Conspiracy (725 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.15 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Santa Claus (View user info) at 2005-04-22 20:46:11 EDT
The Elves had scrubbed the floor pretty hard, but they still hadn't been able to get the stain out. That bitch had a lot of blood in her, and now it was all over my goddamn floor. Some of the Elves had cried, but they knew what'd happen if they didn't. Well, they thought they knew, but all I'd do is kick their ass. A couple of them had liked the old bitch. I made a mental note to send those back to Oberon. We didn't need crybabies here. Her body had been dragged into some remote spot on the Tundra where polar bears would finish her off pretty quick.
Zaxlor walked into the office. He had a couple of Elves with him. He had been interviewing Elves around the workshop for a few days and bringing the good ones up for me to inspect. They all looked pretty faggoty to me, so I trusted Zaxlor to choose good ones.
I glanced at the Elves, nodded my approval, and looked back at the computer monitor. Then I looked back. Zaxlor was holding a weapon, and the two Elves were bound with string, probably magical. "What happened, Zaxlor?" "Sir, these Elves were found to have several weapons on their person, all the same make and model as Mrs. Cl- I mean, the Old Woman, sir."
Holy shit. I stood, and the two Elves shrank back in fear. Even Zaxlor got a little scared. "You supplied weapons to the Old Woman, huh?" they said nothing. I got angry. Suddenly, I vaulted over the desk and brought my fist down on one of their heads. It fucking hurt, but the guy collapsed on the floor. He was unconscious.
.I looked to Zaxlor. "I want all their friends investigated. How many guns did they have?" Zaxlor checked a paper. "Six, sir." Jesus Christ, six guns for two fucking tiny Elves. "You know that pit where we used to put defective toys?" "Y-Yes, sir." "Good. Chain them up in there, and post three guards. If someone tries to help them, they are to go in with them. I want them to think about what they did while they starve to death." I looked the one who was standing in the eye. "It ain't very fun, let me tell you." I grinned. He flinched.
The one on the ground moaned. I kicked him in the gut. "But maybe you want to clue me in on a few facts, little man. I'd like to know how you got the guns in here, and what you were planning to do with them." He spit in my face. Slowly, I wiped it off. Then, I grabbed one of his arms. I quickly bent his elbow the wrong way. There was a loud snap, and he screamed in pain. I repeated the process on his other arm. It got real quiet in the workshop. Everyone had heard.
"Take them away." I said. Zaxlor called out, and two guards came into the room and carted them off. Zaxlor bowed, and left the room.
I sat back in the chair. Was it really worth it? All this killing, all this pain, just to be Santa? Yes. I was gonna stay on top, no matter what. No matter if some fucking Elves or some arms smuggler or even my fucking (ex) wife wanted me dead and gone, I was gonna stay on top.
"Mendia, baby, come in here. I need some help." Mendia always knew how to help me.
User Reviews
Submitted by missedthepoint (user info) at 2005-10-22 10:54:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-04-25 13:48:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is fucking stupid.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-04-23 15:33:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
dick
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-04-23 15:23:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by UberGirl (user info) at 2005-04-23 15:08:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you arent the real santa
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-04-23 06:20:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This will get old fast.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-04-23 03:35:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I sorta care.
Submitted by Santa_Claus_ (user info) at 2005-04-23 03:03:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, Santa is crying! He's so saaaaad...
Submitted by Santa_Claus_ (user info) at 2005-04-23 01:59:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm a saaaaad Santa!
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-04-23 00:56:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i didn't read the first one, but will now. i laughed.
Submitted by Santa_Claus_ (user info) at 2005-04-23 00:43:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nobody cares? There's a conspiracy to kill me, and nobody cares?
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-04-22 21:25:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd +1 this post but I didn't get what I wanted last year.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-22 20:57:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Santa you big silly, the day doesn't turn at the north pole yet.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-22 20:57:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Nor do I, Claus...and this, after I gave you my best compliment ever in your first post. This pains me so.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-22 20:56:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The first one had fallen off the front page, right?
Always make room for quality.
Submitted by Santa_Claus_ (user info) at 2005-04-22 20:54:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh my goodness, you're right, little boy! Where I am, I posted my first post at night, and the dat has turned! Snata never meant to hurt anyone!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-22 20:50:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Conspiracy (no reviews)
Submitted by Santa Claus (View user info) at 2005-04-22 20:46:11
Mrs. Claus goes down. (Rating: 1.75 on 32 reviews, last by zakalwe 85 minutes ago)
Submitted by Santa Claus (View user info) at 2005-04-22 04:42:49
Yeah, it looks like it.
Smoke another bowl, halfwit.
Submitted by Santa_Claus_ (user info) at 2005-04-22 20:48:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I posted yesterday, little boy. Now, you don't want do be bad, do you? Good! Now, run along and play.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-22 20:47:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Loved the first post today - it was outstanding...automatically hate anyone who posts twice.
Fuck off, alter asshole.