A Running Diary of the 2005 NFL Draft (1366 hits)
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Submitted by Tom Sorrell - sorrelltr.at.hotmail.com (View user info) at 2005-04-24 17:21:41 EDT
This article also appears on my website (http://www.thebucknut.com).
Well, here we are, April 23, 2005. 12:00 PM. It's time to get the draft started.
Joining me today, is my annoyed wife, who has already started the first stages of the loud sigh and eye-rolling technique she has perfected over the five years of our marriage. Sadly, my buddy Eric, who will be a major contributor to this site come football season, will not be here today due to a "previous engagement" with his family back home. Luckily for us, he has a cell phone which I'm sure he'll use to call me roughly 47,000 times throughout the day, especially when the Eagles are about to pick. I guess that's better than nothing.
Anyway, on to the diary.
12:00
ESPN has decided to go with a cheesy "The NFL is a business and these players are investments so we're going to compare the draft to Wall Street" video montage for an intro, featuring several of the players projected to be drafted early standing amongst traders on a "real Wall Street trading floor" and talking about how great they are. Among these players is Braylon Edwards, who matter-of-factly states that he "works twenty-four hours a day."
(I could ramble on for a few hundred words about how Braylon is a futuristic cyborg, then I'd reference The Terminator and make a few lame jokes, but this is probably going to be long enough already. So, in order to save us some time, let's just pretend that I made the comments, they were funny, you laughed loudly, and this article is off to a fantastic start. Sound good? Great.)
Moving on, our "expert" hosts for the draft are: Chris Berman, Chris Mortenson, Mel Kiper (whose receding hairline is making him look more and more like Eddie Munster), and... Tory Holt? Torry Holt? Was Corey Chavous busy? You're telling me the best you could do is Tory freaking Holt? I mean, you're ESPN for God's sake! You couldn't find someone better than this?
12:05
Apparently it's written in stone that the Forty-Niners are drafting Alex Smith. In fact, Kiper just said Smith is "the best quarterback in this draft." Wait, wait, wait... wasn't Aaron Rodgers considered the best three weeks ago? What changed? Oh, Alex is smart... yea. That must be it. He's a very "intelligent" player. In fact, because he graduated college in just over two years, he could be "THE SMARTEST PERSON IN THE HISTORY OF THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE."
Um, since when did book smarts translate to football skill, and why doesn't it apply to other players?
Here's a scenario for you: Two college quarterbacks have similar physical skills, excellent leadership qualities, and are considered to be extremely intelligent young men. Both led their respective teams to undefeated seasons against sub-standard competition. These two quarterbacks are Alex Smith, and Ryan Fitzpatrick (Harvard's QB). If book smarts + football skill = top-rated prospect, then why is Smith projected to go #1 overall while Fitzpatrick will be lucky to be drafted?
12:10
Mel Kiper just talked about Mike Williams for five straight minutes. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised to see Kiper take hostages and demand Williams be allowed to bypass the inconvenience of actually playing in the NFL and just be inducted into the Hall of Fame immediately.
12:15
Paul Tagliabue officially opened the draft by walking up to the podium and saying:
"Good afternoon and welcome to the 2005 National Football League Draft. We have a great draft for you today. This is my draft, and it's a no nonsense draft. I'm not going to tolerate any guff from anybody. If your tie is crooked when you come on stage, I will fine you 10,000 dollars on the spot! If you look me in the eye, I will poke you in the chest with my index finger and let you know you're nothing more than a little girl who's about to end up on the business end of a Tagliabue spanking! In fact, don't even try to talk to me on this stage. This is MY stage. I will talk, YOU will listen. If any of you try to speak, I will END it! Welcome to the National Football League!! AHHH HA HA HA HA HA!!!"
12:16
San Francisco is on the clock, and the coffee in Tagliabue's office has officially been switched to decaf.
12:18
According to Chris Berman, "Alex Smith is only 21 and can't legally rent a car in Utah."
What peril Smith has dealt with in his life. He has overcome so much to reach this point. He is truly an inspiration to everyone.
12:21
ESPN just did a pre-pick interview with Alex Smith and he did not mention his inability to rent a car. He seems to have put the entire ordeal behind him and moved on with his life. That's good, Berman can rest easy now.
(On a side note, does Alex Smith remind anyone else of the white barber from Barbershop? I'm anxiously awaiting the moment he pulls out a trimmer and shaves his initials into Mel Kiper's hair.)
12:25
They just cut to shots of the players in The Green Room. Braylon Edwards is text-messaging someone and wearing a watch that could pay off my car while paying no attention whatsoever to the camera in his face. On the other side of the room, Aaron Rodgers is wearing a pinstriped suit and sitting at a table with the entire cast of Growing Up Gotti who look like they're about to take Alex Smith outside to "teach him some respect."
12:28
San Francisco just picked Smith, who hugged and kissed the entire state of Utah on his way to the stage.
12:30
In his post-pick interview, Alex says: "Look, this is who I am. Whether you believe it or not, I'm gonna be like this tomorrow. Something else, I throw fade routes better than anyone. That's why they call me 'Slim Fadey.' "
12:40
Eric just called for the first time. He said he heard on the radio that Braylon Edwards has already purchased a $175,000 Bentley. Oh yea? Well can he rent a car in Utah?
12:43
Miami just selected Ronnie Brown, Auburn's second-string running back.
Kiper's take on this pick: "Ronnie Brown has all the tools, but can he carry the ball 20-something times a game? Can he be the main guy in a system?" It looks like Mel's angry they didn't draft Mike Williams.
12:45
Cleveland is on the clock. If they're smart, they'll draft a receiver here and take Charlie Frye (QB - Akron) in the second or third round. The people in Cleveland would love this to happen, and I'm basing this on absolutely nothing.
12:55
Cleveland takes Braylon Edwards and Mel Kiper is visibly upset. On a lighter note, Tory Holt makes his first contribution of the day:
"Braylon is going to get his balls right away. He'll definitely get his balls."
Great contribution, Tory. Thanks for your time. We'll take it from here.
12:58
The entire population of Cleveland seems to be on the stage with Braylon right now.
1:11
Chicago just drafted Cedric Benson who immediately started crying. Are you kidding me? I've been watching the draft for a long time and I've never seen anyone cry when they were picked. Never. Someone needs to get Tom Hanks on the phone immediately.
1:15
In his post-pick interview, Benson rambled on about how hard it was for him (even though he was assured to be a first round pick from the beginning of the off-season) and how everyone wanted to compare him to Ricky Williams. Um, Cedric, whose fault is that? Who's the person who said Ricky Williams was the player he most admired? Who's the person who grew his hair out like Ricky? Who's the person who styled his game after Ricky? It was you, right?
On top of the crying, this interview is doing nothing to set him apart from Ricky. In fact, the more he cries and whines about how hard the last few months were, the more he sounds like Ricky when he first came into the league. I mean, what's next, is Cedric going to do interviews with his helmet on? Is he going to put on a wedding dress and pose for the cover of Sports Illustrated? Based on the last five minutes, it looks like that's where he's headed. Congratulations Chicago, you've drafted a head case.
1:25
Tampa Bay just drafted Cadillac Williams, who is sitting at home with a Buccaneers hat and a Chucky doll. All he's missing is a shirt that says "I LOVE GRUDEN."
1:29
This has to be the greatest interview I've ever seen. Honestly, this is ranking up there with Joe Namath/Suzy Kolber right now. "The Caddy" is all over the place, and with his thick southern drawl, overwhelming excitement, and wide-eyes, I'm finding it quite difficult to keep my soda from shooting out of my nose. On the other hand, he's the anti-Cedric Benson right now, so Buc' fans should be happy.
1:31
Cadillac is still rambling on and on about how he and Ronnie Brown had a bet to see which one of them would be drafted first. He also said they have a few more bets on the upcoming season. According to Cadillac, Ronnie has "won the war, but the battle ain't over."
ESPN fails to mention whether or not Manny Ramirez called to congratulate him on "fulfilling his destination."
1:32
ESPN just cut to Jon Gruden who had his face buried in his hands. Word on the street is that Caddy failed everything on the Wonderlic test but date of birth. But hey, he's a great tailback and seems to be a super-nice guy.
1:40
With the sixth pick in the 2005 draft, the Tennessee Tacks select Lil' John.
1:41
Eric just called again, and the conversation may or may not have sounded like a Dave Chapelle skit.
Yeeeaaaah.... skee skee.. oh never mind.
1:48
ESPN just cut to the studio team of Trey Wingo, Ron Jaworski, and the always insightful Merril Hodge. When asked about Mike Williams, Hodge blasts almost every aspect of his game, going so far as to call him a below-average wide out, then proceeds to glare into the camera like he just insulted Kiper's mother. Uh oh...
1:51
ESPN goes back to the draft set where Kiper is being restrained by security guards. When they finally settle him down, he sits and stares into the camera looking like he's ready to catch a plane to Bristol and open up a can on Hodge.
1:52
The rest of the crew debates the skill level of Troy Williamson and Mike Williams and which would be a better fit for the Minnesota Vikings. Tory Holt has called Troy Williamson "Troy Williams" about three times, and Chris Mortenson looks like he's about ready to leap across the table at him with a pen knife.
1:53
We just witnessed the following exchange:
Holt: "I think that Troy Williams..."
Mortenson: "HIS NAME IS WILLIAMSON!!"
Holt: "..."
Berman: "Um, let's go to the podium where the Vikings select: Troy WILLIAMSON."
**uncomfortable silence**
Mortenson: "That's a nice pick by the Vikings, Boomer."
2:00
They just interviewed Mike Tice, head coach of the Vikings who just said Troy Williamson is a "faster Nate Burleson."
Um... ok.
2:02
The Cardinals picked Antrel Rolle, which gave Berman a chance to use this little beauty: "Well, we could see another corner taken here, which would mean we'd have shake, rattle, and Rolle."
Someone needs to shoot Berman with a tranquilizer dart, drive him to the middle of nowhere, and leave him for the coyotes. Seriously, this is going to end badly.
2:07
ESPN goes to commercial, but first they show Aaron Rodgers, who looks like he's about to tackle the next person picked ahead of him.
2:15
Sure enough, Washington takes a corner, which allows Berman to make the "Shake, Rattle, and Rolle" "joke" one more time.
Make it stop. Please make it stop.
2:20
Detroit selects... Mike Williams? What? Is Steve Mariucchi aware that he's already loaded at receiver or is his son making this pick for him? Seriously, why not take Derrick Johnson and move Teddy Lehman to the inside? Imagine a linebacking corps consisting of Lehman, Johnson, and Boss Bailey and how much speed they would bring to the table. Unbelievable. Horrible pick in terms of team need.
Incidentally, Mel Kiper just soiled himself and talked about how fantastic Mike Williams is.
2:30-2:45
Dallas picks DeMarcus Ware and the Chargers select Shawne Merriman... I think. I made the mistake of getting up to get some food, and I came back to see the television on The All Men are Evil, Lying, Cheating, Worthless Pigs channel, which some people mistakenly refer to as Lifetime. This lasts until I promise the wife I'll give her a neck massage later in the day and stop writing this after the first round.
2:55
New Orleans just traded with Houston and picked Jammal Brown, a tackle out of Oklahoma. This looks promising for Cincinnati, seeing as how the Saints were projected by most people to select Thomas Davis, a safety/linebacker out of Georgia who the Bengals are supposedly very high on. Maybe Cincinnati will actually be able to pick him.
3:06
Nope. The Panthers just stole Davis. This probably means the Bengals will do something stupid like drafting a wide receiver. Let's hope someone takes Mark Clayton before they pick.
3:20
Come on Chiefs, you need a receiver. You NEED a receiver.
3:21
The Cheifs select... Derrick Johnson. This leaves Houston...
3:34
Come on Houston, you need a receiver to compliment Andre Johnson and Jabar Gaffney is not the answer. Mark Clayton, however, may be. DRAFT HIM.
3:35
The Texans select... Travis Johnson.
Oh no. Oh please no.
3:36
The Bengals are officially on the clock, and I've just opened my first beer of the day. Cincy really needs help on the defensive line, so Erasmus James and David Pollack would be good picks. I don't really care, as long as they don't draft an offensive player. Sure, they need a guard and center, but they can get them later in the draft. Their most pressing needs are on the defensive side of the ball, and they DO NOT need a receiver. Please do not take Mark Clayton. If they take Mark Clayton I will give serious consideration to defecting to the Browns. Honestly, I've dealt with 20 years of frustration from this damnable franchise, and drafting Chris Perry last year did nothing to help ease my doubts of their ability to pick players.
On that note, I'm also waiting on the annual phone call from my mother, another true Bengals fan and the reason I started watching football when I was six. Our draft conversations usually go something like this:
Mom: "What do you think of this guy?"
Me: "Well, I..."
Mom: "I hate him. Those stupid Bengals, why can't they ever do anything right? Honestly, what the hell are they thinking? Why are we forced to deal with such an apathetic front office? Why do they insist on drafting players that couldn't make a roster of a Canadian football team?"
Me: "Um..."
Mom: "I have to go, we have work to do on the house. Call me next week when you get a chance."
3:43
The Bengals have three minutes left to pick and the ESPN guys still haven't said anything about the pick. They used to mock the Bengals, now they just ignore them. I don't know which is worse.
3:46
The Bengals select (please not Clayton, please not Clayton)... DAVID POLLACK, a defensive end from Georgia.
I have to admit, I'm happy with this pick. I kind of liked Erasmus James, but Pollack is a heck of a player in his own right. Plus, according to the "experts" at ESPN, he's a "heady player with a nonstop motor and very good speed."
3:51
Oh. My. God. They just showed Pollack singing "Why do birds suddenly appear?" and prancing around like a ballet dancer. I'm opening another beer...
3:52
Eric just called again and laughed into the phone. That's it. No comments or jokes, just laughter. That about sums it up.
3:56
Mom just called:
"Who is this guy?"
"David Pollack, he's actually pretty good."
"So now we have him and Justin Smith as our defensive ends?"
"Yep. Marvin went out and bought a set of 'alabaster bookends.' Ha ha ha ha ha!!"
"Are you drinking?"
"a little..."
"**sigh** Who are the Bengals going to take in the second round?"
"I don't know, hopefully a safety or linebacker."
"I bet they draft another receiver or running back just to piss everyone off."
"I wouldn't doubt it."
"Call me next week."
"Will do."
3:59
Minnesota just drafted Erasmus James. A quick note, their starting defensive ends are Kenechi and Erasmus. I don't know what to do with this, so let's move on.
4:05
St. Louis drafts Alex Barron, a tackle out of Florida State. Odds are good they're going to release Turley soon, so this made sense.
Tory Holt just told Alex Barron the entire offensive philosophy of the Rams. Mortensen looks like he wants to throw him into oncoming traffic.
4:10
Dallas selects Spears from Louisiana... Do I even need a joke here? Honestly, it kind of writes itself, doesn't it?
4:20
Jacksonville selects Matt Jones and they have officially fallen victim to ESPN's hype machine. There is no way this kid should have gone this high.
4:27
The Ravens select The Devil to go along with their overall team philosophy.
What's that? They drafted who? Mark Clayton? Oh... my bad.
4:35
The Raiders just traded up again. This is the third move they've made in the last few days. The Raiders are the Arab traders of the National Football League. They use the pick to select Fabian Washington, a cornerback from Nebraska who ran sub-4.3 40 time at the combine.
Aaron Rodgers is still available. This is painful.
4:39
According to Berman and Kiper, some people consider Jason Campbell to be the the second best quarterback behind Alex Smith. Are you kidding? This is a guy who was considered to be an offensive liability until he was a senior, and now he's better than Rodgers?
4:43
They just showed Aaron Rodgers again, who has now turned a slight shade of green. Berman and the gang think Green Bay would be a good fit for him, but, as Berman point out: "They do have Craig Nall, so who knows..."
Saying that the Packers might not draft Rodgers because they already have Craig Nall is kind of like saying "Yea, our big screen television is ten years old and about to die on us, but we have an AM/FM radio ready to go when it finally stops working, so we're good."
4:44
The Green Bay Packers select... Aaron Rodgers! Yay! This is a nice scene, the crowd is chanting his name as he walks up the steps to the stage. You have to feel good for this kid after waiting around for almost five hours. This was worse than watching Randy Moss and Ben Roethlisberger combined.
4:59
The Redskins take Jason Campbell showing Patrick Ramsey that Joe Gibbs and company have absolutely no faith in him.
5:10
In case you haven't noticed, ESPN presents Pay Per View Boxing tonight for only $29.95!
5:12
Eric just called again and said: "Is it just me, or is this the longest draft you've ever seen? Even Berman looks uninterested, and I think Mortenson is asleep. Also, I'm not positive, but I think I saw Kiper reading a book a little while ago."
These are the things that happen when you're five hours into the draft and only at pick 26. Also, I think I should mention that I'm writing this all by hand and transferring it onto the computer later. After five hours of writing, I feel like that guy from that movie who couldn't use his hands. You know, that guy... Sorry, my brain is mush right now.
5:14
All day long, there has been a kid in a Chad Pennington jersey dancing and posing behind Tory Holt. So far he's done the Dirty Bird, the Hulk Hogan Pose, the Heisman Pose, and a few others. I keep waiting for him to bust out his rendition of the Ickey Shuffle. This kid is killing me.
5:16
Seattle picked a wide receiver who just dropped his hat and jersey... not a good sign for the Seahawks.
Ok, that's a blatant lie and I should be ashamed of myself. Seattle actually drafted Chris Spencer, an offensive lineman. It was just too easy to pass up.
5:20
We get our first look of the day at ESPN U and Mark May... who is now sporting a goatee. You know, most people look tough when they grow goatees, but not Mark May. He looks like the sailor from The Village People.
5: 22 - 5:43
Let's get things moving here.
Atlanta selects Roddy White, San Diego selects Luis Castillo and a steroid problem to be named later, and Indianapolis selects Marlin Jackson, a cornerback from Michigan who was just abused by Santonio Holmes in the Ohio State game last season.
5:49
Pittsburgh selects Heath Miller, a slow, white tight end with good hands and questionable blocking skills... For the record, I just described every tight end they've had since Eric Green in the early '90s.
5:54
Philadelphia selects Mike Patterson, a defensive tackle from USC.
5:55
Wait for it...
There it is. Eric just called, and he is not happy.
"What the hell are they thinking? They already have Corey Simon and Darwin Walker and both of them are 28 years old! I know they could use the depth, but my God, why would they take a tackle in the first round? Please explain this to me."
When I remind him that at least they're not showing Patterson singing and dancing, Eric snorts and hangs up the phone. You have to love draft day.
6:07
New England selects Logan Mankins, a guard, and the first round is finally over. It only took five hours and 47 minutes. "This was the second-longest first round in history," Berman informs us. That's always nice to know. The second round is about to begin, and Paul Tagliabue has been locked back in his cage like the gimp from Pulp Fiction. That seems like a good place to end this.
After six hours of watching television and nearly 4,000 words, my first ever draft diary is complete. Thanks for reading.
User Reviews
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-04-26 17:44:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh yeah. I almost forgot about that Super Bowl thing. Whoops! I know you're not a Rams fan and all, but no matter how good the Rams are, the fans complain about them. I know this happens with every team, but with the Rams, it's an epidemic. The year we lost the Super Bowl to the Patriots, I heard nothing but complaints. "Warner's a bum!" "Bruce is getting old, and Holt (nice commentary on Holt, by the way)is too young." "Our defense can't stop anything!" Funny because that year, our defense was one of the top 5 in the league, and was led by current Bears head coach Lovie Smith. Complaining is to Rams fans what chocolate is to Kristie Alley.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-26 08:18:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Their prime defensive playmaker has been making plays for two years...in Buffalo."
You're absolutely correct. Losing TKO and replacing him with Kevin Hardy (who is about as fast as me) was a big deal. However, it did allow them to move Brian Simmons to the outside and he plays much better out there. Another thing, TKO was a bit like Corey Dillon. Extremely talented, but he didn't want to be in Cincy anymore.
And I've heard nothing but good things about Marvin Lewis. If the Bengals make the playoffs this year, he could be elected Mayor of Cincinnati.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-25 22:16:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
nancyboy- If you ever get the chance to meet Marvin Lewis- he's an acquaintance of mine- I can't really call him a friend but I've played golf with him and have had cocktails with him - but you will never meet a nicer guy. Nothing but class.
He's best friends with my former boss from when I worked for the TOUR.
Marvin summers on Hilton Head...even Mrs. Shlongy has enjoyed a cocktail with Marvin.
I actually root for the Bengals myself because of Marvin. They're getting close...Need some guys on the defensive side of the ball to make some plays.
Their prime defensive playmaker has been making plays for two years...in Buffalo.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-25 21:51:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, but Confizitron (great name, by the way), at least your team has won a Super Bowl and made the playoffs... and had winning seasons since 1990. Do you realize that Cincy has not even had a winning season since 19-fucking-90!? I can not stress this enough.
Shlongy, it figures you'd like the Raiders...
And yes, I'm a football nut. If I could get a job writing about football, I'd be in heaven. I've almost coached several times, but work never gave me the time to do so...
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-04-25 18:38:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel sorry for you. I'd be questioning my faith too if my team drafted Akili Smith and Ki Jana Carter. Then again, my team once traded away Jerome Bettis in order to make way for Lawrence Phillips. They also passed up on Marvin Harrison to draft Eddie "Butterfingers" Kennison.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-25 18:37:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually, the more I think about it, you do like football so for a geek like you , watching mel Kiper for 10 consecutive hour probably WAS a lot of fun.
I watched the first 6 picks...drove to Savannah to watch the Senior Tour oldsters wack it around for a couple of hours...drove back home...grabbed Mrs. Shlongy and drove BACK to Savannah for the fireworks show over the river and a bunch of drinks.
I hate the draft becasue as far as I'm concerned, every pick is a "reach", these assholes , who haven't played a down yet, are all wearing nicer suits than I own...and the Raiders NEVER draft an "impact player".
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-04-25 15:49:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Farmer Stinky Thumbs Arbuckle should have went in the first round.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-25 13:57:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My mother knows more about football than almost any woman I've ever met. She used to make me watch the Bengals instead of cartoons when I was a little kid, and we went to a game a year for something like 8 straight years, in which time I saw Barry Sanders and Dan Marino.
HTBD: Willie, Levi, Simmons, TKO, Carson were all good first rounders, but then you had Wilkinson, Klingler, Akili, Klingler, KiJana, and Klingler. God I hated Klingler...
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-04-25 13:51:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, your mom kicks ass. That's exactly how my mom reacted to the Rams every year. Then they started winning. Now she's just as confused by football as the next old lady.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-25 13:41:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I broke my scroll button scrolling through all of this. Damn draft day, it gets me all giddy like a little girl for the season to start.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-04-25 13:24:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Big dummie me forgot to rate.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-04-25 13:24:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I left Miller and Geathers off because I misread the year of their draft on the Bengals website. But they were quite solid. I forgot abou Askew because he was hurt most of the year.
The biggest difference for the Bengals now is that Mike Brown (curse his evil soul) is no longer calling the draft picks based on his personal preference and ignoring the coaching staff. That said, Brown and the Bungles made a lot of good picks too, they just couldn't keep all of them around. Big Willie, Spikes and Simmons, Dillon. You can't argue with those picks or the production they put up while they were here.
And at the same time, don't forget 2 of the biggest busts: Ki Jana Carter and David Klingler.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-25 13:20:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Way to hit the nail on the head darko! Joey who????????????
GO PISTONS WOO WOO WOO
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-25 13:09:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Had to be done, I'll agree that last year's class was very very good. You also forgot to mention Mathias Askew, Caleb Miller, and Robert Geathers, all of whom contributed last year.
I'm actually talking about drafts from before Marvin arrived. Players like Lamont Thompson, Sean Brewer, Marco Batagglia, Marquand Manuel, David Dunn, Reinard Wilson, JoJuan Armor, Artrell Hawkins, Ron Dugans... I could go on.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-04-25 12:57:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wanted to sit through the first round but the pistons game came on so I flicked back and forth. You should add a comment section to your website so we can talk about it on their instead of uber.
I'm not upset about mike williams. Charles Rogers is gonna be trade or cut by next year, and Mike Williams is better than he is. Well better than "Ow my collar bone" Charles Rogers. And frankly he's the one that showed up so far in the nfl, not highlight reel heisman trophy hopeful Rogers from Michigan State. Their are basically two phillosiphies in drafting: if you think you can make a run now take the best available player if he is an upgrade, or build for the future by taking corner stones who you don't mind developing if need be. Now there is no excuses for Jeff Garcia not to get it done in detroit. I'm sorry...Joey who?! You mean he's still around? sheeeeesh.
Apparently Green Bay forgot they have Brett Favre and decided to go to rebuilding mode even though they won the NFC north last year. Aaron Rogers is a horrible pick by them. They needed defensive help. The only reason to take Rogers is if they don't think they can get a better Qb in the next two years. Congratulations Green Bay, I'm sure Rogers will stop the Minnesota vikings from putting up 35 on you in the playoffs.
Chicago taking another running back huh? That's one thing that bugs me about them they don't trust Grossman to throw. I don't see the point in spending a bunch of money on muhammed and then drafting a running back high so that you make it obvious you plan on throwing less than twenty times a game. That's why Terrel didn't work out there. Need to open it up more to keep the opponents guessing, not just when they are down by 20. They bring in Anthony Thomas and opponents stacked the box. They bring in Thomas Jones and opponents stacked the box. I wonder what will happen now that they've brought in Benson...
Minniesota did a good job with Erasmus James, but they messed up by taking Troy Williamson. When Moss was out Robinson was their possesion reciever, Burleson was their speed guy. Even before then Burleson was returning kicks and punts, clearly an indicator of his speed. So why draft another speed guy who may or may not be an upgrade of burleson when you could upgrade your possesion reciver quite a but more by taking Mike Williams. What they did was they drafted thier number 3 reciever in the first round, and you can find plenty of those in the third round and lower.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-04-25 12:54:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Moderately amusing, but you are dead wrong on Cinci's draft last year. They had one of the best rookie classes around (outside an injured Chris Perry). In fact, the Bengals consistently get the best 2nd and 3rd rounders out there.
Keiwan Ratliff - 37 tackles, 28 solo, 1 forced fumble, 12 yard punt return average
Madieu Williams - 103 tackles, 86 solo, 2 sacks, 3 int, 1 TD
Landon Johnson - 133 tackles, 73 solo, 2 forced fumbles, 2 sacks
Look at the production. Have you ever seen that kind of production out of a set of rookies before? Especially rookies for a team that drafts terribly?
Submitted by OnEdge (user info) at 2005-04-25 12:11:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gotta admit, I sat thru the whole thing too.
Cadillac interview was the best. Don't remember who was doing the interview, but right after Caddy described having a bet with Brown, she rambled right on with "so, I've heard rumors that you and Ron Brown have something riding on the draft?".
Fuck you on Benson. Da Bears actually had another good draft.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-04-25 10:36:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My future husband is going to Cincinnati. Boo-yah.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-04-25 10:29:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good review of the draft. I can't watch that shit with the volume on, I commend you.
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2005-04-25 10:07:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
reminds me of my saturday.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-25 09:24:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for calling that detroit pick. I was all kinds of pissed off. Yeah lets get another great receiver, even though Joey Harrington sux muppet balls and Jeff Gaycia is just here for a reach around. JEEZ.
Submitted by zxcvvcxz (user info) at 2005-04-25 02:15:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't agree with all of your assessments of the draft picks, but you're dead on about the "experts". Although, compared to Kiper and Berman, Torry Holt is a god of media and analysis.
Submitted by AshyLarry (user info) at 2005-04-25 00:32:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I cringed during the Cadillac interview. Hopefully, I won't be looking for a new job anytime soon.
"Sooooo, an Auburn grad, eh? Before we get started, I gotta ask. Do battles consist of wars, or is it the other way around?"
"....I'll let myself out. Thanks."
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-24 19:14:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish. I was at home.
And Shlongy, the draft gives me my football fix. Plus, until recently, it's been the only time a Bengals fan has been able to be excited.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-04-24 19:05:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you were at the draft?
where the fuck were you motherfucker?
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-04-24 18:27:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-24 18:21:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe instead of writing this over the course of two hours, you could have done something constructive, like "leaving the house", "exercising" and "interacting with real humans".
---
You know better, Shlongy.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-24 18:21:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe instead of writing this over the course of two hours, you could have done something constructive, like "leaving the house", "exercising" and "interacting with real humans".
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-24 18:16:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The really ironic thing is this is how I've always written because I used to read Hunter Thompson. So did Simmons, and now he's a famous ESPN writer and I'm a nobody, so of course the way I write copies him. But in reality, we're both copying Hunter Thompson.
Submitted by Abbath (user info) at 2005-04-24 18:11:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Upon further review, you owe Simmons some royalties.
It's all there, the joking suicidal comments, the friend calling in to mock you... not that it's that bad a thing. I enjoyed it, but in the back of my mind, I couldn't help but think "Simmons in Cleveland".
Submitted by kitchens_closed (user info) at 2005-04-24 18:09:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
sorry
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-04-24 18:06:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was originally planning on giving you a +1 anyway, so now it evens out, though I should give you a -2 for linking us to your website which, in turns, links directly back to THIS article.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-04-24 18:05:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dear Mr. Sorrell,
I don't want to threaten legal action, but I will if I must.
Sincerely,
Bill Simmons
Submitted by Abbath (user info) at 2005-04-24 17:51:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice Bill Simmons-esque take on the NFL Draft.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-04-24 17:42:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-24 17:39:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Whatever, shit stain. Don't read it if you don't like it.
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Don't worry, I didn't. That's what made the -2 down there extra satisfying.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-24 17:39:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Whatever, shit stain. Don't read it if you don't like it.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2005-04-24 17:37:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-04-24 17:37:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This article also appears on my website (http://www.thebucknut.com).
---
Nevermind. You're just an attention whore, I forgot.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-04-24 17:34:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No offense, but didn't you create an entire website to put up boring bullshit like this?
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-04-24 17:30:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not all of it was funny, but parts of it was pretty damn good.
"Skeet skeet skeet skeet!"
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2005-04-24 17:30:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love the draft.
Hard to believe Clarett went in the third round.
Or that the Saints picked Adrian McPherson.
I'l be watching those two during the coming season.
Submitted by oddzandendz (user info) at 2005-04-24 17:24:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
sports are ghey