My Blind Date from Underage Hell (Long but worth it) (4318 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.8 on 84 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by fudgepacknuts (View user info) at 2005-04-25 12:43:53 EDT
Being set up on a blind date is never easy. There's always the pressure of making your friend (who set you up) look good, there's always the anxious curiosity of whether or not this girl will be cute, whether she'll be nice, whether you'll have anything to talk about, and there's always the impending doom that awaits you at the end of the date since no blind set-up works. Ever.
But alas, two years back, I accepted to be set up on a blind date by a female coworker of mine. One of her friend's daughters or nieces or something. I was told that this girl 'was SO adorable, SO sweet, and SO much fun.' The almost overwhelmingly abundant use of the word 'SO' might have been a fair warning, but lo, I was intrigued by the description and went ahead with it. So I got the girls number, gave her a buzz later that evening, got along fairly well (for the 10 minutes we were on the phone), and set something up for that Friday.
What I knew about the girl from that conversation:
• She said she was 21.
• Junior at NYU.
• Studying film (or art or economics or Taliban history....who knows)
• Lived on the upper east pretty close to where I used to live.
• She used the word 'like' a lot ("Like, I was out with my friends in Soho and like, this store wouldn't take my card and I was all like, 'fuck you'...........".you get the point).
Fast forward to Friday night: I did my best to look dashingly handsome and I, of course, succeeded mightily. I took a cab to her place, stomach aflutter with tense anticipation. When I got to her place on 64th street, I noticed she lived in one the most beautiful brownstones I have ever seen in my life (for those unaware, a brownstone is basically a 3-4 story house which, in Manhattan, can range from around $3M -$20M. I'd say this particular one was on the higher end). I stepped out of the cab, and before I even had a chance to ring the doorbell, out of the brownstone came this amazingly beautiful, petit blonde girl with a huge smile on her face. She kind of looked like a young Christina Aguilera, but without all the skank.
'Jen?' I asked with wide eyes and an open mouth.
'Heeeyyyyyyyyyy!' she remarked 'You ready to have some fun?'
'Uh, sure!'
So away we went in the cab and headed to a swanky little joint in Tribeca. We chit-chatted about nothing really; what she was studying, my job, her parents, the weather, etc. All the while, something in the back of my head was telling me that this girl was hiding something from me. Something just didn't fit. I don't know, It just felt......weird.
'So when's your birthday?' I ask.
'(Insert whatever she said here)'
'Cool. I really have say, you look so young. Has anyone ever told you that before?'
'Well, I'm going to be honest....I'm actually 18......' and then she went off on some kind of ramble trying to explain why she initially lied to me. She said something along the lines of not wanting to scare me away or something. I didn't understand her, but whatever...I didn't care all that much.
Oh, and apparently she had JUST graduated from high school and was planning on entering NYU in the fall. Planning on studying art or film or pediatric gynecology or whatever...... And that brownstone? Yeah, she lived there with her parents.
Anyway, we got to the restaurant and sat down for our meal. She said that she really wanted some wine: White Zinfandel. God I hate when girls who know NOTHING about wine order that crap. I hate white zinfandel. I hate it. But I ordered it with a smile on my face to please my date (the things we do for you girls...........).
As a self-proclaimed 'City Girl,' she confidently told me that she could handle her liquor. Why being a 'city girl' has anything to do one's tolerance level, I'll never know. But I shrugged it off and had the waiter pour her the first glass.
Now, while I hate the White Zin, it would have been nice to drink MAYBE two glasses of it. This chick pretty much killed the entire bottle of wine. Not that I cared, but still... sharing is caring, you know. After the last drop was poured, she smiled at me with her pearly whites and happily asked for some more.
'Sure!' I said while still in shock at this girl's drinking ability.
The second bottle came and again I got to enjoy maybe a glass and a half of it. By the end of our meal (which WAS enjoyable, by the way. The food was outstanding and the conversation was light and cheery), Jen was noticeably tipsy. She told me she wanted to check out this new bar nearby that she heard such great things about.
'Um, can you even get in?' I asked. 'Do you have a fake or something?'
'Of COURSE I do, silly.' She slurred. 'I'm a city girl, remember?'
Ok then. So off we went to this new bar. It was one of those $12 a drink, white walls with neon pink undertones, $20 cover kinds of places. I kept my mouth shut, forced a smile, and opened my wallet. The second we stepped foot in the joint, this girl was falling and tripping all over people. We made a B-line for the bar and I ordered us some shots (at her request). She took down two shots of Patron and told me she needed to sit down for a second.
So we find a table, sit down, and by this point, her eyes were near shut and all she kept saying was 'Isn't this place fun? WOOOO! I'm having such a good time with you!'
And as she was feeling up my leg and going in for a kiss, she abruptly stopped, quickly opened her eyes, got that queasy look in her face (kind of like the one you get when you dissect a fetal pig for the first time in 9th grade biology) and said 'shit, I have to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back.'
I nodded, sat back in my chair, and watched as she walked off. And I waited. And waited. And drank some more. And waited some more.
20 minutes elapsed and still no sign of my date. I got up and checked the bathroom line. Nope. I checked the bar area. Nope. I walked solo across the dance floor. Nope.
Had I been ditched? Had some other guy seen a hot little drunken girl and taken her away.....taking advantage of the fine work I'd done earlier? Anger and frustration now crept into my mind as I kept on looking. I finally decided to check the actual bathrooms. Who knows, maybe she had Irritable Bowel Syndrome or something.
I tapped some random girl on the shoulder and asked her to check if there was any blonde girl in the bathroom. The random girl chuckled a bit at my request, but told me she'd go see.
About two minutes later, the random girl came out of the bathroom hysterically laughing with one of her friends and told me 'Oh man, your date is passed the fuck out in one of the stalls. And um *laughter*, you might want to get a towel for her.'
My head dropped and I shook my head. I went into the ladies room and found my lilliputian date kneeling in front of a toilet, her head perched sideways on the toilet seat, vomit in the toilet, vomit in her hair, and vomit on her shirt. It wasn't the prettiest of sights, but I got some cold water in my hands, splashed her in the face, and woke her up.
Needless to say, she was embarrassed, but we cleaned her off to the best of our ability, and left the bathroom.
'I wan some vokka. Gemme some vokka, please.' She requested.
I was shocked. Not only had this girl just downed a bottle and half of wine and two shots of tequila, but now she wanted vodka? I told her to sit down at the table and that I'd be right back. I get this lush some water from the bar and assume she won't be able to tell the difference. And when I got back to the table, this girl had again passed the hell out. Her had was leaning back against the couch, hands in her lap, mouth open a little, and I couldn't really tell, but I could swear she was snoring.
I knew it was time to get this girl home already. I dragged her out of the bar and into a cab. Since I was 70% responsible for getting my date into this precarious state (I figure 70% because she was the one who kept on insisting on the drinking....but then again, I was the legal one and I was the one who kept feeding her the liquor....so, 70%... ish.....maybe 75%.....80), I knew I couldn't just throw her in a cab and give the cabbie an address and $20. I hopped in the cab and away we went to the upper east side.
For the length of the cab ride I was trying to wake this girl up out of her stupor. Futile. We pulled up to her place and this girl was out like a light. Breathing, yes, but just out. I was thinking of pulling a Pinto (from Animal House) and just leaving this girl in a shopping cart in front of her house, ringing the doorbell, and sprinting away. But again, my conscience got the best of me.
I picked this girl up, draped her legs over one arm, her head over the other, her arms flailed out to the sides, walked up the stairs, and rang the bell.
Mind you now, it was around 1:30 am.
I see the hallway light come on, and I take a deep breath as my heart rate increases tenfold. A slightly portly man with messy salt and pepper hair and bifocals answers the door. I can only imagine what went through his mind the second he saw his little baby girl passed out in the arms of some strange boy.
His face turned beet red as he yelled 'WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MY DAUGHTER?!? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!?! GIVE HER TO ME, YOU ASSHOLE!'
I said nothing.
The mother then came down to see what all the commotion was about.
'What's all the commotion abo----OH MY GOD, MY BABY! ALBERT, WHAT HAPPENED TO JENNIFER?'
'I think she had to much to drink,' I said oh so very quietly.
'SHE'S 18 FUCKING YEARS OLD, ASSHOLE!' Albert said. He turned to his wife and demanded, 'Honey, get the phone, I'm calling the cops on this little fuck here.' Turning to me, he says, 'You're going to jail, you fucking asshole.'
The mother was crying at this point trying to revive her daughter and thankfully wasn't paying attention to the father. I calmly and quietly turned around and took a few steps away. Albert, now helping the mother in attempting to revive their daughter, saw me leaving and yelled out 'If you ever come within 100 feet of my daughter ever again, I will kill you. Do you understand? I. WILL. KILL. YOU! Now get the fuck away from my home and my family.'
'Yes, sir. I'm really sor-'
'FUCK OFF, ASSHOLE!'
I briskly walked home all the while fearing that Albert was behind me with a baseball bat. And that was it. I never heard from Jen again, I've made it a point to never pass by her house again, and I will never ever EVER agree to be set up on a blind date again.
User Reviews
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2005-05-17 13:31:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-04-25 12:49:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
I was told that this girl 'was SO adorable, SO sweet, and SO much fun.'
------------------------
That's the sign my friend.
Adorable = 12 years old
Sweet = likes to shoot wild horses with arrows and eat them while they are still breathing
Fun = You're going to play laser tag and cap off the night with an ice cream cone
--------------------------
Dude ice cream and laser tag sounds like the most awesome date ever!
Submitted by notoriousbrett (user info) at 2005-04-28 11:59:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I giggled like the drunk 19 year old college student I am.
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2005-04-27 21:57:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heheh typical rich highschool aged girl. The white zin makes me shudder.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-04-27 16:13:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I went into the ladies room and found my lilliputian date kneeling in front of a toilet, her head perched sideways on the toilet seat, vomit in the toilet, vomit in her hair, and vomit on her shirt. """"
---
Then I said aloud: Jackpot! Giggidy Giggidy!
Submitted by Heathers (user info) at 2005-04-27 13:30:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The worst thing about blind dates is seeing who your so called friends think you would be compatibale with. I have had only one blind date, and the mullet on that guy said it all.
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:46:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should have had hot 18 year old bathroom sex.
Submitted by Worm (user info) at 2005-04-27 10:03:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hooray for minors!
Submitted by The_Fan (user info) at 2005-04-26 20:21:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Did she touch your penis?
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-04-26 17:35:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Another +2 for the alt ending.
For some reason I can see this spinning into a bandwagon where everyone posts their horrible blind date memories.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-04-26 16:15:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Will this be coming out on DVD anytime soon?
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-04-26 14:04:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
absolutely, another +2 for the alt. ending
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-04-26 13:55:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-26 07:29:34 (#)
Ranking: 1
I like the alternative ending much better.
Submitted by MarthaStewart (user info) at 2005-04-26 12:54:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Club soda and a wet cloth is a sure bet to get out those stubborn puke stains.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-04-26 12:52:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like the alternate ending too. Well done.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-26 12:47:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
another +2 for the alternate ending
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-04-26 12:39:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hey tony, if i was going to lie, i would have made a better ending (see below). but that is how it went down.
i don't know what else to tell you.
Submitted by TonyMontana (user info) at 2005-04-26 12:05:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this sounds like something out of a bad 80's movie. if you're going to lie about a story, at least be realistic and tell people it was a fat bitch.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2005-04-26 11:48:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well written. You took a few too many insults from the father, though. You should've opened his eyes to what daddy's little girl has been up to. That's why digi-cams are so indispensible.
Irate daddy's tend to gut-check when they see their daughter passed out in a pub's toilet stall, tinselled up like a Christmas tree in their own vomit. Especially if you were to let it slip that the little sot has a fake ID.
Kudos on being a gentleman.
...and I do like revised ending better.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-04-26 10:11:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well written.
Submitted by thinning_temples (user info) at 2005-04-26 08:54:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for behaving like a gentleman.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-04-26 08:17:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-04-26 07:54:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wikkid.
Fantastic post, awesome reviews. Just all-round meaty goodness.
Submitted by blank_mind (user info) at 2005-04-26 07:52:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
American girls are such lightweights
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-26 07:29:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I like the alternative ending much better.
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-04-26 07:14:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
blind dates suck. especially those set up over the net. i know yours wasn't, but I wish to warn all uberites: if you pick something up off the net, and decide to meet them cos maybe you're horny, maybe you're desperate or whatever...get a picture first, i can't stress this enough people. don't get burned like I did.
still took it home though. hey, I was desperate!
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-26 06:46:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-04-25 12:53:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
stupid american drinnking laws
-----------------------
Three months till I can go pass out in a pub.
Submitted by IcyBlackHand (user info) at 2005-04-26 06:14:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the new ending
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-04-26 06:05:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-04-25 13:53:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-04-25 13:41:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
i guess nobody else noticed "pediatric gynecology" huh?
sweet little insertion
-----
HA....nice pick-up. I expected everyone to skim over that. but yes, one night i was out and some random chick askedme what i did. I told her i was a pediatric gynecologist. He eyes widened as she said 'WOWWWWW....you look really young to be a doctor.'
I turned around and left.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ha ha ha ha... plus2's all round.
Submitted by snarf (user info) at 2005-04-26 05:10:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-04-25 23:12:55 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-25 18:25:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought you were smarter than this.
Actually, I thought that EVERYONE was smarter than this.
The story was too long for THAT shitty of an ending.
----------------
well shlongy, you see, it was just a story. not a joke with a set-up and punchline. i'm sorry if you didn't like the ending, but that's how it happened.
But ok, this here is for you, shlongy. Tell me if you like this alternate ending better:
.
.
.
"FUCK OFF, ASSHOLE!"
At this point I had just had about enough abuse. I said, 'What did you say to me, bitch?'
Albert just stood there. Silent and fuming.
'Did I stutter, bitch? What the FUCK did you say?' No words emanated from his stunned mouth. I took advantage of the situation, picked up a rock laying next to the stairs of the brownstone with my right hand, and walked slowly up the stairs.
Before Albert could even open up his old mouth, I took the rock and clocked him thrice over the head... rendering the poor bastard unconscious.
'WHAT ARE YOU DOING????' exclaimed the petrified, and yet oddly attractive mother.
'I'll tell you what I'm doing, you ho...I'm going to whip this here dick out and you're going to take that whore mouth of yours and suck me off.'
I then stepped over the beaten-senseless father with my right leg and the drunken daughter with my left. I unzipped my fly and out came my dick.
Shocked, the mother (whose name I still haven't gotten) looked at me with those bedroom eyes of hers, grabbed my cock with her left hand, looked up at me and said 'I thought you'd never ask.'
So there I was, standing in a doorway on 64th and Lexington, above a bloodied father and a comatose daughter, being sucked off by the mother at 1:30 am. At around 1:45, I came in her eyes, kneed her in the sternum, zipped up, and ran away.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-04-25 23:38:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would've fucked 'er in the bathroom then gone and danced with a different slut. Then i would've shot things with a bazooka and bought a golden helicopter that explodes.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-04-25 23:12:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-25 18:25:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought you were smarter than this.
Actually, I thought that EVERYONE was smarter than this.
The story was too long for THAT shitty of an ending.
----------------
well shlongy, you see, it was just a story. not a joke with a set-up and punchline. i'm sorry if you didn't like the ending, but that's how it happened.
But ok, this here is for you, shlongy. Tell me if you like this alternate ending better:
.
.
.
"FUCK OFF, ASSHOLE!"
At this point I had just had about enough abuse. I said, 'What did you say to me, bitch?'
Albert just stood there. Silent and fuming.
'Did I stutter, bitch? What the FUCK did you say?' No words emanated from his stunned mouth. I took advantage of the situation, picked up a rock laying next to the stairs of the brownstone with my right hand, and walked slowly up the stairs.
Before Albert could even open up his old mouth, I took the rock and clocked him thrice over the head... rendering the poor bastard unconscious.
'WHAT ARE YOU DOING????' exclaimed the petrified, and yet oddly attractive mother.
'I'll tell you what I'm doing, you ho...I'm going to whip this here dick out and you're going to take that whore mouth of yours and suck me off.'
I then stepped over the beaten-senseless father with my right leg and the drunken daughter with my left. I unzipped my fly and out came my dick.
Shocked, the mother (whose name I still haven't gotten) looked at me with those bedroom eyes of hers, grabbed my cock with her left hand, looked up at me and said 'I thought you'd never ask.'
So there I was, standing in a doorway on 64th and Lexington, above a bloodied father and a comatose daughter, being sucked off by the mother at 1:30 am. At around 1:45, I came in her eyes, kneed her in the sternum, zipped up, and ran away.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-04-25 23:03:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
you did the right thing, not taking advantage of her and all.
but, as written under the unwritten male code of ethics, you just broke law 127:
"no woman is ever too ______ to fuck".
the blank can be filled with young, drunk, ugly, etc.
consider this a warning, if it happens again, the secret society will take action against you.
good day.
Submitted by Freakmagnet (user info) at 2005-04-25 22:42:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2005-04-25 19:56:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
Go back and piss on his door. Print out 100 color copies of the goat man and go by his place every once in a while; leave a few in the mailbox, hanging on the front door, in the windows, etc. And why didn't you hit that while you had the chance?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
God, I hope i never tell you off.
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-04-25 21:13:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking awesome
you poor bastard
Submitted by Tokerson (user info) at 2005-04-25 21:08:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good story.
Submitted by Or_ (user info) at 2005-04-25 20:10:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2005-04-25 19:56:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Go back and piss on his door. Print out 100 color copies of the goat man and go by his place every once in a while; leave a few in the mailbox, hanging on the front door, in the windows, etc. And why didn't you hit that while you had the chance?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-25 19:45:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-25 19:36:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Poor Americans and your 21 year old legal drinking age.
===================
I used to think this, but then I became an adult.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-25 19:36:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Poor Americans and your 21 year old legal drinking age.
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-04-25 18:42:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh blind dates are never a good thing.
Now if you could just be blind to the memory all would be good.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-25 18:25:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought you were smarter than this.
Actually, I thought that EVERYONE was smarter than this.
The story was too long for THAT shitty of an ending.
Submitted by canadia (user info) at 2005-04-25 17:05:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by icepigs (user info) at 2005-04-25 15:24:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
You should have looked at her old man and said "18? Hell, she gives head like she's been doing it for years!"
---------------------------
This story was funny.... I lied about my age in a bar once, turns out I was dancing with a cop. Luckily, he believed me and I didn't get in trouble. 15 was a good year....
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-25 16:52:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2005-04-25 15:03:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
---
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-04-25 13:41:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
i guess nobody else noticed "pediatric gynecology" huh?
sweet little insertion
---
HAHAHAHAA! "Sweet little insertion."
Awesome.
Submitted by Chillax (user info) at 2005-04-25 16:51:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why didn't you explain to the guy that the girl ordered the wine, and that she was the one who dragged you to the club to drink, and had a fake ID?
Don't be such a pussy.
Not a bad story, though, and hence the negative rating is avoided.
Submitted by negativesid (user info) at 2005-04-25 16:39:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I loved it. It was great.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-04-25 16:20:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was some funny shit.
Submitted by icepigs (user info) at 2005-04-25 15:24:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should have looked at her old man and said "18? Hell, she gives head like she's been doing it for years!"
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2005-04-25 15:13:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
OHH A BROWNSTONE...
Seems like you shoulda gone out on a date with her house, Christopher Lowell
Fag
GO SOX WOO!!!
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-04-25 15:11:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I came, I saw, I barfed.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-04-25 15:10:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny stuff
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2005-04-25 15:03:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
---
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-04-25 13:41:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
i guess nobody else noticed "pediatric gynecology" huh?
sweet little insertion
---
HAHAHAHAA! "Sweet little insertion."
Awesome.
Submitted by Flash (user info) at 2005-04-25 14:59:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love little girls.
Submitted by WookieSuave (user info) at 2005-04-25 14:57:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Me and a blind date go real drunk.......
We ran into her REAL boyfriend.
and 6 of his friends.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-04-25 14:31:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You sir, are a retard.
Hahaha!
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-04-25 14:28:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rayrayshanaynay (user info) at 2005-04-25 14:26:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
White Zinfandel's got nothing on espresso martinis.
---
Damn straight!! Older woman know what's up!
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-04-25 14:27:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story.
But if you think you have it bad we have to deal with 14-16 yr olds dressed up with fake ID in the pubs over here.
Now that I am just over 21 (looks around to see if anyone notices this little lie) I wish we had the US drinking restrictions.
-Dave
Submitted by rayrayshanaynay (user info) at 2005-04-25 14:26:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
White Zinfandel's got nothing on espresso martinis.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-04-25 14:22:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So I have a friend I'd like to set you up with.... she's got the BEST personality! SO funny!....She's GREAT! Give me your email..I'll pass it on to her...
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-04-25 14:15:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-04-25 14:07:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should have ran when she wanted the wine.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-04-25 13:53:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-04-25 13:41:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
i guess nobody else noticed "pediatric gynecology" huh?
sweet little insertion
-----
HA....nice pick-up. I expected everyone to skim over that. but yes, one night i was out and some random chick askedme what i did. I told her i was a pediatric gynecologist. He eyes widened as she said 'WOWWWWW....you look really young to be a doctor.'
I turned around and left.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-25 13:51:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This would have been a plus 2, but for God's sake grow some balls and tell that guy to fuck off. She's not a minor, and she has a fake ID. Let him call the cops so his "precious" little skank daughter can go to jail for underage drinking and a fake ID.
You need to go back there and put that mother fucker in his place.
ARG!
You know what, have a plus two for writing The Animal House idea I was thinking.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-04-25 13:41:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i guess nobody else noticed "pediatric gynecology" huh?
sweet little insertion
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-04-25 13:38:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-04-25 13:00:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
well done my friend...well done.
what did her aunt/lady you work with say about the incident?
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She knew what happened before I even told her. The parents told her they didn't want their daughter consorting with 'my kind.' what that means, i have no idea.
but anyway, yeah, my coworker knew and I told her my side of the story. we laughed and we've never spoken about it since.
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-04-25 13:38:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-04-25 13:19:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Most truly, a great story.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-04-25 13:09:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh, just didn't do anything for me.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-04-25 13:08:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I read it all, I was amused. Someone is in total denial about their baby girl though.
Submitted by UberGirl (user info) at 2005-04-25 13:05:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you have any idea how much trouble I got into?
I am still grounded. Asshole!
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-04-25 13:04:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-04-25 12:50:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Whenever anyone brags about how well they can hold their liquor, it's usually pretty safe to assume that they will be puking and/or making a total ass of themselves within the hour.
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Generally true.
Not always, but probably 90% true.
In my life, I'm met three people who bragged about being able to drink all day and night who could actually back it up.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-25 13:03:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-04-25 13:02:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So well written. You kept my interest the entire time.
Your little witty jabs are great...very stream of conciousness.
Submitted by LuckyGuyLikeMe (user info) at 2005-04-25 13:01:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That kinda happened to me before, but I snuck her in and left her on the couch... then, I guess they had a security system, like cameras and stuff, and her dad (who plays football) saw a picture of me and recognized me from where I work... he came up there and beat the shit out of me
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-04-25 13:00:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well done my friend...well done.
what did her aunt/lady you work with say about the incident?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-04-25 12:57:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Mr.Brightside (user info) at 2005-04-25 12:48:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha awesome. i would have told the guy that i found her ass passed out on the street or something
_____
"Sir, I don't know what you're talking about - this girl was with these two moolies, and they just dumped her on my doorstep and walked away laughing..."
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-04-25 12:54:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-04-25 12:50:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Whenever anyone brags about how well they can hold their liquor, it's usually pretty safe to assume that they will be puking and/or making a total ass of themselves within the hour.
--
Jeannee, you haven't had the privilege of drinking with me. I brag. I can drink. A lot.
A very lot.
Submitted by project_nessa (user info) at 2005-04-25 12:53:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should have pulled an "Animal House".
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-04-25 12:53:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
stupid american drinnking laws
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2005-04-25 12:52:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha! I think we've all been there at one point.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-04-25 12:50:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whenever anyone brags about how well they can hold their liquor, it's usually pretty safe to assume that they will be puking and/or making a total ass of themselves within the hour.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-04-25 12:50:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
She can't have been a very experienced drinker if she mixed tequila with ANYTHING... let alone 2 bottles of wine and then wanted vodka.
I learned the hard way that Russians and Mexicans don't really get along.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-25 12:49:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey man. she had the fake ID.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-04-25 12:49:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was told that this girl 'was SO adorable, SO sweet, and SO much fun.'
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That's the sign my friend.
Adorable = 12 years old
Sweet = likes to shoot wild horses with arrows and eat them while they are still breathing
Fun = You're going to play laser tag and cap off the night with an ice cream cone
That and whenever caps-locked SO's are used you know you are in trouble.
Submitted by Mr.Brightside (user info) at 2005-04-25 12:48:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha awesome. i would have told the guy that i found her ass passed out on the street or something