Just The Beginning? (536 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 0.5 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Just_Call_Me_Supreme_Overlord (View user info) at 2005-04-26 15:46:47 EDT
He dropped down through the open skylight silently sliding down a thin rope attached to a winch secured to the roof. The man had a silenced mini-Uzi out on a neck strap and his eyes darted back and forth looking for anyone who may have noticed his covert entry into the dock warehouse. He quickly reached the floor sixty-five feet below and then pressed a small button on his wrist. The rope quickly rose into darkness, leaving no trace of anything amiss. The man was dressed in a tight fitting black suite and a combat vest laden with tools for war making. Attached to the mans left thigh was his favorite combat knife, the recon Tanto. The knife is seven inches of razor sharp, matte-black steel perfect for what the man had in mind. Attached to his other thigh was his backup weapon, a Beretta 9000s chambered to take .40 S&W rounds with a ten round clip. This small but amazingly powerful weapon was un-silenced so that if it was needed the sound would add to the enemy's' confusion. Under the man's arms sat twin silenced 9mm Beretta 92FS's, each loaded with fifteen hollow points. They would issue a whispered death to any opposition the man may encounter. He was an expert marksman in all weapons but with his Berettas he could pick off a moving target from up to a hundred yards without a second thought. His combat vest was adorned with extra clips for all his weapons and various grenades including tear gas, incendiary, flash-bangs, and the M-67 fragmentation hand grenade.
The man now moved on through the crates stacked in the warehouse but quickly stopped as he sensed movement around the corner of the next crate. He quickly dropped his Uzi to hang on its strap and drew his knife. The man took a peak around the corner and saw a guard with an AK-74 looking the other direction. The man moved up behind the guard and quickly covered the guard's mouth while shoving the knife deep into the man's neck and slicing the guard's windpipe and jugular with one smooth swipe. The guard was barely able to utter a ragged gasp through his cut windpipe before the rest of his life seeped out along with his blood gushing from his cut neck. The man grabbed both guard and gun before they could hit the floor and dragged them both into a dark group of crates with amazing speed and strength considering his lithe 6'2" height. However, if you got close to this man you would begin to see his strong form, ice cold eyes, and the wear of battle under a normally handsome face, smeared now with black paint so that he could blend more easily with the shadows like the one he just placed the guard's body in. He quickly wiped off his knife on the dead guards cloths and replaced it in its sheath. As the man rounded the next corner he ran into another guard who was preoccupied with taking a smoke break. As the startled man began to react it was already too late. The guard had barely gotten his hands onto the weapon slung across his back as a tri-burst of 9mm parabellum rounds from the mini Uzi burst through the guards skull splattering blood, skull fragments, and gray matter all over the packing crates behind him. The only noise the Uzi made was a slight coughing noise and then the bullets pushing into the crate.
According to the man's Intel the second guard would be the last downstairs and there would only be one upstairs in the outer office of the intended target. He walked up the flight of stairs and knocked brusquely on the office door, the targets bodyguard shouted out a 'wadaya want" in a thick New York accent and when the man didn't respond the guard moved over to open the door. As the guard started to open the door spewing obscenities toward the ineptness of the outer guards he was suddenly knocked backwards into the wall but still managed to hold onto the classic AK-47 in his pudgy hands. The guards let loose a volley of rounds that went high and wide, missing their intended target by more than a foot. The man was not as inaccurate; he stitched the thug with a sweeping figure eight that momentarily left the now dead hunk of meat pinned against the wall. The body left a long bloody streak as it slowly slumped to the floor and blood began to pool on the thick Persian carpet underfoot. The man now moved quickly towards the back office so he could stop his target from calling in any reinforcements. He knew the guards full auto fire had alerted the target to his presence and would be waiting.
When he reached the office door the man paused and then stood beside the door as he opened it. A split second later six large bore rounds punched through the door and then the man heard several loud clicks followed by load swearing, the targets revolver and his luck had just run out. The man glided through the door led by his un-silenced Beretta 9000s and quickly moved up beside the desk at which his target was cowering behind. Then when the cowering man saw who was standing over him a yellow stain began to spread across the front of his khaki pants. At the same time the man began to stutter about being able to offer the man millions in exchange for his life and that his really was considering getting out of the drug business. The coward's words were silenced as the tall man spoke two icily cold words,
"Too Late!"
With that the small hand cannon belched flame and noise as the back of the drug dealers head disappeared along with the bullet. The tall man casually wiped off his hands and reached for a cell phone in one of the combat vest pockets. He calmly punched in a number known to a select few around the world and as soon as a voice came on the other end spoke two more icy words,
"It's Done"
With those words he quickly walked out of the warehouse, got into his car, and drove calmly away. A half mile later the man pulled over in a dirt turnaround and pulled out a small black box. He opened a protective cover and pressed the button, setting off the explosives he had placed on the guards' bodies. A half mile away a tremendous fireball went up into the dark night sky and continued to burn as all the flames ignited the drugs stored inside the warehouse, where in two days they were supposed to have gone out to various other U.S. cities by boat and truck. The man silently thanked God for giving him the chance to deprive his sworn enemy of any chance at corrupting anymore of the countries innocent. His job was far from over and the man knew it as he got back into his car and drove off while watching flashing emergency lights come to life in his rearview mirror.
User Reviews
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-07-31 18:16:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-27 10:31:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I want more people to see this.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-27 02:02:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This could have been a good story. Your mechanics are incredibly sophomoric.
Try a rewrite. See if you can avoid starting sentences with words that begin with the letter "T" and "H". This may help you with my next suggestion.
Re-word some of your sentences, try to make them more complex.
Failing all this, try to get through high school with more than a C in english.
-Rad
Submitted by Adjomak (user info) at 2005-04-27 01:34:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Country's. Not countries. Spelling kills
Submitted by PissedOffRightWingerWithAGun (user info) at 2005-04-26 17:30:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Never read clancy but enjoy weapons and got the basic idea from splinter cell with all his equipment. I typed this up at 2 am i think which is why the story goes along with some jumps and too much of "the man". May do some more later, this time with more clarity.
Submitted by Mr.Brightside (user info) at 2005-04-26 16:37:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
subject matter is right up my alley, but all the tech talk about guns and stuff is a little much for a normal reader. Very Clancy-esque but could use some improvement. :)
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-04-26 16:22:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmmm... where to start.
Well... "The Man" is used WAY too often..he either needs to be named or refered to as "he." The constant repetition of "the man" distracted from the story.
Also, when you swith mid-paragraph to a physical discription it's a bit disuptive.
I'll stop there...carry on.. good descriptors, sense of urgency. On the whole, not a bat bit of writing.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-04-26 15:59:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And I like the new nic, too.