Val: Helping Uber Love Itself Since 2005 (1471 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.59 on 41 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Val (View user info) at 2005-04-24 03:51:17 EDT
No, this is not about masturbation.
Although... it could be.
My sister had to make a list for work the other day, a list of things she likes about herself. Now, unless your name is Schlongy, this seemingly simple task is actually quite daunting. So, thinking this was a neat idea (because too many times we focus only on the negative things about ourselves), I decided to make a list of some of the things I like about myself. A little pat on the back. A little thumbs up to myself. Of course, being a typical Jersey-bred American, being positive for more than 5 minutes makes my hair fall out and my face fall off, so I had to balance it with a list of things I dislike about myself as well. It seems a bit vain I guess, to write a list of things you like about yourself. But screw you. Consider this an experiment of the human condition. Or whatever. I found it interesting, at least. I realized in writing, that I'm not half bad... at least, not until I reached the Dislikes List, when I discovered that I am completely mental.
I want to hear what you all like about yourselves. Brighten your spirit a little bit. Give yourself a little mental raise, or whatever the hell you want to call it. Love yourself. Feel free to bash yourselves to all hell, too. Lord knows I will.
Things I Like About Myself
My ability to crack jokes even in the worst of times.
I am extremely generous and will give you the shirt off my back if you need it, whether you ask for it or not. I am also very generous with my time (but am finding I am a little too generous with this, as so many people don't realize its value, and waste my time). Not everyone deserves all of you, or at least the things about you that truly make you who you are.
I do nice things for people without any expectance of a return favor.
I am a good teacher, of both children and adults.
I am patient.
I am very open-minded and willing to try new things.
I am not afraid of people, and can start a conversation with anyone about anything, and have them walk away from the conversation feeling good.
I am an amazing kisser.
I am a hard worker, and am very responsible. When it comes to school or work, in particular, I find I am very focused.
I never use the word "can't." I believe you can do anything you set your mind to.
I work very well in fast-paced, challenging, and pressure-filled scenarios.
I am a tough cookie.
I really enjoy my writing. If I'm bored or un-entertained, and am in the mood to read some good shit, I read my own stuff, because I crack myself up.
I have good rhythm.
I am a very good speller.
I have an uncanny ability to be able to know exactly what people are looking for, such as in retail scenarios.
I have cool handwriting.
I am motivating and upbeat, and try and raise the bar every day- not only for myself, but for others around me, also.
I have really nice hair. And eyes.
I am good in the kitchen.
I love to read, anything from biographies to fiction to drama/suspense, to magazine articles, to college textbooks, to Psychology Journals, to cereal boxes.
I am.....ahem. Talented. (Not to toot my own horn, but BEEP BEEP).
I have a good balance mentally, emotionally, and physically.
I put others first, always.
I am very good at Taboo.
I make a mean chicken breast.
I can laugh at myself. And do. Often.
I truly only want the best for people that I love. And once I love you, I always will. There is no gray area there.
I am athletic, and KICK MASSIVE ASS at things like karate and boxing, etc.
Things I Dislike About Myself
My skin. I am very sensitive about my skin. It's very fair and pale, so I redden easily. I think this is why I don't like people touching my face. I'm weird about that.
I am a very good manipulator. I can BS with the best of them, but I can also lie at will, and never get caught. I also don't worry about my lies. I can get of any situation.
I have mastered the art of suppression. I never, ever get angry. Ever.Most people would think this is a plus, but in reality, it's not. I avoid any and all confrontation. I just don't get mad. If you punched me in the face (and I know this from experience), I can forget it ever happened, and forgive you on the spot. I think this coincides with the anti-confrontation thing. It's not good. It's not like I just build up all the anger inside, either. I won't snap one day or anything. I just turn the anger into fear of confrontation or verbal/physical abuse, and run away from it.
I'm too nice. I really am. I like being nice; it makes me feel good. But goddamn, Val, GROW SOME BALLS!!!!!
I never ever stick up for myself.
I procrastinate.
I spend money on worthless, inane crap.
My feet smell. I think it's because I refuse to wear socks.
I can easily get into funks, and have a hard time getting out of them.
I only work at my peak if I am scheduled. If I have free time, I have absolutely no friggin idea what to do with myself.
I have no sex drive. I'm very weird with sex. I don't know when this started. Well, I kinda do. But I get very uncomfrotable with the whole thing. It's odd. But at the same time, doesn't really bother me. I've become very passive, and very accepting of the whole thing. TOO passive.
I have no soul. No R and B vibe. No groove.
I can't dance. To. Save. My. Life.
I tend to live in a happy sunshine place, where everyone stops for pedestrians, and garbage men actually take care of all 3 trash cans, instead of just 2.
I am perpetually, horribly afraid of my father.
I drive too fast.
I don't listen well to adults. Kids, I can listen to day and night and recall everything. But adults... I don't know. I kind of just zone out.
I have very little common sense. It's a daily struggle just to remember that shampoo goes in the hair.
I can be a little too sarcastic sometimes. Although I like that about myself, too.
Instead of finding new guys, I am hopelessly attracted STILL, YEARS LATER, to men of the past.
I am probably the worst pool player you will ever meet. In both this lifetime and the next.
I smoke WAY too much.
I am my own worst enemy, and sabotage myself.
I deny myself happiness.
Churches freak me out.
Alarm clocks cannot CANNOT CANNOT wake me up.
I eat in cycles: for one week, all I'll want is say, balogney and mustard. Next week will be PB&J. Every day. Next week: soup for 5 days. I am odd.
I bite my nails.
I am too cheap to spend the 12 bucks at Supercuts and cut my hair myself, which only leads to disappointment and frustration, not to mention a shitty haircut, and then I have to go to a more expensive place and have them fix the damage I've done.
I am a huge klutz. I trip over thin air and spill stuff on me constantly.
I am a slob.
Garbage and the stuff at the bottom of the sink freak me out.
I am scared of bugs, including butterflies.
I write too many lists, instead of mentally engineering actual creative writing.
I think too much.
User Reviews
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2006-04-04 21:14:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BrittInToledo (user info) at 2005-12-12 14:13:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. Made my own list - the good list, that is. 'Cause I'm messed up and I think I'm horrible 99% of the time, yada yada yada.
Anyway. Thanks.
Submitted by A-Daamage (user info) at 2005-04-26 19:37:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I tend to make people uneasy because I am very reticent. I'm not sure if that is a dislike or like. It's just the way I am.
Like: I have a very good singing voice. This is said by people who have heard me, not my own opinion.
Dislike: I have a very pessimistic attitude. Something is bound to go wrong.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-26 00:30:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am too fucking trusting.
And that's a bad thing. I usually end up losing.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-04-25 12:44:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're good enough, you're smart enough, and doggone it, people like you.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-04-25 12:27:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How 'bout the horizontal mambo?
You good at that dance?
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-04-25 01:36:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-04-24 16:45:58 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-04-24 15:32:08 (#)
Ranking: 0
"I never use the word "can't." I believe you can do anything you set your mind to."
Can you grow a penis?
=========================
Sure can. Alls I need is some miracle grow, a prosthetic thumb, some double sided tape, perimeter sealant, chex mix, and a box of safety pins.
=========================
Ok I'll give you $20 just to see how chex mix comes into play
Banga
Submitted by The_Fan (user info) at 2005-04-25 01:25:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I have really nice hair. And eyes."
Those are always the sexiest things about a woman. Well, after her tits and ass of course.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-04-24 19:09:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed this. Go Val!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-24 18:55:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'd still do ya. Despite the obvious neurosis'.
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2005-04-24 17:54:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I hear ya on the thinking too much.
I am going to schedule myself for a lobotomy.
I'll let you know how it works out.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-04-24 16:45:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-04-24 15:32:08 (#)
Ranking: 0
"I never use the word "can't." I believe you can do anything you set your mind to."
Can you grow a penis?
=========================
Sure can. Alls I need is some miracle grow, a prosthetic thumb, some double sided tape, perimeter sealant, chex mix, and a box of safety pins.
Submitted by Mr.Brightside (user info) at 2005-04-24 15:34:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
about 90% of this was strangely similar to me
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-04-24 15:32:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"I never use the word "can't." I believe you can do anything you set your mind to."
Can you grow a penis?
Sorry. I had to. That line was too cliche to leave alone.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-24 15:10:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lessee
I like that I can crack myself up.
I like that I can empathize.
I have nice hair
Not much can offend me
I can see both sides if the coin
I can find the silver lining to most anything and I use that as hope.
I am too empathetic
I get defensive FOR people
I have more dislikes than I have time to list
Submitted by Shizae (user info) at 2005-04-24 14:46:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So I don't get $200, GLALL? What if I promise to use it to buy a bunch of drugs or a gun or something to kill myself with and thereby make one less arse be in this world? Please?
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-04-24 13:23:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the inspiration
http://www.ubersite.com/m/64939
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-04-24 11:31:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And GodChicken- your love of chicken wings represents.... hmmm. just take two percs a night for 4 weeks and call me in a month.
-----------------------------------------
???
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-04-24 11:29:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sorry, Shiz. Reason? I watched the movie birds when I was 5 years old, thus traumatizing me for life with a paralyzing fear of birds. I always thought that "chicken wings" were "buffalo wings", so I ate them all the time without a care in the world. Then yesterday, I am informed that they are, in fact, named Buffalo wings after Buffalo, NY, were the sauce was created. I realized that if I could eat chicken wings every day, maybe, just maybe, someday I could single-handedly make them extinct in 50 years. You should have known it's never that easy.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-04-24 11:28:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-04-24 06:45:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
I am perpetually, horribly afraid of my father.
I have no sex drive. I'm very weird with sex. I don't know when this started. Well, I kinda do. But I get very uncomfrotable with the whole thing. It's odd.
_____
hmm
=========================
nonononono.......... afraid of my dad because he's psycho.
the sex thing is from an ex.
and GLALL- I have rhythym, like I can play drums really well. But I can't dance because I can't let loose.
And GodChicken- your love of chicken wings represents.... hmmm. just take two percs a night for 4 weeks and call me in a month.
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-04-24 11:25:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Instead of making a list of my pros and cons I will just auto +2 the Matt Foley picture!
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-04-24 11:25:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
BUT WE HAVE DASANI AND AQUAFINA WE HAVE CLEAN WATER
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-04-24 11:22:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
how about we focus on how to get clean water in the next 10 years.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-04-24 11:21:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
can i get a gulp without a charge?
i don't suppose that will cause any harm
nice pools from a stream, river, or spring
vital drops i need to cop, to get through the sting of dry work
what could be worse than dying of thirst
when there's liquid all around
enough for you to drown, not enough to suck down
you're all alone, your insides are unknown to the salinity that it holds
tongue out with hope evaporating, up to the clouds that hang oh so close, yet oh so far
you'll never have a clean/free glass with your lunch again
next it will be air-bags we'll have to suck in
many would rather drink soda, in a diabetic mode of man's creation
you are the guinea pigs for the consumer age of misinformation.
Submitted by Shizae (user info) at 2005-04-24 11:16:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-04-24 10:37:12 (#)
Ranking: -1
I like you Val, but if I want someone to psycho-analyze me I'll pay them 200 dollars an hour. I like chicken wings and dislike birds, figure that one out.
-----
You like chicken wings because you are seeing the thing you dislike destroyed in front of you, ready for you to eat it and claim victory over the pathetic fowl.
Where's my $200 for the psycho-analysis?
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-04-24 11:03:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-04-24 10:28:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay, this was entirely too weird...I'd make a list of my own, but it would look so much like yours that there's hardly any point.
Instead of finding new guys, I am hopelessly attracted STILL, YEARS LATER, to men of the past.
I am a tough cookie.
I write too many lists, instead of mentally engineering actual creative writing.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Sure buddy, whatever you say man. You just gotta let go of the past Caes, you'll find that buxom man you've been looking for.
And Val, explain to me how someone who has rhythm can't dance. That's what dancing pertains. If you can't dance you don't have rhythm. If you have rhythm, then you can dance but you won't because you are afraid that you will make a fool of yourself if you trip up that one time out on the dance floor. Therefore, you are only withholding sex from yourself. Long story, I've got my theories...
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-04-24 10:58:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good - I am fiercely protective of my friends and of the rights of the little guy.
Bad - I can't seem to save one fucking dime. I live paycheck to paycheck like a motherfucker.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-04-24 10:43:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you're tougher to reach than the fuckin president
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-04-24 10:37:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I like you Val, but if I want someone to psycho-analyze me I'll pay them 200 dollars an hour. I like chicken wings and dislike birds, figure that one out.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-04-24 10:28:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay, this was entirely too weird...I'd make a list of my own, but it would look so much like yours that there's hardly any point. The only differences would be a few of the 'don't likes'...such as, I don't fear my father, I don't smoke, I don't cut my own hair or bite my nails, I'm not afraid of bugs, I dont' really like children...
...everything else is pretty much the same with me. This is highly disturbing.
What kind of karate do you take and what level are you at, if you don't mind me asking?
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-04-24 07:01:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I jsut remembered that's bad.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-04-24 06:54:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I am a misanthrope.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-04-24 06:45:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am perpetually, horribly afraid of my father.
I have no sex drive. I'm very weird with sex. I don't know when this started. Well, I kinda do. But I get very uncomfrotable with the whole thing. It's odd.
_____
hmm
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-04-24 06:40:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The whole time I was writing, i was thinking, "make sure you go back and give this a 2. make sure. make sure. make hey i want to play poker."
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-04-24 06:37:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If this becomes a bandwagon, I will most certainly jump on it.
A lot of my dislikes are the same as yours. Not so much the likes, but the dislikes.
We are alike in many shitty ways.
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-04-24 06:14:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sounds like a dale carneige moment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-24 04:12:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-04-24 04:11:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
I love lists.
-------------
If they're good lists.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-04-24 04:11:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love lists.
Submitted by UberGirl (user info) at 2005-04-24 04:04:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great. you seem like a down to earth chica.
i think my lists of dislikes are way more than likes.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-04-24 04:00:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Mr. Scorpio says productivity is up 2% and it's all because of my
motivational techniques, like donuts and the possibility of more
donuts to come.
-- Homer Simpson
You Only Move Twice
Submitted by howto (user info) at 2005-04-24 03:59:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
10 things I hate about -2