The awakening (564 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.08 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by allyson, bitches. (View user info) at 2005-04-26 04:54:51 EDT
Amy's body lay silent in the bed she occupied, except for the mechanical sound of air going in and out, and the methodical beep of some machine. Amy forced her eyes open, she opened her eyes into a world that was foreign to her. She blinked a couple times, trying to get the bright lights to go away. Where was she? What the hell happened? Amy tried to lift her arm to her face, to brush away those things that were choking her. As she attempted to move her arm, she couldn't move a single muscle.
Amy's breathing intensified, or at least she tried to breathe faster. There was something in her, breathing for her... what was going on? The beeping that was so incessant began to come faster, in sync with her heartbeat. Amy soon fell back into unconsciousness.
"Doctor... her heartbeat here... it shows a lot of work here... was she awake?" a female voice asked in the darkness. Amy still didn't know where she was, or what the hell was going on.
"How about we take a look inside? Jane... Are you awake?" asked a strange man's voice. As he asked the question, Amy's world was inundated with bright lights once more, this time much more brighter, as if the light was directly in her eye. Amy forced her eye shut, surprising the doctor.
Soon, she felt another hand on her own hand, and the same man's voice asking her to squeeze. She complied, and managed to squeeze his hand once, before she fell asleep once more.
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Three weeks later
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"Amy! You are doing so well. We're glad that you have come so far, so fast... but we can't let you out yet. You just re-learned how to walk, in a time that is impossible... You need to stay here, to recuperate."
"I can move now. I can talk. I don't need to stay." Amy said. "Jen, you know I need to go, I have things to do, I need to find my brother."
"Amy, you know he's dead. You should be too, but something inside you kept you alive."
"Screw you, Jen," spat Amy. "I'm fucking out of here" said Amy, as she pushed up from the chair she was sitting in. "You didn't even know my name, and you people cared for me. Now you care too much. Get the fuck out of my way, and let me get on with my life."
Jen sat back, her mouth agape with what she had just heard. Amy had always been so soft spoken, ever since the day she awoke from her coma. Amy had attempted suicide, by taking as many pills as she could buy at the drugstore and downing it all with a bottle of Jim Beam. Something inside of her wanted to live, that kept her alive when she should have been dead. This outburst, however must be what her true personality be. She was quick to learn how to walk once more... her legs had been so still for so long that the muscles were once turned to jelly, but now were again finely tuned pieces of equipment.
The mild memory loss seems to have left Amy, and she knew why she was in the hospital.
"Fuck this shit. FUCK IT" Amy mumbled under her breath. She had enough of this crap, and was ready to leave. She knew she had things to do, and people to see.
Amy pulled the drip from her arm. She had no clue what the doctors were putting in her system... she never even drank a drop of alcohol, until the night she decided that she needed to die, however something in her body made her stay alive. With a renewed ambition, she knew what had to be done.
She needed a new set of clothes, but nothing that was too noticeable, nor anything that was too bloody. She soon found herself in a laundry room, where they stored the extra scrubs, that the doctors wore while at work. She nodded to herself, and picked up a pair of green pants that looked like they would fit, but not too tightly, she didn't need to be bound during her getaway. As she pulled the pants up, and cinched the cord around her waist, she grinned. "Heh, I'm a doctor now. Mom would be happy."
She reached for a shirt, and slid it over her body, happy that her muscles were strong once more. She missed the calluses that had grown from the gun, but she would soon have them back, as soon as she got her guns back... they were hidden in a locker at the YMCA.
As she stretched her arms out, trying out her new clothes, and feeling great in her new muscles, she had to leave. There was someone at the door, and they couldn't find her here... they would never let her go. They still thought she wanted to die, but she wanted the opposite... she wanted to live.
Yes, Amy had attempted to kill herself, and was unsuccessful, despite the sleeping pills, ibuprofen, aspirin, and alcohol that she had taken a while ago. It was good that she didn't succeed, as she now had something to live for, herself.
Before we go too off track, let's go back to Amy. She surveyed the room, noticing only one small air vent. "What the hell, I'll try it" she thought. Amy shoved a small crate towards the vent, and climbed upon it, giving her access to the vent. She soon had the cover on the floor, and her body in the cramped quarters. She shimmed herself through the vent, until she came to a crossroads. Either take a right, towards a fan, or a left towards a light. Both must be a way out, but she decided to take the left, towards the light. If anything was amiss with this plan, she could easily crawl back and go towards the fan.
Amy smiled, as she came closer to the light, hearing birds. She soon was at where the light was coming from, but it was from above. "Shit." She stated. She had to get out, and these walls were becoming a pain in the ass.
She stood her body up, and placed her hands out in front of herself, and allowed her back to push against the vent, allowing her to climb up, bringing her knees up and shimming up. Her head popped up, into the cool spring air, and once sure no one was around the vent, she pulled her body out.
User Reviews
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-09-12 00:48:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-19 16:53:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
not bad.
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-05-18 20:08:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i actually liked it
Submitted by Allyson (user info) at 2005-04-27 15:24:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks for the constructive critisism... i'm going to get the books, so i can work on my writing.
and in anwser to your questions, i'm 21... I know the writing seems like a twelve-year old wrote it, but i'm a chef... I cook for a living, i don't write, i do it for pleasure.
well... thank you
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-04-26 11:27:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A little confusing but overall not bad.
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2005-04-26 11:19:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad writing... You do tend to use the same words repeatedly. It kind of kills the flow.
It's hard coming up with genuine ideas. But it wasn't bad writing...
How old are you?
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-04-26 09:51:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ehh, you tried.
but you also failed.
Submitted by TheSunGod (user info) at 2005-04-26 09:33:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i can see what you were trying to do, but your mechanics, timing, word choice, and grammar are all wonky. the character needs more... character.
i'm guessing from your writing that you're pretty young. if so, this is a great start, and your problems will fix themselves with practice and attention. if not, you need to go grab two books- one on language mechanics, another on creative writing.
but this is a really good start. (didn't want to totally bash you like the sweethearts did before me, but this really could use some work)
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-26 08:35:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-04-26 08:34:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
GREAT!
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2005-04-26 08:27:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-----------------------------
-2 DIE
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That transition was hot.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-26 07:54:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Then she placed the finished penises into a locker at the Y?
I like this story more already.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-04-26 07:45:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-26 05:48:09 (#)
Ranking: 0
She missed the calluses that had grown from the gun
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Could you explain this one to me?
unless old girl was popping 10,000 rounds a day, and then the only callous would be on her thumb from reloading those damn magazines; always tight on that last round, always tricky, no matter how many times you have excercised that goddamn spring...
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Well, see rad, sometimes people use metaphors. In this case, our girl was giving a shitload of unlubed handjobs and her hands became calloused. Not to mention the carpal tunnel syndrome.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-04-26 06:36:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
shit, i'd hoped you were dead.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-26 05:48:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
She missed the calluses that had grown from the gun
==========================================
Could you explain this one to me?
unless old girl was popping 10,000 rounds a day, and then the only callous would be on her thumb from reloading those damn magazines; always tight on that last round, always tricky, no matter how many times you have excercised that goddamn spring...
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-04-26 05:28:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
-1 "I've seen better"
Too cliche. Kill Bill, Long Kiss Goodnight, etc.
This plotline seems far too familiar.
That, and you didn't develop the character enough for us to give a shit about looking for the 2nd installment.