Berber is for Bitches (1510 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsRating: 1.8 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Val (View user info) at 2005-04-25 14:15:20 EDT
Subject: 55 year old Indian Woman and Bobble-Head husband. The man did no talking, but he did do a lot of nodding, and I noticed he smelled somewhat like Monterey Jack cheese.
Time: about 2 hours before closing, so around 8 pm.
W: I need carpet.
Val: Okay, what kind are you looking for?
W: Berber. We want Berber carpet.
Val: Okay. What room in the house is this going in?
W: The basement.
Val: Oh...
W: Berber.
Val: Okay.
W: We want this one *points to display of carpet *
Val: Okay ma'am, that's a special order carpet.
W: Why?
Val: ...because we don't have it in stock.
W: Why not?
Val: We have a few berbers in stock, but all these displays are showing you what we have to offer via special order.
W: Why aren't they in stock?
Val: ...um. Because they're special order.
W: So what are you trying to tell me?
Val: These carpet samples that you see here *waved hand across display section of department* are the special order carpets. We don't have them in stock. You have to order them.
W: Well where are they?
Val: ...At various distribution centers across the US.
W: But they're not here?
Val: No.
W: (frustrated) Well bring me what you have.
Val: Well ma'am, let's take a walk to the back of the department. We have a few berbers here that you might be interested in.
W: And they're berber?
Val: Yes.
---on the walk back to the in stock carpets---
W: So this berber... is it durable?
Val: Yes, berber is one of the most durable carpets made.
W: So it's durable?
Val: Yes.
W: How durable is it?
Val: Very durable.
W: But how much?
Val: Very.
W: Compared to others?
Val: It's good. Good carpet. Durable. Good.
---at the in stock carpet---
W: So, where is the berber?
Val: Right here, ma'am. We have these 3 kinds
W: I want a design on it.
Val: These all have designs on them, do any of these appeal to you?
W: No.
Val: What about this one? *pointed*
W: No.
Val: This one?
W: No.
Val: What exactly are you looking for, ma'am?
W: Berber.
..pause..
W: You have berber, don't you? You said you did.
Val: Yes, we do. They're all right here *waved arms spastically*
W: I don't like any of these.
Val: Okay.
W: Show me where you keep the ones up front.
Val: Those are special order carpets, ma'am.
W: So you really just don't have anything at all, do you?
Val: The only ones we currently are carrying are what you see right here. Anything other than that would have to be special ordered.
W: But...
Val: No.
W: I need stain resistance.
Val: Okay. This one and this one have 7 year stain-resistant warranties.
W: Is it a StainMaster?
Val: No.
W: But is it stain resistant?
Val: To a point ma'am, I mean, it is carpeting. If you get to the stain right away, you shouldn't have a problem.
W: What do you mean, a problem?
Val: If you take care of the stain quickly, it shouldn't set.
W: But you said it's stain resistant.
Val: Yes, it has stain-resistant properties, but it's carpet. Natural fibers. Absorbent.
W: But you JUST SAID it was stain resistant.
Val: So which of these carpets appeals to you?
W: The berber one.
--fin--
Random google search for "berber" :
User Reviews
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-05-13 23:49:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I went into Home Depot today looking at various laminated floor coverings. A cow named Ann gave me ridiculously high prices and her card.
....
This is travesty.
Immediately move to New Hampshire so that I may purchase floor supplies from you, basque in your beauty, and get a smackin'-ass employee discount all at once.
Chop Chop
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2005-04-28 11:17:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Those damned Indians and there damned berber...
And yes Val you did write my post about the retarditity, only I changed it from a female tard hook to a male one. The difference is in the hand tension.
I can read your thoughts.................................
Quit thinking about oatmeal.
Submitted by CLAIRE1 (user info) at 2005-04-28 02:58:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
At least she did not need clarifacation. Blah!
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-04-28 02:49:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yessss plus 10 for Berber,it just wont lay down and die.
Submitted by A-Daamage (user info) at 2005-04-28 02:34:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"W: Show me where you keep the ones up front."
And this would be the point where I - had I been in your shoes - would've Shrieked Like A Berzerker, headbutted the woman, walked up front, grabbed the cash register and heaved it straight through the front window, marched to the nearest bar, ordered five whiskey doubles and sit there getting drunk Like Nothing Ever Happened.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2005-04-27 01:02:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking old Indians. They are *sooo* ghey.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-04-27 00:30:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in
every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
-- Homer Simpson
The PTA Disbands
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-04-26 10:30:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought I had already +2ed this when I read it yesterday. I guess I forgot.
Funny as hell, and I am so glad I don't have to deal with people in my job.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-04-26 06:46:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
more camwhoreing please
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-04-26 00:51:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2005-04-25 16:43:04 (#)
Ranking: 0
You're lying.
======================
oh god how i wish i was
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-04-25 22:41:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy crap. You really have to wonder how some people make it through the day. She's a prime candidate for natural selection.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-04-25 18:59:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I would've ended the conversation with:
I'm sorry, these are all wall coverings, we don't sell carpet here.
<walks away>
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-25 18:30:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Berber carpet sucks ass but the word "berber" is pretty fucking hilarious.
Say it 5 times in a row real fast...I dare you.
See? It's comical.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2005-04-25 16:43:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're lying.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2005-04-25 16:06:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When I was in sales and I'd get a customer like that, I'd flood them with information as close to what they think they want as possible.
If you want this berber carpet with the patern on it and absolutely fucking stainproof, you have to place an order and it will be here in a month.
Seriously, you could spread hot tar on the carpet and grind it in with your boot and simply sweep it off with a feather duster.
ok.. don't lie.
Submitted by The_Fan (user info) at 2005-04-25 15:51:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Want some carpet burn?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-25 15:45:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would have strangled her.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-04-25 15:30:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You crazy, woman!
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-04-25 15:24:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Smack
her
in
the
head!
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-04-25 15:01:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Remember that evening because it isn't everyday you meet someone that stupid.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-04-25 14:56:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What kind of carpet store is that anyhow...No stain-resistant berber with a pattern. Honestly!
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-04-25 14:40:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd like to make some sort of joke about Berber and munching, etc... but I'm afraid it's just not happening. Anyway, +2.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-25 14:36:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There was a player in the NFL Draft class this year who didn't get drafted. His name was Adam Awasom. I just got off the phone with him, and he said: "That post was totally my last name!"
The insulation wasn't cotton candy like that man said... my tummy hurts.
Submitted by wanderingsharps (user info) at 2005-04-25 14:33:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would have done this to someone for fun-
at my work the booses pretend to be other people on the phone
and pull this shit to see how we handle it.
----then again, I had hungover stop by in a gorilla suit and apply
for a loan the other day...I thought I was going to piss myself.
hey, are you and creepfirebombing near Keene NH?
I am way too anti-social...
ps this post read well
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-04-25 14:29:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-04-25 14:27:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
brain to self: mental note: when you are president of large company, do not hire val for sales
you gotta hustle baby! she didn't know what she was talking about...take advantage!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-04-25 14:26:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"What we got here is... failure to communicate"
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-25 14:22:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Mr.Brightside (user info) at 2005-04-25 14:22:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
one time i was waiting at this car wash and this indian bitch was threatening to call the cops because the employees couldnt get a puddle of dried wall-paint out of her upholstery. One of the workers called her a dot-head or something and she stormed off and pouted. it made me smile
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-04-25 14:21:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
They wouldn't have left the store alive if I had been their salesperson...
Guess I'll have to add "Carpet Salesperson" to the list of jobs I'll never be able to do, no matter how destitute I get (after "Fluffer" but before "Waiter", I suppose).
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-04-25 14:19:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
At least you don't have to install it for them.