Who makes the (child-parent) rules anyway? (708 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by www.fouronenine.co.uk (View user info) at 2005-04-22 19:16:21 EDT
First 'proper' post here so make mincemeat of me if you will.
Here is the (diluted) dilemma which requires no answers as answers are possibly impossible.
I have a 14 year old daughter since yesterday..she was 13 the day before. She lived with her father from age 4 until November last year because that is what she wanted to do. Fair enough, who am I to tell her where to live and which parent because I want her to decide where she is happiest being?
Well obviously she got bored with this in November and came back to me. I had horror stories of bullying in her school and from her dad and from her distress I decided to remove her from her school and let her be with me for a while. Take note, access to her father has never and will never be denied unless it makes her unhappy.
So.........a few months passed now, we moved house although still in same area as Dad but... now it turns out she has been lying to us both in the weirdest ways.
Firstly think on this.
Father and I get on well as friends, we split in 1993 but never argued over our kid or who she should be with. We want what she feels is best for her with no animosity.
Father and I share no friends..well after 13 years ..how would you?
Therefore daughter has nobody to bitch at as to how shit either parent is being.
Or does she?
She told me 2 weeks ago that she won £50 in Premium Bonds that were only payable in Dad's name, then complained to me that he, 'spent them Mummy cos I came back to live with you and the benefits (welfare to USA people) don't cover it'
Today is the day after her 14th birthday, her Dad came over and after he had made a fuss over the birthday girl I offer him a drink because I'm sociable and well, maybe he might like one..blaaaaaah. Anyhow after she has gone to bed I said to him, 'How come you spent her Premium Bond money? She was really upset about it'...
He says 'She told me to spend it if money was tight and I said I would give it back'
Now I know my ex is no liar,he is certainly CRAP in many ways but he doesn't tell lies and in no way would spend his kids money without permission/good reason.
Unfortunately my daughter denies this utterly, who do I believe? Parent or child? Or shall I just kill them both and be done with it?
User Reviews
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2005-04-25 21:37:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-04-22 22:02:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Parenting sucks.
----------------------------
The toughest job in the world - parenting - does not come automatically. I would get my hands on a couple of good parenting books - for teens in your case. Watch for parenting articles in the newspaper and even here(!), specials on TV. You will find contradictory messages and not every strategy or tactic is going to work with your daughter. Good luck. Hang in there :-)
Submitted by CoreaPeekay (user info) at 2005-04-22 23:38:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
beat her ass, believe him. Jesus. He said he would pay it back, hes going to pay it back. Your daughter is probably just being gay. Work out a plan for him to pay it back on time or whatever. Tell your retarded kid not to lie.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-04-22 22:02:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Parenting sucks.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-04-22 21:16:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I think you should punsih that lying rascal.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-04-22 20:09:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hmm... well, in order, welcome to uber from another newbie..
Second, chances are, because she's a young teen its her, not the dad that is lying. Call her on it, let her know that although the two of you aren't friends, you are both still her parents and will work together in thing that relate to her. She may just be looking for stability and active involvement from both parents.
And all teens are dramatic, so expect a show...in fact, get used to them!
Good luck!
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-04-22 19:58:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my best friend had her kid at 14. her boyfriend was only 13. at that time, i was only 10). i'm not hooking up with her, but if i did...
i'm just trying to cover all the bases.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-04-22 19:55:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ah, well i wasn't sure on their ages as compared to your age and various factors involved (well, not much else comes to mind, but i'm kinda busy so maybe i hustled a bit too fast through that rating).
i'm not saying for the little things in life but for major decisions that need to be made. you've been there before...she hasn't. (obviously, not in a lady's shoes - but you get what i'm saying)
i apologize for my hasty judgement.
<hangs head in shame>
<toots>
<smirks>
here's a +2 to square us away. sound good?
Submitted by magic_flounder (user info) at 2005-04-22 19:51:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sassmaster ..err Quote : (from the 10-20 years you have lived more than them)
I did not have her when I was TEN..is this possible?
I started young , that's for sure, 18 when I had her and almost 21 at second and then.. NO MORE. They're great kids just a middling dilemma ;)
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-04-22 19:46:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
too many people try to raise their kids to make them happy.
kids are stupid. they don't know what they want. sometimes you have to step up, use the wisdom and experience you have gained (from the 10-20 years you have lived more than them), and make the smart decision. the call is yours.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-22 19:40:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
umm.... first posts don't always require a -2 DIE. that was
completely unnecessary.
Your child is acting out. It's traumatic on children when their
parents aren't married and living together anymore.
Ask most anyone whose parents have split.
You should definitly set her straight in that that behavior
is unacceptable.
Please don't be that parent who lets their children get away
with bad behavior. She's going to grow up to be an adult
and I can pretty much speak for everyone when I say
that we already have enough assholes in the world.
not that I am saying.. well you know what I mean...
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-04-22 19:38:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the ratings of non-posters started counting again?
you averted a -2 because this seems like a heartfelt post, and I can't be an arsehole all the time.
Submitted by magic_flounder (user info) at 2005-04-22 19:27:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Was pretty much expecting that. Thanks.
Submitted by MoonStone (user info) at 2005-04-22 19:24:50 (#)
Ranking: -2
First post! -2 die
Submitted by MoonStone (user info) at 2005-04-22 19:24:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
First post! -2 die