Don't Date Hot Chicks You Don't Know (7572 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.83 on 139 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Lechuga (View user info) at 2005-04-27 12:00:08 EDT
My friend Gina is one of those girls who always needs to make her friends happy, and when she sees one who shows even the slightest hint of being unhappy, she goes to great lengths to ensure that they are made whole again. She's a great girl, but sometimes she tries a bit harder than she should. However, she most often succeeds at her job: making people very happy.
Since I'm one of her friends, she makes sure I'm happy too, but not in the cum-on-my-face and spit in my asshole sort of way. About three weeks ago, I commented that I wasn't going to a Pimp 'n' Ho party at one of the frats because I didn't have a date. When asked why, I commented that I don't have a girlfriend, and haven't for quite a while. Hopelessly cynical in nature, I thought that no action could be taken with this statement.
Unwittingly, I had set the wheels of happiness turning in Gina's fu fu bunny happy nail-polished optimistic mind. So, about three days later, she sends me pictures of three different girls, and tells me to pick the one who I think is hottest. I picked a girl named Kendra, who lives a few floors up from me in my same building.
Gina called me one night to eat with her at our Dining Common, and it was there that I met up with Kendra. 5'5", blonde hair, great body, amazing ass, and a serious set of tits. She looked athletic, with long, lean muscles. This girl could be described as only one thing: a hottie with a body. We talked and laughed through dinner, then walked back to our building together, chatting and laughing the entire way and mostly me making fun of her "deep south" accent. I asked to see her again the next day, maybe for lunch or to study for our Macroeconomics final that's coming up soon (I found out that she's in one of my classes).
Sure enough, the next day we met up for lunch, and then went to her room to study for the final, which lasted about 4 hours. About 15 minutes of real studying went on, before we just closed the book altogether and just hung out. It turns out that she's from Savannah, Georgia, and is very single. The next day being Friday, I asked her out to eat at Fatzo's, a slick Italian joint in the center of Amherst, my treat. She was excited, and gave me a hug and kiss goodbye when I left. As Creep_Firebombing might say, TASTE THE POSSIBILITIES!
Classes dragged by, and I was ready to go into stasis or something to make the day go by faster. Finally 7:00 rolled around, and I went upstairs to her room to rendezvous, so we could head to the center of town, or play a secret James Bond video game that uses the word "rendezvous" without sounding too weird. She demanded we walk, and I obliged. We got there, ate, and had a great time. On the walk back, she again commented that she was single, and the appropriate moment was at hand. And it was then we started officially dating.
Upon hearing that we had hit it off in only three days, Gina was happy, but more so that I was happy too. She got all the dirt from our first date from Kendra, and told us about a party that we should go to as boyfriend/girlfriend. Sigep (short for Sigma Phi Eppa), one of the frats on campus, was having a couples party, where you were tethered to your partner the entire night, and drinks were served in tandem. Considering that she wasn't a petite girl, she could hold her liquor, as could I. We ended up drinking about 7 cups each of Sigep style jungle juice (1 part Everclear, 4 parts V8 splash of varying flavors), which got the both of us F.U.B.A.R.'ed hardcore. I'm talking razor-thin line of sanity-insanity, where I can't communicate, and I don't know things anymore. I couldn't tell you how to spell "banana", what it looks like, what it feels like, etc, that's how bad it was.
So we drunkenly walk back to my room, and luckily my roommate was gone, otherwise the crashing through the room would have definitely woke him up. So we end up making out and rounding second base before she gets the urge to throw up, which killed any sexual desire I had for her, after holding her hair and seeing her pancreas floating in the toilet bowl. She apologized for killing the mood, and brushed her teeth with a travel toothbrush she had in her purse. We decided to call it a night and go to sleep, at 6:40AM Saturday morning.
Upon waking up still quite drunk at about 11:30, I climbed over her to get out of bed and take a drunken leak. I came back into my room to find that my phone was vibrating on my desk. It was my dad. Shit. He called three times while I was in the bathroom, so in my drunken, wrong mind, I picked it up for fear of him driving for three hours to come and find me smashed. I stepped out of the room and picked up.
"Hullo?"
"Justin, I just got off the phone with..." The conversation faded from memory, until my father mentioned that his brother from Georgia is coming up for the week next week, and that my cousin would be staying there too. He wanted me there for the weekend, because I had never met my Uncle Steve, my cousin, or my Aunt Jane. My cousin is my age, he said. I really paid no attention, because I really didn't care. I hung up the phone and crawled into bed with Kendra, who was still asleep, but smiled when I got close to her. How cute.
She softly shook me awake at about 4:30, and we spent the rest of the day together. The rest of the week flew by, my new girlfriend and I hanging out together on a daily basis, her meeting my friends (who all knew because of Gina's "maad hookup skillz"), and us growing more attached to each other by the minute. I had to go home this past weekend to meet my family, so on Friday I kissed her goodbye, and said I would see her Sunday night.
My Father picked me up outside my dorm, and we got back to find my grandparents waiting in the driveway with my Aunt, Uncle, and Cousin in the car. We pulled into the garage, and I heard the phone ring inside, so I went in to get it. I was walking around my house when my extended family walked in.
I waved to them and continued to talk to my buddy Mark. In walked my cousin. She looked familiar. Too familiar. She looked exactly like my girlfriend. Imagine my surprise when it was my girlfriend--no, my cousin--that walked in the door. I dropped the phone to the floor, along with my mouth, in shock. Her reaction was exactly the same. My Father and company went downstairs, while we sat in awkward silence. She simply said: "I guess it's good that I threw up then."
For the rest of the weekend, we didn't talk much, except when we were around our parents. Needless to say, we don't talk anymore.
I picked my cousin out of a hot girl lineup. I find my cousin attractive. I dated my cousin. I made out . . . with my cousin. I almost fucked my cousin. What luck. But what's the south for?
Hey at least she wasn't a tranny, right?
User Reviews
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2008-06-24 09:22:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, three years later...she can still get it.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-07-28 14:21:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, how did JMG give you the story idea, if this actually happened?...
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-07-08 15:36:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<moonwalks again>
Submitted by UberWeiss (user info) at 2005-06-28 08:52:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think the problem is having KIDS with your cousin, not having SEX with her.
Say thanks to uncle wubie for finding you a nice loophole, now go tap that asse boy!
UW
Good story but I twigged when your dad said Georgia....
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-06-28 08:02:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
* fast clap *
This is disgusting. I would never kiss one of my cousins, not even that time when I was 14 before I knew it was wrong.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-05-02 15:07:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very bangable
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-05-02 14:13:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BigCore (user info) at 2005-05-02 07:57:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank goodness you guys weren't in West Virginia.
Submitted by Bizdorph (user info) at 2005-05-02 06:16:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If what JMG says is true, fuck you.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-05-02 00:50:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You made up the title. I gave you the story idea. Guess I know better than to share my story ideas next time. Or to count on the appreciation of others.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-05-02 00:31:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
TO EVERYONE:
I am an unthankful prick and didn't give JMG props for the title. I am a moron.
THANKS JMG114 AND PLEASE ACCEPT MY FLOWERS
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2005-05-01 13:42:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
we'll she is from Georgia where dating your sister is a perfectly viable option... so cousins is even better.
Sucks for you bro. Thankfully I'm adopted, if this happened to me... no big deal (cept all my female cousins except for one are beasts)
-B
Submitted by Hotpocket4you (user info) at 2005-05-01 11:55:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Story
I like Stories
Submitted by mxc_jwebber (user info) at 2005-05-01 11:33:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
O'Hagan: "Embarassed like the time you got caught fucking your cousin at the family reunion embarassed?"
Grady: "She's not my cousin."
But in all seriousness... be glad you didn't end up making kids... I hear inbreeding produces NASCAR-worshipping conservatives.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-05-01 10:50:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story!
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-05-01 00:59:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THAT was a great read.
Submitted by lnknptheory (user info) at 2005-04-30 20:51:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahah you da man
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2005-04-29 22:57:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to fuck your cousin.
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2005-04-29 18:36:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-04-29 17:26:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Acutally, it's probably because you're a 17k ID with a rating in the mid-negatives, not even 10,000 hits, and you're sore because you can't write as well as I can. Are you still in High School, tardvision?
Submitted by Godless (user info) at 2005-04-29 16:52:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Inbread Southeners, Retarded Frat parties, Dating girls you have not fucked (Thats like buying a car without a test drive), and in general the emotiones of a 14 year old girl. You Sir, are trailer trash and you should stop trying to push your little manly parts back between your legs. Oh yeah, your cousin/make out partner isn't that hot. Why am I such an asshole? I have a mild hangover.
Submitted by Godless (user info) at 2005-04-29 16:37:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Inbread Southeners, Retarded Frat parties, Dating girls you have not fucked (Thats like buying a car without a test drive), and in general the emotiones of a 14 year old girl. You Sir, are trailer trash and you should stop trying to push your little maly parts back between your legs.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-04-29 13:14:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was hoping you'd review. Thanks Michael!
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-04-29 12:17:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shamowned
Submitted by Williams_2004 (user info) at 2005-04-29 05:32:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good story, sorry to hear about your lil problem thou.
Im curious about something thou, if she was the best looking girl outta the 3 pics, then the other 2 must have been dogs, no offence to ur cousin, but shes a 3/10 on my chart.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-29 05:14:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story - well written.
Williamson wants to bang his cousin.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2005-04-29 04:24:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2005-04-27 13:51:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
TASTE THE WEST VIRGINIA!!!!!!
---
umm, love works in mysterious ways? *retch*
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-29 04:01:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-04-27 18:54:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting.... Every girl I know named Kendra is white
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by GreenRiver (user info) at 2005-04-27 18:44:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ramrod (user info) at 2005-04-27 16:41:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:12:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
Every girl I know named Kendra plays soccer and is hot as fuck.
==========================================
The only Kendra I ever knew didn't play soccer.
She played the cello, and was hot as fuck.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2005-04-29 00:38:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Kale (user info) at 2005-04-28 21:58:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-04-28 20:37:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Banga: She's my first cousin, my dad's brother's daughter.
Shlongy: I plead the 5th on this one.
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-04-28 18:21:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh. my. GOD! Well, how distant of a cousin is she? I think the law says that 5th cousins are free game, not that I've ever looked it up or nothin.
Banga
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-28 17:27:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That is a good story...Of course, I saw where it was going but just HAD to stick around until the end.
How do you know "she's" not a tranny, though? Huh? HUH?
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2005-04-28 17:07:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story, shitty luck
What did that Gina chick say when you told her?
Submitted by manicvelocity (user info) at 2005-04-28 14:30:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I saw the ending clear as day when you mentioned you hadn't met your cousin. Still, an awesomely hilarious story. Everyone has a relative that they'd like to fuck, it's just that nobody has the balls to post about it on uber.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2005-04-28 12:35:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's like Dave Attel says:
"I think pot should be legal and I also think if your cousin is hot you should be able to fuck one time"
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-04-28 12:15:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have yet to meet my twin. I'll let my girlfriend know that she has a twin out there. Good story. I would never speak of it again, if I were you.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-04-28 05:52:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny... she looks kinda like you.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-04-28 05:33:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-04-27 18:54:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting.... Every girl I know named Kendra is white
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by GreenRiver (user info) at 2005-04-27 18:44:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ramrod (user info) at 2005-04-27 16:41:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:12:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
Every girl I know named Kendra plays soccer and is hot as fuck.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Am I the only one that thought this name was made up, and before today thought that nobody had ever been named Kendra by anyone? Who the hell names their kid Kendra? More importantly who gives a shit if you shag your cousin? Do it!!!
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-04-28 04:45:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Next time I'll make something up to satisfy you then.
Wait, who are you?
Wait, I don't give a shit.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-28 04:44:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Moral quandry for uber to muse over.
Me and my cousin are good friends, though she is only a step-cousin. No blood relation whatsoever, except we've been calling eachother cous since we were in nappies.
Would it be wrong to get into this kind of position with her?
*Note, this is purely hypothetical. I know i sound like a incestuous pervert though. I just wanted to know what people thought on the matter.*
Submitted by Phate (user info) at 2005-04-28 03:43:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this is a totally unoriginal idea, heard this story before, except I believe that the girlfriend/cousin was a soon to be step-sister
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-04-28 03:35:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-28 03:01:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2005-04-27 22:56:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't see the problem, really. I say fuck her anyway.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2005-04-27 22:56:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't see the problem, really. I say fuck her anyway.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2005-04-27 22:31:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Mr.Brightside (user info) at 2005-04-27 22:22:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sig Eps are fags. good story though
Submitted by MrRottenTreats (user info) at 2005-04-27 22:15:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd of fucked her whilst she was throwing up.
Cousin or not.
It's still some ass.
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2005-04-27 22:06:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I guess you wouldn't mind me telling you that your cousin is hot...
Submitted by bush_for_god (user info) at 2005-04-27 22:03:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2. Soccer chicks = the best.
Speaking of which, someone should write a post about that. Out of all sports that girls play, the soccer chicks are the best looking.
Submitted by seanfogy (user info) at 2005-04-27 22:02:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fingerbanging relatives never gets old
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-04-27 21:49:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i guess you dodged one helluva bullet.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-04-27 21:38:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Un.
Fucking.
Believable.
HAR!
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-04-27 21:17:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-04-27 20:57:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story. Nice twist at the end. Hahahaha. You're an inbreeder.
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-04-27 20:48:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I suppose there's nothing wrong with banging your cousin? long as you dont put her up the stick!
Supposed to be a lot of cousin bangin where she comes from anyhows ,aint there?
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-04-27 20:43:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
[I saw] her pancreas floating in the toilet bowl.
_______________________
Even my tired, Skittles-and-orange-soda-overloaded pancreas laughed his ass off at that.
But man, it sucks that she's your cousin. I had to learn "When You Wish Upon A Star" on piano, and the arrangement had the lyrics. One line I always remembered: "Fate is kind!"
No. As you can well attest, Fate is a cruel, heartless whore, and Ned Washington was blind not to write her as such. That aside, I credit you for being able to write about it, because I would have been so traumatized I would've carried the secret to the grave.
Submitted by MoonStone (user info) at 2005-04-27 20:22:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oooh man, that has got to suck.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-04-27 20:01:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Marvellous, but:
"About three weeks ago, I commented that I wasn't going to a Pimp 'n' Ho party at one of the frats because I didn't have a date. When asked why, I commented that I don't have a girlfriend,"
Uhh why the fuck would you WANT a girlfriend for a pimps and hos party? All the chicks dress way mad skank! It's a great way to fuck fake whores for free.
Submitted by ShotgunMessiah (user info) at 2005-04-27 19:42:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoever doesn't give this a +2 banged their cousin.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-04-27 19:14:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-04-27 18:54:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting.... Every girl I know named Kendra is white
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by GreenRiver (user info) at 2005-04-27 18:44:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ramrod (user info) at 2005-04-27 16:41:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:12:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
Every girl I know named Kendra plays soccer and is hot as fuck.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-04-27 18:49:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Imagine my thoughts when I met beautiful and talented german adult film star (and my cousin on my father's side) Laurie Langdon.
http://www.haftaninguzelleri.com/beauty/14.html
Submitted by GreenRiver (user info) at 2005-04-27 18:44:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ramrod (user info) at 2005-04-27 16:41:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:12:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
Every girl I know named Kendra plays soccer and is hot as fuck.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-04-27 18:03:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ooh, son you gonna owe me ya life fo' breakin this heah streak.
GLACK NAHNE MILLAMETA!
Maybe if you convince bart bart to change it, it will be whole again.
Submitted by Tokerson (user info) at 2005-04-27 18:00:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I doubt this really happened, but funny, nonetheless.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2005-04-27 17:46:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Blah. All girls like to have sex with other guys while dating you.
Cousins are no exception.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-04-27 17:45:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-04-27 17:44:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:~(
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-04-27 17:44:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FUCKING TAB!
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-04-27 17:44:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-04-27 17:44:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GAAAAAAARH! I ruined your streak!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-04-27 17:43:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
by the looks of the picture, she's worth the incest
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-04-27 17:43:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
soo-pah stuff
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-04-27 17:34:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-04-27 17:31:59 (#)
Ranking: 0
So you're saying Donk and I can't date?
ZING!
---
Ohhh Tough call. He is so damn hot.
But, I have a feeling his girl will
have a problem with it.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-04-27 17:31:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So you're saying Donk and I can't date?
ZING!
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-04-27 17:23:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's also probably not a good idea to
date hot chicks you do know.
Hot chicks = crazy!
Submitted by Dino (user info) at 2005-04-27 17:13:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2005-04-27 17:05:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nothing says lovin' like [almost] humpin' your cousin.
I had a cousin hit on me at a family funeral one time. She didn't know she was my cousin (although I did), and it was all kinds of creepy. Not that she wasn't hot as all hell; it's just really skeevy to troll for action when your great aunt is lying in a casket 30 feet away.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-04-27 17:03:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-04-27 16:34:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny story, but I have two questions:
How recent was this?
Why does she look exactly like my girlfriend? It's freakin eerie.
----
Oh snap!!
Submitted by Wyellbee (user info) at 2005-04-27 16:48:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-04-27 14:03:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
TATSE THE INCEST!
Submitted by ramrod (user info) at 2005-04-27 16:41:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:12:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
Every girl I know named Kendra plays soccer and is hot as fuck.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-04-27 16:39:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This happened this past weekend, Friday the 22 of April. I don't know why she looks like your girlfriend, but everyone has a twin. I do, and he's a douche bag.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-04-27 16:34:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny story, but I have two questions:
How recent was this?
Why does she look exactly like my girlfriend? It's freakin eerie.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2005-04-27 16:21:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You have the worst luck ever. How are you going to explain "the breakup" to your friends?
When you're walking down the street, and people are pointing at you while whispering to their friends... you'll know what they're saying.
Submitted by absolutes (user info) at 2005-04-27 16:15:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a hot cousin that is almost like the perfect replica of me, in male form. We have similar features, tastes, and his name is Steven (which is what I would have been named if I'd been born a boy)
I wish I could bone my cousin!
Submitted by jimmiss (user info) at 2005-04-27 16:06:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't even imagine.
Submitted by EAZEDZT (user info) at 2005-04-27 15:52:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. That is some funny sick shit.
I have hot cousins and I would feel no guilt
if I were in a similar situation as yours.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-04-27 15:50:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Great Balls of Fire." Being from the Deep South, I can say that most of us don't date our cousins. We hump 'em and dump 'em like all the rest. +++
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2005-04-27 15:16:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i SAY HIT IT ANYWAY
WOOO
GO INCEST WOO!!!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-04-27 15:13:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kickass post.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-27 15:12:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-04-27 14:03:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
TATSE THE INCEST!
<Waves hand in front of face>
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-04-27 15:03:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
congrutalations
i love hot umass girls
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2005-04-27 14:56:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn man, that's fucked...
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-04-27 14:44:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the post.
Another +2 for Donk.
Another +2, because did I mention this was funny?
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-04-27 14:42:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
there ain't nothing wrong with keeping it in the family.
Submitted by sleepingmonkey (user info) at 2005-04-27 14:37:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
here in michigan you can legally marry your third cousin. great story
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2005-04-27 14:36:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha, nice story. Shit luck, man.
And a metaphorical +2 for DonkeyOnTheEdge's review
Submitted by The_Fan (user info) at 2005-04-27 14:28:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story. I don't date any hot chicks, so if my cousin was hot and wanted to date me, I would be game.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-04-27 14:14:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-04-27 14:03:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
TATSE THE INCEST!
<Waves hand in front of face>
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2005-04-27 13:51:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
TASTE THE WEST VIRGINIA!!!!!!
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-04-27 13:49:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-04-27 13:09:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-04-27 13:05:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Please, if I had a dollar for ever cousin I've fucked, I'd have $.75. (We only made it to third before she woke up.)
-------------------------------------------
Best reviw EVAH....
-Dave
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Agreed
Submitted by NYCRulz (user info) at 2005-04-27 13:44:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DOH!!!
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-04-27 13:43:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story. In the UK you can marry whatever cousins you want- maybe you should elope!
Surely if you like your cousin you just move to another state where they allow cousin marriage?
Submitted by TheEastman (user info) at 2005-04-27 13:27:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, she wasn't your cousin before you found out, so it would have been all good. It'd only have been weird if you'd done it after you 'met' for the first time.
Sheesh...what's a cousin, really?
I mean, besides the product of one of your parent's blood mixed with someone else, and a neighboring slot on the family tree and all, and the closest thing to a "you" that your uncle or aunt has been able to produce.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-04-27 13:26:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ouch.
But I'll do you one better. I lusted after one of my cousins for years and years. Even before I hit puberty I knew she was a hottie. Technically, she still is (dance instructor now).
Ah, forbidden lust.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-04-27 13:13:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha...
http://cuddleinternational.org/
Freaks.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-04-27 13:09:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-04-27 13:05:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Please, if I had a dollar for ever cousin I've fucked, I'd have $.75. (We only made it to third before she woke up.)
-------------------------------------------
Best reviw EVAH....
-Dave
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-04-27 13:05:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Please, if I had a dollar for ever cousin I've fucked, I'd have $.75. (We only made it to third before she woke up.)
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2005-04-27 13:05:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent story. It's not as bad as you thought. More of the CNN story:
"On average, an unrelated couple has an approximately 3 percent to 4 percent risk of having a child with a birth defect, significant mental retardation or serious genetic disease.
Close cousins face an additional risk of 1.7 percent to 2.8 percent, according to the study, funded by the National Society of Genetic Counselors, and the U.S. Health and Human Services Department.
Christie Smith, 40, founded Cousins United to Defeat Discriminating Laws through Education, in 2002 to overturn laws banning such marriages. So far, the group hasn't found much success.
"People don't like what they don't understand," said Smith, who fell in love with her husband after seeing him at a family reunion."
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-04-27 13:02:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:12:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
Every girl I know named Kendra plays soccer and is hot as fuck.
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Actually, this is a scientifically proven fact.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-04-27 13:01:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whatever, did you enjoy making out with her? Then what is the problem, you know you would have always wondered what it would have been like to make out with your hot cousin and now you know and there wasnt the nagging "but she is my cousin" thought in the back of your mind. Move on to one of the other 3 pics that the chick sent you and be on your merry way.
Submitted by GroundHogSlayer (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:59:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sheeeit, if she was my cousin, the family ties wouldn't matta to me
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:54:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Marvelous work there, man.
TATSE THE INCEST!
YOU CAN'T BE RELATED TO THIS!
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:54:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:30:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
Indo: No it's not. It's illegal in 23 states, and perfectly legal in the other 27, 27 being a majority, hence the use of the word "most".
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"In the United States, 26 states and the District of Columbia allow first cousins to wed, according to the National Conference of State Legislatures. Of those, five have requirements aimed at preventing reproduction and one state requires genetic counseling."
I bet you think you are pretty clever changing the law in 26 states to win this argument. But just remember, I got my eye on you.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:49:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good...
and I'm sorry for your trauma
Submitted by NocternalDragon (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:46:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hell I would of still nailerd her. But give me her number and Ill do it for you if you dont want to. I'll even let her scream your name if it makes you feel better lol....
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:46:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm talking about first cousins. Look the shite up. You're on the internet after all...
http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/04/05/cousins.marriage.ap/
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:39:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:09:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
In most states in the US, as well as in most places the world over, it is perfectly legal and acceptable to date, screw, and/or marry your cousin.
This is true.
But you didn't hear that from me...
---------
I'm assuming he means beyond 2nd cousins, where the blood has thinned enough to reduce the risk of birth defects. AFAIK, that is legal.
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:38:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:25:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:09:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
In most states in the US, as well as in most places the world over, it is perfectly legal and acceptable to date, screw, and/or marry your cousin.
This is true.
But you didn't hear that from me... "
----------------------------------
Are you kidding, that is totally illegal in the US.
and Lechuga, let me know if she is interested in dating outside the family.
-----------------------------------
Actually it is okay to marry your second cousins but not first cousins in the US. From a gentics standpoint a second cousin is just divergent enough to avoid the genetic maladies that occur from interfamilial incest.
Unfortunately, in your case it was your first cousin, because it was your dad's brother's daughter. This makes for bad mojo and you go to hell fire. That's why I highly encourage everyone to get to know their uncle's and aunt's kids so we can avoid these travesties.
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:33:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:10:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Incest is best.
Put your cousin to the test.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:33:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
giter done
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:30:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Indo: No it's not. It's illegal in 23 states, and perfectly legal in the other 27, 27 being a majority, hence the use of the word "most".
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:28:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:26:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't understand what the big fucking deal is here. Give me her phone number if you're too horrified to try and have sex with her.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:25:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:09:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
In most states in the US, as well as in most places the world over, it is perfectly legal and acceptable to date, screw, and/or marry your cousin.
This is true.
But you didn't hear that from me... "
Are you kidding, that is totally illegal in the US.
and Lechuga, let me know if she is interested in dating outside the family.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:24:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sig Ep always threw the best parites. When I went to them I knew
I'd be throwing up in the morning. It was so worth it.
Submitted by Chillax (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:21:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent story - I'[m in two minds as to cousins.
I mean, is it the actual blood relationship, or the knowing them?
I have a few cousins I know very well. Even if any of them were my age, the thought would sicken me.
But, if the girl is hot, and you don't know them...dang. I guess it's still not quite right.
Just like that greek guy Ophadisiususssuiesuisus or something. Not so bad, though.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:17:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Oh man, one of my cousins had a crush on me...big time.
He knew we were related.
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:16:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
First cousins?
If not, nail her!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:14:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wicked burn. At least you didn't fuck, that would have been an awkward thing indeed.
Oh and it's Sigma Phi Epsilon, not Eppa. There is no Eppa in the Greek alphabet. Just so's you know.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:12:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Every girl I know named Kendra plays soccer and is hot as fuck.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:10:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes indo, that's her.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:10:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Incest is best.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:09:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In most states in the US, as well as in most places the world over, it is perfectly legal and acceptable to date, screw, and/or marry your cousin.
This is true.
But you didn't hear that from me...
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:06:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Urgghhh Arghhhh.
Unlucky Dude.
-Dave
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:06:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha, was that her?
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-04-27 12:01:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
she looks 'armless to me