The Dumbasses Keep Coming... and Coming... and Coming... (929 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.91 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by myredmirage95 (View user info) at 2005-04-23 01:23:13 EDT
I need a better job. I seriously need a fucking better job. A job that has a filter for dumb asses at the front door. A job that has tranquilizer guns and grenades and anti-douchebag fighting materials; possibly even various poisons to hide in the coffee machine. I do not care as long as they keep the fucking morons out or at least sedated so I will not have to put up with their shit.
The story began in late October when I first began my job at a particular battery producing company where I met the first batch of retards that worked there. Vanessa, Stephanie and Amanda were the whores for whom I speak of (names changed because I can't remember their names, nor do I care to remember.) They seemed OK to begin with, but later on they started telling stories about how they partied so hard over the weekend and woke up in someone's basement with their underwear around their neck and a condom in their ear. It gets old hearing the same shit over and over again. You hear one story about someone getting drunk off their ass and whoring it up with a bunch of losers then you've heard them all.
Then they started showing up for work 10 minutes, 30 minutes and even an hour late sometimes and claimed each and every time that they either wrecked their car, nearly wrecked their car, wrecked someone else's car, saw someone wreck a car which caused them to wreck their car or they had killed something with their car and had to bury it. They were soon "laid off" and never to be seen again. Pity. Whores.
Another dumb ass, let's call her Leslie, came into work telling everyone she had just got another tattoo to match the cutesy dolphin on her leg. This time she went even cutesier and got a mouse. A mouse? Yes, that is what she said. After a few hours of me ignoring her, she yells at me from across the area we work in.
"Hey J! Do you want to see my new mouse tattoo? Huh? Huh? Huh? Do ya, do ya, do ya?" she shrieked as she bounced up and down like a 4 year old showing her mom a booger.
"No." I replied as I continued to work.
"Oh, come on! It's so damn cute!"
"Will you shut up and leave me alone if I look?"
"Yes!" she said as she ran full speed towards me and started untying the waist of her pants.
I immediately asked what the fuck she was doing and she said that it was on her lower stomach and she had to pull her pants down some for me to see it. I sighed and said ok and she pulled her pants down slightly and asked "You see it?" for which I replied "No, I can not."
She then pulled them down further and repeated her question, a smile forming across her crooked teeth. I still couldn't see it and I really didn't want to see it so I told her I couldn't and to go away.
"Oh come on! It's there! Just look!" and she pulled her pants down further.
I did not see the mouse; however, I did see pubic hair. I did not wish to see her pubic hair, nor do I ever want to see her pubic hair again. I screamed at her and told her she was a whore and she laughed with glee and screamed loudly "YOU STILL DIDN'T SEE IT? WELL DAMN, I GUESS MY PUUUUUSSSSYYYYYYYYY ATE IT! AAAAAH HAHAHAHAHA!"
I should have fucking hit her. Once for showing me her pubic hair and again for the lame ass joke. Stupid cunt.
The next moron, a gay guy...we shall call him Luigi. This guy is so gay that he makes 'Jack' from "Will and Grace" look like a fucking lumberjack. He only wears designer clothes, and designer shoes and will only drive the flashiest, expensive cars. His hair is closely trimmed and straight permed, his legs are smoother than mine, his skin shimmers and he wears women's perfume; he also sports an earring in each ear, one in his tongue and one his belly button. I remind you I work in a factory of sorts. One day he came in to work limping which got everyone's attention.
"What's wrong, Luigi?" everyone asked in the most concerned and curious manner.
"Oh girl, my asshole hurts so damn much."
......everyone left it at that. I forgot to mention he is as blunt as they come.
He also says he is getting a tattoo on his ass that says "All Major Credit Cards Accepted."
I guess "stupid cunt" could apply to him too? Yeah.
I believe that is all for now, I have grown weary of reliving the horrors. I'm not finished with them yet though. There are plenty more dumb asses and their stories to share. Another time perhaps.
Good night, Uber!
Google image search for "dumbass"
User Reviews
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2005-04-27 00:57:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have never heard of you before and I think you fucking rock.
My bad.
I will now go and read all your posts.
Yes, yes I will.
That does have more to do with the fact I am at work.
Submitted by aceyloulou (user info) at 2005-04-27 00:45:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
u rock!
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2005-04-23 20:16:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shizae (user info) at 2005-04-23 20:11:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-04-23 09:26:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-23 08:18:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by baking_Lady (user info) at 2005-04-23 07:54:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
retier.
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-04-23 07:48:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-04-23 04:26:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When I read that title I just had to automatically continue it in my mind:
The Dumbasses Keep Coming... and Coming... and Coming... OR the Miracle of Multiple Orgasms
Submitted by magic_flounder (user info) at 2005-04-23 03:32:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Well at least you get to go home at the end of the day. Could be worse, that could be your family 24/7.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-04-23 01:41:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck at finding a dumb-ass free work environment because dumb-asses are at EVERY place of employment that exists.
You can't escape them.
I snickered at the mouse tattoo joke because that is about as old as it can get. She probably thought she was soooo clever too.