming call was actually from somebody in the Houses Of Parliament (one of our A-list clients) and answered the phone "What's up MotherFucker?!"
My favorite.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-04-22 03:32:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-04-21 22:53:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet monkey Jesus. You must teach me your secret.
--
Charm and personality
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-21 23:12:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent. I'm thinking back on all the times I should've been expelled from school now. In the end, I only got suspended once and that was for doing maths assignments for exchanche students for money.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-04-21 22:53:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet monkey Jesus. You must teach me your secret.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-04-21 16:33:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-04-21 16:16:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
glad to see you back!
--
Cheers jonny.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-04-21 16:16:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
glad to see you back!
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2005-04-21 15:54:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whatup mutherfucker!
Brilliant..........
Submitted by Umbilical_Cord (user info) at 2005-04-21 15:08:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by skeezy (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:51:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mmmmm.....Hash Brownies!!
Submitted by blank_mind (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:35:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just plain awesome.
Submitted by rurumon (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:25:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this cracked me up
"It makes me want to run my hard penis in between your toes and cum on your shin."
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:20:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bob, I'm going to give you the benfit of the doubt and assume that 'okay.' had nothing to do with this http://www.ubersite.com/m/64296#1281792
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:17:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Okay.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:12:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:11:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AWESOME.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:01:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, it's a +2...
ONly because I have a job (kinda) now.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:00:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fan-fucking-tastic.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-04-21 13:48:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I wouldn't fuck you if you were on fire"
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Next time just say ROFLCOPTER and walk away looking smug.
-Dave
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-04-21 13:33:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-04-21 13:31:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-04-21 13:10:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
Sincerely, and from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU. You make my lazy ass look like a model employee, and I intend to use this post as proof of that fact on my next performance review.
==============================
I think that goes for most of us, Teeph.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-21 13:28:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This post is nothing but great. I love breaking all the rules.
Rules are for sissies.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-21 13:28:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-04-21 13:10:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
Sincerely, and from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU. You make my lazy ass look like a model employee, and I intend to use this post as proof of that fact on my next performance review.
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-04-21 13:18:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Just for this:
10. Not realised that an incoming call was actually from somebody in the Houses Of Parliament (one of our A-list clients) and answered the phone "What's up MotherFucker?!"
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-04-21 13:18:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I pooped in the paper recylcling bin once.
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-04-21 13:11:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are an inspiration to us all.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-04-21 13:10:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sincerely, and from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU. You make my lazy ass look like a model employee, and I intend to use this post as proof of that fact on my next performance review.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-04-21 13:07:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Any relation to THE Michael Bolton?
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-04-21 13:06:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Word to your mother
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:47:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice ethic
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:44:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This mf should be on Bored at Work
Submitted by myredmirage95 (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:43:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Love it. Reminds me of some of the stuff I did whilst working at Subway.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:43:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh my
Submitted by GroundHogSlayer (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:39:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lucky bastard
Submitted by maximus3000 (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:38:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
VERY funny.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:38:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My closest call was probably "<boss's name here>, get the fuck out here and quit being a little bitch."
When I was an intern.
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:32:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
trying to hold my laughter is causing tears!
especially the "I wouldn't fuck you if you were on fire" comment, that' class. I asked my other half to "bunnyfuck" me last time I got ratted.
Submitted by rollerboognish (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:30:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great stuff. "I wouldn't fuck you if you were on fire."
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:29:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:23:09 (#)
Ranking: 0
Neither - English*
*note, not Brittish
---------------
aight, so is there any truth about it being a lot harder to get fired from your job over there? That's what I've heard and this post sparked the question.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:25:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
7. Hid for an hour in the post room whilst said director tore the place to pieces interrogating people in an effort to find "That Cunt who shot me"
---------
That's my favorite. You are a naughty monkey!
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:23:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Neither - English*
*note, not Brittish
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:20:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Stuff.
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:18:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Spam, American or European?
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:09:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fire you, I think you need a promotion. They just aren't challenging you enough.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:08:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Awww fuck... I was gonna change my name to 'Myst...er...Spam' but forgot at the last moment.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:05:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahahahhahaha.....
I wouldn't fuck you if you were on fire... is that good or bad?
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:01:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahaha
I was disciplined by the head of our PR and marketing for walking out of a meeting (which I had already spent 3 hours in) while announcing "This is a fucking waste of my time" to everyone.
My actual supervisor didn't care one bit.
I routinley fuck with that guy, especailly because 1/3 of my job involves working with him.
I usually ignore his suggestions all together and get approval from the other heads, so when he sees the 90% it's nothing like he wanted but too late to change.
I debated boning his wife and taping it, but she's FUGLY