and i walk right through the door (378 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.33 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by iltowi (View user info) at 2005-04-28 09:15:41 EDT
I've always had the ability to do incredibly stupid things while drinking. It started in high school, and has lasted into my twenties.I thought that as a got older I would become less idiotic. Apparently the opposite is happening.
I live in a downtown area near many bars. The bars close relatively early so people stay out and drink at each other's places. My pick-up line is now, I have a bottle of vodka at my house. I know, lame.
Often I end up stopping one of the many little 24 hour stores in the middle of the night for lemonade or orange juice or whatever, to mix the drinks with. The problem is that i've started shoplifting every time I go in. At a shell one night I took handfuls of some chocolate candy they had right in front of the clerk. He saw me and told me to put them back. I replied, "why, they're free aren't they?" and I took them.
The next week I drove by the store and there was a sign posted to the window that read "Anyone drunk and disordely in the store will be arrested." I guess I can't go there anymore. Lately I've been waking up with all kinds of random thing in my pockets. a packet of Ramen noodles, engine oil, toilet paper.
Last weekend I ran into this girl I had met through a friend at a bar. Her name was Maria. I had a tab going and kept buying us shots. When it was closing time I realized the bartended forgot to ask me for my credit card. I told Maria, and we decided to bolt. The bar was crowded and it was kind of fun. So we left laughing and wanted to stay up. Vodka. My place.
On the way back told her about my shoplifting habit. We were really hammered after all of those shots and walked towards my apartment stumbling and carrying on. We stopped at a little polish grocery store on the way.
While I was picking up a couple of 20oz orange juice and lemonades I noticed Maria was stuffing things into her pockets. She had this big grin on her face like it was the funniest thing ever.
It was ridiculous, she shoved so much shit down her pants she looked like she had elephantitus. I paid for the juice and we walked out. Only to hear the blurp of a police siren. We turned around to see the headlights and hear a warning for us to stop.
The cops noticed her pants right away and put her in the back of the squad. They pulled me aside to talk to me separately.
"You two are together right?"
"Sort of."
"Did you take anything from the store."
"no sir, I just paid for this juice. That chick's crazy. I met her tonight and she was telling me that she steals from stores around here everytime she gets drunk."
"If I were you I wouldn't some back to this store. Ever."
"Ok thank you officer. Am I free to go?"
"If I see you again tonight you're going to jail"
"I'm heading straight home."
I got home, played my Marylin Manson cd and had myself an absolute and lemonade.
User Reviews
Submitted by snarf (user info) at 2005-04-28 09:30:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-28 09:25:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
*obnoxious comment
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-28 09:23:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You saved yourself a -2, and an obnoxious by selling the chick out in the end.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-04-28 09:23:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dick.