Movie Post Friday (921 hits)
Category: Movies & TVRating: 1.15 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tom Sorrell - sorrelltr.at.hotmail.com (View user info) at 2005-04-22 11:22:27 EDT
Post quotes and a picture from one of your favorite movies, because there's nothing better to do.
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The Jerk
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What? I am not a bum. I'm a jerk. I once had wealth, power, and the love of a beautiful woman. Now I only have two things: my friends and... uh... my thermos. Huh? My story? Okay. It was never easy for me. I was born a poor black child. I remember the days, sitting on the porch with my family, singin' and dancin' down in Mississippi.
You see that? **points to a pile of shit**
Yeah.
That's shit, Navin. And this here **points to his shoe** is shinola.
Shit... shinola.
Son, you're going to be all right.
Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.
**Navin is hitchhiking in front of his house... a truck pulls up.**
How far you going?
To the end of this fence.
Ok. **He gets in the truck** My name's Navin, what's yours?
Well, here we are.
OK! Thanks for the company. I hope I can repay you someday.
I will need two pieces of identification.
Ah yes. I have my temporary driver's license... and my astronaut application form. I didn't pass that though, I failed everything but "date of birth." I uh... didn't get the job.
My dear family, guess what. Today I found out what my special purpose is for. Gosh what a great time I had. I wish my whole family could have been here with me. Maybe some other time as I intend to do this a lot. Every chance I get. I think next week I'll be able to send some more money as I may have extra work. My friend Patty promised me a blow job. Your loving son, Navin.
Are you a model?
No. I'm a cosmetologist.
Really? A cosmetologist? That's unbelievable! That's impressive! It must be tough to handle weightlessness!"
Now be totally honest. You do have a boyfriend don't you.
Kind of
I know this is our first date but do you think the next time you make love to your boyfriend you could think of me?
Well I haven't made love to him yet.
That's to bad. Do you think its possible that someday could make love with me and think of him.?
Who knows maybe you and he could make love and you could think of me.
Aww, I'd just be happy to be in there somewhere.
**Marie is sleeping next to Navin**
Marie, you look so beautiful and peaceful, you almost look dead. And I'm glad, because there's something I want to say that's always been very difficult for me to say: I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit. Wow, I've never been relaxed enough around anyone to say that. I know we've only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days. And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. And the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it. Anyway, I've decided that tomorrow, when the time is right, I'm going to ask you to marry me, if that's o.k. with you. Just don't say anything. You've made me very happy.
I'm picking out a thermos for you.
Not an ordinary thermos for you.
But the extra best thermos that you can buy,
With vinyl and stripes and a cup built right in!
I'm picking out a thermos for you,
And maybe a barometer too,
And what else can I buy so on me you'll rely,
A rear end thermometer too.
Why are you crying? And why are you wearing that old dress?
Because I just heard a song on the radio that reminded me of the way we were.
What was it?
"The Way We Were."
Remember my dream of owning a big house on a hill and how I used to wish for a living room with a plaster lion in it from Mexico and how I always wanted a large twenty four seat dining table in a dining room with original oil paintings by Michelangelo and Rembrandt and remember how I always wanted a rotating bed with pink chiffon and zebra stripes and remember how I used to chit chat with dad about always wanting a bathtub shaped like a clam and an office with orange and white stripes and remember how much I wanted an all red billiard room with a giant stuffed camel and how I wanted a disco room with my own disco dancers and a party room with fancy friends and remember how much I wanted a big backyard with Grecian statues, S-shaped hedges and three swimming pools? Well, I got that too.
**Marie and Navin are at dinner**
Marie, now just stay calm. Stay calm. Don't look down, don't look down! Look up! Just keep your eyes up and keep them that way, o.k.! Waiter come here! There are snails on her plate. Now get them out of here before she sees them! Look away Marie! Just look away, keep your eyes that way! You would think that in a fancy restaurant at these prices you could keep the snails off the food! There are so many snails there you can't even see the food! Now take those away and bring us those melted cheese sandwich appetizers you talked me out of!
Well I'm gonna to go then. And I don't need any of this. I don't need this stuff, and I don't need you. I don't need anything except this **picks up an ashtray** and that's it and that's the only thing I need, is this. I don't need this or this. Just this ashtray... And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that's all I need... And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that's all I need... And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball... And this lamp. The ashtray, this paddle game and the remote control and the lamp and that's all I need. And that's all I need too. I don't need one other thing, not one - I need this. The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure... And this. And that's all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair... And I don't need one other thing except my dog. **the dog growls** Actually I don't need my dog.
Bastard! Random son of a bitch! Typical run of the mill bastard! Son of blocking bastard!! Got ya, you lavish typical blocking of the view of a God damn average victim bastard!!
**a man is shooting at Navin, but he keeps hitting oil cans**
Hey Harry, look at this! What's the matter with these cans?
Die milk face! **more cans pop**
Harry, these cans are defective... they're springing leaks! Come over here and look at this!
Navin, you better run for cover or you're going to spring a leak!
Huh?
We don't have defective cans, we have a defective person out there!
**Navin sees the man with the gun**
He hates these cans! Stay away from the cans!
User Reviews
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-06-23 11:44:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"say hello to my little freind"
http://www.popartuk.com/g/l/lgpp30041.jpg
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-06-23 11:26:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my sorry.
i'll check things out next time.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-04-22 17:31:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OKLAHOMA OKLAHOMA OKLAHOMA!
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-04-22 13:44:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TabathaS. (user info) at 2005-04-22 13:24:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
"I'm picking out a thermos for you.
Not an ordinary thermos for you.
But the extra best thermos that you can buy,
With vinyl and stripes and a cup built right in!
I'm picking out a thermos for you,
And maybe a barometer too,
And what else can I buy so on me you'll rely,
A rear end thermometer too."
_________________
I just tinkled a little.
Submitted by EAZEDZT (user info) at 2005-04-22 13:28:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good Movie.
Submitted by TabathaS. (user info) at 2005-04-22 13:24:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I'm picking out a thermos for you.
Not an ordinary thermos for you.
But the extra best thermos that you can buy,
With vinyl and stripes and a cup built right in!
I'm picking out a thermos for you,
And maybe a barometer too,
And what else can I buy so on me you'll rely,
A rear end thermometer too."
_________________
Awesome
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-22 13:05:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Huckleberry, I hate to tell you this, but I AM AN EFF BE EYE AGENT.
Submitted by Hucklebery8 (user info) at 2005-04-22 12:15:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You're a real blue flame special, aren't you, son? Young, dumb and full of come, I know. What I don't know is how you got assigned here. Guess we must just have ourselves an asshole shortage, huh?
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-04-22 11:55:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Never see the movie but I may just have to check it out now.
Oh and for the record Steve Martin is good, Chevy Chase is better
Submitted by Josephine (user info) at 2005-04-22 11:51:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Automatic +2 for anything Steve Martin related.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-04-22 11:40:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"You mean I'm gonna stay this color?"
Submitted by corporate_drone0723 (user info) at 2005-04-22 11:38:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-04-22 11:36:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hate to say this, but I thought The Jerk was terminally stupid. I consider the 2 hours I spent watching it to have been wasted.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-22 11:35:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great movie
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-22 11:29:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I firmly believe that it's not possible for this movie to have been made with any actor other than Steve Martin. The scene where he's reading the letter in the bathtub and the ink is running down the page is brilliant.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-22 11:27:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, this post sucks ass, as usual, but it's a tremendous movie so here we are again, Huey.