The Awesomeness of Randomness on a Thursday Afternoon (1409 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: RandomThoughts
Rating: 1.53 on 54 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tom Sorrell - sorrelltr.at.hotmail.com (View user info) at 2005-04-21 14:25:22 EDT
So far today, I've had three cups of coffee and one Venti Caramel Machiachiasomethingchiatto from Starbucks... needless to say I'm a bit wired. I feel like a pre-schooler before Ritalin was invented. In fact, I fully expect to be running naked around the office and setting fires within the hour. The funny thing is, I was fine until I drank the Starbucks. The more coffee I drink from there, the more convinced I become that they lace their products with crack. I mean, even the girls behind the counter look strung-out from the coffee, like they might be using a little too much of the product they're supposed to be selling. I keep waiting to walk in there one day and see a man on the sidewalk next to the door begging for change to get his next fix. Someone needs to look into this.
Driving when you're in a rush to get somewhere is like playing Blackjack in a Vegas casino. All it takes is one clueless idiot to ruin any chance you might have at success. Think about it, the people who slow down to five miles per hour to make a right turn on yellow (thus ensuring you're going to hit it red and have to wait on a line of cars to pass) are the same idiots who won't split a pair of aces. The people who run red lights and almost t-bone you are the same jackasses who double-down on ten. The people who slam their brakes on for no apparent reason are the people who stay on anything above 13. The people who drive five miles under the speed limit are the same wishy-washy morons who will stare at a King and a 6 for five minutes trying to figure out what to do.
Best random insult I've heard all week from one woman to another: "If this was a Police Show, your character's name would be Detective Whore-owitz, you skanky bimbo."
Best (worst) reply: "I'm not jewish, you dumbass."
Sideways: NOT A GOOD MOVIE. Seriously, I laughed maybe five times.
1. The part where he calls his friend to tell him he's "out the door right now," then takes the time to shit (and read), shower, and stop at Starbucks.
2. The golf scene.
3. The part where he picks up the bucket of wine and drinks it.
4. The part where the asian girl hits the guy from Wings in the face with her motorcycle helmet.
5. The part where the guy from Wings says: "He came home and found me with my dick in his wife's ass."
That's it. I just wasn't particularly impressed with it, and the penis to breast ratio did nothing to help matters. In fact, the naked fat chick and biker guy ruined the entire thing for me. There are some things that don't need to be filmed, ever. That was one of them.
Oceans 12: Just a horrible excuse for a movie. It's so random and jumpy that I lost all interest. Plus, it's an hour and a half movie in a two hour package. How many times did they focus on all 12 guys before moving on in the scene? I lost count somewhere around 300.
The Office is the funniest damned thing I have seen in a long time. I know, I know, it's based on a British show. Congratulations. I'm happy you Brits created something funny. The Office might even make up for some of the other atrocities you people have given us. Shows like The Hollow Men, Trigger-Happy TV, Absolutely Fabulous, and Are You Being Served? were just wretched. On the other hand, Monty Python's Flying Circus, Benny Hill, and Mr. Bean were classics. As usual I have no point. But yea, thanks for The Office. Speaking of which:
"FOUL!!!"
"Foul? What's the call?"
"NAKED AGGRESSION!"
Nine days until Family Guy... Nine days until Family Guy... Nine days until Family Guy... Nine days until Family Guy... Nine days until Family Guy... Nine days until Family Guy... Nine days until Family Guy...
Is there anything more gratifying than buying a loaf of freshly-baked bread at a bakery and then placing it strategically on your desk to taunt the crazed bitch next to you who's on the Atkins diet, then eating it slowly and acting like it's the best bread you've ever tasted? If there is, I've yet to find it. I wouldn't be such a dick if she'd get off her ass and actually exersise rather than put all her stock into some trendy-diet that tells her that bacon is good but potatoes are bad.
In the war against the Atkins Diet, these three will lead the charge.
User Reviews
Submitted by m0ke34 (user info) at 2005-04-27 16:40:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
all of your work antics are genius.
Submitted by BigCore (user info) at 2005-04-22 08:33:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for blackjack analogies
-1 for no more Real E-mail
+1 for trying to argue while Schlongy's showing off his e-penis
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-22 08:19:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually in a Vancouver casino I started with 15 dollars just to mess around and walked out up 200 Canadian. I'm not sure what the exchange rate is, but I ended up coming home with about 125.00 extra after buying a few drinks for the wife and me.
But poker is my game. I took another 120 bucks in a max 2.00 bet game from the guys I work with when we had a poker night a few months ago.
Submitted by baking_Lady (user info) at 2005-04-22 02:32:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You don't win a lot at 21, do you?
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2005-04-22 02:03:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You my man have excellent choice in TV Shows. Though I've yet to see The Office(stupid crappy Canadian cable). But also withh Family Guy comes American Dad and thats gonna rule.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-22 01:09:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2005-04-21 21:26:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff, Tom. I can't believe that Comedy Central has the balls to run a promo comparing Hollow Men to Monty Python. That's like comparing Shlongys Yugo to my Lincoln Town Car.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-04-21 20:54:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jeez Tom, calm down.
http://www.imagedump.com/index.cgi?pick=setandget&tp=47767&poll_id=0&category_id=16&warned=y
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-21 20:18:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
See apollo....I've been telling Baby Huey here, that I'm hilarious. He won't admit it.
He's in denial. About me, and about his sexuality, which is even MORE painful.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-04-21 19:33:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-21 16:28:13 (#)
Ranking: -2
Expertly.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-21 16:16:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Pfft, how do I lie? """"
That made me snort wine out of my nose.
This thread is most amusing.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-04-21 19:32:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-21 16:14:08 (#)
Ranking: -2
You lie so much, you make MY nose hurt.
Shut up, Brooke. """
Woah, you made SHLONGY'S nose hurt????
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE????
Did you see that documentary on what would happen if Yellowstone erupted?
IT IS NOTHING TO WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF SHLONGY SNEEZED.
Be careful man, the future of mankind depends on not fucking with shlongy's ENORM INFLATO shnoz.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-21 18:24:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What comebacks? I don't care enough to do anything other than call him a retard. The idiot's a friggin' stalker with no life.
Submitted by gtz (user info) at 2005-04-21 18:18:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 because shlongy said hip
+1 because toms comebacks are equal to that of an inanimate object.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-21 16:41:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, you're a liar.
You don't know me, dipshit.
Submitted by canadia (user info) at 2005-04-21 16:41:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was enjoying the randomness, and the flying circus comment...
Then you said family guy, and my started racing...
The Aqua Teen Hunger Force picture made it explode.
Thanks a lot!
I think I should lay off the caffeine too....
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-21 16:40:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You are not hip, cool, smart, successful or clever. Not even close.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-21 16:38:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You are not funny... this is solid truth.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-21 16:28:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Expertly.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-21 16:16:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Pfft, how do I lie?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-21 16:14:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You lie so much, you make MY nose hurt.
Shut up, Brooke.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-21 16:07:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Huey... that's actually somewhat creative.
But I don't laugh at you. You see, to some people, assholes are funny, as long as they're messing with someone else. To other people, assholes are just assholes, and it's especially pathetic when 50-year old assholes are assholes to random strangers who range from about 16 to 30 on the internet.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-21 16:04:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Liar. You laugh at some of my posts and MANY of my reviews.
Don't flatter yourself, Huey.
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-04-21 15:52:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know when I click on a post from Tom, I will soon be laughing hysterically and applauding loudly.
Family Guy! w00t
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-21 15:48:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're not hilarious, you're a collision between a train and a bus full of retarded kids.
And it's hard to ignore a stalker.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-21 15:35:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Why would anyone ignore me based on YOUR advice?
YOU don't even ignore me. Ya hypocrite, ya.
That, and I'm fucking hilarious.
Submitted by CJRipley (user info) at 2005-04-21 15:34:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF I'm not reading all that (mind case of afternoon ADHD) but
+2 for Grande X-Carmel Caramel Machiachiasomethingchiatto!!!!
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-04-21 15:34:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sideways is funny. I can't remember why but we watched the early showing and it was full of old folk. I enjoyed it because they were all REALLY REALLY laughing at the rude bits.
I don't know why Americans like Benny Hill- I don't think it's been shown here since the 1980s.
Watch the English version of The Office- I've seen both, and it's twice as funny. (I read they are going to show 'Shameless' in the USA, you should watch that too- it's well written and funnier than the bizarre things you list as British).
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2005-04-21 15:31:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Is there anything more gratifying than buying a loaf of freshly-baked bread at a bakery and then placing it strategically on your desk to taunt the crazed bitch next to you who's on the Atkins diet, then eating it slowly and acting like it's the best bread you've ever tasted? If there is, I've yet to find it. I wouldn't be such a dick if she'd get off her ass and actually exersise rather than put all her stock into some trendy-diet that tells her that bacon is good but potatoes are bad."
that is brilliant.........and I will do this in front of a particular person with
great relish and enthusiasm even if the bread tastes like ass..........
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-04-21 15:30:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ATHF, anti-Atkins sentiments, and Family Guy!!!! Should be a +3, but alas, there isn't. So, +2. Thank you for helping work not suck today.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-21 15:25:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I maintain that Mr. Bean was hil-damn-larious.
The steak tar-tar bit, the church one where he's trying to eat the candy and singing, the Christmas card one... I could go on.
Plus, there's the movie, which nearly made me orgasm from laughter.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-04-21 15:22:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for liking the Office (even if it is the Yank version), go out and buy the Brit version on DVD, it will be worth the money.
-1 for liking Mr. Bean and hating on Trgger Happy TV and I am being generous here.
-Dave
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-21 15:22:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No, you're thinking of "Side Lays."
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2005-04-21 15:10:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought "Sideways" was a porno
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-21 15:10:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-04-21 15:03:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
As someone who tends to hold on anything above a 13, I would just like to say, "fuck you."
----
Someone at the next table you're at needs to throw a drink in your face. If they don't, give me a call... I'll do it.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-04-21 15:03:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As someone who tends to hold on anything above a 13, I would just like to say, "fuck you."
I never claimed to be much of a card player.
I'm also finding the American version of the Office to be pretty good, even though I've only seen it twice.
Submitted by Josephine (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:58:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:34:54 (#)
Ranking: -1
I really enjoyed Sideways and Paul Giamatti or whatever the fuck his name is is one of actings' best kept secrets.
---
That, and the original Office is much better, I hear.
But damn it all, +2 for Family Guy.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:56:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlongy's a one-trick pony, just ignore him. His repeats himself more than a music box.
And once again, wanting a stalker to leave you the fuck alone is not being a baby, regardless of what some lifeless old man who looks like the Hamburglar says.
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:56:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good Post +2 for The Office and of course family guy but how can a guy who post such randomness as this not appriciate the brilliance of Trigger Happy TV?
Drops you to a +1 I'm afraid.
Submitted by gtz (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:52:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:34:54 (#)
Ranking: -1
I really enjoyed Sideways and Paul Giamatti or whatever the fuck his name is is one of actings' best kept secrets.
In an unrelated development, you're a baby.
------
Funny shit.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:48:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I will never do another Fun With Real E-Mail post. Sorry.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:48:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:29:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
NINE DAYS TILL FAMILY GUY
GO FAMILY GUY WOO!!!
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:46:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<holds up sign>
"Will suck dick for more funny email posts"
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:44:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dancing is forbidden!
Submitted by MoonStone (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:44:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:42:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 For Randomness
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:38:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Baxter? Is that you? Bark twice if you think yo're in Milwaukee.
Submitted by EAZEDZT (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:35:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lay off the caffeine before your heart jump out of your chest
does a marathon, fucks samll asians and returns with a tattoo.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:35:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm Glad SPT is back
Oh I made you famous too...
http://www.ubersite.com/m/64738
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:34:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I really enjoyed Sideways and Paul Giamatti or whatever the fuck his name is is one of actings' best kept secrets.
In an unrelated development, you're a baby.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:32:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Starbucks is taking over the world.
I recently went for coffee at an independently-owned coffee shop...
I ordered a macchiato... they asked me if I wanted the regular macchiato or the Starbucks version.
I wonder if the blank look on my face confused them.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:32:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:30:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was a +1 until Atkins and Family Guy.
Now, I want to create a +3.
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:29:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
NINE DAYS TILL FAMILY GUY
GO FAMILY GUY WOO!!!
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:29:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bahahahahaha
lets get drunk together and write a screenplay