On-line dating : It isnt just for grown ups anymore! (1081 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.22 on 32 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <runswithscissorsbackwards.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-04-21 14:09:36 EDT
Last summer, in the midst of being unemployed and rather poor, I found myself in search of
inexpensive ways to entertain myself. Afer hearing from a few friends about interesting
people they met, conversations they had, and freaks they had encountered, I decided, "Why not?"
and posted a personal ad on CraigsList.
Was I hoping to meet Mr. Right? Hell no. If that had been the end result, that would have
been a rather extraordinary result. So why post? Well, I figured it would be a good source
of entertainment for a day or two. And besides.....it is free so what did I have to lose?
So I perched at my computer and composed what I felt was a reasonable ad. Pretty much the
standard, you know, described myself (and yes I was honest!), some general interests and a
very general idea of what I was looking for. After all, I was in it for the entertainment,
so why alienate any potential interested parties, right? And, as most ads seem to end, I put
in the obligatory "Your pic gets mine."
As I thought, I did not get a large number of replies. There was the 60 year old disabled
veteran. And the gentleman who, in the second line of his email mentioned how much he liked to
watch women's faces as he tongue fucked them........Ok, direct, but no thanks, I will pass.
Then I received an email, and all it said was "Pic?"
I must have been feeling generous, because I emailed a couple of photos back to this faceless
correspondent. Nothing racy or anything, just me enjoying a cup of coffee at a local coffee
house.
His reply? "So when do you want to meet our cock? Tonight in the park?"
My first thought was "our cock?" and was tempted to reply with some sort of comment about
was he a conjoined twin, or simply suffering from a split personality. But reason ruled here,
as there are a lot of freaks out there in cyberland and not all of them are harmless or
without means of finding me.
So I simply replied with, "thanks but no thanks."
His reply : "Ok, when do you want to meet at your place?"
At this point, all discretion on my part goes out the window.
Me : "Ummmmm.....how does NEVER work for you?"
Him: "Fuck off you fat pedophile cow."
Upon receipt of this reply I proceed to burst into peals of laughter. My email reply
simply echoed this.
Me : "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
Him : "Laugh this one off. I'm telling my mom and she's a cop and I know who you are!!"
I am not sure whether it was the shreiking hysteria I went into, or the fact that I fell
out of my chair, but all three of my cats dashed out of the room at near light speed.
Once i had regained composure and cleaned the tears from my face so I could see to type
again......
Me: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.....
'I'm telling my mom.......AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH"
Him : "I hope your son knows you're fucking his friends....."
Color me dumbfounded........
Me : "I have a son? I had no idea! What is his name? Is he a good student? Did
I do a good job of being a mother?"
Unfortunately at this point our correspondence ended. I was rather disappointed, as it had
been some time since I had laughed that hard. I guess his mom must have walked in on him or
something. Safe to say.....I accomplished my goal of being entertained via cheap
entertainment.
User Reviews
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2005-04-22 12:37:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-21 20:19:41 (#)
Ranking: 1
Fortunately, I am not.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..................
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-04-22 08:29:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHA
Submitted by Duke_Diggler (user info) at 2005-04-22 02:38:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-21 20:19:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Fortunately, I am not.
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2005-04-21 17:47:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Unfortunately this boss is a bit more difficult to manage........
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-21 17:33:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm sure you have learned the "secrets" of how to keep your boss in line...
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2005-04-21 17:30:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-21 17:15:44 (#)
Ranking: 1
I just read a few more from the archives...Your filthy little mouth is giving me a 5:00 hardon.
Dammit! My boss just came back on site and I just about got busted 'cuz I busted out
lauging.......
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-21 17:15:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I just read a few more from the archives...Your filthy little mouth is giving me a 5:00 hardon.
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2005-04-21 17:12:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nice to meet you as well Schlongy......and thanks for the kudos as to prior, albeit,
old posts.....
I have missed Uberland.....but at my current employ we are strongly 'discouraged'
from using the internet for anything other than work purposes; however, the bossman
has been offsite for the bulk of the day and I am bored as hell.....
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-21 17:06:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I just went into your "library" of Uber work and the few posts I read were at least interesting, if not totally original.
I'm surprised I hadn't heard of you.
I'm usually drooling all over any Uber broad who tells a tale of some guy banging the shit out of them.
Nice to meet you.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-21 17:00:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I know exactly what you were doing, Sweetie...
...and I, having to stay in character, had to act appalled that you didn't know who I was.
I can't sneak anything past you young, college whippersnappers. Nor can you, with me.
Speaking of snapper, how's your ass look?
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2005-04-21 16:45:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No offense meant schlongy (or should that be schlongy-sir?).
I made the assumption that you were not the same person, I was just following in
the vein of the post.....
and as far as how long I have been an Uber member......some time now....may of 2003 I
believe. I just have not been visiting Uberland regularly lately.....
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-21 16:38:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
My mom? I'm not the same kid who almost had you picked up on line.
Don't you know who Shlongy is? How long have you been visiting Uberland?
Do your due diligence, you silly, naughty little slut...and THEN get back to me.
Trust me, this is a tremendous offer...and honor.
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2005-04-21 16:29:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-21 16:13:21 (#)
Ranking: 1
That WAS quite the entertaining experience.
But now let's get down to business.
When do you want to meet Shlongy's cock?
Promise you wont tell your mom if we meet? She is one bad ass cop afterall......
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-21 16:13:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That WAS quite the entertaining experience.
But now let's get down to business.
When do you want to meet Shlongy's cock?
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2005-04-21 16:12:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-04-21 16:05:26 (#)
Ranking: 1
LOLOLORZ!!
WILL YOU HAVE THE INTARWEB SEX WITH ME PLS
I dont know.....gotta check with my mom first to see if it is ok........
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-04-21 16:12:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by canadia (user info) at 2005-04-21 15:14:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, my son told me you were trying to pick him up? You should be ashamed of yourself. He's only 10 for God's sake!
But.....
I did see the pic and thought you were pretty hot. Wanna go out?
--------------------------
Hahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa Gotta love the Uber-bootycall!
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-04-21 16:07:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You should've given him the 'ol bloodninja routine ; )
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-04-21 16:05:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
LOLOLORZ!!
WILL YOU HAVE THE INTARWEB SEX WITH ME PLS
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-04-21 15:55:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
i guess you had to be there
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2005-04-21 15:15:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And the beauty of this whole experience is that "I'm telling my mom!!!" has become a
catch phrase with a number of friends and I, and we yell this at each other, sometimes
with absolutely no cause to (other than to make folks around us wonder what the hell
is going on and why we are laughing so hard.....) It is a phrase that really does catch
the unsuspecting folks off guard.........
Submitted by canadia (user info) at 2005-04-21 15:14:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, my son told me you were trying to pick him up? You should be ashamed of yourself. He's only 10 for God's sake!
But.....
I did see the pic and thought you were pretty hot. Wanna go out?
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-04-21 15:10:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Heh. Dating.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-04-21 15:05:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If uber every set up a personal setion we all know it would end up like that.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:55:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:40:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:24:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
pic?
Submitted by MoonStone (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:36:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah, the wonderful freaks of the internet.
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:24:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
pic?
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:16:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Quit laughing at me or I really will tell ya big meanie
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:15:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, no shit. I hate that commercial they have on tv that says 3 of 5 girls under the age of 18 will be sexually solicited by a grown man or whatever it is. Every couple days I get a new message from a 13 year old girl asking me for cybersex. Fuck that shit.
Submitted by Josephine (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:13:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cheap entertainment is good.
Submitted by mles76 (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:13:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment